16B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, March 20, 2003
Continued from Page 13B
Earlier in the evening, I presented
the award for Worst Unintentional
Remake. Just edging out the
"XXX"-wannabe "Extreme Ops"
was "High Crimes." I liked it better
the first time it came out as "Primal
While I am on the topic of
wannabes, the award for Movie-
- Part-Of is a new, reader-nominated
category. Now this was a tough cat-
egory with many worthy nominees.
First there's "Die Another Day" with
all of the gadgets and Halle Berry.
Then there's "Star Wars: Episode 1I
- Attack of the Clones," "The Lord
of the Rings: The Two Towers" and
"Harry Potter and the Chamber of
Secrets." Not many people can say
they wouldn't want to be a Jedi, an
elf or king or a wizard.
But the winner in this category is
"Blue Crush." Due to its "Coyote
Ugly" standards of really, really,
amazingly good-looking people in
skimpy clothing, everyone wants to
be invited to the party in those pants.
As a lead-in to the first of our two
elite awards for the night, I continue
with the lone uncontested category.
"The Banger Sisters" almost nabbed
the statue, but was disqualified last
month for including Susan Sarandon's
daughter in a supporting role.
Congrats to "Igby Goes Down"
for being the Movie with the Most
That brings me to easily the most
enjoyable category to judge, the
award for the Best Porn Title. With
so many titles to review, this catego-
ry was as difficult to pick a winner
as it was enjoyable. Falling short of
the other contenders "The Lord of
the Cockrings" didn't have the
spunk, nor did "Asian Street
In a close second, "Oral
Adventures of Craven Morehead
13" has one of the most creative and
intriguing original titles styled with
the elite of the "Debbie Does
Dallas" franchise. But managing to
edge out the lesser nominees, the
winner is "Lock, Cock and 2
Smoking -Bimbos," a very worthy
play on the movie title and plotline.
We have now come to the most
infamous award of the year. We're
covering the movies that leave you
wondering how and why they could
ever persuade anyone to waste their
cash. In alphabetical order, the nom-
inees are: "The Adventures of Pluto
Nash," "The Crocodile Hunter:
Collision Course," "Extreme Ops,"
"Ghost Ship," "The Master of
Disguise," "The New Guy,"
"Snowdogs," "Stealing Harvard,"
"Swimfan" and "The Tuxedo."
Well, there you have it folks, the
nominees for Worst Picture. There is
no winner, we are all losers for ever
having been exposed to such trash.
That concludes our first annual
Daily Mock Oscars. Remember, just
because the Academy doesn't honor
the movies you like, doesn't mean
they aren't award worthy.
an engineer in
the U.S. Air Force,
there's no telling what
you'll work on.
(Seriously, we can't tell you.)
United States Air Force applied technology is years ahead
of what you'll touch in the private sector, and as a new
engineer you'll likely be involved at the ground level of new
and sometimes classified developments. You'll begin leading
and managing within this highly respected group from day
one. Find out what's waiting behind the scenes for you in
the Air Force today. To request more information, call
1-800-423-USAF or log on to airforce.com.
U.S. AIR FORCE
CROSS INTO THE BLUE