4B - The Michigan Daily - 1oekend Kagaioe - Thursday, February 20, 2003 JOSEPH LITMAN - DROPPIN' KNOWLEDGE w The Michigan Daily - Weekend Hagzine - Thur A gut-busting good time STRAIGHT BANGIN' By David Enders Daily Arts Writer John Rubadeau, my boy, is one of the finest human beings on the planet and certainly one of the finest professors at the U. The man taught me a great deal about writing and helped expand my vocabulary. I hope he's not reading my column today. I offer this praise and pretext because I am about to ignore a plethora of standard words at my disposal in the ol' personal dialect in order to focus on just one, a word that I use colloquially in no less than four ways. The word is "ban- gin'," and I don't hear nearly enough people employing it. Likely, this neglect stems from the public's confusion. Is bangin'a verb? A noun? An adjective? Isn't it the abbreviated gerund form of the verb "to bang?" However, after this col- umn, no longer can the mass, speaking public lean on the crutch of ignorance. First, bangin' can be used as an indefinite adjective meant to denote a positive characteristic. For instance, last week during a phone conversa- tion, I asked my friend Kim (pro- nounced, with a Scottie Pippen-like drawl, "Kee-im"), "How was your trip to Las Vegas?" Kim replied, "Oh, it was bangin'." Similarly, Michael Jackson tried to credibly assert the existence of any sort of het- erosexuality in his body (I'm laugh- ing too) by introducing his song "You Rock My World" with a skit celebrat- ing the comeliness of a female, say- ing of her, "Yeah, she's bangin'." The term is not limited in use solely as an adjective, though. Bangin' is most commonly the sec- ond part of a predicate. Sometimes, it's a gerund substi- tuted for "having sex": Over the break, I'm gonna be bangin', son or who 's bangin' in that bedroom? Other times, bangin' might refer to answering the telephone. That use of the term was popularized by Jim Rome, a broadcasting .personality, who would often say on air, "We're bangin' phone calls." Those without a talk show can use the term as well. I, in fact, was bangin' some calls last night until "Ed" was on. (Oh, what a slept-on program.) Bangin' as gerund is similarly applicable when expressing the notion of stasis, or performing the routine. How did I spend my time last week- end? I was just doing my thing. I did the laundry, ran some errands, paid some bills. I was bangin'. There are situational uses of the term that are also acceptable. In the hip-hop world, "to bang" is substi- tuted for the standard "to fight" with some frequency, and that phenome- non makes the sentence, "We we're bangin' and he took out his brass knuckles," perfectly legitimate. In basketball, playing near the hoop - attempting lay-ups in traffic, grab- bing a rebound while another player caroms into you, defending a basket- bound penetrator - is often called "bangin' inside." Having read the preceding exam- ples, many people should now have a nearly full grasp of bangin' and its accepted usage. The next step is for everyone, myself included, to use ban- gin' with enough frequency that my friend John not only hears it, but also later reads about it in his cherished (and rightfully so) American Heritage Dictionary. With those goals in mind, I challenge everyone to embrace ban- gin' over the break. If we can all just use the term in three different ways each day, I think it will catch on. So -that no one thinks I am ignor- ing my duty, I'll participate in the challenge too. I am having lunch with both of my grandmothers next week and while they'll surely be completely confounded, I'll tell them, "I was bangin' the other day when I saw this bangin' girl walking down the block. Taken with her beau- ty, I started bangin' phone calls." The looks on their faces will be bangin'. If the season ended today: Regular readers of this column (there are probably three) will notice the debut of a new feature this week. Through the end of the NBA season, I will be ranking my top five MVP candidates as of the publication date). In my mind, MVP is exactly what it stands for given the caveat that a player's team isn't atrocious (because if you are great for a terrible team, then you're sim- ply Ricky Davis), and thus my list will reflect which players have been most valuable to their respective teams this year, not who's the best player or who would win in a theo- retical vacuum. 5) Ben Wallace -A two-dimen- sional player, yes, but without him, the defensive-juggernaut Pistons would never get a rebound and miss the playoffs. With him, they have the East's best record. And, defense has to count for something. 4) Kobe Bryant - If Shaq and Kobe weren't on the Lakers, the team would win 15 games, maxi- mum. Instead, the Lake Show is tied for eighth in the West, and Shaq has not been Shaq this year, although the hobbled version is still good. Kobe has been unstoppable. 3) Tracy McGrady - The league's leading scorer also boards and passes for a contending team with no size. Any club that is close to the playoffs having relied on Shawn Kemp in the post is miraculous, and the Magic's magic man is TMac. 2) Kevin Garnett - Do-it-all Garnett is the only guy averaging 20-10-5, and he's the catalyst at both ends of the floor for a T'Wolves team whose second-best player has perhaps been Kendall Gill. Garnett was the leading candi- date until the Spurs went nuts on their Western Conference road trip. 1) Tim Duncan - Tony Parker is small and can't shoot; Stephen Jackson is inconsistent; Bruce Bowen can't score; 40-year-old Kevin Willis (!) is currently starting at center; and reigning winner Tim Duncan makes all those shortcoming irrelevant for league's hottest team. TD has beautiful fundamentals and has become NBA's most consistent player. Double-double man Duncan may double-dip on the MVP. - Disagree with Joey's picks? E- mail him at litmanj@umich.edu. WGheekeud m Brett Mountain ' Tony Dig, AheHarper, Brett' Mountain, Ryan Weiner Cover Photo: Brett Mountain Arts Editors: Todd Weisers aita r iDitorason Roberts, Edctoer s I ditosiMgs ArEditors h: oui eMiser On a recent Friday night, Vicki Tunkel stepped up to the plate. Or rather, the pan. Tunkel's goal was to eat a 16-inch pizza by herself. She was one of four persons or teams on the Friday Night Fight card at Bella Napoli Pizza, where pizza-eating contests are held every Friday and Saturday. The premise is simple. Contestants must eat a certain size pizza in less than 30 minutes. They pay an entry fee based on the size of the pizza and the number of teammates. Eat the entire pizza; win money. There are few rules. "Don't spit, don't puke, and don't give your pizza away," says Guiseppe Cincinnato, Bella Napoli's owner. Cincinnato started the contest after he made a bet with a customer that the man couldn't eat a 30-inch pizza. (Cincinnato won.) At a glance, seen smoking a cigarette behind the counter, he is an imposing man. As he serves slices, his smile and friendly banter puts customers at ease. He encourages Tunkel as he starts the clock and then insists I take a piece of pizza to get a better idea of what she's trying to do. It's hearty stuff. Tunkel's boyfriend also provides encouragement. He stands next to her, offering the dubious support of summa- rizing the plots of whichever "Rocky" movies he can recall. "So there's this boxer, right? And no one believes in him, except his manager and this girl." "Rocky II" eventually merges with "Rocky" and plotlines from the other movies intersect like the umbilical cords of cheese that cling to the rest of the pie whenever Tunkel picks up a slice. "Who was the villain in that one? Mister T was in number three, right?" I marvel at the fact Tunkel has fin- ished half the pizza in less than 10 min- utes. Her boyfriend says it's nothing: "If you had a TV with Comedy Central on, she'd have done it ten min- utes ago." There's 7 pounds of dough, 3 pounds of cheese and 40 ounces of sauce on a 30-inch pizza. Cincinnato says fewer than 20 percent of the teams finish, but most know their limit. "Only two teams have puked." Tunkel is eating a 16-inch pizza. She weighs 103 lbs. At the table next to her, four girls use napkins to sponge the grease off the top ofa 30-inch pizza and begin the process of failing to eat it. "This girl can eat so much it's frightening," Tunkel's boyfriend says. "She's more of a long distance runner than a sprinter." While we stand talking, Tunkel's pace has slowed. "Get up, walk around a little bit, but keep the pizza in your hands," Cincinnato tells her. She stands up, bends a knee and pulls her foot behind her butt in a ham- string stretch. "There's a way to win," Cincinnato says. But when the pizza gets too hard and your jaw gets tired, it's over." The four girls at the table next to Tunkel have stopped eating. Cincinatto walks over to them and holds out a fist- ful of $100 bills. "Eat of all of that in the next five minutes, I'll give you $1,000." I had assumed the contest's partic- ipants would be mostly beefy drunk- en guys, looking for easy cash and some attention. "More women than men," Cincinnato says. "It does somewhat surprise me if you look at society's messages concerning women," said Alison Brzenchek, the University of Michigan Health System's health education coordinator for eating issues. "I think we've been socialized as women in public to eat a certain way, and I think that most women are potentially uncomfortable If you eat It, you will win money. in public settings eating large amounts because of what judgments people might make. I don't think this is the way to conquer that problem, but to a certain degree, it's good that women feel comfortable." Tunkel stands up, sucks in her stom- ach and rebuttons her pants. "I tried chewing really fast - I tried not e "C put a Brzei but ws there Qxces really _' _. SECRETS OF THE PROS KEVIN BENTLEY, ASSISTANT KITCHEN MANAGER OF ASHLEY'S PRESENTS . GRILLED VEGETABLE AND SAUSAGE PENNE TRY OUI WINTER SFE Thank you students for voting us #1 in town D~ SZE Saturday SponsorSunday Series Sponsor: -----~- Media Sponsor: TCHAIKOVSKY'S PIANO CONCERTO_ INGREDIENTS 8 oz. penne pasta (cooked) 2-3 oz. virgin Olive Oil 2 tbs. roasted garlic 1 sliced onion 1 slice red bell pepper 1 slice green pepper 1 sliced roma tomato 1/2 oz. fresh basil 4 oz. grated parmesan Optional: 5 oz. sausage, sliced or ground INSTRUCTIONS Saute pepper and onions with olive oil and garlic in a separate large pan. Continue to saute until veg- etable are soft. If using sausage, saute sausage with olive oil and garlic until sausage is browned, then add peppers and onions and mix togeth- er to evenly distribute sausage flavor. Then, add tomato to mixture. W LIBERTY Z * SZE BIG WESTSti m CAR" WASH W TDIUM W 2.16 1I-W. Sf;* ( near Stadium & Libe 769- 571. open 7cLay5 aVw RYAN WEINER/Daily A great place for food and drink. I When mixture is soft, add coooked pasta to pan. Mix together and serve on a plate. Sprinkle fresh basil and parmesan cheese on top. If desired, serve with garlic bread on the side. To go along with this spicy dish, Ashley's recom- mends a glass of red wine. Critics are raving about the 20-year-old Chinese pianist, Lang Lang. Don't miss his DSO debut performing the world's most popular piano concerto. 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