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February 19, 2003 - Image 5

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The Michigan Daily, 2003-02-19

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Wednesday
February 19, 2003
michigandaity.com
mae@michigandaily.com

ARTS

5

No jungle love for this 'Survivor'
By Jaya Soni tion embody gender stereotypes and begin to strategize
Daily Arts Writer accordingly. Many of camp Jabaru believe that Tambaqui
may have strength but lack intelligence. However, other
Are you ready for another season of heart stopping Jabaru women realize that Tambaqui are more than brawn.
excitement, drama and enthusiasm? Well, too bad. The Tambaqui's Dave Johnson works for NASA in the Jet
sixth season of "Survivor" Propulsion Laboratory and
began last Thursday in the R plans to start a beef jerky
Amazon jungle of north- company if he wins the
ern Brazil. The show's million dollars.
premise is similar to the The overall premise of
five previous seasons "Survivor: Amazon"
except for one twist. The focuses on perception of
sixteen strangers anticipa- _ opposition and fierce
tively canoed down Rio competition proving
* Negro to find that camps women are as capable as
are separated by one factor men in the "Survivor"
alone: sex. environment. In fact, after
For the next 39 days the x a physically and mentally-
men reside in camp Tam- demanding first immunity
baqui and the women in challenge victorious camp
camp Jabaru. Once again Jabaru gained confidence.
"Survivor" host Jeff Prob- courtesy of CBS The men's tribe headed
st, the classic rugged man, Here's to the Y chromosome! That, and surviving of course. back to camp humbled and
makes his traditional forced with the decision of
appearances at immunity challenges and that dismal tribal kicking off the first member at tribal council,
councils. The last 15 minutes of the premier episode finally
Within each tribe, reminiscent personality clashes occur. depicted scheming intentions as Aiken creates alliances to
Fifty-six year old Estimating VP Roger Sex- save himself from dismissal. Unable to do
ton assumes the authoritative role often seen so, Ryan extinguishes his flame.
before. Twenty-three year old Ryan Aiken, "Survivor: Amazon" has the intensity and
"model and actor" and 27-year old tax ** action of previous "Survivors" and yet must
accountant Daniel Lue Sextons find Sexton SURVIVOR: alter the format of challenges so that all con-
overbearing. Unique to "Survivor" plots, cast AMAZON testants can equally compete. Thus far, few
member Christy Smith is deaf and must deal personalities seem interesting enough to
with her inability to read lips in the dark. Thursdays at 8 p.m. watch another season. With so many compe-
Though the teams are separated by sex, host CBS tition reality shows such as the "Real
Jeff Probst finds that attractive P.E. teacher World/Road Rules: Battle of the Sexes,"
Heidi Strobel easily distracts many Tambaqui members. "Survivor" offers little to the reality viewer except a
The sexually-segregated teams assume that their opposi- change of scenery.

Courtesy of Universal

While some films with South Asian influences, such
as "The Sixth Sense" and "Moulin Rouge," deserve the
recognition that has been awarded them, films like
"The Guru" place a black mark on the film industry. In
a confusing attempt to draw the audience into diver-
gent lifestyles, ranging from those of porn stars, Man-
hattan elites and I.N.S.-dodging taxi drivers, "The
Guru" fails to capture much of anything relevant.
Ramu Gupta (Jimi Mistry, "East is East"), a dancer
from India, embarks to New York in search of the
"American Dream" - the penthouse and the Mer-

Graham cracker!

pampered socialite desperate to find her spiritual path.
Following his performance at the party and due to
Lexi's quest to help the world find sexual bliss, Ramu
gains instant popularity with promises of being bigger
than Deepak Chopra. However, none of Ramu's advice
is original since he simply regurgitates Sharrona's
suggestions. The dismal dialogue shames the audience
with sensational comments such as "My pussy is the
door to my soul," which is repeated by numerous char-
acters in the film.

cedes-Benz - only to realize that very
few people ever possess such riches.
While stuck in a waiter's job at an Indian
restaurant in the famed Jackson Heights
district of Queens, the frustratingly naive.
Ramu mistakenly auditions and earns the
lead role in a pornographic film.
Sharrona (Heather Graham), a starlet
of the porn world pretending to be a
substitute teacher in front of her gay,

THE GURU
At Showcase
Universal

In order to succeed in the somewhat
deranged business of self-help gurus,
Ramu decides to go under the wing of
Sharrona to gain insight which he then
passes on to his millionaire clients.
Soon, Ramu is living the good life with
Lexi as his partner and Sharrona as his

firefighting

Every one of these people thinks that he or she is the hottest person in America. No, really. They do.
AC's Are You Hot?' will" leave you cold

fiance, enters the story as Ramu's co-star. When
Ramu is unable to perform in front of the cameras,
Sharrona walks him through the process with mind-
numbing advice. The story for the porn, located on a
deserted island where a female senator "meets" a
scantily clad native, is incredibly more interesting
than the exaggerated film.
After some extraneous and random twists, Ramu
ends up acting as a guru of sex at a party in celebra-
tion of Lexi (Marisa Tomei, "My Cousin Vinny"), a

sex instructor; however, the idealistic
immigrant soon falls for the striking Sharrona, after a
song and dance, a la "Grease."
Even though the film is intended as a pun on Hol-
lywood, the porn industry and even Bollywood (the
world's largest movie industry, based in Mumbai,
India) the sarcasm escapes all parts of the film. Ironi-
cally, the only worthwhile memories of this film are
either Sally Jesse Raphael's cameo, Graham's vile
floor humping or a little too much of Tomei's ass.
Never mind dropping $8.50 for this movie - don't
even waste 50 cents.

By Douglas Wernert
Daily Arts Writer

Do you remember when you were
little and your parents would tell
you, "True beauty is on the inside?"
Well, all it took was ABC (not FOX,
mind you) to throw that idea right
out the window. ABC has come up
with quite possibly the worst pro-
gram in the history of television
(including "Veronica's
Closet") with "Are You
Hot?," a show that
undermines our values No
and demonstrates just ARE YC
how low networks will
sink to attract viewers. Thursday
D Roberto is the A

St
ys
B

"You have before you a physical
incarnation of a goddess.".
"I am the best white guy dancer
since John Travolta."
OK, maybe that last one was a lit-
tle too much, but you get the idea.
Every guy takes off his shirt, and
every girl slaps her posterior, and
every person has the "tell me I'm
beautiful" look on his/her face, all to
impress three judges. Fashion
designer Raldolph
Duke, one-time heart-
throb Lorenzo Lamas
tars and model Rachel
j HOT? Hunter get to critique
these make-believe
at 8 p.m. beauty kings and
oC queens. Lamas even
uses a laser pointer to
draw attention to the imperfections
of the contestants.
Thirty-two people are chosen
from each hot zone and then
whisked away to California to strut
their stuff in front of the judges
again. Two rounds, including the
bathing suit round, of course, nar-
row the field down to eight and, in
the end, the audience at home will
choose the winner. The show never
specifies what exactly the people
win, but we can only pray for a real-
ity check, or at the very least, a full-

length mirror.
Most of the contestants do not
have the brains to match their looks,
but that doesn't seem to matter for
this simple-minded program. The
show says it doesn't care if you can
"sing, dance or tell jokes." Hey,
that's funny, considering this whole
show is a joke, and all the one-liners
in the world can't change that fact.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Vietnam/Iraq Comparisons
Protestors chose to ignore
that Ho Chi Minh was one
of the most brutal dictators
on earth. Some estimates The Resot atcG acieS. ayLodge
say that he slaughtered only
15,000 peasants in his 1950s
Land Reforms. Other esti--80 -368-3 9
mates put the number over
250,000.
Gary Lillie &Assoc., Realtors
www.garylillie.com A IVO ln W~lcepr oScm

host of this eye-candy-
fest, which is essentially a bunch of
model rejects prancing around. The
idea is to find the two newest "sex
symbols" in America, with the only
criteria being how "hot" they look.
Do you see anything wrong with
this? From four geographical "hot
zones," every narcissist in America
gathers together to be judged on
their body, face and sex appeal. Just
look at some of the comments:
"I'm ridiculously good-looking."
"We're all hot, baby."
"Just look at me ... I am flawless."

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