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February 13, 2003 - Image 14

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The Michigan Daily, 2003-02-13

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2B - The Michigan Daily - Wlekeid iinc - Thursday, February 13, 2003

His name is Jonas, he's carrying the wheel

The Michigan Daily - Weekefl4nijine - Thur
A guide to who's where,
what's happening and why
you need to be there.. The W eekly Liost

By( diN hKely
Daffy Arts Witer
The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Kevin
Random: No he's not.
TMD: Who is this?
R: This is Jonas.
TMD: Hi Jonas, I'm a writer from
The Michigan Daily. How would you
like to take part in the Random Student
R:Yeah, sure.
TMD: So, what were you doing when
I called?
R: I actually just got back from work
TMD: And what do you do?
R: I'm a student technical writer at the
administration building.
TMD: Interesting. What do you
prefer on a cold winter's day, sex or
ice cream?
R: Sex.
TMD: When is the last time you
had sex?
R: Yesterday.
TMD: Was it, a) mind blowing, b)
great, c) so-so, d) mind-numbing, or e)
you don't remember?
R: Mind blowing.
TMD: Okay now we are going to do
some free association. So I'll say a word,
and you tell me the first thing that comes
to mind.
R: Sure.
TMD: First word is banana.
R: Philippines.
TMD: Cucumber.
R: Salad.
TMD: Sausage.
R: Hot dog. I see what you're
doing here.
TMD: And you're fighting it pretty

Next word is a French baguette.
R: I don't know what that is.
TMD: A large, long loaf of bread.
R: The Eiffel Tower
TMD: Strangely enough, that was my
next one. So, the Eiffel Tower.
R: Penis. There.
TMD: Dildo.
R: Lesbians.
TMD: Apple.
R: Teacher.
TMD: Is it a turn on to watch a girl eat
a banana?
R: Depends on how they're eating it.
As long as there's no biting.
TMD: What's the craziest place you
would ever think to have sex?
R: The White House. That'd be
pretty crazy.
TMD: How many people do you
actually think have had sex in the Grad
Library, in the Stacks?
R: What time frame?
TMD: Let's say the last five years.
R: Twenty-four. I think it'd be a pretty
popular spot.
TMD: Do you think that we are too
prudish about sex in this country?
R: Um, I don't think so.
TMD: Are American girls easy?
R: I think so.
TMD: What is the best cereal to
incorporate into sex?
R: Cereal?
TMD: Yup.
R: Lucky Charms.
TMD: What is the worst cereal to
incorporate into sex?
R: Frosted Flakes. -
TMD: Do you think that your parents
still rock the bed springs?

R: Yeah.
TMD: What's a good after-sex
I: Sleep.
TMD: How much do you hate
R: I've been trained to like it now.
TMD: What's the strangest thing
that's ever been said while you were in
the middle of sex?
R: That's a tough one. I can't even
remember anything. Nothing, can't think
of anything. Everything kind of fits.
TMD: Do you find it really strange
that barnyard pornography is actually
enjoyed by some people?
R: Yeah. Pretty freaky.
TMD: You don't fall into that catego-
ry, do you?
R: No I do not.
TMD: Just checking. Do you ever get
the feeling that the U of M clock tower is
extremely phallic?
R: Phallic? What does that mean?
TMD: Representing the male
R: Not really.
TMD: Sometimes big buildings, you
know. Have you ever gotten road head?
R: Yes.
TMD: How were you able to drive?
R: Just fine. No seatbelt.
TMD: Does breast size matter?
R: A bit. I think it's overrated, but it
does matter.
TMD: Does penis size matter?
R: Yeah.
TMD: Who has the better sex organ,
the man or woman?
R: Man.
TMD: Who has the stronger libido?
R: Libido?
TMD: Yeah, like the sex drive.
R: Man. Hands down.
TMD: Is it unfair that women can
repeatedly reach orgasm and never have
to stop for a little rest?
R: Who says it's only women?
TMD: Uh huh ... How many women

do you think Mick Jagger has slept with?
R: I have no clue. In his lifetime, more
than a hundred. I don't know.
TMD: Now, if he weren't a ridicu-
lously famous and pretty brilliant
rock star, and just an ugly dude, how
many women would he have slept
with. Take away coolness-factor-
M: So now he's just an ordinary guy?
TMD: Yup. Just an ordinary ugly guy.
R: Five.
TMD: Are animals sexy when
they mate?
R: No.
TMD: Do you think animals feel
anything when they have sex, or is it
just instinct?
R: Instinct.
TMD: Is that the proof scientists have
been searching for that man is the great-
est species on earth?
R: Sure.
TMD: Do you know what
pheromones are?
R: Yeah.
TMD: What are they?
R: They are chemical signals that
are given off and, depending on the
type of signal, you get different
reactions. Sex pheromones get peo-
ple horny.
TMD: Do you believe they work?
R: Yeah.
TMD: Have you ever taken naked
pictures of a girlfriend?
R: No.
TMD: Have you ever let naked pic-
tures be taken of you?
R: No.
TMD: Say you had taken naked
pictures of your girlfriend, and then
she dumped your ass. Would you
return them?
R: No.
'TMD: What's your favorite color?
R: Red.
TMD: All right. Thanks a lot. This
will be in Thursday's paper.

Films opening



Daredevil Like anybody really
believes Ben could be a superhero,
much less blind. But for a
Valentine's treat, the women get to
see him in a tight leather suit with
built-in nipples. At Showcase:
12:00, 12:30, 1:00, 2:15, 2:45,
3:15, 4:30, 5:00, 5:30, 6:45, 7:15,
7:45, 9:15, 9:45, 10:15, 11:30 (Fri.
and Sat.), 12:00 (Fri. and Sat.),
12:30 (Fri. and Sat.)
The Guru A much needed rein-

vention of Heather Graham. This
could be her best move since
"Diggstown." At Showcase: 12:50,
3:00, 5:20, 7:25, 9:30, 11:40 (Fri.
and Sat.)
Jungle Book 2 After the suc-
cess of the first one - 35 years
ago! - Disney finally realized the
demand for a, now much anticipat-

ed, sequel. Baloo ...1
At Showcase: 1:15,
7:00, 9:00, 11:00 (Fri.

here I come!
3:05, 4:55,
and Sat.)

Films holding

summer internship opportunity
Be a Display Advertising Account Executive for the
Michigan Daily Spring/Summer or Fall/Winter 03/04

About Schmidt Ifs not so much
something you want to take a date to as
something that makes you want to pee
all over the bathroom and feel good
about it At Showcase: 1:20,4:00,6:35,
9:10, 11:45 (Fri. and Sat) 5 stars
Adaptation As a matter of princi-
ple, this is an avoider for riday
That is, of course, unless you would
p refer to watch an aging Meryl
Streep, a toothless Chris Cooper,
and two fat, bald Nicholas Cages,
one of which has a habit of tickling
his pickle not in the metaphorical
sense. At Madstone: 1:20, 3:50,
7:20, 9:45 5 stars
Biker Boyz A movie about guys
who love their mystical motorcy-
cles, and the women who love
them ... and the men they want to
be like ... and Rufio. At Showcase:
1:05, 3:25, 5:45, 8:05, 10:25,
12:40 (Fri. and Sat.) 1.5 stars
Bowling for Columbine
Definitely the movie for lovers in
full bloom. If your special someone
likes guns and haircuts, this one's
for you. At Madstone: 1:10, 3:40,
7:10, 9:40
Catch Me if You Can Or Great
ways to get chicks to pay you to have
sex with them. If only it could always
be Jenifer Gardner who falls for it. At
Showcase: 12:55, 3:45, 6:40, 9:25,
12:15 (Fri. and Sat.) 4 stars
Chicago "How to Shoot a Guy and
Go Free without 10-20." How could
a film like that not be nominated
for every single Oscar in every slot
possible. At Madstone: 1:15, 3:35,
7:15, 9:35 At Showcase: 12:15,
12:45, 2:40, 5:10, 6:30, 7:30, 9:50,
12:10 (Fri. and Sat.) 4 stars
Confessions of a Dangerous
MindThe inspiration for crap like
"Joe Millionaire." At least you knew
there would be some kind of end-
in for every damned episode!
What a crock. At Showcase: 10:00,
12:20 (Fri. and Sat.) 4 stars
Darkness Falls Not a date movie,
not even close. Stay away or it'll ruin
all possible future fantasy enactments
involving the Tooth Fairy, and we all
know that would put a damper on
Valentine's Day. At Showcase: 5:50,
10:30, 12:35 (Fri.and Sat) 1.5 stars
Deliver Us from Eva Could be
worse ... It could be something like
"Deliver us from Steva," with Freddie
Prinze Jr. no less. At Showcase:
12:40, 2:55, 5:15, 7:40, 9:55, 12:10
(Fri. and Sat.) 2 stars

Final Destination 2 Makes you
wonder if you would yank down on
a fire escape ladder and then not
move when it began to fall on you;
possibly the toughest decision I
could think of. At Showcase: 1:25,
3:30, 5:40, 7:55, 10:20, 12:25 (Fri.
and Sat.) 1 star
Frida For big-boned painters and
hairy women alike, there's some-
one for everybody. At Madstone:
1:05, 3:30, 7:05, 9:30 4 stars
Gangs of New York Here's a
good one for all the lonely hearts
who'll be spending their Friday and
19th century opium dens. At
Madstone: 1:30, 5:00, 8:15 At
Showcase: 3:10, 9:05 5 stars
The Hours Official proof that the
academy has now gone to shit.
Thank you Mrs. Dalloway. At
Showcase: 1:40, 4:20, 6:55, 9:20,
11:50 (Fri. and Sat.) 5 stars
How to Lose a Guy in 10Days If
ever there was a film that epitomizes
a Valentine's Day flick, this would take
the cake. Good advice for how to stay
with someone who should really be
punched in the face. At Showcase:
12:05, 1:30, 2:35, 4:15, 5:05, 7:05,
7:35, 9:35, 10:05, 11:55 (Fri. and
Sat.), 12:55 (Fri. and Sat.) 3.5 stars
Just Married Would be so much
more interesting if Kelso was about
the size of Yao and Britanny looked
a little like Tiny Tim. That's enter-
tainment! At Showcase: 1:35, 3:40,
8:15 3 stars
Kangaroo Jack Isn't it romantic?.
The Sugar Hill Gang will never be
the same. Low down, dirty kanga-
roo. At Showcase: 12:10, 2:10, 4:05,
6:00, 8:00 0 stars
The Lord of the Rings: The
Two Towers A great movie for any
and all occasions. It's a love story and a
little bit of Lembas. At Showcase: 1:10,
4:40, 8:10, 11:35 (Fri. and Sat.) 5 stars
The Recruit Solid return for Al
Pacino. Bobby D should be taking
notes or MarIon Brando may have a
replacement. At Madstone: 1:10,
3:45, 7:20, 9:45 At Showcase:
12:25, 2:50, 5:25, 7:50, 10:10, 12:25
(Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars
Shanghai Knights Owen Wilson as
a Gigolo - now there's something
you won't see everyday. Special
lentine: a great idea about getting
with your best friend's sister. At
Showcase: 12:00, 2:25, 4:45, 7:10,
9:40, 12:05 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars

Bowling for Columbine Michigan
managed to find such beautiful por-
trayals in the cinema of 2002. Thank
you, Michael Moore. State Theater 7
& 9:30 p.m.
Max Somehow I just can't see John
Cusack being an art dealer befriender
of Hitler. Michigan Theater 7 & 9:15
The Pianist
Now nominated
for best film of
2002. State V
Theater 6:45 &
9:45 p.m.
Fence That's a T .
long damn fence. This weeken
Michigan Theater author of the
9:45 p.m. Monologues
The Trials of Ann Arbor ti
Henry nFrd
Kissinger on Friday. H
Tonight, live with also be perfc
Jerry Springer. dents at the
Michigan Theater dents at t
6:45 p.m. Center on SL
p.m. and 7:3

e V

The Pianist See Thursday. State
Theater 6:45 & 9:45 p.m.
The Quiet American But Michael
Caine isn't American. Stupid titles.
State Theater 7 & 9:30 p.m.
Talk to Her She doesn't even talk
back! Michigan Theater 5, 7:30 & 10 p.m.
ght The Pretenders
, T Wait a second; it
only costs $37.50 to
see a washed-up
group that wasn t
very good inthe
Eve Ensler, first place? Sweet.
Michigan Theater,
'Vagina 603 E. Liberty St.,
will be in 7:30 p.m. $37.50.
tak 6688463.
give a talk,
work will Funktellig ence,
ied by stu- Black Bottom
wer Collective For
Valentine's Day why
day at 2 not take your spe-
p~m. cial friend to see
p.m. some hardcore
funk? Or don't.
What the fuck do I
care? Blind Pig, 208 S. First St., 10 p.m.
$7 ($9 under 21). 996-8555.
"Storytelling Festival" Why wouldI
pay $15 to sleep at The Ark when I can
do it at home for free? The Ark, 316 S.
Main St. 8 p.m. $15. 761-1451.


a Sell advert__
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Manage yosing to local and naioa b
Earn your own account a n national busmess
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Tar ouri O w a studen Si
FT/PT poStions available in U rorgani
Fle: mb Ositions Offer sala p/U s i
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Management aiable for Sp d ou class sched
OpportuaajU. terms . S lce
Opportunities available .
Come by and pick up an application at the
Student Publications Building tODAY!
420 Maynard, 2nd Floor, Display Dept .
Applications Deadline : Friday,
Feb. 14th


Beggar's Opera: Bawdy,
biting aind beautitul
Bound for the gallows, an unrepentent Captain MacHeath declares: "Iflaws
were made for ev'ry degree...I wonder I hadn't better company upon Tyburn
Tree!" A strong sentiment in 1728, but no less true today, as opponents of capital
punishment will agree.
The show is laden with social commentary such as this, often attached to a gor-
geous melody. This is a unique musical satire, for it is actually a play with songs
crafted from folk tunes of the day. John Gay, an English writer, had been snubbed
for political office, and decided to bring down his critics with a play. Not a musi-
cian, he borrowed popular melodies for his lyrics. The result was an immediate
smash, for all his tunes were already favorites. His characters- thieves, rogues and
prostitutes such as MacHeath, Polly Peachum and Jenny Diver- also became world
Ann Arbor's Comic Opera Guild brings the show to life with a cast that blends
top-notch singing with earthy portrayals. The show will tour to other Michigan
cities following its run here.

The Ron Brooks Trio Ron Brooks
should be playing Kingpin in
"Daredevil." Dude was robbed! Bird of
Paradise, 312 S. Main St., 8 p.m. $5.
Paul Geremia Not to be confused
with Paul Giamatti. The Ark, 316 S.
Main St. 8 p.m. $13.50. 761-1451.
Perspects, BMG Who the fuck
names himself after a record company?
That's wicked lame. Blind Pig, 208 S.
First St., 10 p.m. $8. 996-8555.
Sphinx Honors Concert This concert
features the three junior Division
Laureates competing for final place-
ment accompanied by the Sphinx
Symphony Orchestra. 12 p.m., Power
Center, Free.
Richard Ill Basement Artsaputs a new
spin on the timeless Shakespearian
classic "Richard Ill," astale of ascension
through murder. 7 .m., Arena Theatre
in Frieze Building, Free.
The Rimers of Eldritch The story of
a community trying to piece together
the mystery ofma man found murdered
in town. 8 p.m., Trueblood Theatre in
the Frieze Building, $8; 764-2538.
The Beggar's Opera Set in 18th cen-
tury England, it is a story of seduction
and survival, strewn with rogues and
tarts. 8 p.m., Lydia Mendelssohn
Theatre, $17 adults, $15 seniors,$7 stu-
dents/children; 764-2538.
Necessary Targets This drama tells
the story of two Americans' journey to
Bosnia to help women refugees and
emerge deeply changed themselves. 8
p.m., Performance Network, 120 East
Huron, $22.50; 663-0681.

Richard Il See Thursday.
The Rimers of Eldritch See
The Beggar's Opera See Thursday.
Necessary Targets See Thursday, 11
a.m., & 8 p.m., $27.50.
The Pianist See Thursday. State
Theater 3:15, 6:15 & 9:15 p.m.
The Quiet American See Friday.
State Theater 2:15, 4:30, 7, 9:30 &
11:45 p.m.
Talk to Her See&Friday. Michigan
Theater 5, 7:30 &. 10 p.m.
Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders
From Mars Bowie, Bowie and more
Bowie! State Theater Midnight
The Bang! Make sure you pronounce
the exclamation mark. Blind Pig, 208 S.
First St., 10 p.m. $6 ($8 under 21). 996-
Dave Holland Quintet and the
New York Big Band A treat for both
avid and causal jazz fans, Dave Holland
is one of the most respected names in
modern jazz, and he is bringing his


Thurs.-Sat., Feb. 13-15, 8 p.m.
Sunday, Feb 16, 2 p.m.
Lydia Mendelssohn Theater
Tickets: 734-764-2538
Adults $17.00 Students: $7.00
Major credit cards accepted Tickets available
at the League ticket office and at the door
made possible with the support of the
Michigan Council for the Arts and
Cultural Affairs, a partners agency of
the National Endowment for the Arts

, u R.Rbg,.
ra I, terif i


Phone Numbers: Michigan Theater: 668-8397; Quality 16: 827-2837; Showcase: 973-8380;
State: 761-8667.
Showtimes are effective Friday through Thursday. Matinee times at State Theater are effec-
tive for Saturday and Sunday only.

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