The Michigan Daily - SportsMonday - February 10, 2003 - 3B

YESTERDAY'S GAME.M
10 I

embarassed on road

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vilcrugan

its

STEVE
JACKSON

7
f Northwestern 67
Gueva-rant
"It was the same old story, a total
collapse defensively." - Michigan
coach Sue Guevara, referring to the
current state of her team.
Key Stat
31-0
The run Northwestern poured onto
the Wolverines during the first half.
Michigan couldn't score for over 11
minutes.
YESTERDAY'S GAME
MICHIGAN (38)
FG FT REB
MIN M-A M-A 0-T A F PTS
Reams 23 1-8 0-0 2-3 2 2 2
Smith 28 0-4 2-2 1-2 0 1 2
Bies 18 1-1 2-4 4-4 1 2 4
Pool 26 3-14 2-2 0-2 0 2 9
Carney 13. 0-1 0-0 0-1 0 0 0
Cortis 7 1-4 2-2 0-0 0 1 4
Andrews 17 2-6 1-2 3-3 3 0 5
Hauser-Price 13 2-6 0-1 0-0 0 2 4
Goodlow 10 1-2 4-4 1-1 0 1 6
Gandy 20 0-6 00 2-2 0 1 0
Burlin 19 0-2 0-0 0-2 0 1 0
McPhilamy 6 1-1 0-0 0-1 0 0 2
Totals 200 13.55 13-1719-31 6 13 38
FG%: .218. FT%: .765. 3-point FG: 1-16, .063 (Pool
1-5, Goodlow 01, Hauser-PriceF0-1, Smith 0-1, Burlin
0-2, Cortis 0-2, Gandy 0-2, Reams 0-2). Blocks: 0
Steals: 9 (Pool 3, Gandy 2, Andrews, Hauser-Price,
Reams). Turnovers: 21(Bies 5, Gandy 4r Pool 4,
Reams 4, Smith 2, Andrews Goodlow). Technical
Fouls: none.
Northwestern (67)
FG FT REB
MIN M-A M-A 0-T A F PTS
Okonkwo 22 57 0-0 1-6 3 3 10
Morrison 23 +6-9 2-2 1-2 1 1 16
Kwasinski 27 3-5 0-0 0-0 6 2 6
McComb 25 4-5 0-0 0-3 2 0 9
Culver 30 3-7 0-0 1-3 3 0 7
Ambrose 17 4-7 0-0 0-4 1 1 10
Daniels 6 0-0 0-0 0-0 0 1 0
McCarthy 4 2-3 1-2 0-0 0 1 5
Zylstra 9 0-1 0-0 0-0 1 00
Will 16 1-1 0-0 2-6 3 2 2
Butler 5 0-1 0-0 0-0 1 0 0
Messenger 4 0-0 0-0 0-0 0 1 0
Doland 8 1-1 0-2 1-4 0 1 2
Walker 4 0-0 0-0 0-0 2 1 0
Totals 200 29.47 3-6 6-33 23 14 67
FG%: .617. FT%:.500. 3-point FG: 6-12, .500 (Morri-
son 2-2, Ambrose 2-4, McComb 1-2, Culver 1-3, Zyl-
stra 0-1). Blocks: 5 (Kwasinski 2, Ambrose 2,
Dolland). Steals: 8 (Okonkwo 4, Culver, Kwasinski,
McComb, Morrison). Turnovers: 22 (McComb 5, CuI-
ber 3, Morrison 3 Butler2, Okonkwo 2, Dolland 2,
Ambrose, McCarthy, Walker, Will, Zylstra). Technical
fouls: none.
Michigan.............................12 26 - 38
Northwestern....................40 27 - 67
At: Welsh-Ryan Arena, Evanston
Attendance: 1,704
'M' STATS

WILDCATS
Continued from Page 11
the game plan.
"We talked about everything -under-
standing the offense," Olkowski said.
"We talked about taking good shots, and
we showed that in the first half."
Although Michigan utilized the full-
court press during the entire second half,
it wasn't able to close the large deficit,
losing 67-38. Michigan's final total was
its lowest output since 1994.
Riding a five-game losing streak,
Michigan coach Sue Guevara was
beside herself after the game.
When asked if she was stunned by the
outcome, Guevara responded, "That's a
bit of an understatement, we were
embarrassed.
"You're supposed to learn something
in defeat, (in terms of this game) I don't
know what that is."
Northwestern shredded Michigan's
defense, shooting 61.7 percent.
"It was the same old story," Guevara
said. "A total collapse defensively."
Every player on the Wolverine roster
had a crack at the Wildcats, as Guevara
cleared her bench in the second half.
"I'm continually trying to find a mix,
and find some life," Guevara said.

Severe genital trauma key
to solving world problems

RYAN WEINER/Daily
Sophomore Tabitha Pool jumps for the tip against Northwestern's Sarah Kwasinski
in their meeting earlier this season at Crisler Arena.

Crash Landing
Michigan's five-game tailspin started with a near victory over a Big Ten powerhouse and has recently continued with a
blowout at the hands of one of the Big Ten's worst. As its record falls, so has Michigan's quality of play.

Penn State
Opponent's record 15-5
prior to game

C

Michigan State
11-7
17

Wisconsin
5-14
8

Iowa Northwestern

11-8
8

6-16
29

Earth is populated by roughly
six billion assclowns. Hitherto,
all attempts to shrink this num-
ber have failed, but a glimmer of
hope has come from our neighbors
from across the pond.
On Jan. 4th, Scottish rugby star
Budge Pountney stumbled upon the
answer to all of the world's problems.
Guys, wherever you are, sit down
and take a deep breath.
After taking a forceful blow to the
groin during an evening match,
Pountney woke in the middle of the
night to find that one of his testicles
had split into two pieces. He was also
bleeding internally.
"It was excruciating," Pountney
told The Scotsman, Scotland's
national newspaper. "Men will know
the pain you get for five minutes or
so when something flicks you there;
well it just got worse and worse for
me through the night. I ended up
rolling around on the floor."
Wow. Just try to take that image
out of your head. I think I am going
to have nightmares after writing
those last few lines.
Pountney, a five-time national
team captain that can slog with the
best of them, is no stranger to
injuries. But this was nothing like
any of the catalogue of broken bones
and torn ligaments he had experi-
enced before. According to the Scot-
tish Press, this one was different
because it hit him, shall we say, clos-
er to home.
"I was happy for them to take the
testicle out just to get rid of the
pain," Pountney said. "But I am
lucky it wasn't the other one (this
one was already partially damaged
by a previous rugby accident),
because that could have totally
wrecked my life in terms of having
family.
"It has kind of put things in per-
spective."
Perspective, indeed.
One of the world's best athletes
just quit in his prime - cold turkey.
And despite the fact that his surgeon
cleared him to play just a few weeks
after the incident, he has vowed to
never pick up a ball again. NEVER!
Forget harnessing the power of
weapons-grade plutonium, we have
stumbled upon the most powerful
force of all - massive genital trau-
ma. If it can turn a crazy Scotsman
(mind you they are a crazy bunch)
away from money, fame and his life-
long passion, there is no limit to its
power.
It might take a Pountney-like blow
to finally keep Michael Jordan retired.

The Bulls built a statue of him out-
side their arena ... then he came back
and won three more rings. Twice, I.
watched the IMAX movie celebrat-
ing Jordan's career ... then he came
back, AGAIN. One more flip-flop
and his days of modeling for Hanes
will be over.
It could make the members of the
Lions' and Tigers' management
teams re-think their "lose at all
costs" credo. It could make LeBron
James go to work full-time in a retro
jersey factory. It could even turn
Michael Jackson into a normal
human being.
Its power is limited only by your
imagination.
Senate hearings and accounting
reform have done little to quell the
recent outbreak of corporate malfea-
sance. But after an unexpected kick
to the berries, I'm sure Kenneth Lay
and Co. will be singing a different -
and higher - tune.
Sadaam Hussein seems as though
he is never going to stop. The inter-
national community has been
searching high and low - using
weapons inspectors, economic sanc-
tions and the threat of a second gulf
war - when the answer was hang-
ing right around the tyrant's middle
all along.
Its applications are even more
numerous here on the home front in
Ann Arbor.
Do you need some motivation to
get your professor to end lecture on
time? Ever wonder what to do about
that guy that put his germ-covered
lips all over the drinking fountain?
Use the power of Scottish rugby,
laddy!
Does your campus housing leave
have more rats than perks? Are you
unhappy with some political issue on
campus?
Write your congressman. Or better
yet - kick him in the nuts.
But after you do, stop and take a
minute to think about Budge.
He made the ultimate sacrifice for
the benefit of all mankind, and I will
not let his cry go unheard.
Thank you Budge! You have shown
us the true power of massive genital
trauma. Thanks to this new tool, the
world may never be the same again.
I can hear a couple billions ass-
clowns begging for a new "perspec-
tive."
Let's give it to them - where it
hurts.
Steve Jackson can be reached at
sjjackso@umich.edu.

Margin of loss
When Michigan
lost it
Opponent's
largest run
FG percentage
Turnovers.
Guevara's plan
to stop losing

2

Last play With 7:06 left

Halftime After their After the
run failed Iowa game

14-0
49%
16
Stick with
her players

15-0
36%
16
Quit giving
up runs

13-2
38 %
14
Start a "new
season"

15-0
37 %
21

31-0
22 %
21

Player G
Smith 15
Pool 20
Bies 20
Gandy 20
Reams 18
Goodlow 20
Andrews 19
Hauser-Price 18
Burlin 18
Carney 18
McPhilamy 10
Cortis 9

Min
25.5
28.6
24.5
31.8
25.7
16.0
18.7
11.6
15.1
13.7
3.0
3.0

A
1.1
1.8
1.2
2.0
1.9
1.2
1.8
0.8
1.6
1.8
0.0
0.2

Reb
6.2
7.5
(5.4
5.0
3.1
2.9
1.7
0.6
2.0
0.9
0.5
0.4

Pts.
13.4
12.4
11.3
11.3
7.8
5.9
4.2
3.6
2.0
0.9
0.9
0.4

Start Bies
again

TOINY uDIN/Daily

Sue Guevara

Big Ten elite stay atop standings

BIG TEN STANDINGS
Conference Overall

Team
Penn State
Purdue
Ohio State
Minnesota
Ohio State
Illinois
Iowa
Wisconsin
Michigan
Indiana
Northwestern

W
10
8
7
6
6
5
4
4
2
2
2

L
1
2
3
4
4
5
5
6
8
8
10

W
20
19
16
17
16
13
12
6
11
9
7

L
5
3
5
4
5
7
8
15
10
11
16

BLOOMINGTON (AP) - Lind-
say Whalen was frustrated sitting
on the bench during the first half
yesterday.
She made sure she took advantage
of her second chance.
Whalen scored 27 pointg, includ-
ing the last nine for her team, as the
(No. 16 ESPN/USA Today, No. 15
AP) Gophers overcame foul trouble
and a strong Indiana defense for a
59-56 win.
"It was frustrating because I want-
ed to be able to help our team,"
Whalen said. "(Assistant) Coach
(Danielle) O'Banion said this game
is all about the second half."
Whalen was too much for the
Hoosiers (9-11, 2-8 Big Ten), who
lost their seventh straight and missed
an opportunity to send the game into
overtime at the buzzer.
She scored 10 of the Gophers'
first 15 points before drawing her
second foul 11:17 into the game.
When she finally returned to
start the second half, Whalen and
Janel McCarville, who missed the

last six minutes of the first half
because of foul trouble, combined
for 10 straight points to give Min-
nesota a 37-31 lead. McCarville
finished with 12 points and 14
rebounds, tying her season-high.
PENN STATE 64, MICHIGAN STATE
60: Jess Strom scored 19 points
and Tanisha Wright and Jennifer
Brenden each added 12 as (No. 14
ESPN/USA Today, No. 13 AP)
Penn State defeated Michigan State
64-60.
Penn State (20-5, 10-1 Big Ten)
held off a late Spartans run to secure
the victory. Strom hit six-straight
free throws down the stretch.
Kelli Roehrig, Liz Shimek and
Syreeta Bromfield each scored 14
points for Michigan State (13-8, 6-
4). Shimek added a game-high 11
rebounds.
Despite holding Penn State star
Kelly Mazzante, the nation's third-
leading scorer at 25.7 points a game,
to a season-low eight points on 4-of-
15 shooting, the Spartans could not
overcome the Nittany Lions' bal-

anced attack. Mazzante's previousI
low mark was 13 points against
Louisiana State and Michigan.
Michigan State led 29-26 at half-
time.
OHIO STATE 63, WISCONSIN 40:
Caity Matter scored 14 of her 17
points in the second half to lead No.
25 Ohio State to a 63-40 victory
over Wisconsin yesterday.
Courtney Coleman added 16
points and nine rebounds for the
Buckeyes (17-5, 8-3 Big Ten), who
held the Badgers (6-16, 4-7) to 36
percent shooting and a season-low
for points.
Emily Ashbaugh led Wisconsin
with 11 points. Matter scored eight
straight points in a two-minute
stretch Yridway through the second
half, putting the Badgers away
after they pulled to 42-33.
Matter started her run with a
layup, then hit two straight 3-point-
ers to give the Buckeyes a 17-point
lead with 8:15 to play. Wisconsin
never got closer than 16 points after
that.


NEXT:
WISCONSIN
When: 7 p.m. Thursday
Where: Crisler Arena, Ann Arbor
Michigan will try and break its five-
game skid in a revenge game against
the Badgers (4-6 Big Ten, 6-15). Wis-
consin defeated the Wolverines 68-56
eight days ago in Madison.


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