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4B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, April II, 2002

The Michigan Daily - Weekend MagaZ

NEAL PAis - BUF'

FOOEN


Meijer tops city's grocery list

NO END TO THE PLEASURE

WHY YOU SHOULD BE A HEDONIST, NOT A SQUARE

Hot damn, life is beautiful.
With that simple utterance,
I begin my first and last
column of the year. So, instead of
politicking and pussyfooting, I am
simply going to share my current life
philosophy with you. And if you
snicker, sneer or exercise any simi-
larly disdainful reaction, I don't give
a shit. Cause I'm better than you. I
know I am.
Recovering from that only slightly
arrogant little segue, it's time for
today's lesson: Hedonism (n. Pursuit
of or devotion to pleasure). Lesson:
You should practice it. The end? I
think not; everyday, I wander through
the halls of Angell Hall, across the
Diag and up and down State Street,
awed by the number of tight-asses
(I'm actually partial to the term
"square") that seem to inhabit this

campus. I can see it in the whites of
their eyes.
Now why does Ann Arbor pride
itself so much for being a city excep-
tionally open to progressiveness? That
to me is horseshit. Here's why -
University students, faculty and
departmental employees comprise a
huge chunk of the town population,
and I know that more often than not,
the majority of the aforementioned
parties can be bloody joy killers.
Chances are good that you too are a
square. I mean, don't take it as an
insult or anything, but I'm saying that
a lot of people here (everywhere)
don't really do all they can to be happy
all the time.
People are too busy being stressed
out about this damn exam, dressing up
for that damn frat party and overall,
laboring over the most inconsequen-

tial of things. This silly displacement
of priorities equates to stress, raised
expectations and ultimately, a sacri-
fice of some degree of happiness. Yet
isn't enduring happiness the goal of
human existence?
If so (and I believe it is), then wor-
rying about issues that will eventually
die is both sad and absurd.
Okay, so one thing before proceed-
ing - I ain't no sunny little hippie type,
always smiling and whistling and shit.
I am normal. People like me. But I am
a hedonist - I live for pleasure, and I
will do anything to attain the maxi-
mum amount of happiness for myself
- even if it means doing something
society deems as "unwise" or "inap-
propriate."
That is what separates me from you.
I really don't care about societal
norms and whatnot. I do what makes

me feel good, so long as I don't inter-
fere with someone else's life.
This brings us to the focal point of
the lesson - hedonism and morality. I
have two basic mottos that I use in
conjunction with one another, one
cliche (yet still significant) and one
original: "To each his own" and, the
somewhat less eloquent, "Do whatev-
er you please, so long as you don't
fuck with anyone else."
A lot of people that I've encoun-
tered at this university try to pass
value judgments on others; their self-
righteousness fills them with a desire
to label certain lifestyles, activities
and ambitions as "immoral" or mean-
ingless.
They seek to deny pleasure and
attempt to impose doctrines that are
fundamentally contrary to the pur-
suit of happiness. To those people, I
wish to convey this message: Your
shit is lame.
One cannot embrace the notion of
hedonism without an open mind. A lot
of people consider themselves world-
ly, tolerant and liberal here in Ann
Arbor. But it's not enough; you must
be willing to shed all of your precon-
ceived ideals of what encapsulates a
healthy way of living in order to rec-
ognize that none of your "priorities"
should matter, save for being happy.
Academic/material success, fame,
notoriety, and respectability - they are
all abstractions of happiness, but sure
as hell not the real deal.
Screw that upper-level class, say
bug off to that tedious concentration.
Take a fucking break and tune out for
a while. Make yourself happy - not

just for the future, but for now and
always. Question religion, get strung
out, have copious amounts of sex, be a
nutjob on the weekends, whatever.
Randomness is just more fun. Just
make sure it doesn't mess someone
else's life up.
See? I've just endorsed things both
unwise and immoral, but I simply
don't care. That is because I trust in
your judgment and in the inherent
goodness of people. Hell, I've been
known to get sloshed on a Saturday
night and act like a gigantic ass - but
I'm also a religious person. And why?
Because it makes me happy.
Expand your proverbial horizons.
Explore excess. Debauch yourself. Or
just sit there - whatever floats your
boat. Don't try and fool yourself into
thinking you are happy, though.
So, what did we all learn from this?
That hedonism is an essential aspect
of a person's way of life. That's why
today, you should go out there and try
and make your life a little better
instead of worrying about complying
with the expectations of your parents,
with your chosen faith or with your
idea of what is acceptable. This philoso-
phy doesn't strive to be utopic; it won't
bring you closer to God, wealth or glory.
But it might paste one of those gooey
smiles on your countenance more often
... it's nice and sweet like that.
So, why don't you try and forget
"smart" and start thinking about you.
Please don't be lame.
- Neal Pais is not a square.
He is hardcore.
He can be reached at
npais@umich.edu.

By Jeff Dickerson
Daily Arts Editor
Meijer is a monument of Ann Arbor
consumerism, sprawling across two
locations near campus, one on Carpenter
Road and the other, more trafficked
Meijer located on Ann Arbor-Saline
Road. With countless square feet of pro-
duce and beverages, the Midwestern
mogul has become the favorite place to
get groceries by University students.
"It has everything you need and it's
usually pretty cheap," said LSA Junior
Matt Brady of the store. Meijer has what
seems to be an endless inventory, but the

popularity of the store leaves some stu-
dents disappointed in the selection.
"Sometimes you go there on a weekend
night and the shelves are empty except
for junk," said LSA Senior Jon VanOss.
The store gets a significant amount of
business, which often leads to more pop-
ular items being out of stock during busy
shopping times.
Because of the massive product move-
ment, the store is able to offer lower
prices to their customers than smaller
stores. Often Meijer has significant price
drops on overstocked items, sometimes
more than half off. Another advantage to
the swift product turnover is a guanran-
tee on fresher fruits and vegetables.
Alcohol selection is a mixed bag at the
monstrous store. For hard liquor, Meijer
has a healthy variety, from Southern

Comfort to Captain Morgan's, but
beer afficionados will find the selec-
tion lacking. The standard Budweiser
and Miller offshoots are readily
available, but trying to find your
favorite imported beer is a difficult
task.
One of the great advantages
Meijer has over its competition is
their selection of non-grocery items.
From bikes and trains to video
games, its the biggest store in town.
Their slogan, "Everything under one
roof," couldn't be better stated.

Thrifty Acres no more. Just Meijer.


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GRADUATING
SENIORS...
~YL) come and get
your caps, gowns
and Michigan apparel
before you leave
{ Ann Arbor!


Combo Specials: Served with Fried Rice & Spring Roll (or Daily Soup or Soda)
Lunch Dinner. Lunch Dinner, Lunch Dinner

Michigan Union
Bookstore
Student Union-
Lower Level
(734)995-8877
Pierpont Commons
Bookstore
Pierpont Commons
(North Campus)
(734)668-6022

* Over 10% of all sales at the Michigan
Union & Pierpont Commons Bookstores
go back to support U of M student
services.
" The Michigan Union & Pierpont Commons
Bookstores are the only book stores con-
tracted by the University of Michigan.
* A wide variety of our best selling items
like gifts and apparel for all students,
alumni, family, friends and kids available
for purchase on-line.

Libe~rty 7

A

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
*9.
*10.
*11.

Sweet & Sour Pork..................4.95
Sweet & Sour Chicken............4.95
Sweet & Sour Shrimp..............5.45
Moo Goo Gai Pan.....................4.95
Chicken with Broccoli..........4.95
Cashew Chicken.......................4.95
Almond Chicken........................4.95
Shrimp & Chicken w. Veg........4.95
Kung Pao Chicken....................4.95
Yu Hsiang Chicken....................4.95
Hunan Spicy Chicken...............4.95

6.75
6.75
7.25
6.75
6.75
6.75
6.75
6.75
6.75
6.75
6.75

*12.
*13.
14.
*15.
*16.
*17.
*18.
19.
*20
*21.
*22.

Szechuan Chicken................5.45
General Tso Chicken............5.45
Sesame Chicken.................5.45
Orange Flavor Chicken........5.45
Yu Hsiang Pork.....................4.95
Pork Home Style...................4.95
Hunan Spicy Pork..............4.95
Pork with Broccoli................4.95
Mongolian Beef.....................5.45
Beef w. Bar-B-Q Sauce.......5.45
Hunan Spicy Beef.................5.45

7.25
7.25
7.25
7.25
6.75
6.75
6.75
6.75
7.25
7.25
7.25

23.
*24.
25.
26.
27.
*28.
29.
*30.
31.
*32.

Sesame Beef............................5.45 7.25
Orange Flavor Beef.................5.45 7.25
Baby Shrimp w/ Mixed Veg....6.25 7.75
Baby Shrimp w/ Snow Peas...6.25 7.75
Cashew Baby Shrimp..............6.25 7.75
Kung Pao Shrimp.....................6.25 7.75
Vegetable Deluxe....................4.95 6.75
Yu Hsiang Vegetables.............4.95 6.75
Bean Curd w/ Vegetables...... 4.95 6.75
Home Style Bean Curd...........4.95 6.75
* Indicates spicy dish

ANN ARBOR: 2245 West Stadium Blvd. (between L
Phone: 734-623-8202

Michigan Union Bookstore

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