S 0

0


B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, January 10, 2002

IULLET
ntinued from Page 3B
hierarchy than a Spartan?
Eorrifying, but true.
THE SAD DEATH OF THE MULLET
Wy initial stuttering steps into mul-
ade had just begun, and there was a
:e-home lesson that I was quickly
rning. It was this: The mullet is a niis-
:erstood piece of headgear. There are,
be sure, unfortunate stereotypes that
itribute to the low social standing of
mullet, but after my short-lived tenure
a mullet, I have found that the mullet is

an institution worth defending. The mul-
let suffers the consequences of an entire
society poised against it, but the reforma-
tion and rebirth of the mullet community
is on the horizon. It shall rise again, from
the squalid depths of "white trash" to the
heads of kings. Forget the first black pres-
ident, I await the mullet-in-chief
Alas, these lessons I learned too late.
Just four days after the mullet was
bestowed unto my head, I was destined to
collide, again, with the barber's chair. My
sister was graduating from Eastern
Michigan, and her threat was clear: "If
you show up to my graduation with a
mullet, I will not let you in. You will not

be in the pictures, you will not come to
dinner. You might lose your spot in the
family!" Under the threat of excommuni-
cation from the familial fold, I buckled.
I should not have. I should have stood
up for the mullet, because the .mullet
should be worn with pride. There are the
ignorant masses who denegrate the mul-
let, but I should not have allowed them to
deter me from what I had grown to love.
THE MORAL OF THE MULLET
The mullet has a long, proud history
(see "Deconstructing the timeless mul-
let"), of which I had become a part. Since
the mullet's historical fall from grace, the

mulleted minority has come to be seen as
angry, menacing, threatening beasts who
slither about on the fringes of society.
But having lived the life of a mullet, I
understand, I empathize. In the name of
journalism, I have opened my own men-
tal doors to the woefully misunderstood
world of the mullet. Mullets are angry
because they have become, marginalized
and disenfranchised by an elitist society
incapable of comprehending the dichoto-
my of business in front, party in back.
Next time you happen upon a mullet in
your travels, make sure to smile, nod, per-
haps even say hello. We are not just mul-
lets, we are men.


Don-'t miss this
opportunity to get
cheap tickets to great
performances right here on
campuss
Wi nter 2002 Season

soc

Half- Price
Student Ticket Sale

Th

I

s

Saturday!

January 12, 10am-lpm
Power Center lobby

The Chieftains

Boys Choir of Harlem

San Francisco Symphony
A Solo Evening with Laurie Anderson

1

Orchestre de Paris
Guthrie Theater

Twyla Tharp Dance
Afro-Cuban Dance Party with
Celia Cruz and Albita

and more!


www.ums.org."

764.2538

l

J