........... i =MR -W -4 AV a 0 U U 4B -The Michigan Daily - Weekeid Mag&ziie - Thursday, February 14, 2002 An anti-populist guide to a Valentine's night out The Michigan Daily - Weekend Maguzine E3 ELITE ENTERTAINMENT EXPOSI By Michael Grass Daily Food and Drink Critic If you are reading this right now, you or your significant other most likely have reservations booked, a bot- tle of wine selected and a box of chocolates wrapped in a bow. Yes, it is Valentine's Day, and there's little you can do to change tonight's plans, whatever they may be. All respectable restaurants in town, and numerous "thought-to-be good" dining estab- lishments are booked with thousands of romantic, sappy Ann Arbor love- birds and local high school sweet- hearts festooned with ugly boutonnieres and corsages competing with midterm-stressed University stu- dents for tables. Just know that Valentine's Day is a holiday trumped up by the greeting card and confectioners industry, and if you get it wrong this year, know that r 't Ca " ,AcplcMaala, Jamic, fhaas& SPare it's not the end of the world. If you're going to, be around Ann Arbor next year, take a few lessons here and make next year's Valentine's a far- superior evening. Laying some ground rules: Picking the right place Note to the guys: If you made a reservation anywhere on or near South University Avenue, you are pathetic. Going to Good Time Charley's or the Brown Jug may be good for drinks, but not for a romantic dinner. If you plan to bring your date to Pizza House tonight, you should have thought ahead and made reservations downtown. The popular standards that are familiar to most University students are Gratzi (326 S. Main St.), Real Seafood Company (341 S. Main St.), The Chop House (322 S. Main St.), Palio (347 S. Main St.) and.The Gandy Dancer (401 Depot St.). These are the places you. go to when your parents are in town. And obviously, since most students don't frequent downtown that much, knowledge of what lies west of State Street is often limited. But there is much, much more to Ann Arbor than the obvious. Select- ing the right restaurant can make this special day even more romantic. Quality over quantity But like many over-commercialized American holidays, lovebirds can often become mired in the mass-appeal of Valentine's Day and emphasize gluttony and kitsch rather than quality food and a one-of-a-kind environment. To do Valentine's Day in Ann Arbor right, you need to find a restaurant that is something out of the ordinary. Would you believe that one of the city's best restaurants is located across the street from the Modern Languages Building? That's right, Escoffier (300 S. Thayer St.) is probably Ann Arbor's best kept secret for Valentine's Day. Escoffier doesn't advertise itself; you can walk past the Bell Tower Hotel and not even know that the city's finest French dining can be found off its lobby. If you like mood lighting coupled with French and Italian provincial fare, try the Earle (121 W. Washington St.). Located in the basement of a historic The Earle is known as one of Ann Arbor's most romantic restaurants. commercial building, the Earle, like Escoffler, is frequented by the Universi- ty's power-brokers. Twice when I've been there, Regent Rebecca McGowan (D-Ann Arbor) dined a couple tables away. (It's rumored that former Univer- sity President Lee Bollinger would dine SUNIVERSITY OF CA LIFORNIA, BERKELEY SUMMER SESSIONS R W WHERE WILL YOU BE THIS SUMMER? N.-I.. s , o. there with his wife Jean because of the restaurant's secluded environment.) If you want to take the "eye" out of Eye-talian cuisine, try Bela Ciao (118 W Liberty St.) for authentic Italian cui- sine. Here, they aren't going to slap marinara sauce on a bed of spaghetti and say tres magnifique. Though it may be shocking to some myopic Americans that not all Italian food is pasta slathered with sauce, non-Eye-talian food can center on a nice cut of beef or veal and fine antipasti that go a little farther than fried mozzarella sticks. Bella Ciao is probably the best unas- suming Italian restaurants in Ann Arbor that doesn't cater to the masses. Its inti- mate dining room makes for a perfect Valentine's Day meal. (By the way, the Earle and Bella Ciao were ranked the two best romantic restaurants last year in the Ann Arbor Current.) If you seek a non-traditional Valen- tine's Day meal, two other restaurants come to mind. For an interactive and out-of-the ordinary meal, go to the Blue Nile (221 E. Washington St.). If you like Ethiopian food or are adventur- ous in general, eating with your hands at a traditional woven-basket table with your date might be just what you're looking for. Restaurancja Amadeus (122. E. Washington St.) might be a good selec- tion if you like an intimate and unas- suming atmosphere and want to recreate your trip to Prague last spring break. Though the restaurant does not focus on the cuisine of any individual European country, the menu samples from Polish, German and Hungarian food. The place has great Viennese cof- fee and live classical music in the evening. And like your Prague adven- ture, it's cheap in comparison to other restaurants downtown. "Oooooo, you've got $801" Dennis Miller is right - limos are stupid. But no doubt, tonight at least one white limousine is going to cruise South U., State Street, or past the line of single people outside Scorekeeper's. You never know, the degenerate love- bird occupants might even stand up through the moon roof to proclaim their love to the world. See NIGHT OUT, Page 1OB Extreme close-up! Whoooah! BILLLBOARDI TOP 10 1. Drive, Alan Jackson - Well, at least this tool is better than Creed. 2. Weathered, Creed - So, the masters of pop have suggested that the rest of the world is finally catch- ing up to them. Pearl Jam shits on you. 3. Hybrid Theory, Linkin Park - Like Lincoln Logs, only for people too dumb to play with Lincoln Logs. 4. Word of Mouf, Ludacris - Oh, thuck them. In the aff. 5. Silver Side Up, Nickelback - Put the silver side back down, and please, please stop playing this terrible record. 6. Pain is Love, Ja Rule - And bad singin' is bad singin'. 7. Stillmatic, Nas - God, we're sick of talking about this crap music. Why didn't Buscemi get a best supporting actor nod at the Oscars this year? 8. 8701, Usher- Knock knock. Who's there? Usher. Usher who? God, Usher stinks like green pee. 9. M!ssundaztood, Pink - Hey, she made "Rollerball" even more painful to sit through. 10. No More Drama, Mary J. Blige - Remember when she sang with Dre? Yeah, that was ter- rible. LUKE SMITH - LESS T HANZERO BYE BYE LOVE MAY THE ORGASM FAIRY NE'ER AGAIN VISIT YOUR BED ek-:psar bitch. A ,ea eiab A e, andodfever. Of course, we (men plan on bitch.Desp1 itehe overwhelming pain and traiua having asmuch casual sex to replace our old partneras of the actua breakupn and the n uclear fallout physically posible. Look at evolutionary psychology.-. of losing that "special someone" (so special that you've we have enoughspermt for all the ladies in the world. This been kicked to the curb by them), the saddest prt of a pseudo-itellectual comvincing of their previous partners break-up is undoubtedly the hopeless boobdrn that fol- now banal sexuality is simply the male misconception. lows the death rattle of a relationship. Women are most certainly not above their own female Regardless of who in fact ends the relationsip, males fantasies about relationships gone sour, Thstead of coping and females alike find themselves haunted by the depar- on a singular level with the loss of their man, women take tare of their tfrmer "true loe." This psyhosexual demo- a group-therapeutic approach The proverbial song for the nization of ourselves and our dearly dparted leads men dumped is't a song that women sing alone. and women alike to absurdist p st-rlationlip refe. This grop unselin proac enerallyinvolves tions. phns fbes& erry's ice ream ad a slew of movies, In the {zsery crashantd burn «of a regaionh gnes$r e .an-hating, s::e romantc com edy0, 6 .The broken- ........................................".',....:.......:::.......:::................:::..................................................................the............g__e...r..._me...........s_ .......ti...:.._y..Th.br.ken. the most real insecurities of mten everywhere surface in hearted woman and her friends will jabber and gossip and the smke. These enimerting insecurities damn our will come to the conclusion that the man was little more than; and. onden0 our oh--so fragile egos. Ranaly, one a dik. Her friends will rise to ber defense and begin to would expect these insecumrities to be about our apathetic~ shed any formuer alliaunes with the man, all to show their tal .mao o u inability to ask about how the near-mititani loyalty toaohe h pee stin dow. ...women are feeling, but realistically tihis is not the vase. This sort of loyalty is wat results in the mutitr versus Istead, m~en dwell simpjly on one factor. Sex. singular man bitch-fests which ,most have witnessed at .................................................................................................................................A...t................th.......on.pont.o .nthe inther loal )...g ail fully i his 1995 novel "High Fidelity." Readers (and~ Women may also convince themselves that the man more likely moieoes) watched Rob ftumblefuck his who .ef the ilawy eatatdt hm ep way through the end of his relationsip. Hornby painfts a the way the relationship ended, sm.wmmy ini fact. painfuiy realistic ima~ge of Rob sweating in bed thinking forever believe that their Rob will always &hase them, no . ad......le pos-relationship eros. matter the situation. Whenever Laura ounters Rob she ..This is our first stage of grieving. We sit an'd ponder will feverously toss her hair and Dibble Onl her pinky. No, ou epectve ex having wildly incredible 'monkey-sex she doesn't want himi back, but she's trying as hard assh with some new man, fictitios or alleged. She's always can tomak hm tink that -andmore imiportantly h' havng he estsexof her life in pur heads. The visual- trying to make him want her. ization skills of the male are completely reversed. This desperate grasp to recapture the male heart is the After we've thoroughly' thought about our respective woman's way of regaining power after the relaionship ex's roll in the hay with some other man, we enter a sec- has ended. She will forever be in control of him and his onfrdarker period of grief. The Condemnation. We actions. Th1e premonition that the male will always want turn to aggression and damn two parties. First, we damn her back is Uile more than a female fana. the woman, we think and hope and pray that the last The reactions and responses to breaking up aea orgasm our Lauras will ever have is with us. Essentially, pathetic as the people involved in these sob-stories which we plead with some sort of fictitious orgasm fairy to stop touch everyone, whether they are a cheap participant in visiting with our 1former half. The orgy-fairy, if it listens the relational game or one of the girls screaming at the to our demands carefuilly, will never again come to her poor man in the name of their girlfriend. These reactions bed. Thismyb a little extreme, but those who hiav sang are for the weak, the ill--hearted and for everyone else but the song for the dumped will understand the plight - me. P'm above all of this relational politik. Although the fairy never seems to get it. B~ut if you're reading, girl, you'll never scream my break will generally warrant a far greater punishment ways from Sunday if you think I m ever coming back to from men. We damn the woman and hope that she never your ass. Biteh. again has sex with anyone. Never. N4othing& A nun in bd ~- Luke Smith can be rached at Iukem mich ed VISIT IISTANT PM ACES EARN UNIVERSITY CREDIT OPEN ENR OLLMENT COMBINE TRA VEL, AD VENTURE, AND ACADEMICS FINANCIAL AID IS A VAILABLE 0 f%\ For more information call or write: WHAT'S NEWS IN ENTERTAINMENT 11 SARANDON, ROBBINS TO MAKE SEPT. 11 LOVE STORY - Actress Susan Sarandon is set to star in a new film directed by her long-time partner Tim Robbins. Zap2it.com reports that the film will chronicle the tragic love affair between Rick Rescorla and Susan Greer. Rescorla was head of security at Morgan Stanley Dean Witter, and died while trying to evacuate people in the aftermath of the Sept. 11 attack on the World Trade Center. KEVIN SPACEY TO TAKE BREAK FROM ACTING - Zap2it.com reports that the Oscar winning actor announced at the Berlin Film Festival that he would quit acting for a while to concentrate on his produc- tion company, Trigger Street Productions. BRITNEY WILL NOT TAKE HER CLOTHES OFF WHERE YOU CAN SEE IT -- Britney Spears has stated she will never do a nude scene in a film. The Internet Movie Database reported that Britney was horrified by recent celebrated nude scenes by Halle Berry. Spears states that she would get a body double if nudity was "necessary for the character." DALY DELVES INTO NEW RECORD DEAL - MTV personality Caron Daly and Loud Records CEO Steve Rifkind have formed a new record label. The label will feature the Wu-tang Clan, Xzibit, courtesy of b Three 6 Mafia and Funkmaster Flex. In a press release, Rifkind sugests Daly's inexperience with production is not an issue. "With Carson's y worldwide popularity and his gen- uine love and knowledge of music, this venture should be a block- buster," Rifkind says. "We're betting that he'll be able to attract the best talent from across he board, from rock to hip-hop." THE REAL WORLD IN THE CITY OF SIN - The 12th season of "The Real World," which begins shooting this week, will be set in Las Vegas. CNN reports that the group will be staying on the 28th floor of the Palm resort ntanyspears.com near the Strip. THE O.J. ALL STAR OF THE WEEK R KELLY The R&B singer has been accuse of having sex with an underage gi and videotaping the act. Chicag police, who have been investigatir Kelly -for over three years, receive the tape anonymously. Kelly, who ha been sued by several underage womc with whom he has allegedly bee involved, was also briefly married Aaliyah when she was 15. Kelly lawyer claims that the tape is fake. -' #~ )A ~ #~t t5S ~ h AA A ~ S , #41,#44 *444 44,+,,, * ~ '..'k .t .~'* .. . . . « .,.. ,.. .., d .. # a #. x t t. # 9 a_ F #_ # # $ # # x a a r a a, # x.. _ °_ a.. *,. " . "~ ._ : a a . . . : : x