10B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, November 15, 2001 9 S w The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine HOw TO PICK UP ANYONE: A COURSE ON HUMAN INTERACTION Underworld theme, Aeris' theme video gmes are more than scores Iknow what you're thinking. It's hard to meet new people, isn't it? You've been out there in the world with the monsters and animals and only have emotional scars to show for it. You've been used, and, perhaps, abused. You've been lied to. You've been broken down, torn apart and thrown to the wind. But OK, now listen to this. People aren't so terrible. Just because you've had a few bad experiences doesn't mean you should give up on humanity. There are good people out there. Most of them aren't out to destroy you and some of them would even be interested in getting to know you. I'll admit it. I've never done much in the way of charity or community service. I don't donate my time to soup kitchens, I don't give my spare change to Ann Arbor's lovable hobo population and an "Alternative Spring Break" for me would mean anything other than getting drunk for six straight nights. So I've decided to use this column to give back to society and help all of you single people out there find that special guy or girl. It might be too late to find someone to bring home to the family on Thanksgiving, but if you fol- low my advice, you stand a passing chance of not being alone come Valentine's Day. Ben The wind being up, let's begin: Goldstein Rubric 1: C o nfi d e n c e lc! pricks us on The first thing you need to do, before any- thing else, is ditch that horrible stink of defeat and depression that's been hanging on you like a cheap suit. You haven't been lucky in love; that much is obvious. But please try to hide it, because everyone can smell it on you, and the scent of despera- tion is worse than your morning breath and body odor combined, which by the way you should try to do something about. Confidence is key in meeting new people. One way to create confidence is to adopt an "I'm all that and a side order of rings" attitude, in which you don't have to stress about how you look or what other people think about you because you know that you are some hot, desirable stuff. Before entering a public place, repeat this phrase to yourself, no less than five times: "Everybody here wants to do me." After a while, you will start to believe it, and people will take notice. Body language is also very impor- tant. Stand tall. Knuckles off the ground. Hands out of armpits and in away from the front of your pants. Fingers out of all orifices. No bouncing from foot to foot. Stop your hands from shaking at all costs. The sex symbols on television and movies, you don't see their hands shaking, do you? It is also a good idea to accentuate the best aspects of your body, if there are any. If you are a female and you have a well-devel- oped chest, for example, you might wear something with a low neckline or stand in a way that draws atten- tion to your upper torso. If you are a male and you think that your geni- tals are "the bomb," find ways to subtly point to your crotch. The sub- liminal messaging will not be lost on the other people in the room. Rubric 2: Of situations and con- versations As a wise man once said, "you never get a second chance to make a first impression." Cheesv and ovpr- used "pick-up lines" never work (unless you are famous, in which case anything you say will work). Lines like "Have we met before?" and "You write a really funny col- umn for the Daily" are notoriously lame and will only result in humilia- tion, as if you need more of that. But you will still need an conversation opener to break the ice. Try these: In class: "Wow, this class some- how both sucks and blows at the same time. I wish I was at home lis- tening to John Coltrane's 'A Love Supreme'." This will show that you have a keen wit and a sophisticated understanding of music. At a house party: "This beer tastes like piss. I drink Heineken, mostly. Would you like to dance?" This will show that you have discriminating tastes in alcohol and like to have fun. Everyone loves a dancer. In line at Shaman Drum: "I can't fucking stand this place. Do all English professors have to order their books here? Hey look, we've almost made it to Biener's Wieners. This is the only hot dog stand I'll buy from. Would you like to have a turkey dog with me?" This will show that, as an English major, you have a passion for literature - very sexy, by the way - and that you respect local merchants, you are generous and you care about your health. To maintain conversation once it's started, engage the emotional side of the person you're talking to with provocative questions like "What do you hate most about yourself?" and "What do you hate most about your family?" Don't be afraid to ask the person what their top five movies of all time are, or what's in their CD player at the moment. If the same questions are asked of you, avoid being honest in your answers. Instead, pick movies and CDs that might impress who you are talking to. The type of person and situation will dictate what these might be. Use your best judgment. Rubric 3: Closing the deal If you've gotten this far, the rest is cake. Avoid at all costs the urge to say "Yeah, so maybe we should get coffee sometime?"'You are not fool- ing anyone! Also, avoid any varia- tion of "I know we just met in line at Shaman Drum and everything, but I really feel like I love you. Do you love me?" Bad form, as they say. As a general rule, men find it endearing and fun when the lady takes charge, as it saves them the risk of an awkward situation. So women, you might say something like "Well it was really nice meeting you. You'll be picking me up this Saturday at 7:30 at my house; we're going to Palio's for dinner then Conor O'Neill's for drinks." The guy won't know what hit him! Another general rule is that women hate nice guys and love being treated like garbage. So men, you might say something like "Maybe I'll try to find your e-mail address or some- thing, but I probably won't e-mail you, because you seem like a total loser I wouldn't want to be seen in public with. But I might e-mail you so we can make plans sometime. But probably not." Hey, real quick. This has nothing to do with the column or anything, but my editor, Jane, has really been on my case lately to start work on this condom review feature I prom- ised I would write. I was joking when I said I'd do it, but apparently she thought I was serious so I'm kinda up Shit's Creek, here. Anyway, if you're a female, ages 18-30, who would like to be a participant in a fun little experiment, the results of which will be used in an upcoming Weekend, Etc. feature, e-mail me. The study would take 5-30 minutes and you will be paid $10. Have a great weekend, everybody! - Ben Goldstein can be reached at bgo ldst@umich.edu SWhat do you call a situation where everyone wants to run your life? By Jeff Dickerson and Luke Smith Daily Arts Editors While playing videogames for what was undoubtedly hours upon hours of our childhoods, thousands of simple 8-bit melodies were firmly entrenched in our brains. Now, with next-gen console designers engaged in an interactive arms race, single note blips have blossomed into full digital orchestration. Despite gam- ing's rapid developments it is still the simplest melodies that ring the loud- est. The importance of videogame music was somewhat underscored in the earliest stages of NES, games like "Bayou Billy" and "Pro Wrestling" didn't have the ultra- clever sound effects, but the games did have their own endearing quali- ties, (Bayou Billy's excruciatingly difficult first level, and of course Star Man in PW). The "Super Mario Bros." theme reappears in some man- ifestation throughout the series (except for "Super Mario Bros. 2," which was of course not a true "Mario Bros." game, but a classic in its own right). Similarly, "Legend of Zelda" had the same theme ring throughout its various inceptions across different platforms. And with virtually no adieu, here is a humble list of the greatest music, we've ever sat in front of a television for. Tecmo Bowl - The game's open- ing credits prepare you for a war greater than any sports game before, and any sports game since. While the theme music "duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh da-da" cruises in the back- ground, the game scans through generic teams that somehow scored legitimate NFLPA Licensing, so Eric Dickerson and Bo Jackson are in the game, they just play for the "other" teams in Indianapolis and Los Angeles. Actraiser - One of the first games released for Super NES back in '91. The Action/RPG showed off the power of the system with its rev- olutionary Mode 7 rotating effects, but the true technical marvel of the game was Yuzo Koshiro's epic soundtrack. The overworld theme never got old despite hours upon hours of play and the intense boss battles were highlighted by the thun- derous thumping techno score. Japanese copies of the soundtrack can be purchased on Ebay for upwards of $250, no joke. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night - Arguably one of the great- est games for the Playstation, or any other system for that matter. This time around you take control of Alucard, son of Dracula, as you slay through the vast castle. Each portion of the sprawling world featured memorable music, you'll swear you're listening to a motion picture score. The only downfall came at the very end of the game when the cheesy Japanese ballad "I Am the Wind" rolls along with the credits. Parappa the Rapper - Kick, punch, it's all in the mind! Possibly the most bizarre game to hit American shores, this 2D interactive music title included some of the most catchy songs to grace a videogame console. From rap to reggae, Parappa and his paper-thin physique sang his way through six levels of quirky situ- ations from getting a drivers license to baking a cake. Fans of the game will be pleased to know the sequel is on its way to the PS2. Super Metroid - "The last metroid is in captivity. The galaxy is at peace." So began the third install- ment of the classic Nintendo series, making the transition from NES to Game Boy to Super NES. Samus continued her hunt of the life-suck- ing aliens on the Planet Zebes. The bosses took up more than the screen could hold and the soundtrack was just as big. F-Zero - A launch game with the Super Nintendo, this futuristic racing game has yet to be surpassed. The theme of the first level, "Mute City I," will stay permanently branded on your brain whether you've played it once or a thousand times (your hum- ble reviewers are part of the latter group). Fastest time recorded on the course is a flawless 2'02"31. Just try to top that, it can't be done. Final Fantasy VII - Admit it, you cried when Aeris died. Don't tell us you didn't. The first installment of the most popular RPG series on Playstation, "Final Fantasy VII" had gamers holding their collective breaths as the launch date of September 7, 1997 drew closer. Die hard fans of the series were instantly relieved to find the series transported successfully into the 3D realm. Nobuo Uematsu once again provided a masterful score to accompany the 40-plus hour quest. Buy the four disc set online, it's the perfect study music. Super Mario Bros. - Ask a ran- dom student to hum the theme to the classic game and chances are they'll know every note. The celebrated yarn of a mushroom-eating-plumber turned princess-rescuing-hero was the game that launched Nintendo Zelda's always sleeping. If Link were into the videogame industry strat sphere. It may not have the magnu opus score Tetris - Damn those craz Russians. Back in the 1985 Alexe Pazhitnov invented the most addic ing videogame ever produced. Th simple concept of placing four piec blocks together hooked game: around the world when it was pact aged with Game Boy in 198' Legions of fans were so entrance with beating their high score the didn't realize the music was beir fused to their distracted mind Hearing the monotonous music alor can invoke a mental game of "Tetris no matter what you're doing. Legend of Zelda: A Link to thl Past - Link's Super Nintend I Stood up to casual night out THE %tro\ FAMI 1 . J \ i jt Cloud lays the fair Aeris to rest. Could someone pass me a tissue? "You're gonna need a bigger boat." ThcWal'cRush Tiekats t i l\ i/I Sweet Honey This ensemble of s African-American last 25 years perfc jazz, gospel and re Across from the Diag in the Nickels Arcade at State Street 17 Nickels Arcade Ann Arbor, MI 48104 Phone: (734) 665-7240 Fax:(734) 665-7167 E-mail: vbshoes@provide.net Men's Tripoli Trek Travel Shoe Versatile, lightweight, flexible design for Going the distance in complete comfort. Leather uppers with moisture-wicking Linings. Rubber lug sole for traction. for the journey' a play about family entanglements by English playwright David Hare Directed by John Neville-Andrews Andreas Schc Performing with lu Andreas Scholl bri sance songs by Jo and others. Nov. 15 - 17 at 8pm - Nov. 18 at 2pm - Mendelssohn Theatre Tickets $20 and $15 - Students $7 w/lD League Ticket Office - 734-764-2538 LARQr- eectio R I -ternation 1 \N eS u oc e 1ary ltssntvieos te re ieo. alternative video store 119 East Liberty 663-3121 Sun-Thurs 10am-mid . Fri-Sat 10am-1am ums 764.25 rAvalid student ID is require soC+ . offered if an event is sold ot UM School of Music " Department of Theatre and Drama