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4B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, November 1, 2001
Ten foods that will spice up your love life
The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazin
ELITE ENTERTAINMENT ExPOSITI
By Robyn Melamed
Daily Arts Editor
Now that Sweetest Day is a distant
memory and Valentine's Day is, well,
very distant, love seems to be the last
thing on the brain. Sound depressing?
Well, have no fear - you can spark up
your libidos and get back in the sack
with your honey in no time. All you have
to do is work up an appetite.
10) ASPARAGUS: OK, I know it does-
n't sound very sexy, so that's why it is
number 10. But trust me on this one.
Asparagus is considered the most erotic
member of the vegetable kingdom.
9) PINE NUTS: Fellas, when you take
your girl to see "Serendipity" this week-
end, don't even bother with the popcorn.
Just bring a supply of pine nuts. She'll
be so into you that she won't even notice
that you'll never be as cool as John
Cusack.
8) GINSENG: Get this: Ginseng roots
are said to be shaped like the human
body. No wonder it does the trick. So it's
not exactly something you have just
hangin' around the house, but you
wanna get laid, right? If you get desper-
ate, you can find ginseng in Arizona
Green Tea.
7) CHOCOLATE: Ever wonder why
Godiva gets bombarded near the
romantic holidays? Ever wonder why
girls start to glow at the mention of
aisle 8 (the candy aisle) at Meijer? It's
that smooth, creamy, ever-so-satisfy-
ing texture that gets the girls every
time.
6) ALCOHOL: All right boys and
girls, we all know that alcohol is a
depressant. But if you take a moderate
quantity of it, it can reduce anxiety.
5) PUMPKIN SEEDS: Supposedly peo-
ple associate pumpkin seeds with fer-
tility: Now that Halloween is over, you
can probably get yourself about 12
pumpkins for 12 cents.
4) PEACHES: The Chinese associate
these fruits with ripe sexuality. That
fuzzy, blush colored outside, mixed
with that soft, tasty inside ... mmm.
3) WHIPPED CREAM: So you proba-
bly know that whipped cream is one of
the best dessert toppings ever. Apply
generously to your honey's body parts,
and I guarantee it will taste yummy,
plus it'll make them think you're real-
ly (really) good at foreplay.u
2) BANANAS: If I really need to jus-
tify this, you all need a lot more sex
help than a little aphrodisiac article
can give you.
How to: avoid injury
at your local. cinema
'm not the most refined person in
the world. I leave my socks in my
living room for days on end; I
sometimes forget to raise my hand in
class; I occasion-
ally mock the
New Testament;
maybe I "haven't
mastered the.
fork." I don't
claim to be Mr.
Manners, but
EASTERN MICHIGAN UNIVERSITY
Department of McKenny Union and Campus Life presents
The
(O)f ]TLlb)e t with the Monks of the Drepung Loseling Monastery
EM 'AFOSDI "/ D"ily
Mmm ... oh ... chocolate tums me on.
1) SPICES: Ask yourself a question:
"Why exactly am I cooking for my
honey?" If you answer, "I'm in love
and I want to do something special for
Sthem," then stop reading this story. If
you're normal and you answer, "I want
to get tail," then sprinkle a little spice
into the recipe. The hotter the spice,
the hotter they'll think you are.
Sacred Music, Sacred
Dance for World
Healing
Friday, November 9
6p.m.
For more information please call 734.4873045
or visit our Website: www.dsa.emich.edulcampuslife.
LeCtuures
The Psychology of
Enlightenment
Tuesday, November 6
4p.m., McKenny Union 0allroom
And
Ancient Art of Healing:.
Tibetan Buddhist Approach
Wednesday, November 7
7p.m., McKenny Union 0allroom
Mandala Sand
Painting
Tuesday, November 6.
thru Friday, November 9
McKenny Union
there is one
sacred arena in
which my gentili-
ty and good con-
duct know no
bounds: That hal-
lowed ground that
is the movie the-
ater - that won-
drous place where
dreams come
EE P
Marn Alsop, conductor
Evelyn Glennie, percussion
Women of the Rackham SyNIphony Chorus
JOS. STRAUSS - Music of the Spheres
DAUGHERTY UFO.
HOLIT The Planets
The world's leading percussionist,
Evelyn Glennie, returns for this celestial
concert which concludes with Hoist's
spectacular masterpiece, The Planets.
Andy
Taylor-Fabe^
Less Than,
Ze'o
J
I J
M.
This Week in
Michigan Athletics
Presented by:
UAmetech
Media sponsors.
metrotimes
Thursday:
andeman
I 'U
Sponsors:
Friday:
dftaC
Sunday Series:
Women's Soccer
Saturday, November 3
#23 Michigan vs.
Western Michigan
1 p.m.
U-M Soccer Field
**Don't miss your chance
to win FREE T-Shirts
courtesy of
Soccer Mania!
Admission is FREE!
For more
information,
visit MGoBlue.com
Men's Basketball
Friday, November 2
Fan Photo Day
3:30 - 7:00 p.m.
Crisler Arena
Meet the 2001-02
Wolverines!
Free posters courtesy of
Ameritech/SBC
Sunday, November 4
Michigan vs.
EA All-Stars (exh.)
2 p.m.
Criser Arena
Tickets are available!
Call (734) 764-0247.
Men's
Swimming &
Diving
Friday, November 2
Michigan vs. Indiana
6 p.m.
Saturday, November 3
Michigan vs. Georgia
1 p.m.
Swim Meets held at
Canham Natatorium
Admission is FREE!
Ameritec~h mu
( t
Az Seres
LATIN JAZl 000111 HILL
true, lessons are taught and monkeys
talk. For you uncultured rogues who
don't understand the delicate code of
behavior required for movie viewing
(and you arc great in number), here's
your first primer.
THE SPECULATOR - This is
one of the most common and irritat-
ing cinema criminals, and he
deserves swift and merciless punish-
ment. The speculator makes all of his
predictions and hypotheses (as well
as painfully late realizations) as
vocal as a preacher in church, and he
does it completely sans tact. There's
one in every theater. I think I speak
for all my fellow cinema-nerds when
I say: Hey, douche-bag, no one cares
if you think you know how "The
Usual Suspects" ends or what
"Rosebud" really is or even what for-
mation the Mighty Ducks are going
to use to tie up the big game. This
infraction can also take the form of
the loud instant replay, e.g. "Oh man,
did you see that?" If we wanted fool-
ish, uninformed commentary on
movies, we would look at the
Internet. I bet every single one of
you who saw "Crouching Tiger,
Hidden Dragon" last winter heard
this nugget of wisdom: "God, that
looks so fake." Urge to kill, rising ...
THE BUFFER ZONE - You've
all seen it: The two guys at the movie
theater who are sitting with one seat
between them. They sit there, their
heterosexuality dangling precarious-
ly in the air over the vinyl and plas-
tic that separates them, worrying that
if their elbows accidentally touch,
everyone in the theater will think
they're, y'know, light in the loafers.
Guys, first of all, you're only calling
attention to yourself and proving
your lack of security beyond a shad-
ow of a doubt. Secondly, sitting
together in a movie theater is not
some abnormally intimate situation.
It's not like you're sitting on the
same side of the booth in a restaurant
when there are only two of you (you
freaks know who you are). And, OK,
if you're watching 'something like
"Acock'nLips Now," "Hajry Porker
and the Sorcerer's Bone" or, umm,
"Glitter," then maaaybe someone
might start suspecting, but even so,
it's a dark movie theater full of
strangers, i.e. people you don't
know; so grow up, settle down and
watch your Steven Segal movie in
peace.
THE HALF TURN -- This is
actually not a cinema crime. Rather,
it is the first line of defense when the
guy behind you decides that every-
one in the theater needs to hear his
asinine comments about the plot, the
characters or the fact that he doesn't
understand that "Memento" is actu-
ally going backwards (see above).
The half turn is when you look over
you shoulder in the general direction
of the loud-mouthed miscreant but
don't actually make any eye contact.
This gives him a chance to save face
and shut his big yapper. Next comes
"the ventriloquist's ssshhhhhhh," in
which you try to shield your mouth
while shooshing them so they can't
tell who's doing it (don't deny that
you've tried it). If this fails, you
must resort to the full turn plus eye
contact. Finally, there's the combo
full turn, direct shoosh and a severe
beating with a half empty box of
Milk Duds, which makes a surpris-
ingly good club. A word to the wise:
Always make sure the object of these
tactics doesn't happen to be some
no-necked goon who looks like he'd
kill his mother for a nickel and a tin
of Skoal.
ANSWERING THE CELL PHONE -
Letting it ring is borderline. OK, it
slipped your mind, you weren't pay-
ing attention when that kick-ass jin-
gle at the beginning of the movie
walked you through all of the eti-
quette and features of the theater (has
anyone ever actually rented an entire
theater?) and you left your phone on,
subjecting everyone to whatever
clever little phone ring you picked to
show your individuality (Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony is totally cooler than
Joplin's "The Entertainer"). But,
when you have the minerals to
answer that phone and proceed to
have a conversation, you have guar-
anteed yourself a few years in
Purgatory as well as a visit from Mr.
Milk Duds box and Captain No-
Neck, who have now put their differ-
ences aside to make sure you are
silenced, with a vengeance.
So the next time that you have an
inkling to utter the phrase "I think
that guy is a spy" (when you've just
seen the guy go through spy school),
please just think before you act.
Commandments, Shmommandments,
the big guy is keeping score of every-
thing.
- Andy Tavlor-Fabe can be reached at
andytavl@umich.edu
Figures in millions of dollars.
1. K-PAX (17.2) Like Ex-Lax, but
with no actual value.
2. 13 Ghosts (15.1) Wow, Shannon
Elizabeth and Matt Lillard in the same
film. I'm cutting out my own eyes.
3. From Hell (6.0) Where most of
this week's top ten films and music
came from.
4. Riding in Cars With Boys (6.0)
Drew, buy an island and stay there.
Take Tom. It's for the best.
5. Training Day (5.1) A buddy cop
WINSLETT SCARED OF
ANTHRAX - Actress Kate
Winslett and daughter Mia got
stuck in an airplane due to an
anthrax threat. The Internet Movie
Database reports that an Islamic
passenger claimed that the cabin
area was full of anthrax. He was
accosted by five British Airway
stewards. No anthrax was found on
the plane.
JASON LEE TO FILL FLECTH'S
SHOES IN NEXT KEVIN SMITH
JOINT - Jason Lee (Brodie from
"Mallrats") is expected to fill the shoes
of Chevy Chase in the next "Fletch"
flick reports Zap2it.com. The film wi
be directed by Kevin Smith. In othi
Kevin Smith news, the rotund direct
will wait for Ben Affieck to shed his r
tights (from playing comic bqok he
"Daredevil") to work on his next proje
"Jersey Girl." Affleck will play a fath
in the comedy
AUTIOR BEGs O PRAH FOR FO
GIVENEss - Author Jonathan Franz
is pleading with daytime diva Opr
Winfrey after Franzen was ungratel
when his book "The Corrections" w,
included on Oprah's high-brow bo
club. Zap2it.com reported Franzen vx
hesitant to have Oprah's corporate lo
associated with the book. Oprah's bo
club stamp generally has increas
sales for authors, but Franzen's bo
was already a bestseller.
LUCAS SINGLE-HANDEDLY T
BOOST SALES FIGURES F4
"MONSTERS, INC." - "Star Wai
creator George Lucas is lending t
first glimpse at his upcoming preqi
"Episode II: Attack of the Clones,"
Pixar's forthcoming feature "Monste
Inc." Internet Movie Database report
that Lucas is "thrilled to be able to sh<
audiences their first glimpse
'Episode II' with 'Monsters, Inc."'
LIAM GALLAGHER AND DAMO
Weekend box office
Billboard,
1., God Bless America, Varioi
Artists - God Bless Corporate Americ
always on top of exploitation. USA! US.
2. A Day Without Rain, Enya -
Monkeys I tell you. Apes with cre(
cards!
3. Pain is Love, Ja Rule - Tr
album is painful, and lots of people list
to it, and for some reason love it.
4. Down to Earth, Oz:
Osbourne - Another music
dinosaur, digging for gold.
5. Silver Side Up, Nickelback -
Creed is coming. It's gonna rule.
Courtesy of Epic
Toothless and still biting heads off bats.
movie with a twist. It sucks.
6. Bandits (5.0) "Moonlighting"
crossed with a bowl of chicken soup
full of poop.
7. Serendipity (3.8) This film is
be blamed on ACLU.
8. The Last Castle (3.6) The unfa
portrayal of soldier-Americans in th
film is atrocious.
9. Corky Romano (2.9) The long
this movie stays in the top ten, the mc
I want to move to Prussia.
10. Bones (2.8) Snoop Doggy Dog
is gonna need a new jobby-job.
WHAT'S NEWS IN
ENTERTAI NMENT
p°."!
\,
'EDITY LIKRE
AIDES
The Chucito Valdes Afro-Cuban
Ensemble joins timbalero Manny
Oquendo and his orchestra for a
special Latin jazz performance.
Media sponsors:
1 J1 .4 BI m e tro tim e s
AM U V-
Courtesy of Miramax
Lunchbox to make "Fletch" sans jay.
U a