4A - The Michigan Daily - Friday, October 12, 2001
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The U.S. has
itself to be good at planning
its military operations, but
often wrong in assessing their
political implications. As
friends of America, we wish
that the current campaign
will yield the best possible
military results, as it is
conducted against some, at
least, of our swom enemies."
- Yossi 0/mert in an op/ed column in
yesterday's edition of The Jerusalem Post.
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It's beginning to look a lot like ... Sweetest Day?
STEVEN KYRITZ YES, THAT IS SARCASM
hope everybody's segment of the population: The couples. As that day, a hearty handshake and a "Happy
done all their gift- if it's not bad enough that couples already Casual Sex Day" are all that's necessary, and
buying, what with have Valentine's Day, two birthdays and as then it's back to normal.
only seven shopping days many anniversaries as they want, now they Some of you are probably thinking, "This
left. Better make reserva- have Sweetest Day. It's just one more is stupid. Why should I care? I already have
tions for dinner now, or excuse for them to buy gifts, go to dinner lots of no-frill, no-commitment sex with mul-
else all the classy restau- and talk cutesy, and worst of all it offers tiple anonymous partners every weekend."
rants will be booked. them another "legitimate" reason to sexile Well la-di-freakin-da. Good for you. I'm not
Time is definitely running their roommates. some moral crusader or anything like that,
out for card shopping; soon all of the cute or As a single person who has had a room- I'm just not a big proponent of the whole
funny cards will be gone. What am I talking mate with a girlfriend for the last three years, "wham bam thank you ma'am (or sir), have a
about? Why, everybody's favorite holiday, I say enough is enough. Couples already nice walk of shame" attitude. I like to believe
Sweetest Day. have consistent sex, and love and affection I'm not alone on this one. It just seems like
Before I really get going, I have to ask: and stuff, not to mention those other holi- there are actually plenty of people who feel
What the hell is Sweetest Day? I don't days. Why do they, of all people, need a obligated to do crazy, old-fashioned things
know about you, but I had never heard of phony day of celebration in the middle of like walk someone home or call the next day.
Sweetest Day until my freshman year. October? It's the single people who deserve a I don't know why; maybe we've seen too
Granted, I was extremely sheltered when I day to celebrate. many Disney movies.
got here, but only from the good stuff. At It is therefore with great fanfare that I If I may digress for a moment, I would
first, I thought it might be a campus holiday, propose the following single person's holi- like to remind everybody that I am in a fra-
a creation of the students here at the Univer- day: Casual Sex Day. Hear me out; I think ternity, and have been for the last three years.
sity. You know, sort of like Hash Bash or it's a great idea (if I do say so myself). Put that in your stereotype and smoke it.
the Naked Mile, only crappier. Eventually, I Casual Sex Day, a day for single people to Getting back to Casual Sex Day, I've got
found people who had heard of it, and real- celebrate their unattached status. To all it pretty much all worked out. The only thing
ized that it must be bigger than that, so I those single people with coupled room- I haven't figured out yet is when CSD
developed a new theory. Maybe it's a mates,.think how gratifying it could be to should actually be observed. My first
regional Midwestern thing, I thought, sort of tell them "Look, today's my day, so could thought was to hold it on the second Satur-
like "pop" or euchre or "suckers." you clear out tonight?" day in March, which (coincidentally) coin-
Eventually, though, I did some researc Lest ye think this is some hastily devel- cides with my birthday. Then the immature
and according to www.holidayinsights.con, oped idea, don't worry. I've thought this out seventh grader in me kicked in, and I
Sweetest Day "is dedicated just for your very carefully, for at least ten minutes. To thought maybe the second week in June
sweetie. It exists as an opportunity for you to begin with, Casual Sex Day would be would be more appropriate (think about it).
recognize that sweet and special someone ... observed like a Jewish holiday, beginning at On second thought, scheduling it so close to
no other reason than that." To reiterate, that sundown on one day and ending at sundown Father's Day could lead to some cheesy
last part of the sentence was "no other rea- on the next day. American Pie 2 moments, so scratch that. Oh
son than that." Obviously, there is some rea- The way it would work is, on Casual Sex well. I guess it's stupid to arbitrarily pick a
son for Sweetest Day, but no one seems to Eve, single people would find a random per- random weekend and declare it a holiday.
know it. Maybe it has something to do with son to sleep with. Then, in the morning, you Which reminds me: have a happy, happy
the gift card and candy companies' pact with have flowers and chocolate waiting. You get Sweetest Day.
Satan. cleaned up, get a card, go out to" dinner,
Regardless of where it came from, maybe some more casual sex, and then go on Steven Kyritz can be reached
Sweetest Day has worked out great for one your separate ways. Once the sun starts to set via e-mail at email@example.com.
V LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Multiple messages in 'Give us back
. G e u bak orA
TO THE DAILY: beloved
I was a little confused by Tom Kuljurgis' edi-
torial cartoon the Daily ran yesterday. This is not TO THE DAILY:
necessarily a new thing, as I have long found the I am writing this letter to do what alum-
cartoons run on the Daily's editorial page to be ni do best: Complain. Lee C. Bollinger
baffling. The cartoon references the recent deci- became president during my junior year at
sion by the Michigan Student Assembly to pass a Michigan and the longer I stayed at Michi-
resolution supporting the bombing of gan, from my senior year through my mas-
Afghanistan. The text reads, aside from a quota- ter's degree, I grew to respect and admire
tion from the resolution itself, "MSA learns from him both as a leader and as an academic.
the U.S. Military: Act quickly and decisively, and His unprecedented support for the arts and
worthwhile things can be accomplished." humanities was a welcome philosophy,
My confusion stems from two source. The especially for those of us who felt the-busi- who can't see any farther than the feif-
first is the reference to the U.S. military cting nessmen and scientists were taking over the dom of their desks.
quickly and decisively. When did they do this? Is University. He could raise money and milk If Bollinger the Great is replaced by
he referring to the recently begun bombing cam- alumni like a Las Vegas pit boss and deliv- some cold, sterile professional adminis-
paign? If this military action has proved decisive er speeches that quoted Seneca and Bacon; trator from the pages of a'"Dilbert" car-
four days in, it's news to me. (It didn't come all both without seeming forced or fake. toon, the regents are squarely to blame,
that quickly either, but I count that as a point in its My complaint is about the regents of along with whoever else in the upper
favor.) If he means prior action, I doubt he's the University and any of the other echelons decided that keeping some
referring to recent U.S. responses to Kosovo, administrative wastes-of-space who saw false sense of "everyone gets the same
Bosnia, Rwanda, Iraq (not the Gulf War, but the fit to fiddle and horse around while number of cookies" fairn ss was more
bombing we've been doing almost continuously Columbia romanced him right from important than keeping an earth-walk-
since then) or Somalia, in which U.S. actions were under our noses. Bollinger is as good as ing higher education God like President
slow, tentative, confused, nonexistent or some they come and now Columbia has him Lee.
combination of the above. Maybe he means the because they were willing to pay him Shame on you, commanding officers
Gulf War. Or the response to the attack on Pearl what he is worth. Months ago alumni of the University. Give us back our
Harbor. Or to the attack on Fort Sumter. stepped up and offered to contribute to a beloved king.
The second source of confusion is the assertion fund that would boost Bollinger's salary JAMES MILLER
that the MSA action was worthwhile. How so? to a competitive level - an offer that Alumnus
I suppose that the cartoon might be intended died on the vine due to, again, bush The letter writer is aformer Daily
sarcastically, but I didn't see any signs of sarcasm. league higher education administrators columnist and editorial board member.
I fear that the cartoonis has simply yielded to the
temptation to draw an extremely large gavel. NAS exec: Cr.itics integral to free speech
JESSE JANNETTA 'IL i11.AJk .1 .b 4 fe
Alumnus TO THE DAILY: dom of speech does not imply freedom from
The Daily's Oct. 10 editorial on "Intelligent criticism. Criticism is itself a primary func-
Activism" asserts that "a spokesmen for the tion of free speech. What I characterized as
L E T TERS POLICY conservative National Association of Scholars" "fatuous nonsense" was not the American
holds the position that "dedication to freedom Association of University Professors' avowed
The Michigan Daily welcomes letters from all of thought through education is 'fatuous non- dedication to freedom of thought, but rather
of its readers. Letters from University students, sense,' 'Marxist claptrap,' and 'anti-American its inane response (available on its website)
faculty, staff and administrators will be given i its basic to, to use its neutral descriptor, "the events of
priority over others. Letters must include the writers imb"ust.
name, phone number and school year or University I am that spokesman, and I can assure September 11.
affiliation. The Daily will not print any letter that you that you have grossly misrepresented (One finds no mention in the self-
cannot be verified. Ad hominem attacks will not be my own, and the NAS's, position and poli- absorbed AAUP statement that terrorists had
tolerated. tics. As is clear to anyone who knows the attacked the United States, killing thousands
Letters should be kept to approximately 300 . first thing about us, the NAS has for nearly of innocents.) If you want to know the NAS's
words. The Michigan Daily reserves the ight to edit 15 years been leading the charge for intellec- public response, visit our website and tell me
may h earanged with an editor. Letters will be nin tual freedom and free speech in American what you think. If you disagree with it, you