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2B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, September 27, 2001
T

The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thu

Horoseopes
By Mizz Velveeta
Weekend, etc. Astrologer

Random interview

Aries: March 21 - April 19
You will learn nothing in class next week. "Live with
Regis and Kelly" will have great interviews and inter-.
esting stories that will provide you with a far better
education.
Taurus: April 20 - May 20
Your knees are the sexiest part of your body. Cut holes
in all your pants and show those babies off.
Gemini: May 21 - June21
Your iron levels are way down - you should start eat-
ing nails for breakfast.'
Cancer: June 22 - July 22
Here's a great tip: A cheap way to get messed-up is to
stare at a strobe light for hours.
Leo: July 23 - Aug. 22
It looks as though you are getting ready to hibernate for
the winter. Hit the gym... HARD!
Virgo: Aug.23 - Sept. 22
That friend who was always under suspicion will final-
ly come out next week.

Libra: Sept. 23

Oct. 23

If your birthday is this week, you will lead a prosperous
and wild sex-filled life.
Scorpio: Oct. 24 - Nov. 21
Your roommates are aware that you are stealing their
food, but I can't even tell you what they are doing to
yours in revenge.
Sagittarius: Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Not everyone thinks you are as cool as your mother
does.
Capricorn: Dec. 22 - Jan. 19
Start to get in touch with your inner voice. Try listening
to self guidance tapes as you walk to class or talking to
the squirrels.
Aquarius: Jan. 20 - Feb. 18
You are an animal lover, but get fish so you can't love
them too much.
Pisces: Feb.19 - March 20
Beware of those who try to tell you what to think -
form your own opinion.

Working from deep within the bowels of
the Daily Arts room, using the random
number generator devised by Dr MacUser;
who wants to use the pseudonym "pseudo-
nym," Josh Wickerham calls yet another
random student.
The Michigan Daily: Hello?
Random: Hi.
TMD: Hey, are you a student?
R: Yeah.
TMD: Good. This is Josh Wickerham
from The Michigan Daily -
R: Oh, hey Josh. This is Josh from the
Daily editorial board. How are you?
TMD: What? You work for the Daily?
What do you mean? I'm calling people
randomly!
R: I don't know what to tell you.
TMD: Maybe we can just pretend that
you're random. I don't really know you
that well. No one would have to know
that I work with you.
R: I don't think that's right.
TMD: I don't have any problems with it.
R: (pause) Well, I've got another call on
the other line. You should call someone
else.
TMD: I guess you're right.
R: See you at edit board.


Snubbed, Josh calls another number
pulled from pseudonym's website at
www.mutiny.net/random...
TMD: Hello?
R: Hello. You've reached Counseling
and Psychological Services at the
University of Michigan. The office is
open from Monday through Friday from
8-5. If you called during regular office
hours, we are on the phone assisting oth
ers. Please leave a message because your
call is important to us.
TMD: Hi, I'm Josh Wickerham from
The Michigan Daily... (talking to those
in the room) um, do you guys think I
should really leave a message? ...
R: "if you'd like to make a call, please
hang up and try again'
Trying again...
TMD: Hi there. How are you?
R: You hae reached the office of
Human Genetics at the University of
Michigan -
TMD: (slamming the phone down).
Damnit! Your random number genera
tor doesn't work, Dr. MacUser!
Using new version .03 of Dr
Mac User's RNG, Josh calls again.
TMD:This is Josh Wickerham from
The Michigan Daily. Perhaps you've
heard of the Random Student
Interview in Weekend, etc. magazine.
R: Um... (long pause) Yeah.
TMD: Woohoo! Well, anyway, It's
your lucky night! The deal is ... out of
40,000 students on this campus, you
have been randomly selected to have
your opinion printed for the masses.
Do you have anything right off the bat
that you'd like the campus at large to
know?
R: Do you have to use my name?
TMD: I don't have to.
R: Don't include my name. What kind
of questions do you ask?
TMD: Random ones. But I'm the one
asking the questions, OK?
R: Right, OK.
TMD: Well, then, maybe you can tell
me what you think of the free coupon
books that they pay homeless people to
hand out on campus.
R: I think they're ... I haven't really
used them at all.
TMD: Do you think anyone uses
them?
R: I think there are some.
TMD: Would you rather give homeless
people money on a regular basis or
have them shove coupon books in your
face?
R: I'd rather give them money.
TMD: And what do you think about
the Gideon?
R: The Gideons? I don't know.
TMD: Did you get a free Bible when
they were on campus last week?
R: No, I didn't take one.
TMD: Ok, on a more serious note, do
you think G.W Bush is handling things
adequately in the after math of this ter
rible tragedy?
R: So far I think that he's taking the
right steps. Uhh... yes.
TMD: Did you collect Garbage Pail
kids? Did you have a favorite?
R: No.Probably because I'm not sure
what they are.

Modern." See Thurs.
Saturday
Rick Bragg at Shaman Drum - Pulitzer
Prize-winning features writer reads at
Shaman Drum from his latest fiction work,
"Ava's Man." 8 p.m. Free. 662-7407.
CAMPUS CINEMA
Divided We Fall (1980) See Friday,
Michigan Theater. 4:30, 7 & 9:30 p.m.
Apocalypse Now Redux (2001) Michigan
Theater. 4 & 8:15 p.m.
Greenfiingers (2000) See Friday, State
Theater: 2:30, 4:45, 7, 9 & 11:45 p.m.
The Princes and the Warrior (2000) See
Friday. State Theater. 4:30 & 9:15 p.m.
The Deep End (2001) See Thursday. State
Theater. 2:15 & 7:15 p.m.
Trainspotting In a thousand years, there
will be no men and women, just wankers,
and that's fine by me. State Theater.
Midnight.
MUSIC
"Goodwill CD Release Party" The band
releases No More Senseless Chatter, and
with that, no more senseless descriptions.
The Blind Pig 208 S. 1st St., 10 p.m. $5
($7 under 21) 996-8555.
Follow 14 A girl punk band, is there any-
thing hotter than that? Elbow Room,
Ypsilanti, 10:30 p.m. $4 483-6374.
"MC Battle for Lyrical Supremacy" A hip
hop contest for teens. 1108 Thugz may or
may not have started here. The Neutral
Zone, 637 S. Main St., $3 ($10 to battle)
2149995.
THEA TER
"Chipslips." See Thurs. 8 p.m.
"Taking Leave." See Thurs. $25.
A LTERNA TI VES
"Shiksha: Teachings of the Buddah." The
members of the performing group
"Nadanta" portray the life and teachings
of Buddah in this dance variety show. 2
p.m. Michigan Theater. $17-47. 668-
8397.

The horror becomes 51 minutes longer for Martin Sheen In Francis Ford Coppola's "Apocalypse Now: Redux."

"Getting Around Detroit." See Thurs.
"Donald Sultan: The Smoke Rings." See
Thurs.
"Albert Kahn: Inspiration for the Modern."
See Thurs.
Sunday
CAMPUS CINEMA
Divided We Fall (1980) Michigan Theater.
5:40 & 8:30 p.m.
Apocalypse Now Redux (2001) See
Friday, Michigan Theater. 6 p.m.
Famous Musicians on Film Michigan
Theater. 2 p.m.
Greenfingers (2000) See Friday, State
Theater: 2:30, 4:45, 7 & 9 p.m.

The Princes and the Warrior (2000) See
Friday, State Theater. 4:30 & 9:15 p.m.
The Deep End (2001) See Thursday, State
Theater. 2:15 & 7:15 p.m.
MUSIC
Stacey Eerie She would have played at
The Earle but Earle at The Earle on a mar-
quee would look like a mistake. The Ark
316 S. Main St., 7:30 p.m. $12.50 761-
1451.
Lonnie Plaxico Jazz bass thumps hard. The
Firefly Club 207 S. Ashley St. 9 p.m. Call
for price. 665-9090.
"Open Mic Side Show" If you take Pantera
songs and turn them into really long free
*form jazz songs everyone will hate you but
it will be way funny when you look backon
it. T.C.'s Speakeasy, Ypsilanti 9 p.m. $2
483-4470.

THEA TER

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Happy Birthy!
Charley's would like to be the first to
congratulate you with a free meaL. Just brinyJ
dolong a friend and projXr ID. and select your
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11 0 S i I I I II i 6 8 41

"Taking Leave." See Thurs. 2 p.m. $20.
A LTERNA TI VES
"Donald Sultan: The Smoke Rings." See
Thurs.
"Albert Kahn: Inspiration for the Modem."
See Thurs.
Monday
National Book Award winner reads -
Critically-acclaimed author Ha Jin reads
from his latest collection of Short-stories,
"The Bridegroom." Also on the bill is new-
comer. Dennis Bock, reading from his
brand-new novel "The Ash Garden."
Shaman Drum, 8 p.m. Free. 662-7407.
CAMPUS CINEMA
Spartacus (1960) 1 am so NOT Spartacus.
Michigan Theater. 7 p.m.
Superfly (1972) One of the best movie
about pimps and drugs ever made.
Michigan Theater. 6 p.m.
Apocalypse Now Redux (2001) See
Friday, Michigan Theater. 8:20 p.m.
Greenfingers (2000) See Friday, State
Theater: 7 & 9 p.m.
The Princes and the Warrior (2000) See
Friday, State Theater. 9:15 p.m.
The Deep End (2001) See Thursday, State
Theater. 7:15 p.m.
MUSIC
Tenacious D Jack Black isn't funny in
movies and he is less funny when he puts
his shtick to music. Avoid the show as you
would the plague. State Theatre, Detroit
7:30 p.m. $20 313-961-5450.
A LTERNA TIVES
"Getting Around Detroit." See Thurs.
"Donald Sultan: The Smoke Rings." See
Thurs.
"Albert Kahn: Inspiration for the Modem."
See Thurs.
Tuesday
CAMPUS CINEMA

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Nicole Kidman sees dead people In the "The Others." Dead People see cleavage.

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