4A - The Michigan Daily - Thursday, March 22, 2001 te Liini J ailg 420 MAYNARD STREET ANN ARBOR, ML 48109 daily.letters@umich.edu Let's take it one game at a time CHRIS KULA U.NSUNG ANN ARBOR EDITED AND MANAGED BY STUDENTS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN SINCE 1890 GEOFFREY GAGNON Editor in Chief MICHAEL GRASS NICHOLAS WOOMER Editorial Page Editors Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of the majority of the Daily's editorial board. All other articles, letters and cartoons do not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily. - hoa Nelly, you've got to love sports! But more appropriately, you've got to love sports cliches, because once you get to March Madness, it's a whole new season and anything can happen. On any given night, a different cliche can come out, give 110 percent and prove it belongs in the upper echelon of trite, overused commentary. I really think a super-secret, Stonecutters- like contingent of television broadcasters declared an embargo on original thought circa 1975, leaving the sports-viewing American public no choice but to step up its intensity in the face of adversity and choke down the kind of verbal swill that's just as common to sport- ing arenas as any beer brewed in St. Louis - and twice as stale. The play-by-play of smarmy, plastic-haired announcers like - oh, wait - everyone, ranks on a scale of mental anguish (with one being a light, midday dream of a unicorn tea party and 10 being a sadistic, Wild Turkey-fueled grop- ing at the hands of a Tuscaloosa junkyard employee named Ceephus), somewhere around a hard eight. And you just can't teach that. These broadcast guys are perennial con- tenders for the prestigious Stating the Obvious Championship, which entails stiff competition from the worlds of meteorology ("February will start the same way January ended - cold") and the hosts of "E! Wild On" ("Being full-body massaged while sipping a Mai Tai and watching the sun set over your secluded, South Pacific beach is a nice way to spend a Saturday.") But by bringing their A-game of such bril- liant insights as "It's a game of two halves" and "We don't play these games on paper," sports commentators - highly touted rookies and seasoned veterans alike - have the ability to break the game wide open, swing the momentum in their favor and say exactly what we already know. Statistics don't lie. And it's a total team effort, too, because the play-by-play crew can always rely on their on- the-sidelines counterparts to provide investiga- tive injury reports ("Steve, judging by the massive ice pack being taped to Talley's shoul- der, it appears as if he's injured his...shoulder") and gripping interviews with players' girl- friends, grandmothers and girlfriends' grand- mothers. That's just pure fiundamentals. The prototypical announcing team consists of the uber-smooth play-by-play guy, most likely a graduate of a broadcast journalism pro- gram and, so, an epic tool, and his color com- mentary partner, in most cases a former player/coach. At least once a game, Mr. Play- By-Play will subtly reference Mr. Color's once-great playing career, saying something like, "Kenny, you knew a thing or two about scoring titles, didn't you?" to which Mr. Color will chuckle humbly and reply, "Only if you mean high golf scores!" and they'll have a good laugh, even though Mr. Color is really thinking, "My wife sleeps with a six-time All- Star, six-time All-Star." And if there's a color commentator with a particularly colorful background, such as for- mer basketball great and self-professed "huge Deadhead" Bill Walton, you can expect to hear some horribly hackneyed attempts at connect- ing two disparate topics like hoops and psyche- delia. For example: "Ron, that fast break was executed as smoothly as the 'Scarlet Begonias' into 'Fire on the Mountain' from 3/18/77." But the on-air method that absolutely { haunts me is the forced banter that follows the contractually-obligated plug of a network sit- com: Mr. Play-By-Play uses a cheesy little segue in order to give the day and time, and then joins Mr. Color in singing the show's praises, often while the cameraman trains his lens on the show's star, who's conveniently sit- ting in the bleachers. Just once, I'd love to hear this dialogue: Jim: And Avery Queen enters the game for the Wolverines. Speaking of Queen, TV Guide has called "The King of Queens" one of the funniest shows on television. See for yourself, Mondays at 8 p.m., only on CBS. Billy, do you ever watch "The King of Queens"? Billy: I do, Jim, and it is some vile trash! Jim: Ha ha ... trash indeed, Billy. Billy: Now me? Jim, I like a good "A- Team" re-run on F/X. Jim: (growling) The BA stood for bad atti- tude. Billy: Jim, I'll tell you what: There's no question about it: The bottom line is: You couldn't stop Mr. T, you could only hope to contain him. Chris Kula lets the game come to him every' Thursday. Give him feedback at www.michigandaily.com/forum or via e-mail at ckula(ajumich.edu - - - --- -------- SL~fo, "^ C t PAYOU, Rv~~fov, S y a 603I 'VAG VISLA(. EDT KOWpY CAN &MVIL W t1VIA P00WE. L!K LIKE E VFAM'S CAU(* JALSO}L1tK MDIKIS SOL& Martin: Bear with us as we search for Ellerbe's replacement To THE DAILY: First and foremost I would like to extend my gratitude and appreciation to the following students who organized the "Petition For Piti- no" - Joseph Johnson, Jason Witler; Dan Klemptner and Jennifer Krzeszak. It is the dedi- cation and Michigan spirit that all four of their possess that makes me proud to be part of the University of Michigan. I want all the students, faculty and staff at the University to know that we are working diligently to find an outstanding individual to fill the vacant men's basketball coaching posi- tion. Along with the screening committee, we are dedicated to finding the best and most qual- ified candidate available for the position. It is my hope that the pride and enthusiasm that Johnson, Witler, Klemptner and Krzeszak have already shown will be carried on and con- tinue through this process and especially when we bring in a new coach. Again, I sincerely appreciate their support of the Michigan Basketball Program and look forward to seeing and hearing them often at Crisler Arena next season. BILL MARTIN Director of Intercollegiate Athletics Business climate kilis locally-owned shops To THE DAILY: Surely, the recent announcement of Caribou Coffee closing came as a surprise to many "Soaring rent forces popular coffee shop to say goodbye," (3/21/01). After all, who would have thought that an establishment so consistently full of students would have to close its doors due to high overhead? Indeed, many of us might not have batted an eye if this were anoth- er case of a local establishment falling prey to a corporate monolith. Unfortunately, we have become immune to this over the last decade. But lets face it, Caribou isn't exactly a Ma and Pop joint, and for it to concede to exorbitant State Street rent is a rather telling sign of the businesses climate in Ann Arbor. Yet, what's even more frightening is to con- sider the Caribou closing in the context of the many changing storefronts in Ann Arbor over the last few years. A few years ago we saw the collapse of local shops like Schoolkids Records and the Gratzi coffeehouse. Unfortunately, this story is nothing akin to this town. Rather, its an unfortunate consequence of economies of scale a c CA --> £J~9~!\& sv , -IN - - j - the little guys just can't compete in terms of prices. Surely, we should always be sensitive to supporting local establishments, but sometimes there is only so much we can do. However, the last couple of years have seen a new trend. The closing of Tower Records last summer and the recent demise of Caribou are signs that only the largest, strongest corporate enterprises can survive here. Never mind the locally owned shops, even the mid-sized corpo- rations don't have a place here anymore. Should this trend continue what will we have in a few more years? Only a Borders for music and a Starbucks for coffee? I heard another interesting factoid the other day. You know that Hallmark shop that also closed its doors recently? Rumor has it that State will soon have its very own Banana Republic in its place. While some of you may revel in the chance to pick up a new pair of Chi- nos on you way to class, I happed to be a little worried that the heart of our campus is begin- ning to look more like Chicago's Michigan Avenue rather than the State Steet it should be. TOM SINAS Music and LSA senior 'U' not dedicated to basketbal progr To THE DAILY: As a surprise to no one, except the "Crisler Crazies" with blinders on, Pitino has chosen Louisville. What a great way to end the 2000- 01 season and begin the 2001-02 season with a statement of the mantra of Michigan basketball, "Too Little, Too Late." We offered Pitino a pal- try $900,000, as compared to $1.6 million from Louisville. Louisville is committed to doing anything it takes to build a successful program, whereas we here at Big Blue are more concerned how a new basketball coach will affect Football Coach Lloyd Carr's ego. As always, I wish the best for the Wolverines - but no one will coach here if Athletic Director Bill Martin refuses to dedicate himself to returning Michi- gan to a premier program. JOSH BENNINGHOFF LSA senior LSA Student Govern- ment elections To THE DAILY: After four full semesters of service to LSA Student Government, it's time for me to say goodbye. However, I will not feel that I've completed my job as a representative until I tell the students of LSA how to assure themselves of fair and responsible representation. Students interested in preserving an effective and responsive student government will elect the Blue Party. Over the course of the past two years, I've noticed that the amount of meaning- ful work that LSA-SG does directly correlates to the number of Blue representatives elected. The opposition to the Blue Party this term is interesting at best. First, the University Democ- rats are running eight candidates, none of whom have ever attended a meeting of the LSA-SG. It seems strange to me that a group of people whose very name implies partisan politics would try to invade a government that prides itself on its ability to rise above the political messes that plague MSA. Also puzzling is the persistence of the Michigan Party. After running a full slate of ten candidates last term and seeing the student body choose the Blue Party to fill all ten seats, I would have thought that the Michi- gan Party would learn that the students of LSA do not want them as their representatives. It's also difficult to imagine that Michigan Party chairs Doug Tietz and Chip Englander have imbued them with any sense of commitment to LSA-SG, as both of them resigned their seats on our government before finishing their terms. ROB SHEREDA LSA senior o Drug companies -they'll do anything for a profit VIEWPOINT Recently, the world's largest pharmaceu- tical companies filed a lawsuit against the government of South Africa for distributing generic AIDS drugs. The Western capitalist world has a couple of problems with South Africa doing this. The pharmaceutical companies realize that South Africa could provide for them a huge source of revenue, with the enormous amount World Trade Organization say free trade will bring. So they file a lawsuit. If it becomes law that the South African government is not allowed to distribute cheap AIDS drugs, and may only sell the more expensive ones pro- duced by these companies, more people in Africa will die, and even more people will contract the virus. AI)S will spread even far- ther across Africa. For these companies and the economists that support them, these are the "few" people that will be hurt in the pursuit of profits. lars, and these services can be enjoyed by all South African citizens. That is different from our system. In our system, health services are funded with the money of the people that can afford to use them. But in South Africa, they are offering much-needed medicine to all its citizens. That's the system whose name sparks hatred in millions of Americans. "Distributing cheap AIDS drugs to those that can't afford with government money?" an oil tycoon may cry, "that's socialism!" It is confusing why these companies are i ar r :Ftf fl t" #'3 tnx ' r'r r ,n ... r i .:; a at t ' * , .. ' "t . r f.. .,....:. ::