- eMidh g ail - eked et MagaZW - ie ursday, February 22, 2Q _
NEED ADVICE? CONTACT WEEKEND'S NEW ADVICE COLUMNISTS
LISA AND L I
AVAILABLE AT LYLEANDLISA@UMICH.EDU

*1
- . - -- .

Tt, Nchigan4y -- Weekend, e

JUSTIFYING PHONY
PHONE CALLS

TAN-DEMONIUM: A TALE OF ME

wr

1 was quite perturbed the ether day
when a woman dialed my number in
search of a "Mr. Jackson" (who appar-
ently last occupied my phone number, as
I'm forced to turn away his calls on an
almost daily basis).
Naturally, h informed her that there
was nloMr. Jackson available at the
number she had
reached, which I
hoped was a polite
-way of' saying
good-bye.
Undeterred, the
madam informed ..
me that she was
speaking on behalf.
of' a local cancer
charity and that she
wouldn't "take
much" of my time. John Uhl
Not wanting to
abruptly alter my Uhl Get
patient tone of abid-
ing tolerance, I Nothig
heard her out and an Likeit
explained that I was
a broke student with no source of
income. No, not even ten dollars to
spare. (Which was a blatant lie: I knew

damn well that I had a ten dollar bill in
my pocket.)
Should I really have to put up with
this two-faced shit? Isn't it invasive for a
stranger to enter into someone's private
domain and ask f0i moneyn?
Perhaps some dig~ression on the
development of telephones is in ordei.
Originally. the telephone was created
by Alexander Graham Dell as an
extension of' Samuel Ior-se's earliei'
invention, the telegraph hich trians-
mitted words through a wire via elec-
tronic sigznals.
Although it was the first major step
in achieving efficient trans-continen-
taI communication, the telegraph was
limited- insofai' as its ability to allow
for an exchange of information.
No one ever sent a telegram that
said "wha/iup*?" and expected a
response like "ain't shit new:" telegrams
weren't for conversingY.
The advent of the telephone, however.
represented the ability to both send and
receive information simultaneously.
Thus, the 20th century's embrace-
ment of phones effectively represents
the acceptance of a symbiotic system
See PHONY, Page 11B

f
.


i

As the offspring of an L.A. native
and a bikini-sporting blonde. one
could argue that perhaps I was genet-
ically predis-
posed to love the
sunshine. And so
it was that my
love afTair with'
the Senor Soleil
began early on,
when, at the ten-
der age of' 8
months, my fam-
ily headed down
to Florida for a
little mid-winter Meredith
escape from Kele
Michigan. As my
then-2-year-old K
sister danced
along the shore- Instincts
line reciting the
Spanish she had acquired that very
morning while watching cartoons,
gleefully I sat beside the beach
cabana and ate the sand. Decked
out in true Boca Ra-toddler style in
my sunbonnet. my Petit Bateau
beachwear, and my Jackie O meets
Captain Fantastic sunglasses a la
Fisher Price, while I only remember
what pictures and my parents can tell
me about this trip, this is most cer-
tainly the point where I warmly
embraced this sun-sation.
There is something inexplicable
about the magical power of sunshine
and, in particular. how when com-
bined with ample amounts of acceler-
ator (applied between the hours of
noon and four o'clock.) it can alter
your outward appearance and make
you glow like a gioddess from Mount
Olympus. So it is natural to see how.
just like my suntans. my burning love
of the sun only intensified over time.
I even put a bedtime boycott on the
song "You are My Sunshine," as 1 was
deeply saddened by the chorus' con-
clusion threatening to "take my sun-
shine away." (Author's note: To this
very day. I despise that song.) From
summer tennis lessons and tropical
islands, to my deck back home and
cruising in convertibles, I became a
lemming to natural lighting. lowever.
as the old saying goes, too much of a
good thine. is. well, too much. And
although I've been fortunate not to
have ever burned myself to Prairie
Dawn-like pigmentation. eventually I
began to feel a little overexposed.
A few years ago, I noticed a sud-
den. yet definite change where my
usual tan-dencies were concerned.
During my senior year in high school.
I began to question my love for lumi-
nosity when prep school planning
placed prom season right on the heels
of the lacrosse season. And horror of
horrors, even when encased in the
most potent skin. artillery known as
SPF 45. my short-sleeved jersey and
bright gold knee-socks of the team
uniform remained unforgiving where
tan-lines were concerned. Firm in my
refusal to compromise the cut of my
prom dress because of two-toned tri-
ceps and quadriceps. I did wvhat any
respectable and slightly neurotic-per-
flqc t nist Wpildudo.


Camp Counselors & Instructors Needed
Camp Walden in Cheboygen, MI, a coed summer camp. needs
backpack - canoe " mountain bike - bus driver, and trip leaders. Also
needs male and female arts & crafts - tennis - gymnastics
- sailing -riding perfbrming arts - archery instructors
- secretaries - & INFIRMARY ASSISTANTS (work
with doctors in a camp clinic).

ya t
Stop and
sunglasses,
A
-Discount photo p3rocess
Largest selection of hea
-Largest selection of cos
320 S. State Street

Seekinga some sort or solar solace, i
booked a bi-weekly appointment at
the tanning st'dio the Electric Beach,
bidding a fond farewell to my
farmer's tan -.- not to mentior the
skin elasticity around my eye area.
(Or so says my eyebrow architect.)
Sun of a! And. with that, my days as a
melatonin masochist ended. My "go
for the glow" battle cry attitude faded
until it eventually burned out.
Despite my more sheltered habits,


old habits do die hard. A:: I look back
at pictures of my sunshine days a few
years ago. I cannot help finding
myself lonjing to be lost in the scent
of coconut oil and aloe vera. The
smel' of Coppertone still makes me
weak in the knees. lowxever, these
feelings are quickly nullified by my
morning and nighttime routine of
gently- tapping emulsions and gels
around the eye area, which remind me
on a daily basis that I was wise to end

my days as a golden girl
-illy began to look like I
Sophia or. even worse.
hanestly say that next
tion album of Zamph
hits, the last thing I wa
birthday is dermabrasic
gift that could make m-
frightened feline. But,1
So, if'you happen to 1
to warmer weather this
beach calls you for a 11

'r

er. choice.
chiropr

Palmer

EXPLORE TEACHING OPPORTUNITIES
Diversity Job Fair
Hosted by Herlong Cathedral School
Sunday, February 25, 2001
3:00 p.m. until 5:00 p.m.
Meet with staff from many independent schools including
Academy of Sacred Heart, Cranbrook Kingswood, Detroit
Waldorf, Emerson, Friends, Greenhills, Herlong Cathedral,
Kingsbury, Roeper and University Liggett.
Bring-resume or if you can not attend fax to:
(313) 831-2147
and we will distribute to participating schools.
The Job Fair will be held at
Herlong Cathedral School
4800 Woodward Ave.
Enter in off the East side of Warren Ave.
PJ ease ca]L to con r4 ;ttn;ance f 3834-5005

On the Palmer Chiropractic Web site you'll find out what it's
like to be a chiropractor and how Palmer Chiropractic is leading
"the good health revolution" in a surprising number of ways.
Cieck it out today.
www. pa imer.ed


: - . '
s - . - j