double pumpalls tars. corn
JANUARY 26, 2001
Matt Duprey Ryan and Atif Hillel hockey team u Jaron (not Evan) Hog a Valverde Heavy * Mandy and Meggerz Deja N,
Makhtar N'diaveu Punani football Red Berenson
To our successors:
The sky is the limit
To the new editors - - Raphy
JI)odstein, Mike Kern, Jon Schwirtz,
Joe Smith and Dan Williams:
Guys, we have never felt better about
the future of the sport, section. The five
if you have all the skills and talents to
take it so much further than we did.
The excitement in ,u eyes as w,
vatch you succeed nothinlg would
make us happier.
Every single one of iou has airead':
given so much to the Daily. Now you
have the opportunity to use your pas-
sion and intellect to keep producing the
best and biggest sports section in th.e
The sky is the limit. Anything you
0ant to do. you can. Pages can be as spe-
a, as you want to design them. Stories
can be as captivating as you want to
write them. We know you 'l impress
And to the readers, expect the best
sports coverage in the countrv. Please
trust in the editors - - we do.
- From David Den tHerd,, Chris
Duren Mairk Fwicescutti and
Idlans defeat Yanks
E for AL East title
With a twc-out bunt in the bottom of
the ninth, Mexican-league veteran Jake
Taylor helped Willie "Mays" Hayes
score the game-winner in Cleveland's
3-2 victory in the AL East one-game
Helluva idea," Indians manager and
former tire salesman Lou Brown said.
In the top of the ninth, Rickv "Wild
Thing" Vaughn struck out C ue
Heywood, the league leader in nose-
hairs, to preserve the tie.
The win spited bitchy team-owner
Rachel Phelps -who had hoped to
EEmove the team to Miami by posting the
worst record in league history - but
screw that ho.
Pedro Cerrano also struck a key
*merun in the bottom of the seventh
to tie the game at 2-2. At his wits end
with Voodoo god Joboo, Cerrano told
the spirit what's up.
Rene Russo remains instant mar-
riage material for Daily Sports men.
Compiled hy Bob Uecker
*ut of the game!
EVANSTON - If Northwestern had
any games last night in any sports, they
got their asses kicked. Obviously.
The Wildcats purposely recruit dip-
shits because they think being ass-crappvy
in athletics makes them appear more like
any Ivy League school. I mean ... why do
you even have teams? Punk?
If you're one of those Michigan stu-
dents that applied to Northwestern, for
ame. You are what we refer to as an
Wan Eschmeyer lover.
- Conpiled ht' Capt. Obvious
Daily-ite Bhave is
One may think that Daily writers are
all pencil-necked weenies, but in actual-
itv,we were Fight Club long before Pitt
1In the third addition of the official
Daily Streetfight Tournament, gvmnas-
tics writer Rohit Bhave easily bested
wrestling writer and frat-Rocky Jeb
Sinker for the championship.
"I am the roughest, toughest dude on
campus!" Bhave said. "Free designer
drugs for everyone!"
Bhave accepted the Jimmy "Superfly"
Snooka Trophy in front of a crowd of
He will now face Steve Hutchinson --
= winner of the South Campus
Division ---- for the University champi-
For the record, Napoleon-syndromite
Mark Francescutti says, "I can kick
Rohit's ass in a wrestling match."
Compiled b1 Matt Barbas
copes to spark 'M'
AAA of Michigan is sponsoring a
promotion for Sunday's women's basket-
balt game at Crisler Arena.
"he first 2,000 fans arriving for the 2
p.m. tipoff against Northwesten will
receive a free shaker. The athletic depart-
meht hopes you will use it to make noise,
Will it ever stop? Women 'don't know'
By Vanilla Roth
too cold, too cold
The Michigan women's basketball team continued its mission towards A1 A,
Beachfront Avenue yesterday, waxing regional chump Michigan State, 58-49.
The Spartans attempted to kill Michigan's recent momentum like a poiso-
nous mushroom. but the Wolverines shot 5-for-1 1 from 3-point range. The win
proves once again that Michigan is deadly when playing a dope melody.
"Anything less than the best is a felony" one of Michigan's tall girls said.
The Wolverines improve to 4-4 in the Big Ten (12-7 overall). By collaborat-
ing and listening to Michigan coach Sue Guevera, the Wolverines proved suc-
Michigan State took a 21-15 lead into halftime, but in the second half, the
Wolverines were back with a brand new invention -- really fast scoring. But
Michigan's 59.1-percent shooting in the second half cooked the Spartans like
a pound of bacon.
Michigan center LeeAnn Bies scored a team-best 16 points, going on a roll
(13 points) in the second half when it clearly became proper time to go solo.
In the always-competitive Big Ten, Michigan remains in the middle of the
conference standings with the win.
"Bumper to bumper, the avenue's packed," Guevara said. "I'm trying to get
(the Wolverines) away before the jackers (first-place Purdue) jack"
Michigan returns home to play Northwestern on Sunday, your next chance
to check out the hook while Deshay (Guevara, Alayne Ingram and the rest of
the Wolverines) revolves it.
Daily chases history
Daily Editor in
Chief Mike Spahn
received the bitter-
sweet news yes-
terday that he will
has no varsity
clearly sucks at
0 1 *
By Boxcar Ira
Media Relations Intern
The Michigan men's basketball team did
not lose to 10 of I1 Big Ten teams last
"Thev did all the things you're supposed
.to do to win," Illinois coach Bill Self said
of Michigan at Crisler Arena.
The Wolverines (2-4 Big Ten, 8-9 en
tout) led most of the first half, and went
into the lockerroom with an All-American
"It was a golden opportunity," 2000
Gatorade Player of the Year LaVell
Michigan center Josh Moore turned in
his best outing of this fine season with just
four fouls in 12 solid minutes of action
an accomplishment that will be prominent-
Iy noted in next year's media guide. Moore
shed no tears, either of joy or of sorrow.
The Wolverines played brilliantly with-
out the services of Calvin College transfer
Mike Gotfredson, who filled in amazingly
in a starting role and helped Michigan keep
it close in a 97-90 season-opening loss to
Oakland on Nov. 17.
Calvin beat archrixal Hope in Grand
Rapids last week.
Michigan's SOLE Patrol did not make an
appearance, but must be commended for
their enthusiastic rah-rah-ing the entire
In conference action, Illinois was victori-
ous on the road, 55-51.
"But Artie!" (Not Artie).
* Did not actually win
Whitley, Capriati advance to Aussie fnal
Court date not yet set; A dingo ate my baby,' woman claims
AUSTRALIA - In the women's
semifinals, both losers suffered from
a rash, as Venus Williams missed a
chance to collect a fourth consecutive
big title after the Wimbledon, U.S.
Open and hair-braiding.
No. 12 seed Capriati, who rates the
1992 Olympic gold medal as the neat-
Michigan basketball word search
F T E R A F
H A AO L DA
E LAND I L
M Y P R O B A T
P T J G C K Y P
I O Y Z O T E L
L H O O M B N L
O S B N M O L O
T P E G E B H U
est feat of her career behind her 1994
drug arrest, beat Steffi Graf in that
shiat at age 16. Capriati took a hiatus
from tennis for most of the 1990s
with drug and personal (petty
shoplifting, mean parents) problems.
Davenport hung her head or
banged her racket on the court after
some of her 43 errors, bringing
Michigan center Josh Moore to tears.
Capiati, in an obvious state of
detoxification, could only laugh at
"She's so silly," Capriati said.
Trying to stay cool in the match
with Capriati serving at 5-4 in the
second set, Davenport missed two
serve returns, netted a backhand and
finally dumped a forehand (snitch)
off the Jersey Turnpike while chasing
that tricky Capriati.
"In all the semifinals I've ever
played, this was probably the most
disappointing in the way that I
showed up to play," Davenport ram-
bled. "I can't believe I lost to a dope
Capriati said she was stronger and
more aggressive (steroids) than when
she lost to Davenport in last year's
"Maybe I was kind of intimidated
by her and the whole moment"
Not this time, biatch.
"Just in this tournament, from the
beginning, all of a sudden this confi-
dence came over me, like this wave of
confidence'" Capriati said. "It's like
things are just out there, ya know?"
Michigan's Anthony Thomas had a
chance to wrap the match up for
But an ill-timed fumble in the final
set spelled doom for the favorite.
"I don't know what happened,"
Thonias said. "I'll have to watch the
KOALA ArrAcK: A doubles match
on Court 43 was interrupted yester-
day by the attack of a rather large
koala named Berka.
J M L Y N A L
D U N M T E N
K J V L B E 3
X E R Z O D X H T I R
E F B A F A L O
Koalas are marsupials,
4 T O 2 D O R R O R R
R M P T T V E L D W E U C N N N EN
Q I T G E F U G I I J E BN O S N I
B C I A L BE R T W H I T E A G J L
S B S G R P A G P K N U DMA L S E
E DIM A R T I N V PH T H Z E I BS
Bobby Scales East U. Taco Bell (RIP) u Great Neon Porn Barn Reyes N Bulldog Jerry Dunn * Chris Chirgwin
L E R
R A L
R E N A
R A N D
U C K
U R Y
Find these words:
BIG TEN JUMP SHOT
GO BLUE SLAM DUNK
CRISLER ARENA ELLERBE
/Ai/j , o h/ udto eaIomIInu
Meet The Brewer Nights
Every Monday Ashley's will host a
brewer from one of the region's
breweries. They will be offering
' samples of their beers including
some found only at the brewery.
You are invited to come and meet
these craftsmen in an informal
setting in Ashley's Underground Pub.
Monday Jan. 29th
_ri. f $}'... ,ss.. u zve :3i ..za>.. , .~ .,.. , v..,,: s_
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