Manish -- Do you know what "hi" means? - December 5/6, 2000
~twiduga &C~

v4

Expose! Shocking confession:
Opinion Editors admit Opinion page opinionated

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c1
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420 Maynard Street
Ann Arbor, MI 48109
no. letters. from
SOLE.or.Jessica
please@umich.edu

MIKE
SPAHN-BON!
"Let's get it done"
EMILY
CRACKENBAUM
"But Spaaaaaaaahn"

Unless otherwise noted, unsigned/unsigned editorials/viewpoints may/may not
occasionally/usually reflect the aura of the super-majority/minority/plurality of the
Daily's editorial board, Ryan D., Lea F, Mandy, Grace, Patrick, Bilbo Baggins, the
English Honors crew, Justin H. the parents, the family at large, Katie, Peter C., that
loud short-haired kid,.the Pimps, your mom, Emily A., Sub Club, Mom, Dad, Laura,
Kerstin and the East Lansing Cowgirl Porn Star Twins.

Cracking under intense pressure, we feel
the truth has to be revealed: The Daily
editorial page is inherently biased. Many
watchdog letter writers and critics have read
between the lines and spotted the subjective-
ness we so dearly try to hide. Yet we can not
outsmart you all. Our ugly truth:
We present a single viewpoint.
Systematically, consistently, and without
regard for journalistic neutrality, the editorial
page has insidiously put forth its view as the
sole position.
The Daily editorial staff acknowledges
that they routinely and gleefully discriminate
in favor of their viewpoint.
We receive letters that we are often too
embarrassed to print because they are just so
true, so incisive - well it's just dangerous to
us. Here's a selection of letters that rocked us

to the core with their accurate description of
our deceitful acts. We printed their wise
words once, so hey, why not highlight bril-
liance again?
"This editorial was so
biased" Rory Case
"When I pick up the Daily,
I'm oing to be subjected to
blind-leading-blind liberal
bias."
- Robert Shereda
"I was very upset with the
biased position the editorial
page took."
- Nicole Babcock
And yet we pledge that the Daily editori-

al staff will remain unrepentant, vowing to
continue putting opinions on the opinion
page. If our bias disgusts you, let us know.
E-mail nwoomer&umich.edu and
mgrassaumich.edu. They'll really care.
Really.

THINIl
SPAG;


(
E


Proposals Emily shot down like a dying dog

E very so often, the editorial staff of
The Michigan Daily has some ideas
that, for one reason or another, we just
can't use. Rather than let these potential
editorials die an ignominious death in
silence, we've decided to bring them to
light on our left side. Here are some actu-
al proposals from staffers on crack that
you could have been reading. Thank God
they only made it to the page in this
form: Mockery. Fuck freedom of speech
- some ideas should have never been
shared.
Nader for President! The Daily
urges students to cast off the shackles of
the two-party system. With a mutant
Alfred E. Neumann clone on one side
and a giant block of wood on the other,
American voters might well feel left out
in the cold. But Ralph Nader holds all the
right positions on the issues that are of
utmost importance: Marijuana, labor,
marijuana, the death penalty, marijuana,
whatever PRF is begging us to write, and
marijuana.
Street safety is paramount. Take a
look at State Street at any given time.
Students run across, back and forth, with-
out a second glance. This is a situation
that simply cannot be allowed to contin-
ue. Looking both ways before crossing
the street will ensure the safety and hap-
piness of the University community.
Free Mumia! Fellow journali$t
Mumia Abu-Jamal is the victim of a vast
raci$t plot to frame him for murder. This

is an obviou$ and egregiou$ example of
the institutional raci$m that permeate$
every a$pect of life in Amerikkka. It is
blatantly obviou$ that Abu-Jamal is a
victim of the white male pig$ who run
the U.$...
Take that, News! The news section
of The Daily, despite its sterling reputa-
tion, has many problems that cannot be
ignored. Despite allegations of a "liberal
bias," the news department has constantly
failed to promote the Daily's liberal agen-
da. Its objective stories have allowed for-
bidden conservative viewpoints to creep
into our pages.
Just say no to Lee. The Harvard
committee who is considering Bollinger
for its presidency is clearly overlooking
the fact that he has handed the University
over to the blood- and chemical-stained
hands of Nike. It is in Harvard's best
interest not to plant this thorn, this
canker, this Bollinger...
Intervention in (insert country
here). The Daily has remained silent on
international issues for far too long. The
brutal human-rights abuses in (insert
country here) cry out for attention; we
think (your favorite despotism) should
just stop it already!
For the love of God, wear your coat!
It's cold out, stupid - have you no sense
at all? Pensler, who's boobs are always
hanging out no matter the mercury, pro-
posed this.
Hint to Gagnon: Watch the red one.

You've always wondered who writes our shit
and they are very deserving of having their names in print:
Mike Grass, Manish Raiji, Josh Wickerham, Nick oomer, Ryan Blay, Kevin Clune, Sumon
Dantiki, Rachel Fisher, Rob Goodspeed, Jessica Guerin, Johanna Hanink, Aubrey Henretty,
Henry Hyatt, Shabina Khatri, Patrick Kiley, Thomas Kuijurgis, Erin McQuinn and Waj Syed.

'It's called the Opinion Page.'

- Every Daily staffer who has answered the city desk phone, received an
e-mail at daily.letters@umich.edu or heard general bitching from some moron
about the Editorial page'sflagrant display of "opinions."

Get a life
Nike, white people are not the devil

Faced with grave threats the likes of
which they have little understanding
of and even less chance of affecting,
many student activists have embarked
upon crusades of epic uselessness. Like
lost freedom fighters from the third
world, these students beset the University
community with corny revolutionary
rhetoric, incomparable courage against
enemies that don't know they exist and
an inexhaustible supply of chalk.
Most prominent of course is that band
of colorful misfits, Detroit communists
and nary a University student, The Coali-
tion to Defend Affirmative Action By
Any Means Necessary, whose members
will undoubtedly be soon accusing the
Daily of being racist for this editorial.
BAMN, besides scaring the hell out of
people with its name and radicalizing the
issue of affirmative action to such an
extent that many students are scared
away from actively defending it, is retard-
ed. Any student group claiming they're
going to bring about some sort mass
movement and change the world if they
can just win a majority on MSA is so
demented that they probably think most
University students are ready to join a
militant movement lead by the Revolu-
tionary Worker's League ... oh wait.
Despite vocally, consistently and
vehemently supporting affirmative
action, the Daily itself has frequently
been accused of being racist and conspir-
ing with other dark forces to silence the
proletarian masses and block BAMN's
inevitable ascendancy to power.
SOME RANDOM CARTOON

Jessica Drape and the various
Massies, like Stalin and Trotsky before
them, are probably already feuding over,
who will lead the coming junta, but
despite the encouragement they undoubt-
edly received from the recent presidential
election, in this country history has
shown you can only seize power through
undemocratic means if you're a Republi-
can.
Another group fond of grabbing head-
lines without much apparent affect on
anything is Students Organizing for
Labor and Economic Equality or SOLE
(not to be confused with SOLEE). Tak-
ing a cue from the Students of Color
Coalition, SOLE decided it was time to
free us from our shameful association
with Nike through a good old-fashioned

I never thought the Daily would have a
great impact on my life.
I was wrong.
The lessons you learn, challenges you over-
come and people you meet when you devote
yourself to a project with every inch of your
being cannot be replaced - and they'll never
be repeated.
I'll never replace any of you, and I wouldn't
dream of replacing the Daily.
Thanks. It's been great, and it'll never hap-
pen again.
MIKE SPAHN
EDITOR IN CHIEF
If you major in the Daily, my father said at
the beginning of my college career, you'll turn
out fine.
The Daily and I have left our mark on each
other and it has given me an education the Uni-
versity never could. I was also given the friend-
ship of Jeffrey Kosseff: I don't know where I'd
be right now if I hadn't met you. Thanks for
your unwavering faith in me at the Daily, and
most importantly, out of it.
I am honored to have been a part of this.
EMILY ACHENBAUM
EDITORIAL PAGE EDITOR
Everyday I'm amazed by this place - by
the commitment The Michigan Daily requires
of its staffers and the time people are willing to
invest in it.
I'm grateful for every minute I was able to
spend here, to everyone who came before us
and taught the lessons that I use everyday, and
to those who established and carried on the tra-
ditions that make the Daily so incredible.
I'm grateful to my family for dealing with
all of my bad moods and patiently listening to
all my stories.
Finally, I'm grateful for everyone who made
my experience at the Daily challenging, hilari-
ous and unparalleled.
I'll miss laughing with you most.
JEWEL GOPWANI
MANAGING NEWS EDITOR
I never intended for the Daily to become my
life - guess I'm afraid of commitment.
Funny thing is, now I can't imagine living
without it. Without skipping midterms to fol-
low a story - without driving back from road
games at 4 a.m. - without grinding my teeth to
keep from erupting after every touchdown.
A reporter once asked Manv Albert why e
was sometimes so critical of the New York
Knicks. As the story goes, he replied: "If I don't
tell them when things are bad, why would they
believe me when I tell them things are good?"
This job has brought me face-to-face with
the best and the worst that this University has to
offer. I've tried to be fair. But four years have
left me with only one conclusion.
I love Michigan. And for that, I have the
Daily to thank.
DAVID DEN HERDER
MANAGING SPORTS EDITOR
I joined up for the free stuff. Forget about
writing, editing and the people I was going to
meet. CD's, concerts, movies. As far as I was
concerned, they were motivation enough to
walk in the front door every day. It wasn't a
bad four-year plan, really, even now looking
at it in the twilight of my Daily career.
What's funny, though, is that along the way, I
filled up my head with more valuable lessons
than I'm able to remember. It's rather

I just want to apologize to my younger
brother, LSA sophomore Eric Kula. He goes
through his high school years hearing, "Hey,
are you Chris Kula's little brother?", comes
off to a university of 30,000 plus undergrads
and still has to answer, "Hey, are you Chris
Kula's little brother?" Eric, you're your own
man, and I dig your style.
CHRIS KULA
ARTS EDITOR
The Michigan Daily all begins for me
with a dorm buddy across the hall in 7th
Douglas. Add a touch of JCFR, throw in a
little Golden Grahams, and sprinkle the
words "atrocious" and "ri-donk-ulous"
throughout. Tack on hours of film screen-
ings, hundreds of dollars in free concert
tickets and cds, a trip to Deja Vu and a 36
hour work day this past summer. What did
I end up with? My best friends in college.
That's my Michigan Daily.
CHRIS COUSINO
ARTS EDITOR
I've shot the president. I've shot both
Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys. I've
shot the Michigan Basketball team, and I've
never been caught!
I'll miss the paper very much, I'll miss
the people more.
DANA LINNANE
PHOTO EDITOR.
Castration. Since my freshman year I
promised I would give a prize to any staffer
who could start an article with the c-word.
Looks like I won my own prize. But that's
fitting since this place is about seeking and
achieving your own rewards.
Nicole McCarthy - Thank you for
framing my world. To my Keyser Sozes -
I'm glad everyone thinks our main activity
was eating at SubWay. Grassy, Jamesy, and
Julie - You guys were my oxygen. Thanks
for never pulling the plug. And Nicholas
Bunkley - Through the fires, the liars, the
witches and computer glitches, you told me
to keep my "eyes forward" to the reward.
Thank god they've started handing out
blond boys.
NIKA SCHULTE
NEWS EDITOR
The Daily has given me a deeper under-
standing of many things - the University,
journalism, and group dynamics - and
brought me near some of the most wonderful
people I have ever met - including the light
of my life - but most importantly, it has
relentlessly challenged me and taught me
about me. For that I'm forever in its debt.
I thank everyone at the Daily for con-
tributing to one of the greatestoand most
enduring experiences of my life. Good luck
to the incoming editors, all you've got to do
is want to and you can do anything. All my
love to those that have made my life easier
especially Natalie, Hanna, Matt and Adam.
Thank you Daily - but I'm ready to have my
life back.
JAIMIE WINKLER
NEWS EDITOR
In concluding four years at The Michigan
Daily, I'd like to thank my brother Matt, the
source of numerous tidbits and story ideas;
my parents, the only ones to read those men's
cross country articles from freshman year;

mitment to the Daily, I bid you a heartfelt
thanks.
CHRIS DUPREY
SPORTS EDITOR
Four years.
Four years of spending way too much
time (sometimes 70 hours a week) at the
newspaper, and not enough studying. Sorry
professors.
Four years of building relationships with
tremendous, exciting, passionate individuals.
Stay in touch everyone, ya hear?
Four years of covering tennis, hockey,
basketball and football. Thanks to the coach-
es, athletes, and SID's who respected me,
because I respected you.
Four years of enjoying Saturday nights
designing SportsMondays, even though they
littered the floor of Angell Hall by the end of
the morning. It was still worth every minute.
Four years of the greatest moments in my
life.
I'll never forget them, thank you Daily.
MARK FRANCESCUTTI
SPORTS EDITOR
The Michigan Daily has taken me all over
the nation - literally. From Alaska to Los
Angeles to Orlando to Marquette, traveling
the country to cover Michigan sports gave me
some of the best experiences of my life.
To my beatmates - Mark, Chris, Dave,
Geoff, Uma and Grandstaff - it has been
unforgettable. To my roommates - Mandy,
Meggerz, Atif, Ryan, Erika, Kels, Helen and
Annie - here's the thing: I said I would give
you a shout out, just remember to squash it.
STEPHANIE OFFEN
SPORTS EDITOR
My all too short time at the Daily has
undoubtedly been the most fun, most distracting
and one of the most meaningful things I've
done in college. Thinking back on the classes,
nights at the bar and countless hours of sleep I
missed because of the Daily, I know it was all
worth it and I only wish I could do it again.
Thanks to the whole edit crew, Kosseff for
the rum, Emily for not killing me when I stole
Kosseff's rum, my roommates for listening to
my complaining, Jason for ratting me out and
Jared for being the cool kid that he is.
PETER CUNNIFFE
ASSOCIATE EDITORIAL PAGE EDITOR
Almost four years ago, I entered the Michi-
gan Daily offices for the fist time. I liked to
write. I was interested in newspapers. I figured
the Daily would be a good extracurricular activ-
ity. Little did I know then, the Daily would
become more than just an ordinary activity. For
me, the Daily was a very important piece of my
education.
The thing I'll remember most about the
Daily is the people. I'm proud and fortunate to
be part of a group of college students that put
collective goals in front of individual needs. I'm
proud to call everyone here my colleague, and
even more proud to call them my friends.
Thanks Daily.
RYAN DEPIETRO
ASSOCIATE EDITORIAL PAGE EDITOR
They were right about joining something
in college. I started writing book reviews for
the Daily as a resume filler, and I've left with
more than that. It adds an element of educa-

office
Dean
while,
has to
SOLE;

occupation. After sitting in LSA
Shirley Neuman's office for a
though it's still unclear what she
do with athletic apparel contracts,
succeeded in getting the Universi-

ty to join the Workers Rights Consortium
and consequently rid us of Nike ... or so
they thought. Much to everyone's sur-
prise, Nike survived the loss of the Uni-
versity's business and we recently signed
a new contract with them. With their
attempts to free third-world workers from
toiling in Nike sweatshops foiled, prefer-
ring them to be unemployed or work in
even more dangerous and exploitative
local enterprises, who knows what SOLE
members will chain themselves to next.
It's OK to be an activist. Just realize
we hate covering you.
WE MAKE FUN OF A LOT

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