4 - The Michigan Daily - Tuesday, November 21, 2000 Mbe Bitigan &dlu 420 Maynard Street Ann Arbor, MI 48109 daily.letters@umich.edu Edited and managed by students at the University of Michigan MIKE SPAHN Editor in Chief EMILY ACHENBAUM Editorial Page Editor Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of the majority of the Daily's editorial board. All other articles, letters and cartoons do not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily. Being George WI M y fellow Americans: The proceedings of a hard year have come to an end. Your President-elect seeks your attention. Millions of dollars spent on make-up, English-tutors, bus-drivers and making my wife Laura look hot are paying off, even though the Mickey Mouse State's tree- hugging Supreme Court judges have complicated my plans , for holidaying in Bush Country before I take g office. Before I contin- ue on that note, I urge you to go to george- A dubya.conz/nra-forev- e r / c a u c a s i a n - isolationists.html and s donate for stopping the recounting effort; dona- Waj tions will also be chan- Syed neled for purchasing t high-powered rifles to teach those 19,000 hippy bastards who voted wrong and are demanding a revote a les- son. If you're fat, white and rich and/or look like Charlton Heston or Norman Schwarzkopf, don't bother spending too much time on read- ing this. You've probably voted for me and there is nothing in this argument you haven't heard before. If you're not (fat, white and rich), let me woo you into accepting me as the most powerful man in the, world (although at this point I don't need your endorsement, just a few of my fellow Texans going medievally cowboy on those damn Floridians). You know as well as I that the cat's in the bag, and even though my respectable opponent is tossing footballs around and trying to look under control, you know he isn't. The Dubya has landed. So tune in to Bush talk and I promise that by the time I'm done with you, you too will be a part of that penultimate sector of elite socio-economic groupings: Fat, white and rich and very, very Jesus endorsed. Like all things about me, I will keep this brief. I am offering Colin Powell the job of Secretary of State. He's bombed a few Iraqis in his day and can reload a Colt .32 in three sec- onds flat. That's all that is needed for a man who could be president if I kill myself shaving and Dick Cheney chokes on that blood-red T- bone he eats thrice a day. The Rock, from the WWF, is going to be my Secretary of Defense. He got me the imperative white-trash vote by coming to the Republican Convention and is obviously the man for the job if we need to bomb the Iraqis again one of these days. I'm still working on the other cabinet appointments, but let me assure you, your future Secretaries of Treasury, Energy, Interior and others will all be capable, fat, white and rich men (except Powell, who's almost there) and women who excel at eating meat, reload- ing guns, reading the bible backwards and bombing the Iraqis. America is in safe hands. Mine. I may be reputed to have been a cheer- leading, coke-snorting pansie once, but I've also done my share of being a good Texan: Hundreds of summary executions and botched up teen-age abortions hang from my belt. It may seem that I'm pissing my pants in the Austin mansion, but I'm not worried at all. I am ticked at that Katherine Harris though. The bitch was going to announce me President before I could. If she were in Texas, she'd be talking to the priest right now, final pleas and everything. But I digress. In summation, my plan for government is simple: I will hire lawyers to run the economy, televangelists to judge on the Supreme Court, ex-commandos to handle foreign policy, mort- gage-bankers to administer Social Security and former-wrestlers to enhance Medicare. The American people will no longer have to see a president take a media-enhanced democratic dump like the Lewinsky scandal, as all the women who will intern at the White House w shut-up and put out like good southern bellk are supposed to. An extra 100 trillion on defense, immigra- tion and Star Wars will take care of every one from the Iraqis to the Mexicans to the Mar- tians. If you can buy, my new economy will sell everything from vouchers to Viagra to Volvos - if you can't, there's always church and loans. We'll microwave the Cold War back into action, cruise-missile terrorist-states (basi- cally all those unpronounceable countries end- ing with "stan") and isolate tho square-spectacled, bearded, third-party hippies. We'll build a new America on the grave of popular elections, forever upholding the slave- enhanced electoral-college. Jails will look black and colleges will look white. What more can I say for myself? My redeeming qualities got lost somewhere between Yale and Harvard. I am pathetically rich, traditionally white and arbitrarily male. I prefer abstinence educa- tion to condoms. I am very, very Jes endorsed. I am compassionately brain dead conservatively mind numbed. I am now your next president. Deal with it, and hear me roar. - Waj Syed can be reached via e-mail dt wajsyedgjumich.edri. 3ush: Why I deserve to be President Binge drinking is everyone's problem T he death of Engineering sophomore Byung Soo Kim is a tragedy which should serve as a reminder to other stu- dents that the problem of binge drinking at the University is one which cannot be ignored. While college students should take it upon themselves to become educated about Binge dri the risks of binge drink- ing, there are policies the Unive which the University can problem implement which will help raise awareness cannot b about a problem which is an increasing concern on college cam- puses across the country. A survey conducted in 1999 by researchers at Harvard University showed that out of 28,709 students in 140 schools surveyed, 44 percent had engaged in binge drinking (the consumption of five or more drinks by men or four or more by women) within a week prior to filling out the questionnaire. However, the study also concludes that although efforts at educational measures - such as those taken here by University officials to dis- tributing literature - should continue, they are not enough. The responsibility of education and the provision of alternative social options does not rest solely with the University, however. Programs such as the Be Responsible About Drinking (B.R.A.D.) campaign which began at Michigan State University after Brad McCue died from alcohol poisoning just after his 21st birth- day are examples of effective community pro-action. Through this program, stu- dents at 34 colleges in 16 states (includ- ing eight colleges in Michigan) receive birthday cards on their 21st birthdays which outline the dangers of irresponsi- ble alcohol consumption. More programs such as this and an king at increase in community action could lead to a rsity is a decline in binge drink- ha ing on college campus- es. n er ie I /I ignored. While campaigns _ and programs can help to remedy this problem, they can only do so much and will never completely end binge drinking. Therefore, it is necessary that institutions such as the University ensure that students feel comfortable contacting police, hospitals and even res- idential advisors for help when students feel that someone else is in danger. The University would also do well to discour- age the Ann Arbor Police Department from distributing MIP's to students. If the possibility of receiving an MIP is less of a threat, students might feel more com- fortable in seeking the outside help that might save someone's life. Finally, the drinking age should be lowered from 21 to 18. Eighteen percent of students over 21 engage in binge drink- ing while 22 percent of students under 21 do. To lower the drinking age would encourage students to consume alcohol in a more responsible way and to not per- ceive its abuse as a rite of passage. 'We go to Tim Horton's to get coffee or the casino until we sober up.' - Natalie Ross, School of Music junior; on her drinking experiences in Canada., Washington, D.C. deserves representation T oday in America, there are more than 560,000 people who pay federal taxes but do not have representation in the United States House or Senate. These people are the inhabitants of the District of Columbia. While District residents currently pay more than $2 billion annu- ally in federal taxes, they have only a sin- gle nonvoting member in the House to represent their interests. District residents deserve true home rule and representa- tion in the federal government. The citi- - zens of Washington, D.C. deserve represen- Taxation tation - something represent needs to change, be it awarding the district fundamen statehood, assigning it a nearby state, a constitu- unfair, ani tional amendment or deserves another yet to be pro- posed solution. resolutior This issue is rapidly coming to a head: Last summer, the "District of Columbia Council," an elect- ed governing body established in the home rule act of 1974, voted to change the official D.C. license plate to read "Taxation without Representation," replacing the old "Celebrate and Discov- er." Eleanor Holmes Norton, the district's nonvoting delegate to Congress, plans on introducing two pieces of legislation in January: One bill to exempt district resi- dents from federal taxes, and another to give her the right to vote on the House floor. In October, the Supreme Court voted to uphold a federal court's decision that, although admitting the "inequity of the situation," decided that the constitu- tion did not give D.C. residents voting rights. And in recent elections, a political party representing the statehood move- ment, the Statehood Green party, has sponsored candidates in local elections. Last Friday, the Stand Up for Democ- racy in D.C. Coalition and the D.C. Democracy 7, a group of activists arrest- ed for protesting D.C.'s disenfranchise- ment in the gallery of the U.S. House of fa id in Representatives, staged a protest outside the Supreme Court to support what they perceive to be a similar situation in Flori- da: Citizens denied basic civil rights. Under the current system, the House and Senate often overturn democratically made decisions in D.C., denying D.C. residents the right to rule themselves. Although the "District of Columbia Council" was created in 1974, this body has been ineffective due to poor organi- zation and its reliance on the House and Senate for a budget. dthot Although most power ition is has been given to this body, the constitution ally gives final administra- tive power to the House and Senate, and in wift recent years House members have shown a penchant for micro- management: After D.C. residents passed a medical mari- juana bill, Republican house members axed funding for the program to institute it, effectively preempting the resident's decisions. The poor organization and political weakness of the Council has led to fur- ther problems: President Clinton signed a law in 1995 giving full control of D.C. finances to the "D.C. Financial Responsi- bility and Management Assistance Authority," or simply the Control Board, until 1999, or the city's budget is bal- anced. This appointed body enjoys wide discretion in controlling D.C. finances, further frustrating citizen's basic right to democratic government. Whatever the solution - statehood, constitutional amendment, true home- rule and House voting rights - the resi- dents of D.C. deserve a speedy remedy to their current situation. While some have qualms about placing the federal govern- ment within a state, or giving a non-state voting rights in the House, taxation with- out representation is fundamentally unfair and deserves swift resolution. 'U' drinking a cause for student concern TO THE DAILY: I must express my concern about the way in which the University plans to deal with the trag- ic death of Engineering sophomore Byung Soo Kim. The University's only solution has been to create more educational programs to inform stu- dents about the dangers of drinking. Students already know the data on the dan- gers of drinking. I went to school here as an undergraduate student, I attended the skits in the dorms and I still went out on my 21st birthday and did shots. From a public health perspective, the University needs to focus on more than just the individual, it needs to focus on the environ- ment of students. Students do not just live on the campus, they live in the city of Ann Arbor, something the University seems to think it has little control over. The University should work with local city officials and local pub and liquor store owners to help make sure that students are drinking responsibly. Local pub owners can make sure that customers are not allowed to drink until they end up in the hospital and many local pubs have such policies already, but rarely enforce them. I doubt that the sole culprit here is that Kim's friends did not understand the danger of doing 20 shots of whisky in 90 minutes. You cannot just jam the message of responsible drinking down students' throats and assume your job is done. You need to work on policies that will improve the environment in which students both study and live. MICHELLE STACER SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH Editorial wronged Scouts' image TO THE DAILY: I feel that I must reply to the Daily editorial on the matter of gay Boy Scout leadersh "Deny discrimination, Boy Scouts not entitled to school access," 11/20/00). The Boy Scouts of America do not have any sort of anti-gay policy whatso- ever. The ruling of the Supreme Court is, in fact, similar to the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy which governs the military. The case that went to the Court dealt with a Scoutmaster who open- ly publicized his sexuality in his role as a mem- ber of the Boy Scouts. This advocacy of his sexuality is not allowed, whether homosexual or heterosexual. A leader's discussion of his sexuality -is not appropriate to the Boy Scouts, and that is why they protested it. The ruling does not allow any sort of exclusion of gay boys, as the Daily indi- cates. The fact that a youth organization does not endorse the discussion of sexuality does not mean that they are discriminatory, but rather that they feel that the topic is not appropriate to their organization. If the BSA had not expelled this leader, that would have been discriminatory against the heterosexual leaders who had, in keeping with the guidelines of the organization, THOMAS KULJuRGIs TENTATIVELY SPEAKING of$1- ou?, CLM LOST . ~ .51~vLfAcT AN IEURK COuc/.: S i CO-o . rry"""h h ih{rte kept their opinions to themselves. I find it troubling that the Daily would; devote the amount of space they did to a topic, without properly representing the question at hand. Not allowing the discussion of any sexual-' ity is a far cry from an anti-gay policy, no mat what the editorial board may think MICHAEL HINDELANG LSA SENIOR Being Al Gore.- WhyI deserve to be President My fellow Americans: It's been two weeks since you went out and voted, the 50-odd percent of you who decided to get up off your over-indulged asses and actually participate in this grand farce that we call Democracy. Two weeks, in a country where attention spans can't handle a commercial break, is almost a lifetime. Two weeks, and no pres- ident. If you thoughtT you've seen the end of x ' slimy politics for at leastt four years, I've got only one thing to say: You ain't seen nothin' yet. Political double-speak has gone from the inane ramblings of "policy" to vague and ultimatelyR empty pleas for "the will of the people." Let's be frank. I Mansh couldn't care less about Rald the will of the people. I don't care what you more, I'm trying to become president. So let's disregard my humanity, or lack thereof. There's more. Let's disregard the fact that my whining and suing and general lack of tact has made the entire office to which I aspire a joke. Let's disregard every foreign nation's laughter at the once-pompous American Gov- ernment, who apparently cannot count ballots. I'm even willing to disregard the fact that, even if I do somehow wile my way into office, I will be approximately as legitimate and respected as Yeltsin was. Indeed, this whole battle for the presidency is less about my desire to help the people, and more about my desire to get those nifty "Commander in Chief' coasters. Continuing on. Let's disregard the fact that I lost. That's unimportant right now, and it won't help me get my promotion from "Powerless Side-Kick" to "Powerless Leader." If need be, I say we disregard Constitutional Law and the Electoral College. I won the popular vote. And one thing we should definitely not disregard is the fact that the Electoral College was set up so that Southern states could count slaves as part tions in this century. instead of blaming my ineptitude on myself, I will instead echo the sentiments of Tom Daschle. This is all Ralph Nader's fault. Had Nader not been in this race,,I would have already won Florida, the election would have been over, and I would be smoking my post-coital cigarette with the not-so-lov@ Tipper. By blaming Nader, I can disregard my own impotency as a candidate, and the fact that I was unable to carry my own home state of Tennessee. Or my main man's home state of Arkansas. If I had been a capable candidate, this whole fiasco would be over with. But I'm not. Disregard that. We'll disregard everything. Disregard all those pesky "issues" like 14-year old Palestin- ian boys being shot in the face to protect A' ican markets abroad. We'll disregard those annoying "concerns" about my incredibly Republican-esque record on environmental issues, including the Tellico Dam issue, Cham- pion Paper water pollution, and the relaxed emissions standards on ARCO, Chevron and Exxon. We'll disregard the nuisances of the