4A - The Michigan Daily - Thursday, November 9, 2000

-he mitrbig anwtgil

Go absolutely mad with your own Daily column


420 Maynard Street
Ann Arbor, MI 48109
daily.letters@umich.edu
Edited and managed by
students at the
university of Michigarn

MIKE SPAHN
Editor in Chief
EMILY ACHENBAUM
Editorial Page Editor

Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of the majority of
the Daily's editorial board. All other articles, letters and cartoons do not
necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily.

A friend of mine always complains
about being excruciatingly bored in
his Thursday afternoon women's studies
lecture, and I feel his pain.
He tries to keep himself entertained by
doing the Daily's crossword puzzle, but it's
usually not enough to
last the whole hour
and a half. Worse yet,
even a regular trip to
Unsung Ann Arbor
isn't enough to keep
this guy from staring
at the clock, rolling
his eyes and cursing
quite audibly.
This young man,
who's probably read-
ing this in class right C
now, needs something Chris
to do - and in a bad Kula
way. So, for one day
only, I'm slashing
prices and taking the Ann Arbor
column to an interac-
tive level that hasn't been fully explored
since our childhood. That's right, I'm talk-
ing about the Mad Lib.
You remember the game: Fill in the
blanks as indicated, creating your own
story - or, in this case, your own Daily
column. For liberal arts majors, it's a
chance to flex that creative mind, and for
engineers, it's a chance to beef up the part
of the brain that produces sentences like,
"EECS project due night, so work long
me."
And who knows? If you send in a really
mad Mad Lib to dailv.lettersQumich.edu,

your work may just end up on the Daily
Editorial page.
So have fun, and be sure to use a lot of
(noun).
By a Landslide
So how about those elections on Tues-
day? I was floored when NBC announced
that -(person) had actually won by
surprise write-in vote. In fact, I nearly
choked on my (food item). Who
would have thought that the most _
(adjective) man in the world would have
come not from a background of politics
but one of _ (occupation)? I mean,
does ___ (-ing verb) have anything to
do with running the nation? Apparently the
American public thought so, because they
elected (same person) faster
than you can say " _ " (knock your-
self out with this one). I guess that means
we can expect a (adjective) four
years of endless _ _ (activity) and
(another activity).
Frat Party Fun
My friend _ (person) and I went
to a fraternity party last weekend, and I
couldn't help but notice all of the
(adjective) girls who were in the house. I
mean, these ladies weren't your average
college girls: They were absolutely
(adjective)! There was one in par-
ticular that caught my-_______(body
part). She was wearing a tight _______
(color) T-shirt that read, ___
(phrase). As ___ (song title) played

over the stereo, I (-ed verb) up to
her and asked if she wanted a sip of my
_______-(beverage). She shook her
(body part) and said, "No, I pre-
fer " (noun)- So we did _
(noun) right there on the dance floor. Let
me just tell you, the last time I (
ed verb) with that much (noun), I
woke up next to a _______ (adjective)
_ -(noun) in (place).
See. it's not hard to write your very
own Daily column. Pop culture reference
here, absurdity there, mix in some nonsen-
sical wordplay and you're money. Here's a
final Mad Lib that might serve you very
well as readers.

I
U

The Letter to the Editor
Dear Editors,

Relations board rightly allows GSI unions

In a move that has left many private col-
leges and universities nervous, the
National Labor Relations Board
(NLRB) has ruled that research and
teaching assistants at New York Uni-
versity may form their own union.
While NYU's graduate students have
not yet officially organized, this is a
major step in reforming how universi-
ties treat their student employees. The
NLRB's decision to allow graduate
students at private universities to
unionize is a boon to faculty and stu-
dents - both undergraduate and grad-
uate, because it ensures that providers
of education have the same rights as
other workers and keeps the system in
check. Research and teaching assis-
tants with the ability to organize col-
lectively have more power in
addressing grievances or pay inade-
quacies.
Most graduate students have a
heavy workload that comes from
being both a student and an employee
at their university. Class work alone is
too much for many students. Teaching
40 or 50 students, as well as trying to
secure a job or conduct research on
top of it is even more pressure.
In the Winter 1998 term, the Uni-
versity of Michigan's own Graduate
Employees Organization went on
strike for what many perceived as
insufficient compensation for their
dedicated services. Likewise, graduate
student instructors (GSI's) at private
universities should have an identical
right to bargain collectively.

Tuition costs are high, thus forcing
many graduate students to either teach
or work an extra job to cover the
increasing cost of graduate school.
While it is true that GSI's are still stu-
dents of their respective universities, it
is hypocritical to treat them as stu-
dents while trying to negotiate con-
tracts. It is even worse to stiff the
graduate students for all of their hard
work in keeping universities running
smoothly.
Private universities are encourag-
ing NYU to fight the ruling by refus-
ing to deal with any union and
fighting the NLRB through the legal
system. However, this encouragement
to go against the ruling of mediators
is not only disrespectful to the ruling
of the NLRB, it also shows an intense
contempt for graduate student
instructors. If universities resfpected
their graduate studentstaf , they
would try to negotiate fair contracts,
rather than treating them as washed
up athletes past their prime.
Because of the high number of stu-
dents and lack of professors, GSI's are
playing a very important role in uni-
versity affairs nationwide. Rather than
deny these workers a right to organize
against low wages or undesirable aca-
demic environments, private universi-
ties should definitely reconsider their
stance toward dealing with GSI's fair-
ly and as a whole. This right is extend-
ed to workers in most other
occupations and graduate students
should be no exception.

I was appalled and offended by the last
column from - (Daily columnist).
His/her remark about-------(racial
group, religious group, student group, etc)
was based in pure ignorance. For him/her
to think that all members of
(same group) can be classified as
(adjective) and--------(adjective) is a
demonstration of (mental afflic-
tion). He/She should--------(verb)
before he/she (verb).
(student's name)
(program, year)
- Chris Kula can be reached via e-
mail at ckula jumich.edu and he ain't got
no more blanks tofill.

I
I

'I would vote for Bush because he looks like he'd be
more fun on my bowling team.'
- Libertarian Party member Richard Clark commenting on who he
would have voted for in a two-man presidential race.

Executive decision
National moratorinum on death penalty needed

D efenders of capital punishment argue
that it is the best method by which
society can protect itself from its most
despicable criminals; the death penalty,
they say, insures that grisly murderers
and treasonous slime will never break the
law again. Additional arguments include
that capital punishment is the only pun-
ishment that truly fits the crime (i.e. that
-victims get retribution) and that it makes
would-be offenders think twice before
committing similar acts.
All of these arguments are flawed.
-Therefore, the next president should end
Mthis unjust practice by declaring a
national moratorium on capital punish-
ment.
While ending a person's life guaran-
tees that he or she will not be contribut-
ing to crime statistics in the future,
executions do not deter crime on the
whole; for proof, one needs not look
further than the state of Texas, where
more people are put to death each year
than anywhere else in the country. In
1997, the average murder rate in states
without the death penalty was 3.5 per
100,000 residents; in Texas, the rate was
nearly twice that at 6.8 per 100,000 resi-
dents.
What supporters of capital punish-
ment fail to recognize is that most mur-
ders are not carefully calculated acts;
rather, they are crimes of passion,
impulse or rage, often the results of
alcohol/drug-induced violence or mental
illness. People who would commit
crimes as heinous as murder are usually
in no condition to consider the conse-
quences.
Besides being ineffective in the
deterrence of crime, the implementation
of capital punishment is far from fair.
Death row inmates are, with very few

exceptions, poor - and not because
there are no rich murderers, spies, or
traitors. Poor defendants simply cannot
afford to hire teams of brilliant lawyers
and find expert witnesses to help reduce
their sentences or, in some cases, clear
their names entirely. Instead, the poor
must make do with the counsel provided
by the state.
Perhaps the greatest flaw in the capi-
tal punishment system is the potential
for executing innocent people. Techno-
logical breakthroughs such as DNA fin-
gerprinting have exonerated more than
80 people since 1973, the conclusive
evidence sometimes surfacing just hours
before they were scheduled to be exe-
cuted. Many of these innocents spent
years in prison for crimes they did not
commit. The number of inmates
released from death row each year due
to DNA evidence is also rising; how can
we be sure that the next person put to
death is, in fact, guilty?
The presidential elect should call for
a national moratorium outlawing the
death penalty. Such a measure was
enacted on the state level in Illinois and
has served to alleviate the many prob-
lems associated with this unjust form of
punishment there.
Capital punishment is nothing more
than a grand societal cop-out. Instead of
addressing the root of the problem, try-
ing to understand what drives people to
commit such crimes in the first place,
then attempting to remedy it, our leaders
have opted for a simpler solution. Crime
will not go away with the mere flip of a
switch; it is a deeper social malady that
needs to be dealt with carefully. Capital
punishment is not the answer and our
fture president should call for its abol-
ishment.

Nader voters to
blame for Bush's win
in contested states
TO THE DAILY:
I truly hope that all of our die-hard Nader
supporters are now proud of themselves. While
I believe that their cause was very honorable,
the Nader vote in Florida has probably given us
a president in George W Bush rather than Al
Gore. As many of you have already heard.
Houston is the smoggiest city in the United
States, but looking at George Bush's environ-
mental plans, could you truly believe that there
is no difference between the two candidates?
How can we trust a man who governs a
state where high school athletes in Houston
experienced respiratory problems during a day
of awful smog and parents have to demand that
strenuous activity be stopped when the smog
descends upon the city? Does this man even
care about the actual people who live in Texas,
who suffer with the most greenhouse emis-
sions, the most pollution released by manufac-
turing plants and the most industrial plants in
violation of the Clean Air Act in the country?
While you may not have been the ones who
cast the deciding votes in Florida, you caused a
man to win, who will end the "government
control" over companies, and will allow busi-
ness to regulate their own emissions and toxic
products. And I'm sure you're all happy that
you supported Ralph Nader steadfastly; but as
environmental regulations get dropped and oil
companies are given drilling rights in our
National Wildlife refuges, I hope you all stand
by your decision to vote for Nader, since these
new developments will fall squarely on your
heads!
STEPHEN GOETZ
SCHOOL OF MUSIC SOPHOMORE
University wasting
money on N. Campus
TO THE DAILY:
I am writing to make your readers aware of
how the University is wasting money on North
Campus. The University has recently started
laying down an addition to a sidewalk near the
Dow Building. There was no reason (or at least
no justifiable reason) for this addition. Access
wasn't the issue since there was a sidewalk
leading to the same building location. Students
will have been insulted twice: Once for all the
thousands of dollars the new sidewalk costs as
well as the muddy eyesore those on North
Campus will be subjected all winter. Remem-
ber this when the University tells you they need
to increase your tuition or tells you that you
have to pay more for parking. What a waste!
DARRYL TAYLOR
RACKHAM
Gore's loss his own
fault, not Nader's
TO THE DAILY:
By the time I finish writing this, George W.

(according to Daily statistics) 46,876,476 Bush
voters want to be led back to an age of trickle-
down economics and neanderthal social poli-
cies, well, they've found their man.
Me, I'm hoping my friends and family will
visit me when I flee to Canada.
ROBERT J. WARD
RC SENIOR
UHS experience
positive and pleasant
TO THE DAILY:
I was surprised to read the Daily's article
"Students wary of UHS diagnoses" on Nov. 7.
The comments shed a negative light on the
Health Service, but both visits I have made to
UHS this term have resulted in extremely posi-
tive experiences.
Each UHS employee I encountered was
pleasant and helpful. The appointment desk
quickly scheduled me for an appointment at a
convenient day and time. The lab nurse
engaged me in delightful conversation about
her trip to London while she worked more effi-
ciently and painlessly than any nurse I'd visited
elsewhere. When I picked up my prescription,
the pharmacist took the time to make sure I
understood the medication application instruc-
tions and even offered his own advice on the
most effective ways to administer the dosage.
The most impressive aspect of my visit to
UHS was the time I spent in Dr. Rachel Perl-
man's office during my scheduled appointment
time. Dr. Perlman listened and talked with me
attentively before we decided together what
treatment steps to take. She took every oppor-
tunity to understand my situation completely
and inform me of possible resolutions. I left
her office feeling confident and in a generally
great mood, stopping on the way out to sched-
ule a check-up appointment for the following
month.
It was disconcerting to read the stories in
the Daily's article. But misdiagnoses take place
at all health care providing institutions. I for
one have yet to experience such overwhelming-
ly positive service anywhere outside UHS.
ELLY WHEE
LSA FIRST-YEAR STUDENT
An excruciatingly bad
experience at UHS
TO THE DAILY:
First of all, I'd like to say thank you for the
article regarding University Health Service.
("Students wary of UHS diagnoses," 11/7/00)

After reading the article, I was surprised
that there were other people like me. Last year,
when I ripped one third of my left pectoralis
major off the bone, I went to the hospital, then
to UHS. The UHS Doctors and Physical Thera-
pists, said, "Don't worry, just a pull. You'll be
fine." I was given a long rubber rope and told to
do various exercises to "Build the muscle back
up.
Upon going home to my own orthopedic
surgeon over winter break, he was shocked by
their diagnosis. He told me that the part of the
muscle that had ripped was split down the mid-
dle. There is no physical way to just "build it
up." I was unable to raise my arm above my
shoulder and had a huge purple discoloration of
the region. All the hospital gave me was a mas-
sive pain killer, muscle relaxer and anti-swelling
medicine. All UHS gave me was a rubber yel-
low rope. I missed several days of class because
of the medication, and stood in front of my mir-
ror in excruciating pain fidgeting with a damn
rubber rope. I required an extensive surgery to
fix it. Their misdiagnosis cost me valuable class
time and excruciating pain for many weeks.
So I just wanted to say thanks to the Michi-
gan Daily for exposing UHS's medical mal-
practices. Although my initial misdiagnosis
came from the emergency room, you would
think that UHS would catch their error, rather
then contributing to it. I know they serve a huge
number of people, but they should also take
their job more seriously.

OSAMA E. SHWAYHAT
LSA JUNIOR

Errors about ,ecstasy
in Nectarine story
TO THE DAILY:
News writer David Enders made a couple
mistakes in his article on Nov. 2nd about the
drug bust at the Nectarine. ("Club Cited for
Drug Sales") First, he said that ecstasy is "A
designer drug hybrid of mescaline and amphet-
amine, ecstasy is known chemically as
MDMA." This is not correct. It is a chemical
completely different from mescaline and
amphetamine, known as 3,4 Methylene-
dioxymethamphetamine. It belongs to a family
of drugs called "entactogens," which literally
means "touching within." Enders also said that
"Some European countries used ecstasy in psy-
chotherapy cases until being banned in 1986"
This wasn't happening just in Europe, but in
the United States as well. Actually, studies are
currently underway in Spain and Israel assess-
ing MDMA's effectiveness in the treatment of
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

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DANCESAFE DETROIT

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