4A - The Michigan Daily - Thursday, November 2, 2000
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President Kula: "My fellow Americans, I'll rock your world"
420 Maynard Street
Ann Arbor, MI 48109 MIKE SPAHN
daily.letters@umich.edu Editor in Chief
Edited and managed by EMILY ACHENBAUM
students at theEdtraPgedio
University of Michigan Editorial Page Editor
Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of the majority of
the Daily's editorial board. All other articles, letters and cartoons do not
necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily.
J was always told as a child that "If you
want the job done right, you have to do
it yourself." That being sazid, I'd like to
announce my candidacy for the office of
president of the United States of Ameri-
ca.
I may not have
received any quote-
unquote "nomina-
tions" and I knowr
that I possess no
"political experi-
ence." I'm aware that
I'm not even "regis-
tered to vote." But
when I think of the
leadership my oppo-
nents are offering, I
am left longing for Chris
me.
And so I offer up Kula
to you my executive
services for the next U
four years. The elitist Ann Arbor
politicos out there
will scoff at me, pointing to their antiquat-
ed precedents: "But Kula, the Constitution
says that you can't run for office!" That's
the same thing the British tbold George
Washington, and he went on to become the
quarter.
My opponents have given me little
regard in their campaigns, as if I were not
a viable voting option. They've spent
months and months extolling the impor-
tance of their platforms, but standing just
about six feet with no shoes oM. I'm proud
to say that I do not need platforms. Chris
Kula the candidate is naturally tall.
They have attempted to stir public
interest in announcing their highly visible
running mates, while I quietly picked for
my vice-presidential counterpart the fic-
tional character of Lando Calrissian. They
laughed at the idea of a figure from the
Star Wars universe serving as my second-
in-command, but what they don't know is
that Lando has recently made a deal to
keep the Empire out of America for a long
time.
My opponents like to discuss the
issues, but I like to discuss how they have
issues. In my 21 years as an American citi-
zen, I have executed only one man - and
that was in Reno, and it was just to watch
him die. I have been vocal in my support
of conserving the natural resources of not
only the Earth, but also the Wind and the
Fire.
They go on and on about how they'll
supply drugs for senior citizens, but what
they're not telling you is that they can only
provide prescription medication - I will
get you the hard shit. Uncut cocaine? Yes.
Heroin? You've got it. Angel dust? I won't
ask questions. If you've got the money,
I've got the stuff, the kind of stuff that will
have you asking God for proper directions
back to your soul.
Kids come up to me all the time and
ask, "What's your position on education?"
Most of the time I find myself on top of
education, straddling it with my legs, but
that's not important right now. Especially
not with a debate raging over education
vouchers. I can't imagine a candidate who
wouldn't vouch for the benefit of an edu-
cation, and I certainly count myself as one
of these vouchers.
But what separates me from my oppo-
nents is the fact that I believe we must
evolve the standard classroom setting into
one in which the superior students are
moved to the head of the class, if you will,
and are given the chance to fill certain
stereotypical roles - the tough guy, the
nerd, the red-haired girl named Simone -
and learn valuable lessons from their ex-
hippie teacher.
I know that my opponents may question
my past achievements, but I believe my
record speaks for itself. It's available at all
Harmony House outlets for $12.99, a 12-
inch remix of Rick James' "Super Freak,"
and it's currently packing the dance floors
at parties in the Detroit/Windsor area. Ask
yourself this: Have any of my opponents
even attempted to break into the electronic
music scene? The answer is a throbbing,
bass-heavy "No."
When you go into that voting booth
next Tuesday, I want you to remember the
name Chris Kula. And you will really need
to remember the name, because it will not
appear on any of the ballots, and if you
forget the name, you will not be able to
write it in the place where the name goes.
My opponents will tell you that, in voting
for me, you're throwing your vote in the
garbage. To that I respond: Go ahead,
throw away your vote, because a vote for
trash is a vote for Kula.
- Chris Kula can be reached via e-
mail at ckula@umich.edu.
Experience, issues make Gore best choice
V ice-President Al Gore, Texas Gov.
George W. Bush and Ralph Nader:
These men are applying to the
American people for a job. Decisions
;made by thePresident of the United
States will not only touch each and
'every one of our lives, but the lives of
citizens in other nations. Only one of
these men is qualified to be the leader+
1f the most powerful country in the
world: Al Gore.
The making of a president
Ideas alone do not make a leader.
They are a significant component, but
ideas can not go far if they are not
implemented. What sets Gore apart
from his opponents is dominance in
both the areas of leadership skills and
the quality of his platform.
Gore's experience in Washington is
second to none, and the mastery he has
shown of both foreign and domestic
golicy prove that he is best suited to
lead the nation for the next four years.
' The country is an excellent shape,
"which is not to say there is no room for
improvement. But unemployment is
low and the economy is
riding high. Gore,by ,
being the most active re S c(
and effective vice presi-
4ent in recent memory of experi
has positioned himself to
continue prosperity, mastery
i pm rove the economy
and protect the progress and dom
that has been made since
the days of Republican poicy me
'dominated White Houses
erded. the bst
But Gore's qualifica-
tions do not end with president
experience. His positions
,on key issues facing this nation make
him the hands-down choice to lead.
Environment
Gore also has an excellent record
on environmental issues. He has
helped raise awareness on the prob-
lems of global warming and is com-
mitted to saving nature preserves. The
next president will need to quickly pre-
serve environmental resources, espe-
cially as urban sprawl and excessive
consumption plague the country.
Gore's openness to new and different
fuel sources also sets him apart -
reliance on fossil fuels, particularly
foreign oil, must be reduced, and Gore
is ready and willing to do so.
No, he's not perfect
Of course, Gore's support for the
death penalty, school vouchers and his
tendency to exaggerate are less than
desirable. But there has never been a
perfect president and this election,
regardless of the outcome, is no excep-
tion. But there is a difference between
"perfect" and dependable. Gore can be
trusted with the responsibility of lead-
ing the United States.
Ralph Nader
Nader is a quality
2mbination candidate and his
stances on the death
ence and penalty and the drug
war are better than
offoreign Gore's, , but he
doesn't have the
estic experience or know-
how that Gore pos-
3ke himsesses.
Judging from the
choce for number of voters
backing Nader's
t. candidacy, there can
be no denying that
many of the issues he brings into the
campaign are important - he has
done a service to American democra-
cy. Nader's staunch pro-labor stances,
such as his opposition to trade agree-
ments such as NAFTA and GATT, his
criticism of the World Trade Organiza-
tion and the International Monetary
Fund and his attacks against laws that
make it difficult for workers to orga-
nize have the potential to spark a need-
ed national debate. Furthermore,
Nader's life-long commitment to pub-
lic service watcdo lends credibility
to his campaign. Third party candi-
dates have been shut out of the politi-
cal process for too long, and the best
way to ensure an equal play ingfield
for future elections is to imp ement
campaign finance reform and to do
away with the flawed means of decid-
ing who can participate in presidential
debates.
Ideas are only part of being presi-
dent - the tools to implement them
are crucial. Gore knows how the sys-
tem works.
Gov. George W. Bush
Bush as president would surely
send the country reeling backwards.
His record in Texas on issues such as
education, the environment, the crimi-
nal justice system and women's rights
- just to name a few - is abom-
inable. His short and dismal resume
falls far short of qualifyin him for the
highest office in the lan . He should
not have governing authority over the
state of Texas, much less the country.
Gore will maintain our economic
prosperity. He will protect and expand
civil rights, support meaningful action
campaign finance reform and promote
high standards for education and the
environment. Vote Vice-President Al
Gore for President.
'Obviously the food industry Is not regulated enough to
make sure that our food remains safe.'
- SNRE senior Elizabeth Hamilton in Battle Creek yesterday protesting
Kellogg'sfood company for their use ofgenetically modified foods.
I
6
Civil rights
Vital issues will confront the new
president in January: Hate crimes leg-
islation must be addressed and a feder-
al attempt to end racial profiling must
be pursued. Gore supports both of
these initiatives. Civil rights should not
stp their anti-discrimination benefits
- race and gender issues. Civil unions
are a long overdue right that the homo-
.exual community has been denied,
asd the benefits afforded to married
heterosexual couples must be offered
to homosexual couples as well.
Gore has also been the only major
.party candidate to specifically endorse
affirmative action, pledging to do
everything he can to ensure the policy
continues to diversify the workplace
and the classroom.
Supreme Court
The next president will probably be
in the position to appoint two to four
Supreme Court justices. Fundamental
issues facing the United States will
hang in the balance - and the deci-
9 sions made by that body will impact
our nation for decades to come.
Regardless of whether liberal or con-
servative justices leave the Court,
nominating justices for life is one of
the most important powers held by the
president. Gore will find justices who
protect the Constitution and support
personal freedom at every turn.
Abortion
New justices on the Court could
also have the power to overturn Roe v.
Wade and thus ending a woman's right
to choose. Government does not have
the right to intrude upon or govern a
woman's body, and by electing Gore,
that value surely will be maintained.
1'iii 11
Flyers do not agree
with Scott
To THE DAILY:
I have recently been contacted by members
of the University community inquiring about
the origin of the "Do You Agree With Scott?"
fliers now everywhere on campus. It seems
many individuals have assumed that my cam-
paign for the University Board of Regents is
responsible. The Trudeau for Regent campaign
and the Student Greens have nothing to do
with these fliers, though we are curious to see
who is behind this publicity stunt. I would also
like to note that the Trudeau for Regnt Com-
mittee has assets of zero dollars. We cannot
afford to print ten fliers, let alone the tiousands
printed in this gross misuse of resources for the
purpose of publicity.
ScoTT 1RUDEAU
GREEN PARTY CANDIDATE FOR REGENT
Time to take suicide
prevention seriouIsly
To THE DAILY:
I would like to thank the Daily editorial
board for taking a proactive step in addressing
the serious issue of suicide ("A word on sui-
cide: Problem needs more attention from all"
10/27/00). By publicly recognizing this
neglected public health concern, the media
holds the power to help break the sileince and
stigma surrounding issues of mental hehh and
illness.
According to the U.S. Surgeon General,
more Americans die of suicide each year than
from homicide. Yet how many of us realize that
for every two homicides that occur across the
nation, three suicides are committed? While
homicide rates capture national attention, we
remain unaware or unwilling to addivss the
significant impact of suicide and other mental
health issues.
The leading cause of suicide is untreated
depression. College students face increased
risk because they are at a stage of life when
they may encounter their first bout with depres-
sion, stressful lifestyle changes and a separa-
tion from previous forms of supiport.
Unfortunately, more than half of individuals
dealing with clinical depression do not seek
help for this very treatable condition.
It is time to educate each other and our-
selves on mental health issues so that we can
decrease unnecessary suffering. Let us fillow
the leads of Dr. David Satcher and Tipper Gore
who issued The Surgeon General's Call to
Action to Prevent Suicide in July of 1999.
Please do not wait until you lose someone you
love to care about suicide prevention.
NATASHA VEREAGE
SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH
supposed to go to class, if there's no place for
us to park? My options are: To walk 15 min-
utes to a bus stop; wait ten minutes for the first
bus, which will be so full that nobody can get
on it; wait another five minutes for the second
bus, then have a ten minute ride to North Cam-
pus. Total transit time of 40 minutes to get to a
place less than two miles away. Or I could drive
my car up there - a trip of five minutes - and
then try and find a parking spot for 25 minutes
(which happened today, might I add), and then,
already hopelessly late for class, drive back to
my house.
Ideally, nobody would have to deal with
either of these situations. We, the upperclass-
men students of Central Campus, would be
able to drive our cars to North Campus, find a
convenient parking spot, feed the meter and
then get on our merry way to the classes we
pay S 10,000 a year for. But no, we're stuck cir-
cling the lot like vultures, hoping for another
student-to leave.
My question is this: Since Parking Services
is a department run by the University, why is it
that assisting the students (the little people who
are here to learn and who, essentially, pay the
salaries of all of the staff, researchers, parking
attendants and everyone else at the University)
comes in the form of making them skip class
because there's no parking? I just don't under-
stand how this is Parking "Service."
JONATHAN JANEGO
LSA JUNIOR
Votes-per-campaign-
dollar performance
TO THE DAILY:
I think we should propose a votes-per-
campaign-dollar performance measure for
presidential candidates to evaluate the effi-
ciency of their campaign, and their real pop-
ularity. I am proposing that instead of just
simply counting the votes for each candi-
date, we should calculate the number of dol-
lars per vote each candidate has spent
campaigning. So what this measure indicates
is the number of votes per candidate given
equal funding - hence equal exposure to
the public.
I believe if you have a lot of issues and con-
cerns that attract the public you don't need to
spend a lot, just enough to reach them. If you
don't have such attractive issues, you have to
buy a lot of airtime to remind people again and
again that you are running for the office and
how you are different from your opponents.
Hence I think the votes-per-dollar performance
measure I am proposing makes a lot of sense
as a factor in determining success or failure for
the candidates.
I know this might sound really nerdy, but
believe me this type of approach is a very com-
mon way to evaluate the success of a lot of
economic and social programs. So why not
measure the success of each candidate in that
way too? I mean, at least you can use that as a
test to measure the efficiency of all the candi-
dates.
Let's even forget about the content and the
issues each candidate brings up for a second
and only think in these nerdy engineering
terms. If we do, Green Party presidential candi-
dates Ralph Nader and Wynona Laduke will
prevail as the most stunning fact of this presi-
dential election. Then you will find yourself
thinking, "maybe it is the candidates of the two
major parties who are stealing other candi-
dates' votes through a corrupted money-driven
political structure."
TARA JAVIDI
RACKHAM
MSA candidate
loses vote by
'resume buildings
TO THE DAILY:
I have to say that I was thoroughly outraged
at what Scott Zitrick, Blue Party candidate for
Michigan Student Assembly (MSA), had to
say in the Oct. 31 issue of the Daily. Saying
that he wants to become an MSA rep because,
"I just want the position. . . it is a great resume
builder," and because "it gives me a little power
to make important decisions" is not the right
attitude candidates should have. Zitrick and the
Blue Party ought to be ashamed.
MSA is an organization committed (ide-
ally) to representing the students of this fine
institution. However, when groups like the
Blue Party run candidates with primarily
selfish motives, it is not representing the best
interests of students. One has to wonder if
the entire Blue Party slate is filled with peo-
ple like Zitrick; and one therefore has to
consider the costs of electing people such as
this. Do we really want a student government
full of "resume builders?"
Now, I am not an avid follower of cam-
pus politics and I was not even going to vote
this fall in MSA elections, but now I have an
incentive. I'm not sure who I'm going to
vote for yet, but I can assure you that I am
not going to waste a single vote of mine on
Scott Zitrick or the Blue Party.
ANDREW MOORE
ENGINEERING JUNIOR
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students from class
TO THE DAILY:
Right now, I should be in class. In fact, I