Wednesday, September 6, 2000 - The Michigan Daily - New Student Edition - 7D
A side from the first tine you wake up in a pool of your own vomit,
meetang your freshman roommate can be one of the most exciting
moments you'll experience in college.
Or at least that's what they like you to believe.
In reality, that first meeting is usually something of a letdown for most
people - unless, that is, you're a big fan of awkward silences, in which
case you'll be having the time of your life. So many incoming freshman get
brainwashed by the television/film industry into believing that their room-
mate will become their best friend during college, best man/maid of honor
at their wedding and godparent to their first born.
Excuse me while I laugh like Dr. Julius Itibbert: A hee hee heee. Okay,
let us continue.
In most cases, new roommates find that they have a couple of things in
common ("Hey, I like Dave Matthews, too! Wow, who would've thought?"),
but not enough upon which to build a solid Zack-Slater relationship. They
end up living in mutual indifference: "I do my thing, they do theirs." Which
iscauch better, of course, than living as mortal enemies - and this happens
anore often than' you'd think. Just throw together any small-town jock and a
flamboyant musical theater majot in the same room for a year and you have
the surreal setting of a David Lynch film.
Sometimes, in fact, roommates seem so grotesquely mismatched that you
can't help but wonder if University Housing officials sit in their office with
the dorm applications of incoming students laid out like Dungeons and
Dragons game cards, purposely mismaatchinga abilities..
Official A: Okay. I've got Michael the B-School Warrior: He's got a 8
rating in cleanliness. a 9 in work ethic and he requires 8.5 hours a sleep per
Official B: Perfect! I'll match him against Seth the SNRE Wizard. With
his perfect 10's in pot-smoking stamina and patchouli stench, he'll be more
than a match for the warrior."
And so on and so on.
And it's not like one gender is mnore prone to bad roommate relationships
than the other: Anyone can get put in a bad match, and there's no helping
that. It seems to me, though, that young ladies just make more of a big deal
about their incompatibilities thata the gentlemen do. Simply stated, guys
jast don't rive a shit:
' Actually. let me clarify that: Guys just don't give a shit about their shit.
With the definite exception of his boxers. there are probably but a few pos-
srssions.that the avera"ge freshman guy would hold so dear to him that,
should his roommate ever touch them he would throw a belligcrent
tantrum. A shrug, usually, or a simple "Hr. mat, don t mess with mcy
stuff," but ver, very rarely the mllbarrassina tirade.
When it comes to girl-on-girl action, though, all bets are off.
First off, there's a much greater likelihood of a female disrespecting her
tootmate s propertv brcaus, l .r therv lust s0 cuch of it. I hate to
stereotvyie, but at's qute a nevat feat to stroll tharough a girl's moan without
mistakenly knocking over one of ter many bottles of ultra-trendy, brightly
colored, flavor-of-the-moment nail polish. And once Peachy Glow is out of
its regular place - watch out! (And you thought Kathy Bates was obses-
sive compulsive about her little figurines in "Misery.")
Chances are, though, that the young lady who feels a great injustice has
been perpetrated against her won't actually speak up about it. Rather, she
will complain, but only to her friends outside the room and only in a slight-
ed; Rodney Dangerfield "No respect!" tone of voice. Her roommate, on the
other hand, will only hear the sound of' silence, and I'm not talking Art
And, yes, it will be an uncomfortable silence and, ves, both parties will
be quite. aware of it. And, yes. it won't accomplish a damn thing and, yes,
.it's funny as hell to witness.
Mark ity words, some of you fair lasses WILL experience this treatment
firsthand. I kvish there was some wan around this imminent evil, but like
death and taxes. the freshman airl silence svndrome is one of those aspects
of life that is a flat-out certaintv. Kind of like a squint on Luke Perry.
And since there are plenty more quirky thitags you'll need to learn about
college life in the rapcominag year. I encourage you to take the weekly trip to
Unsung Ann Arbor and to let tae be vour own personal Fred Rogers.
Now wont you be my neighbor?
Dail atrts editor Chris Kula can he reached at akat ata/umich.edtt. //ts
Utanttat n Abo t olumn ajeartt aeartat h in t/e Daa/ I itorial page.
CHOOE LIFE. CHOOSE MONEY. CHOOSE A JOB.
Continued from Page 6D
sort of scouring flc schools for talent and I was in
the right place at the right time.
"I never got a moviecade at Dist ". I'n factI
only wrote one script, but while I was in the down-
time after I turned in a draft, I did a project over at
Fox. It was an old novel that had bounced around
from studio to studio called 'Nothing Lasts Forever.'
Nobody had been able to crack it because it was
about a 65-year-old rtan, who goes to Los Angeles
to visit his daughter and the building is taken over
by terrorists and at the end he's responsible for drop-
ping his daughter off this 60-story building," Stuart
"I kind of revamped that and made it more about
a guy trying to get back in the good graces of his
wife. That became "Die Hard" and that was att sec-
ond script. And then from 'Die Hard' on it was a lit-
tle bit different. Again, it was kind of an unusual
situation in that it was really, seriously the second
professional script (I wrote)," Stuart said.
"I never wrote an action movie before Die Hard.'
'Switchback' is really a suspense thriller. I like sus-
pense an awful lot, I love Hitchcock, I love De
Palma and people like that," Stuart said. His resume
includes mostly suspense and action thrillers, mak-
ing him a successful specialist in a tough genre.
When asked if he felt his extensive action credits list
limited him, Stuart admitted that they did, somewhat
- and that isn't a problem for him.
"I do think I've been pigeonholed but it's one I
kind of gladly go to. It's not to say I don't love
screwball comedies. I'm not duane sure I would real-
ly be a good writer for that," Stuart said.
"I don't really do as much action as i used to.
Those movies are driven by forces that are 'reater
than a great screenplay sometimes. It's a money
game. You happen to get Tom Cruise or you happen
to get Mel Gibson or Bruce Willis for a picture and
hopefully you've got a script. And if you don't it can
be a nightmare."
Many of Stuart's screenplays have been used as
vehicles for big-budget stars like Willis and Harri-
son Ford. Working with such demanding talent can
constrain the development of a movie's stor, Stuart
"That was the case on 'The F gitivc.' Hopefirlly.
if you're lucky, you work with someone like Har'I
son who has'great feelings tt lcharacter and for the
Bruce Willis is locked and loaded as John McClane in "Die Hard," a film penned by screenwriter Jeb Stuart
story. Almost every great actor or big star has good (Babyface), so it's about the music industry. It
feelings for the character. But you have to wear the another thriller but it's got a female protagonist
other hat, which is make sure the story doesn't get She's this rock star who's more like Bruce Spring
completely lost., steen than Garth Brooks"
Stuart took on three roles for "Switchback," Otas "The amb" will feature Brooks in his recetlys
which he was not only writer but producer and unveiled Chris Gaines persona. "What Garth was
director as well. "I love wearing all the hats," he trying to do was set up the sort of history for this
said. "It makes it easy in some respects and at the star. It's a pretty bold approach. The problem is it's a
same time if stO like working With other people you matter of timing. You can put out an album qaLte
sometimes miss that great input of somebody from quickly. It's very hard to make a movie quickly
the outside that you really respect who wants to see Stuart said.
it maybe in a different way." "I think its on the right track and it should besety
Since the release of "Switchback," Stuart has interesting once it gets going. He's got lots of tie-ins
been slightly under the Hollywood radar. "I've done with MTV to bring people like Springsteen in and the
a couple of thinags, written a couple of scripts," he Stones and people like that to talk about Chris Gaines
said. "I'm finishing up a project for Castle Rock in a past tense situation, jLstto sort of set up this ficti-
called 'The September Alternate,' which is a thriller tious historn into which we plop down the heroine:'
basedr tat Wsashington D.C. It's a lot like 'Seven I)as he said. "It's been a really fascinating project, mainly
in Ma.' It's about an attempted coup on the govern- because 've gotten to spend some time on the road
ment under the guise of a terrorist attack. The other with groups and talk to and interview a lot of record
is an original for Paramount called The Lamb.' The people. The music business is very different from the
producrs are Garth Brooks and Kenneth Idmonds movie business. It's always furt to visit other thin:as"
union is your
Saway from home
On central campus for arts, entertainment,
special events, and social activities.
Faculty lecture luncheon series
Grad Fair - Poetry Slam
Check out our web site and online calendar
www.umich.edu/-mupb or call 763-3202
Swing and Latin dance
Great Unn study breaks and mod
Like to work with your HANDS?
o Interested attedin WORKSHOPS
Have a class or personal PROJECT
0'Need access to w l-e u ed
WOODWO G FACILITIY?
Want some advice?
CHECK THIS OUT!
The Student Woodshop offers all this and more, for
students, faculty, staff, and sponsored community
members. And all at an extremely reasonable price!
THE STUDENT WOODSHOP offers'
a knowledgeable and friendly onsite staff, saet
and orientation workshops, project workshops
complete complement of woodworking equi
ment, a ventilated spray booth, evening an
able, central location (basement of the SAB,
enter off Thompson)
Whether you need to make a single cut,
or are building a set of dining room chairs
this is the spot for you!
Check out our website www.umich.edu/-woodshopt
or call 763-4025 for more information.
Kurt-Vosbur 6, Director
Division of udent Affairs
All this brought to you by the Michigan Union
Program Board and the Michigan Union Arts
and Programs Office. Division of StudentAffairs.
A View from the Bridge
By Arthur Miller
Eddie shouldn't he attracted to
Catherine; she's his niece after all
But can he handle her attraction
to another man?
Trueblood Theatre Oct. 5 - 15
Dept. of Theatre & Drama
Aim ot-iimdiig the 2WO9-20O1:
UM SdiooI of MuiskSeas, nf
its making us wait til mid-Octob
to decide on this chamber ope)
Mar. 22 - 25 * Opera Theati
Of Thee I Sing,
Music & Lyrics by George & Ira Gershwin
Presidential political scandals etainly aren't new
- this one begins with corn muffins rather than a dress.
Mendelssohn Theatre " Oct. 12 - 15
Musical Theatre Dept.
When the women ofAthens decide to withhold sex from
the men, all sorts of comical sexualfrustration sets in.
Mendelssohn Theatre * Nov. 9 - 12
Dept. of Theatre & Drama
Music by Giuseppe Verdi
What couldpossibly go wrong when a decrepit,
oh-so-clever bon vivant sends identical love
letters to two married ladies? Plenty!
Power Center * Nov. 16 - 19
To Kill a Mockingbird
Adapted by Christopher Sergel
from the novel by Harper Lee
Rememher the joy of summer vacation
and the mystery of Boo Radley.
Power Center * Dec. 7 - 10
Derv- f Thatre & Dr am
The. U-M School of Music invites you to
join us for our 2000-2001 season.
Student tickets are only $7 with ID
over 50% off the regular price!
Get yours now at the League
Ticket Office in the Michigan League.
Music & Lyrics by Willy Russell
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors
wife - but what ifyour neighbor
turns out to be your brother?.
. 'Mar. 29 - Apr. 8
ept. of Theatre & Drama
Music by Henry Krieger
Book and Lyrics & Bill Russell
Two sisters - one dreams ofa family, the
other dreams offame. Only one problem,
they're joined at the hip - literally.
Power Center " Apr. 12 - 15
Musical Theatre Dept.
*Plays and schedules subject to change.
0 ** 0
Buy two student tickets for the
price of one, for any of the ten
2000-2001 School of Music productions.
Offer subject to availability. Limited to one
free ticket per coupon. Must show valid
student ID and bring coupon to the League
Ticket Office located in the Michigan League
Dances of Passion
Choreography by guest artist Carlos Orta,
and faculty DeYoung, Torijano & Wilson
Rhythm and heat. The passionate dances of Spain -
flamenco, salsa, tango - along with the jazzy
sounds ofLouis Armstrong.
Power Center * Feb. 1 - 4
University Dance Company
By Ruth & Augustus Goetz
She just wants to be loved, but is he in love
with her or her money?
Mendelssohn Theatre " Feb. 8 - 11
Dept. of Theatre & Drama