____Wednesday, September 6, 2000 - The Michigan Daily - New Student Edition - 3B

CHRIS
KULA

Record Woes
Napster's fall won't be end of MP3 swapping

A'n open letter
to the girl of
my dreams

B aby, I know I screwed up.
I still don't know how I forgot
about Valentine's Day, but. I'm so
very sorry I did. Believe me, girl, I
feel more remorse than the blind
man who cannot see the sunrise.
I should have been making plans
for months, dreaming up ways to
make you happy, to show you
you're the only one for me. I know
I should have been making dinner
reservations, purchasing jewelry
and ordering flowers. But I screwed'
up.
Baby, I'm down on my knees:
Can you forgive me?
Can you search your heart for a
taste of that sweet honey love that
we once shared? Can you plumb the
depths of your silken soul for a
thread of mercy to mend my broken
heart?
'Cause, girl, all I need is another
chance to make you love me.
I promise I
won't make "I'll be the A
the same mis-
takes twice. Scarlett the
I'm a new
man, baby, Lois, the Ike
and I've got
my priorities - except th
stra ig ht. In
the movie hitting your
theatre of
life, the mar- my tender k
quee of my
dreams has your name in bright
lights. You're my queen, and I'm
your indentured servant.
I'll be the Rhett to your Scarlett,
the Clark to your Lois, the Ike to
your Tina - except the only thing
hitting your face will be my tender
kisses.
Girl, you like Phil Collins? Then
give me one more night -- just one
more night, so I can treat you right.
I'll show you the light, and our love
will be out of sight. Dyn-o-mite!
I'll pick you up right on time,
pretty lady, and I'll say, "Tonight
belongs to us." I will kiss your hand
and compliment your sparkling
eyes and lustrous hair. Being a gen-
tleman, I will not mention out loud
your curvaceous body but, baby,
you know I'll be appreciating that
saucy flair of your hips.
I will gently open the passenger-
side door of my car for you, and,
once you slip into the seat, I will
softly close it. You will be
impressed with the clean interior of
my '89 Dodge Spirit because I will
have just vacuumed earlier in the
day. When I turn the key in the
ignition, I'll look over at you and
say, "Baby, I'd travel to the ends of
the earth for your love."
We will drive to dinner at the
finest restaurant and I will treat you
to the most extravagant selections
on the menu, including Moons
Over My Hammy: We will order a
hot fudge sundae for dessert, and I
will feed you the cherry, whisper-
ing, "A sweet for my sweet."
After paving the check, I will
leave our waiter a two -- no, a
three dollar tip and you'll smile
approvingly at my wealth and gen-
erositv. As I take your hand in
mine, I'll say "Girl, there's not
enough money in the world to buy

Oi
v
r
l

the beauty of your smile."
After dinner, we will take a walk
through the streets of the downstown
area. When you grow cold. I will
offer you my leather jacket. And as
I wrap it around your slender shoul-
ders, I'll mumble, "Hmmm, that's
funny," and look puzzled. When
you ask what's wrong, I'll respond,
"I didn't think this jacket woul'd- fit
over your wings, because truly you
are an angel."
I will proceed to serenade vou
with the '50s doo-wop class.ic,
"Earth Angel," and you will wonder
to yourself, "Is this really Ch ris
Kula that I'm with, or is it Jo.Jo
from the smooth R&B duo K- Ci
and Jo-Jo?"
Rest assured, lovely lady: It is
indeed me, and I sing only for you.
We will return to my house on ly
to find it peaceful and quiet, for m1y
housemates have gone rock i'
bowling for the night. I will light
candles for
hett to your burn fra-
Clark to your r a n 1
incense and1
to your Tina you will
begin t
ie only thing feel your
h eart swel
face will be with pas-
sion. 1will
sses " give you a
s e d uct i v e
nod that says, "Yes, my darling, I
feel it, too."
I will pop the cork from the wine
I purchased at Kroger's earlier in
the day and pour two glasses with-
out spilling a drop. It will taste tart
and alluring against your luscious
lips.
As I sit down next to you on the
couch, I will slowly run my hand
t hrough your h air and wh is per,
"Like a light Merlot, love is best
served at room temperature."
Once we have finished sipping
our wine, I will take the glasses and
move them away from the couch, so
that we do not crush them. I will
ask you, "Baby, what kind of music
would you like to hear right now?"
You'll sigh contentedly and say, I'd
love some Ani DiFranco or maybe
the Indigo Girls." I will smile,
warmly kiss your check and say,
"Too bad, we're listening to Marvin
Gave."
As "Sexual Healing" begins to
play on my Sony boombox, I will
waste no time in lavishing moist
kisses upon your body, including
the nape of your neck and your ear-
lobes. Baby, it will be sweet. And
then, as I turn down the lights, I
will whisper sensual poetry to you;
Girl, your skin is like cream,
All milky and smooth,
Your touch is a dream,
And together we groove.
Tonight you are mine,
To treat like none above,
Woman, you are so fine,
I know this must be love.
- Daily colunnist and Arts Edi-
(or Chris Ku/a can he reached at
ckula~a~umnich.edu and is current/v
lookingfor the right Wnoman to call
his own, that special girl so he
won 't he alone. (Sing it.) Peace.
ladies, and 1e smooth.

O h, Napster, we hardly knew ye. A little over a
year ago, you appeared as but a blip on the
record companies' radar. Now you're their main
objective in a multilateral attack orchestrated by
the Recording Industry Association of America
attempting to rein in the rouges that prefer free
MP3s to overpriced CD's. And though the com-
puters that use your free service are
acting independently, so no pirat-
ed songs are stored on your
servers, the heavy hand of the law
could soon swiftly spell your
demise. Whatever the outcome of
this lawsuit, which promises to test
the boundaries of the Digital Mil-
lennium Copyright Act of 1998, it's
a pity the recording companies don't
realize they are shooting themselves
in the foot.
The recording industry came
under attack recently for price fixing.
Five major record companies, con-
trolling 85% of the market, settled
with the FTC. According to the FTC,
the result of this price fixing cost con-
sumers S480 million. Now consumers
can fight back.
Enter Napster.
Napster, the music swapping software of
choice for college students, acts as a search
engine, allowing users to locate and download
nearly any song in existence from other users'
computers. With no central server, the system
may have seemed invulnerable to lawsuits and

other restrictio
the Internet, th
ed to FTP ser
The recording
some of the
largest FTP
sites,

regulating MP3
distribution trickier.
Metallica handed Napster a list of some 300,000
users to be banned for downloading their songs.
Dr. Dre also gave a list of another 230,000 suspect
users. Yet only established groups are threatened
by Napster. New artists, often locked into con-
tracts that give them few financial rewards for
individual record sales benefit from the exposure
afforded them by music swapping. Though artists

as illegal MP3s. By piggybacking on estab-
lished players in this new distribution market,
record companies could also offer watermarked
songs.
But the recording companies will probably
make a martyr of Napster. By uniting the online
community, they are only furthering their.own
demise. In a year dominated by boy bands and pop
princesses, that may not be all bad. Users should
keep downloading MP3s and let the record com-
panies bleed.
- This editiorial originallv ran on May 30.

Academic Intimidation
Political attacks on 'U' class should end

ns. Before this idea shot through like Metallica and Dr. Dre risk alienation and hos-
e availability of MP3s was limit- tility from angry fans on Napster, they fail to real-
vers and the occasional website. ize these measures are temporary, and ignore the
industry was able to shut down fundamental shift in the music market. Even com-
mercial websites like ZDNet offer banned users
the info to get back on Napster.
The proliferation of Napster, along
with clones like Gnutella and iMesh, is
now unstoppable. Short of altering or leg-
islating the very protocols of the Internet
itself, little can be done to stop users from
downloading MP3s. And with viable digi-
tal watermarking and encryption making
only slight iroads to the system of music
distribution, MP3s remain the most likely
digital download. When record companies
Y' understand this fundamental shift, deals
could be made with Napster or its counter-
parts to offer users a subscription-based
payment plan or variation. For example,
users could pay a monthly rate and down-
load copyrighted songs in the same manner

Attempts by some members of the Michiaan
legislature to stop the University from offei-ing
a class called "How to Be Gay" this fall, or punish it
for doing so, continued last week. An amendment to
the higher education appropriations bill in the State
House would have cut ten percent from the Univer-
sity's budget if the "How to Be Gay: Male Homo-
sexuality and Initiation" class, taught by Prof. David
Halperin was offered as planned this fall. While
gaining a majority of the votes cast on the amend-
ment, it did not earner the 56 votes needed to pass.
The ongoing effort by many legislators to stop
the teaching of this class, or retaliate against the
University for doing so, is setting a disturbing
precedent. Political intercession into the academic
decisions of any university, besides being unconsti-
tutional, is harmful to education.
Many of the legislators who have attempted to use
threats of cutting the University's funding to stop this
class, admittedly have little knowledge of the actual
content of the course. Apparently the course title
atone was so bothersome that it was immediately tar-
geted for hysterical attacks with little basis in fact.
Absurd claims that the class is intended to turn peo-
ple into homosexuals have been thrown around by
some lawmakers and right-wing political groups as
if such a thing was actually possible.

The overblown reaction to an academic examina-
tion of the lifestyle of millions of people in this
country is a visceral response prompted by fear and
prejudice towards homosexuals.
Lawmakers who are now trying to break down
the academic autonomy of the University that is
guaranteed by the Michigan Constitution are irra-
tionally lashing out at the possibility that homosexu-
ality could be portrayed in anything other than a
negative light.
These attempts, besides being intended to further
intolerance, could also harm the ability of universi-
ties to educate their students across the state. Uni-
versities are granted autonomy by the state
constitution because there is no way politicians,
playing to the public opinion and prejudice of any
given moment, can properly decide what is appro-
priate for academic study and instruction. It would
be far too tempting for politicians to attempt to push
their own ideologies into curricula, to the detriment
of students. A good education cannot exist without
academic freedom. Schools constrained by political
concerns will not be free to research and teach con-
troversial or unpopular ideas, leaving education ster-
ile and unable to break new ground.
As people fighting Prof. Halperin's class have
pointed out, many people have personal objections

to its subject matter. As no one is being forced to
take the class, its hard to see how this can be consid-
ered a problem. Saying that because the University
receives taxpayer funding, it should not teach things
taxpayers object to does not make any sense. Not all
taxpayers object to the class. And some dislike eth-
nic studies courses or research into nuclear power
and many other things, but no one is demanding
cutting funding over those objections.
These attempts to stop the University from offer-
ing "How to Be Gay" may also have a negative
affect on other state universities. They may become
less willing to offer courses on controversial sub-
jects, especially homosexuality, for fear of losing
some state funding. Other schools will probably be
much more easily intimidated because most are
more dependent on state funding than the University.
These attempts by some lawmakers to control the
University's curriculum are unwarranted, dangerous
to academic freedom and harmful to the Universi-
tv's ability to offer its students the best education
possible. Michigan's state universities have been
enormously successful as autonomous entities and
hugely beneficial to the state. Attempts to take away
the freedom that has made them great should end
immediately.
- This editorialoriginal/v ran on June 5.


'How to be gay' class illustrates a debar
Attempting to legislatively eradicate freedom of cal grounds misses the point. This issue is about offere
choice contradicts the very essence of higher edu- being pro-choice. turei
cation. Simply calling for an end to the Michigan The ability to peruse a course guide, make a attem
House of Representative's witch-hunt against the choice about a class one wishes to take and even- publi
University over its allowance of a class on homo- ually attend that class is part of the college expe- on ou
sexuality is not sufficient. This issue is not about rience. Offering a diverse set of classes allows the Ifo
morals, views of homosexuality, or a single class, individual to choose his or her own educational alone
It is a deliberate attempt by the State Ieg-
islature to eliminate educational choice at "The outcry over the course is only a
the University..
In the abortion debate, for example, symptom of a larger societal problem:
being pro-choice does not mean pro-abor-.
tion. Similarly, supporting the University intolerance and fear misdirected into
in its offering of "How to Be Gay: Male ,
Homosexuality and Initiation," taught by reactionary measures."
Prof. David Halperin, does not mean that
one is necessarily pro-homosexuality. Supporting path, not to have it dictated. Eliminating that theyN
the University in its offering of such a class helps choice by forcing the University not to offer a choos
to defend the value of freedom of choice and class is simply unjust. to the
expression. The outcry over the course is only a Certainly a reason one chooses to attend a pub- one is
symptom of a larger societal problem: intolerance lie. nondenominational, secular institution of ply'pc
and fear misdirected into reactionary measures. higher learning - - a place where church and state-
Attempting to debate this issue on noral and ethi- are separated- is to take classes like the one

te about choice
d by Prof. Halperin. The Michigan Legisla-
is holding the University hostage in its
pt to achieve a conservative monopoly on
c thought by implementing its own standards
i curriculum.
one wants to take a class, it is their choice
. If the subject matter is not aligned with
one's beliefs, in no way is it indicative of a
flawed class or justification for its not
being offered. One of the most appropriate
sayings concerning this issue is found on a
bumper sticker distributed by pro-choice
individuals in the abortion debate. It states,
"If you are against abortion, then don't
have one." Similarly, if one does not like a
class' subject matter, or even if one thinks
would be uncomfortable in it, they can
e not to take it. I am only asking for a stop
continual attempt at legislating choices. No
asking anyone to change their beliefs. Sim-
ermit choice, so others can exercise theirs.
- This vieWpoint was written by LS&A Junio
Jales Mcntvre.

TAKE MY CAR, TAKE MY CLOTHES, BUT DON'T TAKE MY HOUSE

When my father served her
divorce papers, my mom
took the her wedding dress out of
the box where it had been sealed
for 26 years, threw it the kitchen
trash and discarded her Lean Cui-
sine lasagna leftovers on top of the
dress. The trash can was placed in
the middle of the driveway for-all to
see, specifically my father, who
wouldn't be able to move his car
without moving the trash can.
It's not the happiest of memories
orf if - nt m hnui- h>>t oii h ttert

won't hurt you. Or can it?
These last few weeks I've had a
rough time dealing with the emo-
tions surrounding the impending
sale of my childhood home. It's
funny how always knowing some-
thing is going to happen isn't
enough to pre-
pare you for
the actual
event. To say I
love a house is
a mockable
staiement ner-

news of the sale. My house is a ref-
erence point to a specific place in
time; it is an affirmation of what
was. I'm not sure who I'll be with-
out it.
I remember moving to Ann Arbor
in the third grade and being initial-
ly disappointed with my new back-
yard. The swimming pool was cool,
but the area was small, with only a
strip of grass around the fenced-in
pool. We could swim in the summer
and ice-skate in the winter, I ratio-
nalized. As a city girl, I grew up

you came from, and my house has
always served as a reality check, a
safe place, the one thing I could
count on being there when people
failed me. I am worried I will for-
get all that happened there, because
once the house is gone, I won't be
able to go there anymore and be
reminded. And so I fear losing a

out my father, his pipes and his
books; my sister, her homework on
the kitchen table; and me, my
clothing permeating from my clos-
et to blanket the whole house, it is
a shell. We don't live there any-
more, and the house is not needed.
But it is hard for me to imagine
anyone else living there. Certainly

river from my house. I can see it
from the windows. I watch it, I am
spellbound by it, I am drawn to it
like Narcissus to his reflection in
the pool. I feel the need to take
several rolls of film of the house,
to go spend time in each room,
touch the surfaces of mantels just
to confirm that they are real and
that I once was there. I
eg ad once that people
bwith eating disorders
love mrni() rs , not
becCauIse their disease

big part of myself.
I dislike our real "As a city girl, Igrew up think
estate agent the way
children are wary when bad wfenced
suitors start approach- ckyardswere