T10 - The Michigan Daily - ekend, etc. Magazine - Tlsday, October 28, 1999
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The Michigan Iy - Weekend, etc.
THINGS THIAT BUMP IN THE NIGHT (LIKE CHAKA KHAN)
If Halloween is considered a pagan
holiday, then sign me up for the
International Church of Heathenism.
In fact, if you lend me a hockey
mask, a bag full of fun-size Snickers
and a plane ticket to South America,
I'll be their damned missionary.
Or, to get into the spirit of the sea-
son, perhaps I should say their mis-
sionary of the damned. Bwaa-haha-
hahaaa!
I've always loved Halloween. I
mean, what other night finds hordes
of diabolical deviants prowling the
streets, mischievously tricking the
American public into forking o.er
sumptuous favors? Except for
Election Day, that is.
So much of Halloween's spell-
binding vibe comes from the idea of
donning a special costume for a
night. Could be scary, could be
funny., could be sexy - what's for
sureis that your night's outcome is
. itally dependent upon a unique cos-
tume.
So, for those of you who might be
stuck on what to go as this weekend
(analytically-minded math and sci-
ence types seemingly devoid of cre-
ativity: This means you), here are
some sinful suggestions from the
Dailv's resident demonic redhead
(but then again. aren't all redheads a
little bit devilish? Take a look at
Carrot Top - I do believe that he's
the spawn of Satan himself).
Idea #1: Second-rate pop stars
The hot names in pop music are
always a good bet for frequent cos-
tume ideas, so I'd imagine you'll see
a number of
guys wearing
tight black
sweaters with
hair submit to
their homoerot-
ic idolatry of
Ricky Martin.
not to mention
several lesser- f
e n d o w e d
Britney Spears . l
lookalikes run- Chrs Kula
ning around Unsung
Ann Arbor.U
I think it's so Ann Arbor
much more
classy, though, to dress as an obscure
pop star from an era gone by. Trust
me, you'll be the center of attention
when you say "Look, everybody: I'm
soft-rocker Richard Marx or "You
can't guess, can you? I'm Chaka
Khan"'
Idea #2: Your favorite breakfast
cereal character
However, I would personally stay
away from anyone dressed as the
Lucky Charms leprechaun at a party,
because I have a feeling he would
become a violent drunk after a few
pints of Guinness and start talking
about just how magically delicious a
solid headbutt can taste.
(Incidentally: Do not even consid-
er pulling the age-old white bedsheet
turned ghost costume.
Aside from being unspeakably
lame, this costume, because of its
striking similarity to the garb of the
Klu Klux Klan, could very easily
result in social ostracism and physi-
cal danger for its wearer.
Just imagine ubiquitous LS&A
first-year student Theodore Cardman
naively wandering the streets as a
twin-size, cotton phantom when he
stumbles across a BAMN party
(wait, that can't be right - do
BAMN members actually like to
have fun?). Thinking him to be a
junior Klansman in training, they
would beat the poor kid senseless
with heavy stacks of -Free Mumia"
flyers.
Hell, knowing this university, it's
likely that there's an ultra-radical
student group that's ardently against
the destruction of bedsheets, so
they'd get on your spectral case, too.
So you'd best leave the sheets at
home on your bed. And a tip for all
those Panchero's-loving dudes out
there - you might want to wash
them once a month, too. Anyhow, as
I was saying ...)
Idea #3: Go as your roommate
You may think I'm talking about
the oh-so-cute girly idea of dressing
in your roommate's clothes and act-
ing like them because she's your best
friend and blah blah blah. No, that
fluff is fodder for other renowned
columnists from the Daily's glorious
history. This costume idea is
designed for the spiteful person who
loathes her roommate and wants the
world to know.
Steal some clothes from her closet
without her knowing (while you're at
it, you might as well steal some cash
from her, too - you know, all in the
spirit of Halloween!) Then, when you
run into her at a party later that
night, start yelling "I went as
Whitney this year and you can tell
because I'm so anal about my pos-
t'
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sessions and I'm so very fake with
my friends and I like to go home with
whatever guy brings me the most
beer!"
You get extra points for inciting
fisticuffs. And you get extra points
with sprinkles on top for surviving
the rest of the year with her in the
same room as you.
Idea #4: Coordinated group cos-
tumes
So what if you have fun-loving
friends coming in from out of town
to celebrate Halloween Ann Arbor
style? Or what if your crazy frat
brothers Andrew, Steve, Matt and
Corer want to do something extra
special this year (you know, beyond
the traditional displays of publicly
drunken drooling)? You might con-
sider dressing as your favorite
ensemble group from pop culture
fame.
Just flip through a TV Guide and
pick nearly any sitcom cast and
you've got yourself an instant cos-
tume idea. Warning, though: you
might want to avoid the mystery-
solving gang from "Scooby Doo,"
because they were a sordid bunch of
kids.
Fred was a deeply closeted homo-
sexual, as evidenced by the dainty
silk scarf he wore around his neck.
Shaggy, quite obviously a stoner
who'd fallen off the Grateful Dead
tour, was engaged in some sort of
twisted love affair with a man-sized
dog suffering from a garbled speech
impediment (those 'Scooby Snacks"'
that Shaggy kept giving him were
probably roofies or something). And
you just know Velma liked the rough
stuff.
That groovy chick Daphne, an ani-
mated sorority girl if I've ever seen
one, was the only cool character
among them. But if she chose to
spend her days riding around in a van
called the 'Mystery Machine" with
this group of oddities, no doubt she
had her own deep-rooted problems
that we probably don't even want to
know about.
Have a Happy Halloween, and
remember that the freaks come out at
night.
-Chris Kuacan be reached at
ckula@umich.edu, and is going as a
funky brown dog to match his girl-
friends sexy black cat. What are you
going as?
Yo urGiftLstcom
The E-way to share your
Ciars st and oter gift
--~-*dif2yan ins
Championship boxing
By Josh Kleinbaum including 25 title defenses - all but
Daily Sports Editor four on knockouts. But his first title
DETROIT - Jeremy Burnette defense was his most important.
bounded into the ring of Joe Louis In June 1938, Louis fought Max
Arena Friday night; his red and white Schmeling, a German whom Adolf
Red Wings jersey clinging to his Hitler propped up as an example of
back instead of the traditional boxing the perfect Aryan and who had
robe. already served Louis the first loss of
His father, Dave, who served as his career. In two minutes and four
Burnette's chief second, was wearing seconds, Louis knocked out
an Ulf Samuelsson jersey. His two Schmeling, humiliated Hitler and
other corner men had Wings jerseys, captivated America.
too. Detroit's history is filled with
The still-entering crowd roared racial strife. Louis was the excep-
when Burnette tore off the jersey and tion. Everyone loved Joe Louis,
charged toward the center of the ring blacks and whites alike. His nick-
for his professional boxing debut. name, The Brown Bomber, even
They roared again when he hit the transcends his skin color.
canvas less than a minute and a half So as Detroit tries to dig itself out
later, dazed and defeated. of its gutter, it's natural for the city to
But 12,500 fans didn't pack the turn to boxing, and to the arena
arena to see Burnette, or Flint's Chris named after Joe Louis.
Byrd, or Dearborn's own Tarick If Detroit's to find a savior in box-
Salmaci. ing, it'll have to be Prince Naseem
They came to see the scantily-clad Hamed.
ring girls holding up round cards. Hamed is no Joe Louis. He didn't
They came to see the ringside rise out of the slums of Detroit, but
celebrities, from Barry Sanders (who from the posh streets of Sheffield,
was resoundingly booed) to 'The England. He's captivated some, but
Hitman,' Tommy Hearns. more for his flamboyant style inside
They came to show some national- and out of the ring than anything
istic pride, waving Mexican, Yemeni truly heroic (although, thanks to his
and British flags all over the arena. body slam of Soto on Friday, he
They came to get drunk and see might have captivated some
grown men beat each other up. wrestling fans as well), and he's
They came to see championship attracted just as many nay-sayers as
boxing return to a city that was prac- fans.1
tically built on the sport. But he did bring championship
Prince Naseem Hamed defeated boxing back to Detroit after a 12-<
Cesar Soto to unify the WBO and year absence, and with his help, iti
WBC featherweight titles on could be here to stay.t
Saturday. but the story began more "I'll be back," Hamed said aftere
than 60 years ago. That's when winning the 12-round unanimousf
Joseph Louis Burrow captivated decision over Soto. "I have to return s
Detroit and began its rich boxing his- and fight again in Detroit."l
tory. Hamed, who's trying to add an
The son of a cotton picker from American fan base to his strong t
Alabama, Joe Louis moved to British one, is looking to establish a1
Detroit when he was 10 years old. By headquarters in the States, and he<
the time he was 23, he was the suspects he found one in the Motor1
heavyweight champion of the world, City. Part of it has to do with his her-
a true rags-to-riches story. itage.
Louis won 27 straight fights, Detroit has the largest Arab popu-i
brings princely stat
wen a i boxing.
lation in country. Hamed is of
Yemeni descent, and looks to draw
on that Arab support. He received it _____________
in spades on Friday, as Arabs packed
the arena, waving Yemeni flags IGIT L I
everywhere. He highlighted the race
factor in his sport after the fight,
saying that he'll "beat all the
Mexicans." 0 i R LO se
No, he's not quite Joe Louis. But
thanks to Hamed, Jeremy Burnette $5 OR EVE
made his professional debut in the $ F E
arena his hometown Red Wings call
home. DISTAL CAM
Like him or not, The Prince is the
one who brought championship box- FOR MORE IN
ing back to Detroit. (734) 39
fARAI) -Rose
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