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KULA THE TYCOON? SAY YOUR PRAYERS, DANIEL-SAN


te Movies of the Decade- #7
'SILENCE' IS GOLDEN
By. AaronN Rich"'l"

r 22999 -- 118
Jgnathan femme.
helps Anthony:
Hopkins get into
character.
Courtesy of Orion Pictuires

So this week we're talking about
money, which made me realize that I
dont have any.
Money, that is.
So I got to thinking: what would I
do if I had some money?
And I mean something aklittle more
substantial than the S9 a sseek I get
for sriting this column (God bless
The Michigan Daily, because of
whose charitable spirit I'll be able to
pay for my poor mother's operation!).
I'm talking
Mike Piazza's
six-years-for-
80-million-to-
play-baseball
kind of cash.
I'm talking Bill,
Gates' weekly
a Il o w a n c e,
sshich 1Ibelieve
is ruhyequivalent to
the GNP of C rsKl
most underde- Chris Kula
veloped, third Unsung
world countries
like Canada Ann Arbor
Man. I m
talking swim-
ming in my
ell stocked money bin, Serooge
McDuck-style (hoa. did I just refer-
ence the popular erly '90s Disney
cartoon "Ducktales' I'm sorryv
there's just no excuse for that).
So should I find a crumpled paper
bag chock full of negotiable bearer
bonds (of course. I'd be happy sith a
tihily-packed wad of ?Qs, too), I
sould do as follows:
* Bu the rights to the original
"Karate Kid" movie and, through the
use of modern computer technology.
recast myself as the evil Kobra Kai
sensei {"Johnny, sweep his leg"
would be my finest moment).
* Buy myself a decent meal.
Something's wrong when a grilled
cheese and a bossl of Campbell's soup
begins to feel like utter salvation at
the end of a long day. But throw in
some Zesto! salad-in-a-bag and

you've got another story altogether.
Put an end to these blasted dis-
tribution courses and just buy out the
remaining year and a half of my
English degree.
Of course, that wouldn't put me
any closer to actually finding a job
with said degree, so I'd probably just
hang around Ann Arbor for a few
more years, spending my afternoons
reading various coffee shops as if I
was still a real student here.
Oh, wait - I think I just remem-
bered there's a name for that kind of
person: grad student.
* Gladly - repeat, gladly -
sponsor Keanu Reeves in some much-
needed acting lessons (I still get hit
with a sudden bout of nausea every
time I even glance at a copy of "The
Devil's Advocate" when I'm at
Blockbuster).
. Hire James Brown as my person-
al butler for a whole week.
I think it would really help nie
wake up in the morning if, instead of
dealing with an annoying clock radio
and its lame playlists, the Godfather
of Soul just burst into my bedroom
and started bellowing "Git ott up. git
on tip! Like a sex machine!
And he'd be really good to get
ads ice from, too.
Me: Hey. James: do you think it's
too warm to sear a sweater toda'?
JB: Hunh! A'good God, yall!
Make me wanna break out...in a cold
sweat!
Me: Yeah, you're right. I'll just go
i ith a t-shirt.
SBuy my housemates a second
game for their Nintendo 64.
I think I've heard enough
"Goldeneye"-induced banshee
shrieks of surprise and outrage from
them in the last month and a half to
last me the rest of my twenties.
Actually, I think I'd buy them an
original 8-bit Nintendo system, com-
plete with classics like Tetris, Ninja
Gaiden and Contra. You know, I don't
go much for the whole video game
thing these days. but I'll be damned if
those weren't some ssicked games.

By the way,'if anybody still remem-
bers the code to Contra, I'll buy YOU
an original Nintendo.
Track down Donnie Wahlberg
from New Kids on the Block (remem-
ber him? He was the one with street
smarts!) and buy him some new
clothes and get him cleaned up -
you see, I'm just assuming that he's
lying in a gutter somewhere.
And then I'd ask him if he still has
the "Homeboy" shirt he wore in the
epic "Hangin' Tough" video. Because
I'd like to purchase it from him, so
that I may wear it around campus and
let all eyes know that I am indeed a
radical homeboy, word?
Ditto for Vanilla Ice's "Word to
Your Mother" jacket, MC Hammer's

sequined hammer pants and Flavor
Flav's clock. I would be stylin' some-
thing fierce.
* Use my newfound wealth to
become a high-powered lobbyist and
push for a bill outlawing the act of
talking on one's cell phone while
walking down the street.
I don't know if I've ever seen any-
thing as pretentious as these gross
and gaudy abuses of mobile commu-
nication. Folks, you're not impressing
anyone.
Well, perhaps if you could maintain
a phone conversation with your friend
walking right next to you while both
of you juggle Cava Java to-go cups
AND attempt to slip out of your Old
Navy vests - then, and not until

then, you might have something.
Haseflanics painted on the sides
of my car and hae the doors selded
shut, Dukes of Hazzard-style.
My brother and I would race
around town, evading the clumsy pur-
suits of DPS by jumping our car over
the Cube, causing a white-suited,
fried chicken-eating Boss Lee
Bollinger to stomp his feet and
exclaim "Oooh, one'a these days
I'm'a get them Kula boys!"
-Ctis Kula can be reached at
cku/a@tich.eiu when /e's not rn-
ning moonshine a/ over the better
part offfour counties. The don 't have
much in the tat' of e-mail over Yon-
der' thari son.

ByArnRch
Dai Isa-ts Witer
It's hard to scare modern audiences. In
recent years, directors have picked up on
this and started making scary movies
that are closer in content to comedies
than thrillers. (Were we really scared by
"Scream," or did we just laugh?)
But the ability to make us sweat and
make big men soil their pants has not
been entirely lost in the past decade.
Jonathan Demme's "The Silence of the
Lambs" remains one of the scariest
films of recent years - and one of the
best showcases of acting, directing, writ-
ing and overall craftsmanship.
It all comes down to Hannibal
Lechter, played brilliantly by Anthony
Hopkins.
Dr. Lecter, the genius psychiatrist who
has been locked for life in a vcry tight
prison cell for killing and eating several
people, is the key to an ongoitg man-
hunt with which F.B.I. field trainee
Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) is helping.
The search is for serial killer Buffalo
Bill, a one-time patient of Lecter's who
kidnaps women before starving them to
death, skinning them and dumping their
bodies.
Starling picks Lecter's brain about
Bill's whereabouts - and Lecter picks
back about her past. At no time do we
know whether the object of fixation and
search is the madman on the lam, the
madman in jail or the burgeoning career
of the up-and-coming agent .That's
where the brilliance lies.
Demme deals straightforwsardly and
unapologetically with issues as far-rang-
in- as transvestism, murder, childhood
Joss. obsession and ,tood old. heart-stop-
ping fear (of all sorts of demons, inside
and outside).
Demme teaches ani idelible lesson in
understatement and subtlety (if only
more directors paid attention in class
...). He neser tells us what to feel, who
to like or whodunit. Instead, he shows us
characters who have pasts and feelings
and lets us determine who is an ally and

who is a villain.
At times we feel that Lecter, who is
almost impossible to align with on
paper, is being mistreated and abused,
and at other times we feel that he is the
monster thatStarling should be appre-
hending. As the story unfolds and the
maverick detective work of Starling
comes to the surface, we are led along by
pacing, editing and bits of story, rather
than just deluged by all the information
at once - the latter technique being the
one that many modern directors choose
to employ.
And with regards to pacing, there are
only a few sequences in modern cinema
that can compare to this final basement
chase. Just the idea of a chase that's
entirely set in a contained space of no
more than six rooms is great.
The viewers (and Starling) never
know when (or if) someone is going to
lunge around a doorway and shoot, beat
or stab us. The frenzy of cuts back and
forth from subjective, poorly lighted
shots to night-vision, hand-held shots
makes us worry that nearly anything bad
might happen. This doesn't even men-
tion the fantastic parallel editing so that
wse lose all concept of where we are.
Cinematographer 'ak Fujimoto must be
commended for his masterful work.
Not to imply a film's worth should be
based ott awards won, but "Silence"
remaits the ontly Academy Award Best
Picture itnner to be part of the "Ihor-
ror/suspenseithriller" genre. This is an
admirable achievement considering the
fact that feel-good. ftamily dramas are the
most popular with Academy members.
This is nowhere near "Forrest Gump' in
terms of content or message (at least one
bad guy gets awa)y)
These days filmmakers are looking at
making a film out of "Hanibal," the
third book in Thomas Harris's Lecter-
inspired series. Odds are it \son't be as
good as "Silence," but if it brings back
half of the intensity, filmgoers will be in
good shape.

TuesdayNi
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Knesiology fresman, Susan Glang withdraws money from an ATM on North University.

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26th Ann Arbor Winter Art Fair
Oct. 23 & 24,1999
r N Washtenaw Farm
Council Grounds
5055 Ann Arbor-Saline Rd.
Saturday, October 23 - l0am to 6pm
Sunday, October 24 - 11am to 5pm
Audree Levy presents 180 of the finest artists
Mary Nimityongskul Manfred Heine-Baux and craftspeople in the country.
Take 1-94 to Exit 177 (State St.). Turn South "3 miles"
to Textile Rd. Turn right (West) "3 miles" to Ann Arbor-
- Al Saline Rd. Turn right (North) "1 mile" to entrance of the
Washtenaw Farm Council Grounds.
www.levyartfairs.com
e-mail: audree@levyartfairs.com
Admission $5.00 - Under 10 FREE
Dave Eckholt Zora Pondell 2500 Free Parking Spaces - Indoor Heated Facility

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-Accessories & Masks M""L*RR""_*
Holiday Props Halloween
-Children's Costumes
-Halloween with a Twist Hours
305 S. Main
665-2680
Downtown Ann Arbor
- Just a short walk from main campus