10A The Michigan Daily - Monday, November 8, 1999 'Bachelor' O'Donnell charms in light-comedy remake By Christopher Tkaczyk Daily Arts Writer Chris O'Donnell has been working hard on "The Bachelor" for three years and it shows. This is his first attempt at producing a studio film, and, in a recent interview, said he wanted to create something with heart. "The Bachelor" definitely has a pulse, full of energy and gusto. His updating of Buster Keaton's "Seven Chances" is a delightful, entertaining comedy, but treated with a poor hand. The age old jokes about living the bachelor life have been updated to entertain a modern audience. Unfortunately, writer Steve Cohen decided the only The Bachelor At Showcase,8riarwood & Quality 16 way to update them was to throw in a few four-letter words, which lowers the film's quality. T h e Bachelor" tells the story of Jimmie Shannon, a pool table man- ufacturer who intends to wed Anne (Renee Zellweger), his girlfriend of three years. ing day, which leaves less than 24 hours to convince someone to marry him. He re-proposes to Anne before she goes out of town, but again she dismisses him as being not-of-heart. Instead of chasing her, he tracks down 10 of his former lovers, looking for a wannabe rich girl who will help him claim the cash and save his pool table company from being liquidated. Guest appearances by Brooke Shields and Mariah Carey are well done to the point of being burnt. Shields proves that yes, there is life beyond "Suddenly Susan." Hidden under heavy makeup and a chain- smoking habit, Shields takes an unknowing audience a full long moment to realize it's Brooke Shields. Unfortunately, her only scene is drawn out and becomes tedious, fol- lowing a repetitious hesitation in accepting the marriage proposal. Maybe she has a future in whiny rich girl roles. Mariah Carey, who was classically trained in operatic voice before defecting to the horrific world of pop music, portrayed an opera singer, once jilted by Jimmie. It is unclear whether Carey's voice is heard, or if it is a vocal stand-in. But with Carey's full five octave range, it is quite pos- sible. The inclusion of the "save the com- pany" subplot is an obvious attempt to show that Jimmie's marriage plans are not merely for the money. The 24- hour bride search becomes his quest for happiness and true love. And, of course, happiness is always where you left it. Dorothy herself said it best with "there's no place like home." lization. "The Bachelor" is a mindless film, leaving nothing to be deciphered or interpreted by the brain. But, as Robin Williams has proved, you don't need a mind to laugh, only a heart. But that's not to say that "The Bachelor" is a bad film. The perfor- mances turned out by veteran actors Hal Holbrook, Ed Asner and Peter Ustinov are all first rate. Ustinov's brief performance as Jimmie's grand- father is hysterical. Maybe this brief success will inspire a much-needed Ustinov comeback. Holbrook and Asner make a great comedy team, and it is unfortunate they weren't given more time together onscreen. As always, Mr. Grant knows what to do. It is doubtful that O'Donnell will ever join their league, but he plays the irre- sponsible grandson role with penache. O'Donnell, as charming as he is attractive, lives up to the heartthrob image that will spurn most women (young and old) to go see this film. There are no demands for him here, and he functions well in a another pretty boy role. His final proposal (the sincere one intended finally to get the girl) is moving and weepy, but otherwise could've used a bit more help in the script department. Still, it's a step up from the "shit or get off the pot" that threw him into the pits of relationship hell. He finally does learn a lesson how- ever, from the priest who accompa- nies Jimmie and his friend Marco (Artie Lange) on their all-night bridge search. Mostly silent throughout the film, the priest lectures Jimmie on the joys of marriage during a calm, after- noon boat ride, taking him, figura- tively, to the light at the end of the bachelor tunnel. Excellently por- trayed by James Cromwell, the priest's one big scene is well-worth@ the wait. Cromwell reveals that he was once wed, an event that he defines as the happiest event of his life. With his speech, Cromwell becomes more than just another stock cleric. In a last minute attempt to find a bride, Marco places a classified ad in the San Francisco Herald, which turns into a front page lead story, titled: "Would you marry this man for Slbt) million'?" The coverage causes hun- dreds of would-b: brides to don their mothball reeking wedding dresses and get themselves to the church on time. San Francisco is a good town for chase scenes (see "What's Up, Doc?"), but this has to be the first that involves a sea of virgins spilling down the tilted road toward commitment. Some peo- ple have to work hard for their money. Unfortunately, "The Bachelor" doesn't include any dialogue been Jimmie and Anne that explains the power of love over money. It is slightly implied, but, in a film where every- thing has already been drawn out too much and where the film's climax relies upon it, the omission remains a hole in the cloth. Instead, Jimmie pro- poses for a third time, and the money isn't even discussed, a let-down for the true romantic. So as not to spoil the happy ending, the film's finish wont' be revealed here. But for those of you still won- dering, let's just say that he gets the girl. Which girl? Go see the movie. When the big proposal at the Starlight Room arrives, Jimmie botches it, and Anne believes he longs to be a bache- lor forever. A few days later, dear old granddad passes away, leaving him with $100 million in meat industry assets, provided that Jimmie can get married by 6:05 p.m. on the day of his 30th birthday. And wouldn't luck have it that his 30th birthday is the follow- Courtesy of New Line Cinema Chris O'Donnell sparkles as Jimmie Shannon in "The Bachelor." Would "The Bachelor" have been entertaining if the producers had held to a script closer to the original? It is it too much of a gamble to hope mod- ern audiences will appreciate comedy without verbal error? Again, here's another example of why pop culture is contributing to the downfall of civi- Read the Daily. And while you're at it, stop by the Daily and pick up free 'Being John Malkovich' folders, pens and masks. DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPHERS WANTED WE'RE LOOKING FOR AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHERS WHO WANT TO TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES! " $25 FOR EVERY PHOTO THAT IS ACCEPTED AND OTHER GREAT INCENTIVES DIGITAL CAMERA PROVIDED FOR NON-OWNERS FOR MORE INFORMATION, CONTACT ANNA AT (734) 395-9905 OR VIA EMAIL TO ANNA@LIGHTSURF. COM. Sexy 'Romance' turns on little sensuality By Ed Sholinsky Daily Film Ldnor It's hard to say movie of the year. Romance No Stars At The Michigan Theater 7, 4 t~ that "Romance" is the worst In "Romance"'s exploration of female sexuality there is a great idea, but Catherine Breillat's poor script and excruciating direction show that it takes much more than a great idea to make a great film. "Romance" is Marie's (Caroline Trousselard) explo- ration of her sexuality and the psychological baggage that goes along with it. The script allows Marie a lot of interest- ing insights towards the begin- ning, but as her sexuality spins out of control so do her get him interested by caressing him and blowing him (again, something Breillat really loves to show), but it doesn't work. Paul prefers going to clubs and stringing women along on the dance floor or having sushi by himself and reading. Finally frustrated, Marie decides to explore sex outside of her relationship with Paul and encounters a multitude of men. She meets Paolo (Rocco Siffredi) who can go on forever, but who Marie can't stand to even look at. Then there is her boss, Robert (Francois Berleand), who wants to get into the darker parts of sexuality. Robert ties Marie up and gags her, trying to seduce and dominate her. The aspect that ties all of these events together is Marie and her thoughts. Marie explains her feelings and emotions at every step, sharing her sexual insights with the audience. These are suppposed to be deep and revealing, but turn out to be hysterical. Breillat can't find a way to communicate Marie's thoughts and actions, and as a result her important themes and messages are lost in a sea of laughter. Breillat tries so hard to get everything out that she shows everything from oral sex to manual sex, anal rape to sado-masochism and masturbation to a coming penis. All of this culminates in a close up of thoughts and the film itself. Marie has the problem in that her boyfriend Paul (Saagamore Stevenin) has an incredibly small penis, which Breillat loves to show, and as a result isn't really interested in having sex. Marie tries to 7 7days/$7 tral membership thru November Moyer's 'Fooling' a bunch of irr I your face ONEON ATHLETIC CLUB 2875 Boardwalk Dr. Ann Arbor, MI 48104 - Free Spinning " Free Aerobics - Free Yoga " Large Free Wieght Room - 150 Pieces of Exercise Equipment " Short-term & Month to Month Memberships " Basketball & Racquet Sports "Fooling With Words" Bill Moyers William Morrow and Company, Inc. Every couple of years the Geraldine R. Dodge Poetry Festival in Warterloo, New Jersey, showcases the talents of some of the most notable living poets. And every cou- ple of years, geriatric TV journalist I Bill Moyers covers it for public tele- vision. The 1998 festival must have been something special because Moyers used it as a rather lame excuse to put out a book of interviews with II of the participants. "Fooling With Words: A Celebration of Poets and Their Craft," is a book that should never have been published. ' Some of the poets that Moyers interviews include Robert Pinsky (U.S. Poet Laureate), Stanley Kunitz (former U.S. Poet Laureate), Deborah Garrison, Paul Muldoon, Marge Piercy and other writers you've never heard of. All of the poets together do represent a vast amount of viewpoints, such as femi- nists, homosexuals, Asian- Americans, Latino/a F African-Americans and, old people. I have nothi old people, but after rc book I began to wonder v plementary butterscotchc n't taped to the back cove This collection of showcases some decent p few good life ideas within repetitive and sycophai views. Each interview selected poems written b) viewee. Most of the revolve around how each] to poetry, other basic ques their backgrounds and f and what they do to stay c Also, Moyers seems to e people how much he lik Marie giving birth, which should be valuable fo those of you who missed "The Miracle of Life" in junior high school. What Breillat's script lacks, her direction doesn't make up for at all. She is just as bad with a camera as she is with a word processor. Additionally, as a director she can't get reasonable performances out of her cast. Trousselard is a terrible actress and doesn't draw the audience in. Her character and characterization are unsympathetic to the point of disconnection, and she is the key to the whole film. This, ultimately, is very unfortunate. Most dircc tors never approach the female sexuality from th* woman's point of view, largely because most direr. tors and screenwriters are men. Breillat had the opportunity to break away from the pack and real ly do something unique and wonderful. Fortuately there is another movie that explores women's sexu ality as it differs from the norm in the upcoming limited release "Boys Don't Cry," because. "Romance" doesn't do its job. Instead, you'll have to wait until next year or travel to Royal Oak to see female sexuality explored in an interesting and live- ly manner. All "Romance" has is naked people an(Z unintentional humor. elevant'Words' Americans, poems read aloud, because he men- of course, tions it to almost every poet he talks to. ng against Not surprisingly, they all have similar eading the answers to these questions. vhy a com- Two interviews, however, stand ou candy was- from the rest. The first is Coleman r. Barks, who spoke of his work trans- interviews lating the works of thirteenth- oetry and a Century Sufi mystic Rumi. Rumi is a otherwise glowing presence in literature's shad ntic inter- owlands and somebody that probably contains more people should be familiar with. y the inter- The sample poems of Rumi that interviews Barks shares with us are enthralling. poet turned Barks' own poetry, along with the tions about poetry of every other poet profiled! preferences is more worthwhile reading than the reative. Q&A. njoy telling The real gem of the book is es hearing Moyer's interview with Kurtis Lamkin, an African-American musi- cian/poet from South Carolina. Lamkin is truly a man in the world, in the tradition of many great wan- dering spirits. His knowledge and experience as both a black man an an artist shines just below the surface of our frayed social settings in mod* ern America as a real conscience for today and tomorrow. D .: One of the things that this book seems to contribute to is the further separation of poetry and prose. In my humble opinion they are the same. Anyone who has ever read any James Joyce or Vladimir Nabokov might wholeheartedly agree with me -on that. I am not singling. out old Bill and his diverse band of poets, rathei@ the subculture that he evokes in his introduction and interviews. Poetry should not have a subculture - it£ should be ever present in all other aspects of culture. The subtlest but most important problem with this book is its relevance. y*;. .