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6B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, April 6, 2000
A2 Best of the University
'U' has lots of bests to offer students, y'know
The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazir
MONEY, HEALTH AND SIMPLE ECONOM
By Toyin Akinmusuru
Weekend Etc., Editor
CCRB (Best Place to Work Out)
You work out? Ever go to Vince's?
No, I guess I'd see you there - I'm
there every day. How much d'you
bench? You didn't say anything...
Speaker/Lecturer in the Past Year)
Let's face it. Jesse, like him or not, is
a modern day hero of sorts. OK, so
he can sound like he's reading from a
Dr. Seuss book every now and then,
but damn, he is one fine speaker.
And to top it all off, he seems to get
things done on foreign soil that W.J.
Clinton just can't manage. His
appearance at Hill Auditorium last
semester drew record numbers of
. Ralph Williams (Best Professor)
How many accolades can you pile on
one professor? Ralphie has done it
again. And we ain't talking about "A
Christmas Story." In case you
haven't heard, "The Bible" rocks
over London and Chicago, and can
really whip a horse's ass, too. Be sure
to check out the book of Job lecture
even if you aren't enrolled in the
course - it's divine.
Psychology 111 (Best Course)
Nearly everyone takes this class in
their freshman year. Does that make
it the best course in Ann Arbor?
Apparently. If you haven't done so
already, make Freud, Skinner and
Pavlov's dogs proud - elect Psych
1l next term.
Psychology 111 (Best Blow-Off
Course) In light of winning in the
previous category, isn't the result in
this one just a tad bit ironic? Don't
ya think? Wait a minute, maybe it
won in this category first and then
people realized it deserved the dual
title. Of course, the professors that
teach the couse might argue with us
on this one.
1800 Chem (Best Lecture Hall)
I'm going to be a billionaire.
After looking at that line, you
either think I'm crazy, stupid or
both. Whatever your opinion, I'm
sure that by the time I die, hopeful-
ly at an old ripe age, I'll have
reached and exceeded the nine-zero
As you probably know, the rich-
est person on the planet is a soft-
ware mogul. I can't even dream of
eventually reaching the level of
wealth currently owned by xBill
Gates; however, realizing that
someone controls that amount of
money now shows me that it will be
possible to get even more in the
Even if you don't look at Gates
himself, what about the secretaries,
janitors and cafeteria ladies that
took Microsoft stock options
instead of bonuses? They are all
Everyone knows there is money
to be made in the Internet. The
Information Age has allowed many
companies to spring up quickly and
develop and deliver goods and ser-
vices with a speed and automation
As extraordinary as the circum-
stances surrounding the rise of the
Microsoft empire have been, the
times we are now in are even more
amazing. More companies are
being formed and more money is
flowing around than ever before,
making it possible for someone like
Jeff Bezos, running Amazon for
approximately 5 years, to surpass
companies in operation for more
than twice the time.
As a Computer Science graduate,
I'm planning on making my first
million either building up or work-
ing for an Internet company.
Although only one in 20 startups
survive their first year, the ones
that do are in better shape to be
bought out/acquired as time goes
by, the acquisi- 4
places to work.
For the one
in 1000 star-
tups that stays
could be as
bright as that
of current mar-
ket giants like
A m a z o n,
modern scientists are gaining about
our bodies, it might be soon possi-
ble for our children to live hun-
dreds of years.
As it is, with the aid of current
technology and barring some major
epidemic or a nuclear disaster, a
person our age should live to be
over 80 years old. According to the
U.S. Census, there were 6,000 peo-
ple over the age of 100 in 1960.
There are now an estimated 2 mil-
lion citizens over that milestone
this year. Do the math.
... and Simple Economics
With a middle-of-the-road
investment portfolio, investors
have historically maintained long-
term annual yields between 10%
and 20%. The same trend can be
reasonable expected for the future.
Starting out with a one-time
investment of $229,000 at an annu-
al yield of 15%, it will take 60
years to make $1 billion dollars. If
I save the requisite amount of cash
by my 25th birthday, I'll be a bil-
lionaire when I turn 85.
What happens if things don't go
according to plan? There are a
1,001 different causes for concern
- I could have health problems,
the market could crash as my 60
years wind up and there could have
been another world war, so that if
we don't die in a nuclear apoca-
lypse, all of my hard-earned money
could become worthless.
I could decide to discard all
worldly possessions and move to
Mexico to join the Zapatista rebels
in their fight for liberation. I could
gamble the whole lot away, or
worse, lose it all to the IRS.
Birthdays - Get Well -
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Fortunately for me, everything
doesn't have to perfectly fall into
place for this dream to become a
reality. As long as the markets are
at least mediocre and providing
that I can scrounge up $230 thou-
sand by hook or crook, things
should fall in place nicely from
What if everything does go
according to- plan? If I'm lucky,
and I'm part of the growing over-
100-year-old demographic, I'll
The "Best Thing About Football Saturdays?" Hands down, readers said "winning."
Proving that size does matter ...
Remember when they showed you
1800 Chem on that campus day tour
to prove that lecture halls at the 'U'
"just aren't that big" ? Basically, this
is a lecture hall that offers students a
great luxury - choices. If you want
to pay attention, feel free to plant
yourself in front and perk up your
pretty little ears. And if not, walk up
a few rows and grab some shut eye or
contemplate the crossword from the
distant back row.
Angell Hall (Best Building)
Student: It's so BIG! Angell Hall:
That's what they all say, baby.
See UNIVERSITY, Page 24B
Even if I work for an Internet
startup (or even multiple Internet
startups) that fails somewhere
along the line, eventually, I'm
bound to get lucky with an IPO.
Even without the IPO, a regular
Internet-related programmer or
salesperson is making oodles more
money than a crane operator of the
same age. Five years from now,
many of us could already be mil-
... Health ...
It is estimated that the scientific
knowledge base now doubles in
less than seven years. Thanks to the
increasing amount of information
Courtesy of Brenda Robinson
if you don't know who this is, read Weekend less and pay attention more.
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The University itself is one of the Best in the
country. For the unbelieving, here are some
of its high rankings for specific fields of
study from the 2001 US News and World
Report Graduate School results:
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