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10B -lhe Michigan Daily - ekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, February 17, 2000
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The Michigan Da - Weekend,-et

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE GIRL OF M

iBabv. I knowv I scre"A up.
I still don't know how I forgot about
Valentine's Day, but I'm so very sorry I
did. Believe mc, girl. I feel more remorse
than the blind man who cannot see the
sunrise.
I should havxe been rakiun. plans for
months, dreaming up ways to make you
happy. to shoo ou u the only one
for me. I know I Thod haxe been mk
ing dinner rescans. ehsne jew-
elr\ and orderinta fiw B;t I!r scrcxxed
up.
Baby. I'm doxxn on m knees. Can ou
fori e mc?
(a lou serch xor bart for a tate of
that sweet honey lmxe that axe once
shared'? ('an you pl ee depths of
xour silken soul fo a hr: o merca to
mend m broe heart ' k% rl all I
ned ianter hanc to make xOuoa
me.
I promise I wxon't makL the same mis-
takes twxice. I'm a newx man, baby. and
I' got m priories tnaight In the
mu' ic theatie of life. ihe aruee of mx
dreams has our name m bihi hns
You're m queen. and m 'our inden-
tured sera ant.
Il'i be the Rhen toa rSaur. the
('ark to a oui LoiK the Ike to aour Tina
-except the onix thin hitting xur lae
wil be mx tend.:r ksses
Girl, xou like Phi Coius Then cixe
me one more night ju:t one more
nisght. so I can treat o rictw l'1 show
von the light and oui loe a il be out 01'
l'll pick you up rig on time. pre}y
ladx, and I'l say. "ionigh belong to us''
I xiii kiss x our hand and compliment
your sparklinc ex es ard lustrous har
Being a gentleman. I a' l not mention out
loud xour curx aceous bodx but, baby. x'ou

know I'll be appreciating that saucy flair
of your hips.
I will gently open the passenger-side
door of my car for you and, once you slip
into the seat, I
will softly close
it. You will be
impressed with
the clean interior{
IfmV '89 Dodge
Spirit because I
x ill haxe just
aacuumed earl ir
m the day'. When
I turn the key in
the ignition. I I
xok oxer at aou
and . B ChisK la
I'd traxel to the
ends of the earh
\\e ail drixe
to dinner at the finest restaurant and I ill
treat you to the most extrxagant selee-
tions on the menu. including Moons
Oxer Mv Hanmmy We ii order a hot
fude sundae for dessert. and I Ill feed
.ou the cherri. whisperinn. 'A sAweet for
mv sweet'
A tter pavin the check, I awill leave our
waxaier a tvo -- no. a three dollar tip and
oull smile approv ingly at my wealth
:id generosity. As I take xyour hand in
mine, IllI say "Girl. there's not enough
monex in the world to buy the beauty of
:our smile."
After dinner. we will take a walk
throuch the streets of the dow ntown area.
\\ hen you grow cold. I ill ofter you my
leather jacket. And s I xrap it around
your slender shoulders. Ill mumble.
" 1mmm. that's funn.' and look puizzled.
When you ask what's w rong, I'll respond,
"I didn't think this jacket would fit over

your wings, because truly you are an
angel."M
I will proceed to serenade you with the
'50s doo-wop classic, "Earth Angel," and
you will wonder to vourself, "Is this real-
ly Chris Kula that I'm with, or is it Jo-Jo
from the smooth R&B duio K-Ci and Jo-
Jo."
Rest assured. lovely lady it is indeed
me, and I sing only for you.
We will return to my house only to
find it peaceful and quiet. for m_ house-
matues haxe gone rock 'ni' bowling for the
night. I xx ill lght candles for you and
burn fraci'ant incense and you xx il begin
to feel your hearm saxel xith passion. I
xill cixe you a seductie ned that says.,
"Yes nix dar'linc, I feel ii. too."
I ax il pop the orkfomnthe xx inc I put'-

chased at Kroger's earlier i
pour two glasses without s
It will taste tart and allurin
luscious lips. As I sit down
the couch, I will slowly
through your hair and wh
light Meirlot. love is best se
temperature"
Once we have finishec
wine. I will take the clas
them aax fron the couch
not crush them. I will as
what kind of music woul
hear right now?" You
and say. "I'd lo'c some An
ma be the Indi (ils.
barmv kiss your Theek :
bad. we're listeninc to Mar
As "Sexual I ealiric bea


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I


ZEMKE
Continued from Page 68
just compared getting a bad grade to
a devastating. traumatic event --
someone beinc xiolated. Those two
things aren't ex en in the same sport,
let alone the ballpark. But go ahead.
drop them in the same lineup with a
random comment like that."
"OK, but how can love be an
overused four-letter word? It con-
quers all. If anything, this world
needs more love."
"Yeah, it does. Believe me, the
world took another helping of nega-
tivity instead of loading up on sone-
thing positive. But don't try and
spread love too thin."
"Excuse me"?"'
"Like I'm saving, the more you
use a strong word lightly the more
you demean it. Girls do this all the
time. They'll sign something, 'Love,
such and such' or 'Ohhh, I just
loooove that red tank top' or some-
thing else annoving like that.,,
"So, they're just being feminine."
"But they're taking so much away

from the word. I mean. I say I oxe
someone when I talk about my fai-
ilv. I -ureli say I loxe something. It'
not like you have strong emotional
ties to an object that happened to
make your day a little more conve-
nient.
"I think you're taking yourself a
little too literally, kid.
"Oh. gimme a break. If people
paid a little more attention when
they talked, they'd have less to take
back. There'd be far less mixed sig-
nals or misunderstandings.
"Come on, now! You don't think
anybody here's that dumb'? At least.
I'm pretty sure no one here is
inbreed."
"OK, you have a point. I'm not
saying people here need the First
Amendment to protect their stupdi-
ty.
"So what are some words that
aren't used enough?"
"Y'know, the basics - pkease,
thanks ... Good job.
- Jon Zem/ke can be reached at
jzemlke(.Umllich.edu.

'I FEEL
Maru 11, .INI
NO ARditu'.li

A Benefitforthe AnnArbor Summer Festival
Call for tickets (734) 764-2538
Tickets are also available at the Burton Memorial
Tower Ticket Office, at the Michigan Union Ticket
Office, at all Ticketmaster outlets, or by calling
Ticketmaster at (248) 645-6666. Concert tickets
range from $25-$60.
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