12B - The Michigan Daily - Weleend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, February 3, 2000 9
THEY DON'T CALL THIS DEGREE A B.S. FOR NOTHING

The Michigan Daily - Weekend, et
Moviegoers will have plenty ofrefgefrom th

A wise man once said that early
4February is the proper time to start work-
ing on your resume.
Of course, another wise man once
proclaimed that Michigan is a glorious
winter wonderland so, judging from the
harshly uninviting frozen structure that
used to be my friendly front porch, my
faith in the whole wise man profession
isn't too strong these days. However, I
guess I can see the point about the
resume business.
Spring break is really only three weeks
caway, and once that's passed the remain-

ing days of the semester will disappear
as quickly as laptop computers at a
Michigan basketball team party. And for
the real go-getters at this university
(read: Everyone but us silly liberal arts
types), the summer months stand for
internships, plum suimmer jobs and solid
career preparation.
And building the killer resume is the
first step for Mr. and Ms. Overachiever.
These folks have already drafted a pro-
fessional cover letter, plotted out their
entire job history and, within the next
couple of weeks, will be sending out

copies of these reference-laden bad boys.
to every marketing agency, engineering
firm and medical lab in the nation.
Hell, as we speak, even the simple
kids at State are probably lining up sum-
mer tractor apprenticeships out in the
swamps and fields.
So what are we LSA slackers to do in
this situation? Few -employers are
impressed with our voluminous knowl-
edge of Jackson Pollock paintings or our
past experiences with the writings of
Henry James, Toni Morrison and Emily
Dickinson. We might be able to speak
fluent Chinese (after only four semesters
of study, I might add!), but pronouncing
"au lait" is the only language require-

ment that you'll likely be faced with at
your local Starbucks.
And since we're not down with the
mathematics scene, the only numbers
we'll be worrying about will be 55.75 -

as in dollars per
hour. Even I
know that's a
piss-poor wage,
and when I came
into U-M as a
freshman, I think
I placed into 7th
grade algebra.
Well, I pro-
pose that we put
to use our shared
trait of unbridled
creativity (or at
least the precious
free time we
afford ourselves
by not taking

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i


Chris Kula
UiIiL F

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masochistic classes in accounting or
organic chemistry). In drawing up those
trusty resumes, remember the words of
'80s slacker idol Ferris Bueller: "Only
the meek get pinched. The bold survive."
And by being bold with your resume,
I don't mean lying per se, but simply
embellishing the truth. For instance,
remember all those wet burrito orders
you placed at Tios' over the years? It
could easily be represented with a line
like "Experience in international affairs,
with an emphasis in Hispanic culture."
Get my point? Catch my drift? Love
the cliches?
So feel free to inject your resume with
enough creative hyperbole to make Allen
Ginsberg shake his head and say "Hot

Er LJU
ALL SCREENS DIGITAL STEREO
ALL THEATERS STADIUM SEATING
HURRICANE (R)
1:00, 3:55, 6:45, 9:30
o EYE OF THE BENOLDER (R)
11:35, 12:55, 1:40, 3:05, 3:40,5:10,
5:45, 7:15, 7:50, 9:20, 10:00
o ISN'T SHE GREAT (R)
11:30, 1:30, 3:30, 5:30, 7:45,9:45
o ANGELA'S ASHES (R)
12:30, 3:25, 6:30, 9:25
o DOWN TO YOU (PG-13)
12:50, 3:45, 5:40, 7:35, 9:20
0PLAY IT TO THE BONE (R)
11:55, 2:25, 4:55, 7:25, 9:55
0 CRADLEWILL ROCK (R) 9:15
GIRL INTERRUPTED (R)
11:10,1:30, 4:20,7:00, 9:35
NEXT FRIDAY (R)
:0 3:10,5:1, 7:40, 9:45
MAGNOLIA(R) 11:55, 3:35, 7:25
CIDER HOUSE RULES (PG-13)
11:00, 1:30,4:10,6:55,9:30
GALAXY QUEST (PG)
12:50,2:55, 5:05, 720, 9:25
TALENTED MR. RIPLEY (R)
11:05,1:45,4:25,7:10,9:50
STUART UTTLE (PG)
11:00, 1:00, 3:00, 5:00, 7:05,9:00
GREEN MILE (R)12:0O, 4:00,8:00
TOY STORY 2(G)
11:15,1:15, 3:15,5;15,7:15
A W
N d ~ > 2~~ i

damn." Here are some examples:
What you write: I possess a detailed
understanding of computer mediated
communications.
What you mean: I check my e-mail in
Angell Hall at least twice a day.
What you write: I have participated
in various fund-raising activities, moti-
vating different groups for the greater
good.
What you mean: Dude, when the keg
ran out at our party last weekend, I
passed my hat around and made sure that
everybody threw in a buck or two, and I
was like "C'mon, hurry up - Sgt.
Pepper's closes at 2!" But Devin made it
in time and it was all good.
What you write: I have experience
in the field ofjournalism.
What you mean: I've often picked up
the Daily for its crossword puzzle.
What you write: I have extensive
editing experience in the field of jour-
nalism.
What you mean: I've finished the
Daily's crossword puzzle.
What you write: I have served as a
principal member of several small liter-
ary committees.
What you mean: I once overheard two
girls talking about a John Grisham book
while I was in the elevator.
What you write: I have volunteered
many hours with special-needs children.
What you mean: I'm a Gargoyle staff
writer.
What you write: I feel very strong-
ly that my personality traits speak louder
than my educational career.
What you mean: Okay, at least I
understand that I really screwed myself
over when I chose art history as my
major.
What you write: I thrive on pressure
situations where I am thrust into the pub-
lic eye.
What you mean: I ran the Naked Mile
last year,
What you write: I feel as if I excel
in relating to others.
What you mean: No, man, I totally get
you. Totally. It's like, when the music is
just right, it feels like a warm shower of,
like, warmth. Yeah, man ... wow, this is
really some good shit.
What you write: I am very active on
campus.
What you mean: The doctor at UHS
said my herpes is pretty active right now.
What you write: I thank you for
your time and consideration.
What you mean: Thanks for turning
me down again. Man, I should really
start considering that Starbucks gig.
-kv ou have anv futher qutestions or
would like to arrange an interview IChris
Kula can be reached at
ckulau ich edu and 1.4 is a "people per-
sena " and f "team pla er" wh "i a "real
S't&J- S HfL: ihs<.'kll f-iF ?r"You) 100 I1Unn

SPRING FILMS
Continued from Page 3B
action remake of "Romeo and
Juliet" that pits Asian and African-
American gangs against each other.
If action isn't your bag, it looks like
there is no other alternative this
weekend for your moviegoing plea-
sure. Sure, "Mr. Accident" opens
that same week, but it stars Yahoo
Serious. Need I say more? Don't
vorry, plates will be more than full
the last week in March, in which an
incredible nine movies are set to
open.
Here's a quick rundown of this
crammed weekend. "Here on Earth"
is about a boy who falls in love with
a terminally ill girl (Leelee Sobieski,
fresh off her Golden Globe win for
"Joan of Arc"). "Time Code 2000" is
DO YOU ENJOY
READING
WEEKEND, ETC.?
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WRITE FOR US.
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FOR MORE INFO.


a daring film shot in one day, and set
in Los Angeles with no editing in
real time. Jimmy Smits stars in
"Price of Glory" and trains his sons
to become championship boxers.
"Whatever it Takes" is a teen movie
where two guys trick the girls of
their dreams into dating them.
Johnny Depp is a rare book collector
looking for a demonic tome in "The
Ninth Gate," a all-too-rare outing for
expatriate director Roman Polanski
of "Chinatown" fame.
"Scary Movie" (the original work-
ing title for "Scream," which is
probably why Miramax knew to
recycle it) is a parody of the teen-
horror genre starring lots of Wayans
brothers. "East is East" is a comedic
British import about a Pakistani
shop-keeping family in the '70s.
"The Road to El Dorado" is an ani-
mated quest for the famed city of
gold. Finally, in "High Fidelity,"
John Cusack plays a record store
owner faced with the prospect of
having to grow up.
April has its share of flicks as
well, but since release dates are still
tentative, here for your condensed
reading pleasure are some of the
month's most promising selections
(therefore perhaps likeliest to arrive
on schedule). "American Psycho" is
a provocative thriller about a sex-
obsessed serial murderer, featuring
Christian Bale, Reese Witherspoon
and Chloe Sevigny. "The Big
Kahuna," starring Kevin Spacey and
Danny DeVito, is a tense corporate
drama about three travelling sales-

Johnny Depp continues to probe the dark side in "The Ninth Gate." He not

men holed up in a hotel room on the
verge of a huge deal (or so they
think).
After being abandoned by her
boyfriend on a trip, a pregnant 17-
year old (Natalie Portman) lives out
of a Wal-Mart while seeking answers
to life's questions in "Where the
Heart Is." In the comedy
"Committed," Heather Graham fol-

lows her unfaithful husb
the country in a strong
fidelity. "U-571" is a W
action drama about a U.S.
on a dangerous secre
Lastly, "28 Days" featu
Bullock learning how to I
again in the alien confine
center.
There certainly will





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