4 - The Michigan Daily - Monday, January 28, 2000 ~th irIigr t ]&dg After a combined seven years, effort goes out the door 420 Maynard Street Ann Arbor, MI 48109 dailyletters@umich. ecdu Edited and managed by students and a monkey at the University of Michigan HEATHER KAMINS Editor in Chief JEFFREY KOSSEFF DAVID WALLACE Editorial Page Editors Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of the majority of the Daily's editorial board. All other articles, letters and cartoons do not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily. To the leter writers:. For the love of God, don't use passive voice H ey, do you notice we're not running severe abuse of the 300 word limit. We've any letters to the editor today? You checked the names attached to these letters, know why? Because most of you are punks and we've yet to see "Shakespeare" or and suckas. "Yeats." So we're chopping them down. Dave: All right, Jeff, here we go, fastest column ever written. I type a line, you type a line. It's been a great ride. Jeff: But sometimes it's been like a tour through hell. I don't believe in hell, but if I did, it would involve dealing with some of the people we've met during our time as editorial page editors. D: Right. OK, I'm going to change topics now. Um, so how about, those Bears? J: You mean my high school football team?' D: You know, we could save a lot of time if we wrote this column in our own handwriting on the page. Why didn't Jeffrey we think of that earlier? and Davii J: First, we're drunk. Second we've typed all aye l our other columns. Excellent Remember, precedent is a huge part of this page. It constrains every decision we've made. D: Jeff, why'd you erase the part about your handwriting. I had a good joke. I was going to mention that I could never tell if one of your notes said "Edit board at 4" or "Quick, get my pills!" J: During most of our edit boards, I wish I had pills. Although I've never been addicted to illegal substances, edit board always seemed like the ideal place to start. D: And many did. Did you see half the things we ran? J: I disagreed with a lot of our editorials in principle, but you have to remember that we have to follow our page's precedent. D: And if I bothered to find out what that means, I would certainly have supported the policy. rI J: At this point, I don't know what it means either. But that's what the alcohol does. D: Well, Jeopardy night's a little quieter than I expected. J: Hey - let's explain to the non-Dailyites what Jeopardy is. Today is the last paper for the senior editors. No underclassmen are allowed in the building. The seniors have a feast, get drunk and put out a quality publica- tion. And we also climb to the attic, which you only visit on your last night at the Daily. It's very Lord of the Flies. D: I probably should read Lord of the Kosseff Flies in case I become ' Wallace an English teacher. You succinctly explained d e t-Jeopardy night, and I Adventure will return to my thoughts on it in a moment. Hey, what do you think happened to all the staffers and potential staffers we lost along the way? J: We remember them on the back page. But I don't care about them. They're wimps. Hey - you're not going to be an English teacher. I thought we were going to take over the New York Times's editorial page. D: You're right. I completely forgot. Well, we'll have to gas up the Taurus and drive out there and take up our offices. We'll change the quote to "All the news that's fit to print, and some that isn't." J: Like viewpoints from those people who write us every day. D: Absolutely. You think the New York Times ever ran a column like this? J: I doubt it. Maureen Dowd isn't talented enough. But she's getting there. D: Yes, she's well on her way. She only has one more Pulitzer than us, but we're only 21. Some record. What do you think will happen to the page when we're gone? J: It will crumble. There shall be no more opinions once Wallace and Kosseff are gone. D: Agreed. All yield to the holy egoism of our genius. J: That's what editorial writing is all abou One part egoism, one part logic, one part clea writing and one part rum. D: For the record, I'm not drunk (Potentially future presidential campaign sav- ing disclaimer only I think is funny). Hey, I said I'd come back to the Jeopardy issue. You know why I think we really put it out? J: Why, oh sober one? D: Because we've got nothing left to prove. After a year, there's no distance left to run. J: Wow, you're getting a little too deep o& me. You sound like a fortune cookie. D: Just trying to inject some culture into this rag. Hey, you know, we've still got a few columns until April. J: Luckily, that's all we have. The Daily's been the most amazing experience, but it's time for a break. D: Yes. And like everything truly great, it can't be sustained forever. Last one out, turn off the lights. Peace. - Jeffrey Kosseff can be rcached 40 jkosseft@umich.edu. Thank you, Crystal, for providing moral support and waiting for me to finish the page (since I always was late). Thank you, Dave B.,for a bottomless supply of editorial banter David Wallace can be reached at davidmw@umich.edu. Love to Mom and Dad and the rest of thefamily. Respect to Craig Barer Wysocki, Costello, Haner Levi, Ozzy, and all who loved the column. H1a4Ifa shout out to all who didn 't like the column, but read it anywa* We're sure many of you are upset not to Nothing personal, see more letters on abor- tion, but we really think you've kind of exhausted the topic. It's time to quit being in love with your name in print. Anyone can write a letter to the editor, but few can write a good let- ter to the editor. After a year at the helm, we can spot the sloppy keyboard tappings of an engineer from a mile away (kilo- meter for you engineers). If there's one thing we're sick of, it's the little "potshot at the Daily" section so many of you like to include. You know what it is. "Of all the pointless articles I've read in the Daily ..." or "Finally, the Daily has written a worthwhile arti- cle." How many articles have you written? Did you ever fill an entire newspaper page in one hour at 2 a.m., with a midterm in a few hours? You should think before you write. Indicting the Daily's con- tent indicts yourself. If A glossary for letters to the editor Because most letters to the editor misuse simple terms, we re defining them for you as a going-away gift. Save Emily some time and learn these. Editorial: Any unsigned piece on the left side of page 4. This is the opinion of the Daily's editorial board. It is, not a "story,' "article," "column" or "view- point." Letter: The drivel we receive from the University community, which runs on the right side of the page, under the column. Letters are not editorials or articles. This is the most common mistake you make. And the Daily is not responsible for the content of letters (if we were, we'd send all of you to some introductory composition refresh- er classes). Also, they have to be signed; your ideas are so great, take responsibility for them. Column: These are the pieces that run in the top right-hand section of the page with the pretty pictures of people. Not everyone has a divine right to have a column. You must apply by the deadline, and you must write well. Article: These run in the news, sports and arts sections. They are unbiased and aren't loaded with political agendas. Viewpoint: Bloated letters from ego- maniacs. but space is money. Please stop lecturing us on what you consider journalistic integrity. We're surprised most of you can spell it. We have a hard time believ- ing you learned journal- istic integrity in EECS 100. As a first lesson, the editorial page must loudly state its opin- ions. Secondly, journal- istic integrity does not mean you agree with it. Our predecessors for the past 109 years have fought for the right to publish unsigned, opin- ionated editorials. They are the voice of the paper. Editorial writing is the greatest freedom a journalist has. We're not going to stop doing it because it hurts your feelings. Fortunately, the administration and nobody other than the editors - has no con- trol over what we pub- lish, because we're financially indepen- dent. Sure, members of the administration may influence when their let- our articles are boring, that's because we cover you. In that case, you're boring. We can't help it if all the exciting people on campus work at 420 Maynard St. If you send so many letters that we begin to recognize your writing style, you proba- bly should re-prioritize your schedule. Get another job, or enroll in a fifth class. If writ- ing letters to us is your hobby, you're pretty pathetic. There's a whole world out there, outside of daily. letters@umich.edu. Experience life, and if you find something interesting along the way, send a letter. The letters section is not a space for your week- ly column. Another species of letter writer enjoys sending us 10-page diatribes on whatever editorials they disagree with. This is a occasionally try to ters to the editor run, but we never let them. It's our call, not their call or your call. And that's'the greatest thing about the Daily. That goes for every letter to the editor. Just because your letter doesn't run the day after you send it, don't send us another one telling us how much you're being censored. You're not. We get letters by the stack, and some are better than others. But most run; if yours did- n't, don't take it personally. We don't have enough time to hold vendettas. Also, if we censored the letters so we always looked good, we wouldn't run any letters. Only the outraged pick up the pen. As Dennis Miller said, "I vent. Therefore I am." You've given us a lot to vent about. But we've loved every minute of it. You come to a University looking to be challenged, in search of stimulus and brilliant minds. You want to be entertained with cre- ative energy, humor and independence. You crave freedom, but still hope for support and a helping hand. I have found all of that at Michigan - at the Daily. I cannot count the thousands of hours I have spent in the Student Publications Building during the past three years, but I know that I always will wish there were more. I entered the Daily very shy and quiet. In three and a half years, this place, this building, this institution has corrupted me, motivated me and driven me. I've learned to write, to speak up, to strive for better. Besides finding out how a bunch of stu- dents "playing newspaper" could create one of the finest publications in the nation 'e met people here who have taught me how to think and how to love. I 'm forever thankful. Daily I'll miss you. HEATHER KAMINS EDITOR IN CHIEF When I tell people I'm an editor at the Daily, I 'm usually met with a look of sympa- thy and a joke about the paper's quality. Those reactions rarely annoyed me. The Daily is the best college newspaper in the coun- try. I'm living proof of that. I went from a fresh- man who was terrified of reporting to someone who has interviewed (and often challenged) four cabinet members, a former U.S. president (twice), three U.S. senators, the current U.S. vice president and presidents of the top colleges in the country -just to name a few. I also made life-long friends while order- ing Pizza House at 3:30 a.m., worked with people who are destined to be leaders in jour- nalism in the near future and played in the snow with Yachnin. Thank you, Daily, because I don't remember who I was before you. JEFFREY KoSSEFF EDITORIAL PAGE EDITOR "I can scarcely bid you good bye even in a letter I a/ways made an awkward bow" -John Keats Like Keats, I don't know how to say the goodbye I want to say. I came to the Daily for an extracurricular activity; I leave it as the best part of a great college experience. My respect to those who came before. My pride to those who come after. My effort to the editorial page. My deep admiration for my colleagues. For the next staff, the words of John McCrae: "To you from failing hands we throw/The torch; be yours to hold it high" Forever is three years in 500 words. I did- n't know a piece of your soul could be so small. DAVID WALLACE EDITORIAL PAGE EDITOR One of the things that always pushes us around here - even when people storm into our offices, call us profane names on the phone and declare that every article we've written is obviously backed by some hidden political agenda - is that we only get to do this once. So here's the better part of a college career, neatly encapsulated in a space, I'm told, which cannot exceed four column inches. That's one of those things you learn fast at The Daily. Inches. What you don't even learn until you're almost gone is how much your time in this building meant to you, what good friends you made and how much you'll miss it. A friend told me yesterday that in a year, I'll forget all the stupid fights, arguments and petty unhap- piness this place caused. Instead, I'm told, I'll remember only the good times. Laughing in the press box with. three friendsnext to me. (Not the way most newspapers work, I'm told). I'll remember every road trip - from Iowa City to State College. I'll remember sitting around the newsroom, the paper already finished talking to friends I found by doing something I never thought I'd do until I finally did it -- joining the Daily. RICK FREEMAN MANAGING SPORTS EDITOR After spending four years at this University, I can't help but to remember the times when life was much simpler. I remember a time when waking up at 8 a.m. didn't mean taking an exam or digging sleep out my eye as I entered Angell Hall. No, 8 a.m. meant wak- ing up on a Saturday and sitting in front of the TV, watching Alvin & the Chipmunks while eating a big bowl Apple Jacks in my pajamas with the feet attached. And then after Alvin came, the Smurfs and more Apple Jacks. Bring back the times when I could come home and brag to my mother about getting an A on a long division test. Now I am lucky enough to brag to my mother if a professor remembers my name. Hi to Mike M., Monte, SCG, Joe B. , Joe J., Eboni, Pretty, D.H. and R. (Love you DMW) NIKITA EASLEY NEWS EDITOR A copy of The Michigan Daily lay on my bed. I felt the thin sheets of print between my fingers as I folded it and tossed it on the floor. I read the bylines of friends, coworkers - peo- ple whose collective creativity, drive and vision has always awed me. I cannot explain fully what the Daily has meant to me. It has been my one constant, with all the emotional highs and lows, chaos of deadlines, tough deci- sions and perfect moments. It's like some of the most intense relationships, a balance of love and hate. But, I wouldn't change a single minute of this wild ride. To all the people share memories of the Daily, may we always have the passion of our experience. To my girls, with love, thanks for listening to me tell you how much I wanted to leave that building and understanding even more why I couldn't stay away. KATIE PLONA NEWS EDITOR Throughout the last three-and-a-half years at the Daily, I really never thought that this would happen; that this crazy, psychotic, excit- ing ride would ever end. But that day has come. It is over. I could go through the list and thank everyone that I have ever worked with or enjoyed being in the com- pany of individually, but that would take this ,,lli, no ap The world is new. I have given the Daily the best I have to offer, and I've gotten even more in return. To everyone who helped make that happen, thank you. I'll miss you. JOSH KLEINBAUM SPORTS EDITO. My friends always wondered why I waspt The Daily so often. How much time could it possibly take to write an article? How does a 10-minute trip turn into an all-'night ordeal? They never understood that the paper they picked up in the morning was the result of many hours the night before. Bitt what we do is as much fo us as it is for everyonie else. And seeing people reading th. next day is all the reward we need. Even if t you guys are doing is looking for the crossword. Shout out to the Bunker. And I'm out. ANDY LATACK SPORTS EDITOR After following my brother into the Daily; I figured I'd learn a lot about many things. Maybe I'd learn to write an article; maybe' learn to edit; maybe I'd learn to lay out apg In the end the most important lesson was real- izing how hard a figure my brother is to match. AARON RICH FORMER ARTS EDITOR "For a student newspaper claiming to be objective, it is most alarming how frequently the Daily attacks the Greek comnunity" - Maureen Sirhal, the-Publ Relations chair of Panhel, in a le responding to my first Daily editorial, "What's the Rush" (9/10/96). This early response was only the tip of the iceberg. Four years later, the Daily and I have been called nearly every name in the book. But hey, we all have opinions, right? Some of us even got to write about them. JACK SCHILLACI DAILY COLUMN~ FORMER EDITORIAL PAGE EDITO Soon after I've left this place, some people are going to renovate it. I don't know how it'll turn out, or even if I'll recognize it, but I know the way it is right now will stay intact in my memory - piles of trash, temperamental com- puters, treacherous couches and all. I'll even volunteer to be keeper of the flame, since it's something no other rational person would want to do. I got here late, but I think I've madewn for it by spending a LOT of time here this year My co-workers made my life (and me) better, and helped me produce something I was proud of I have to get back to them now, so they don't tear the place down without my help. JEFF DRUCHNIAK WEEKEND, ETC. EDITOR Years of free movies, free CDs and fr DVDs through my many Daily scams has taught me one thing: never pay for anything. Some things that need to be cleared up: it's Jack, not Narrator. I am not a CIA operative but I do fancy myself as Chuck Barris from time to time. Exodus 8:2 will set you free. And I i,. n llf1 n i me Elitism is bunk A megaphone does not a student leader make ith hundreds of student organiza- tions and a student government that rivals the Duma in size, many University students have the opportunity to coat their resumes and egos with impressive titles such as president, direc- tor and chair. Our University even has special societies and clubs for student "leaders." This classification of a superi- or group of students is flawed and unfair. This inane elitism promotes the untrue belief that students who participate in scores of activities have greater leader- ship abilities than those who don't. We have one response to that: Get off your high horses. A student who volunteers at a hospital rather than sitting on an MSA committee isn't any less of a "leader." There is no way to gauge leadership. No matter how many protests you hold or motions you make, you're not superior to your peers. A sad fact Daily admits long-time secret K, we must confess. We've gotten away wjithi it fn rilthese uer- It keen us un front page. Most of them have no scientific hbcking We know this conies as a surprise.