LOCAL/STATE The Michigan Daily - Friday, January 28, 2000 - 3 Breaking and entering at 'U' Power plant )PS reports confirmed a break-in at e Washtenaw Ave. power plant. An unidentified man, dressed as Santa Claus, slid down one of the plant's 15- story smokestacks. The 300-degree exhaust streaming through the pipes caused the perpetrator's untimely death. Eight reindeer were recovered at the scene. No charges will be filled, according to DPS reports. Snowmen killed i murder spree An unnamed University student phoned DPS last night to report a crime against snowmen on 555 Arbor St. The snowman was found decapitated. Investigators are finding it difficult to recover the head because of current snowy conditions. ugly boy asks hot 'i out on date Confirmed ugly male, Dave Enders, crossed the line of decency when he asked class hottie, Caitlin Nish, for a date. Nish reported the matter to the GSI at the scene, who scolded Enders and told him to "stick to Doom." Students melt snow on campus 40A band of unruly students were spotted with buckets of hot water, melting snow all throughout cam- pus. DPS officials determined no charges could be filed, but showed the students how the snow felt, Ten of the students were dunked in cold water. Admissions office admits dummy DPS received a phone call yesterday regarding questionable activity in the admissions office. A first-year student was under speculation for being admit- ted to the University because his father is an alum. Further investigation will be taken. Cube rounded out in sporadic anti- forners display Groupies who follow the band "They Might be Giants" mounted their auto- mobile onto the cube last night and drove over it, back-and-forth until noth- ing remained of the University's sacred treasure but a circle. DPS does not have any suspects in C4 "circular" case, but University sident Lee Bollinger has said he will "stand out there with a hammer and chisel until the appropriate corners are 'back in action" Consequently, "They Might be Giants" has cancelled its concert at Hill Auditorium next month. 'Motherly' love at East Quad After exploiting young, first-year *les for 20 years, East Coast mom Janice Hooks, better known as "Mother lo e these," was busted yesterday after an anonymous male student com- plained to an officer that he "just can't suck any more toes." Officers caught Hooks after she was visiting the residence hall last week in her mid-semester recruit- ment rounds. Hooks was scheduled to go to trial -sterday, but she escaped from her home after being let out on bail. Police ae now searching residence halls for Hook and her accomplices. Sorority girl eats sisters, purges, retains slim figure Upset over the lack of croutons and ,ese in the house salad bar, a sorori- 'sister started a bloody massacre when she killed and ate three of her fel- low sisters. Sources report that the girl then regurgitated them back up feeling as though she had eaten too many calories for one day. She allegedly accompanied her boyfriend to a party where she asked multiple witnesses "Do I look fat? Do I A k chunky?" - Compiled by Daily Staff Reporters Adam Brian Cohen and Aaron Rich. YIPPEE takes world by storm, destroys Sub Club By Katie Plona Daily Superstar The chick rock sensation YIPPEE, - named for the last names of its three Daily members Jenni Yachnin, Katie Plona and Niki Easley - captured the world's heart and horrified their parents with debut album, "Take the Photo, Bitch." In a special interview with The Michigan Daily yesterday, YIPPEE members described their breakthrough sound as a mix of country, hip-hop, trance and a little bit of Kosseff. Easley found the group's name fit- ting in remembrance of her brawl with photog Sara Schenck, in which Easley walked away not only with top acco- lades for her kung fu style but also with a mediocre feature photo. "That girl had attitude - too much attitude," Easley said: "We don't take any sh*!" The group's competition these days - if there is any? Their biggest girl-group rival is without a doubt the Sub Club, that cackling of scrawny, whiny girls famous for such hits as "Three Idiots in Boxers;' "Screwing in an Elevator," and "Love to Feed that Meter." "My dogs sing better than those chicks," Plona quipped. In response to YIPPEE complaints that the Sub Club is nothing but Bananarama wannabees, Sub Club member Nike Stiletto said, "Who's Bananarama?" Still, no one can dispute that YIPPEE kicks ass. These hoochie mamas attribute their sassy style to several influences, including famous red spahn tomatoes, the green of Grassy-ass and the white of Den Herder. Nick Bulky produced the record, because, damn, that boy is always right! After beepin' J.J. Winkler got done banging her boyfriend, she also laied some tracks, while police officers escorted Jewel Gopwani off the sound stage because she simply would not stop singing her favorite Bon Jovi song "Bad Medicine." "I never thought a buttload of this would come true, not in my wildest dreams," Yachnin remarked. North Campus secedes from 'U' to avoid literacy tests JENNIFER YACHNIN/DMAy YIPPEE takes a break in the basement of the Student Publications Building yesterday. 'things you'I never see in our paper because we hate t em:TeMcia Children, old eople The Michigan IcandnotheorolReview. Oh walt, cannot controlwe don't hate their owelsthem, we pity them. By Jeannie Baumann North Campus Correspondent NORTH CAMPUS - In protest of the Provost's office's increased writing requirements for non-LSA students, North Campus students declared a secession from the rest of the University yesterday. Secession leaders -- who represent all schools and col- leges on North Campus as well as student residence halls - symbolized their secession by posting maize and blue 'NC' across Nofth Campus and chanting, "Hey, hey! Ho, ho! Writing requirements have got,to go!" "If I wanted to be a writer, I would have been an English major," said Joe Drapery, a Music sophomore who was named president of North Campus University by the Coalition to Revoke Writing Requirements By Any Means Necessary. "I ain't taking no writing classes." University Provost Nancy Cantor announced the addition- al writing requirements last week, citing an increasing need to improve student's writing skills. "Exceptional writing skills are an essential quality no mat- ter what path a student decides to take" she said. But NCU leaders said that the additional writing require- ment is a conspiracy by University administration to enroll North Campus students for at least an additional semester. "They know that we pay a higher tuition than anybody else, and it's hard enough as it is to graduate in four years," an Engineering junior said. "This requirement will make it impossible for any North Campus student to graduate on time, and they know that. It's just an example of the man getting us down." University President Lee Bollinger declared the recent turn of events a "travesty". "If they had just waited, they would have realized that they were part of the master plan too"he said. "We really care about our North Campus students. After all, they're most likely to be the alumni who can donate large sums of money to the University in the next 20 years." Michigan Student Assembly Vice President Andy Coulouris said this is not what he meant by civic engage- ment. "The Voice Your Vote Task Force wants students to get involved in political issues they feel are important, but this is a bit extreme," he said. Cantor said despite the succession, the University will keep the writing requirements. She also said students who wish to continue at the University are welcome to take classes on Central Campus. "We want all students who normally take classes on North Campus to know that we welcome them back to the Diag," she said. But Drapery said it was "about time" North Campus suc- ceeded from the Central Campus. "People south of Fuller will never understand. We just need to be able to express who we truly are, under our own NCU flag," he said.r -All senior Daily Staff Reporters contributed to this report. Weather features. If we see another damn snowball, we'll piss on it. 3 Birds. We hate the birds. The sQ uawking, the birds. The birds. 7 Seals. We hate seals. They smell and they make loud clapping noises. Libel. We hate libel. It means we get sued and then we get paid less money. 9 Monkeys. No wait, we like monkeys, in fact we work with one. (He's trained.) O Greek people. They're always wearnn togas, i's inappropriate. 4Liberals. Wah. Save the world. Everyone is an equal. Wah wah. Conservatives. Hey, let's take away everyone's rights! 1 0 Despite being on the slow side, Dole manages to keep the juice Dole stops in Lansing as part of the "Women for Bush" tour. By Jeremy Wassup Peters Daily Staff Reporter LANSING- Elizabeth Dole was late - almost 45 minutes late in fact, but her delayed arrival did not diminish the enthusiasm of the crowd gathered at the State Capitol to greet her. About 100 cheering supporters packed a small room on the fourth floor of the Capitol yesterday after- noon to hear the former U.S. Transportation Secretary and presi- dent of the American Red Cross voice her support for Texas Gov. George W. Bush in the upcoming presidential election. "Our purpose is to preach it loud and clear wherever we go that Gov. George W. Bush will be the next President of the United States," Dole said. Dole's stop in Lansing was part of a three city "Women for Bush" tour that made its way across the state yesterday with additional stops in Grand Rapids and Novi. Joining Dole were Michigan First Lady Michelle Engler and Michigan Secretary of State Candice Miller. "How many president George W. Bush Republicans do we have in this room?" Miller asked the predomi- nantly Republican crowd, which responded with thunderous applause. Dole's decision to support the Texas governor comes only a few months after her own withdrawal from the presidential race. "I'm very much at peace with my decision to withdraw," she said adding that there is no animosity between her and Bush. Dole's campaigning has led many to wonder whether or not she could become the Republican vice presi- dential candidate should Bush secure the party's nomination. B a- m- t E _,....._,_: I I (I 1 1 5 ' f 'I l \ !.- 1 111* mo L .ZCd9. b"F3 ?Q _?Y j, z: a £ x '. I lqlr-® LOOK MOM - I DID THIS!!! HEATHER KAMINS/Daily Here is a drawing I did all by myself. It's Liddy Dole. She's juicy. Like the pineapple. I E'IV!SI~iU-"I 5=1 i She quickly brushed off any such assumption. "It's not something I'm focused on at all. It's premature to even spec- ulate," Dole said. Rally participants were enthusias- tic about the possibility of a Bush- Dole ticket. Penny Filonczuk, a Dansville resi- dent who came to see Dole with her two young daughters, said although she is undecided at this point for whom she will vote, she would sup- port Bush if Dole were his running mate. "I'm all for it," Filonczuk said. "I think she has proven herself in her ability to run the Red Cross and would make a fine vice president." Michigan State University student Kimberly Brosky also said she would support Dole for the nation's number-two seat. "I'd like to see her as a possible vice president. She is an incredible leader and I would throw even more of my ,support behind George W; Bush if she were his running mate," Brosky said. Dole was not the only woman in the room who could have a new address next January. If the Republicans capture the White House in the November elec- tion, it is rumored in high political, circles that the governor could be offered a position in the new Republican administration. Michelle Engler said this is not something with which she and her family are concerned. "We don't think we'll be moving any time soon," she said. "We'll be staying in Michigan for at least the next three years while John finishes his term." OF COURSE, THE AD LINES in Health Administration for Undergraduate Minority Students at The University of Michigan School of Public Health, APPLICATION DEADLINE: MARCH 3,2000 *Paid Internships *GRE course by KAPLAN and other benefits Contact: Dr. Richard Lichtenstein or Carmen M. Harrison SUMMER ENRICHMENT PROGRAM Department of Health Management & Policy M3226 The University of Michigan Ann Arbor, MI 48109-2029 e. x xj;': "Y L, , :, ~ca £ u :> :i