2 - The Michigan Daily - Friday, January 28, 2000 NATION/WORLD PENIS Continued from Page 1 these sperm had to compete with one another. "This is a good example of biological reductionism," she said. Travis said there are countless exam- pies of primates and other animal species in which male and female ten- dencies differ from the societal norm. In situations like this, Travis explained, females engage in sex frequently with numerous partners, while males remain nonogamous, nurturing and faithful. Travis urged her audience that sci- ence should "bring us closer together LAWSUIT Continued from Page 1. and the trial date would be set for some- time next Januarv. University spokesperson Julie Peterson said that since the Office of the University General Counsel has not had a chance to review the motion, the UJniversity has no official comment for we should not be the same, we should not be identical, but we should be close enough," she said. Many students who attended the dis- cussion said they were highly enter- tained by Travis' lecture and agreed with her visions for sexual equality. "She is really a charming speaker," LSA senior Diane Tider said. "She has a lot of interesting things to say. I agree with a lot of it. I read some of her books too. I respect her enormously." April Zeoli, a Public Health graduate student said Travis "was provocative and interesting. She points out the fal- lacies we take for granted as being true. I love her style," Zeoli said. the time being. A date to hear the motion has not been set as of now, Massie said, but she said she is confident the motion to extend the discovery phase will be granted. "I'm confident (an appeal) won't be necessary," she said, adding "the time we are asking for is absolutely neces- sary. I don't think Judge (Bernard) Friedman will force us to appeal" Am eric-.Adan m en d pie f sex, Steffi says ACROSS THE NATION I By Chris Grandstaff and Jacob Wheeler Daily Culture Critics AIX EN PROVENCE, France -- Breasts. Breasts everywhere. Drive down an American expressway, look at the billboards on the median, and all you'll see are breasts - American style. Think of it. Don't you love breasts? Say the word to yourself ... Breasts. See, isn't that nice? According to German supermodel Steffi Heimenbroken, American males are sexually deprived, and that's why they crave big breasts instead of long, smooth legs or tight buttocks that appeal to more European men. "It's nice to come to America," Heimenbroken said. "They don't just look at my ass. They love my tits too. Butt they never notice my best feature, my ass. Heimenbroken contrasts her experi- ences in a European disco in Stuttgart with her adventures in a meat-market bar in the United States, as she lies on the beach along the Mediterranean Sea. "Back home the men use their legs and hips to dance close to me and rub up against my athletic body. Beautiful women are nothing new to them, so they are more selective on who they pick up." -Americans, Heimenbroken said, have to-sneak peeks at porno magazines or they have to stare at an illegally-pur- chased Cinemax channel until they can make out a woman's body through all "They never notice my best feature, my ass. f' - Model Steffi Heimenbroken, on Ameicans. the static. "Consequently" Heimenbroken said, "American men love breasts, because they are the easiest things to grab ahold of, and groping doesn't take any danc- ing talent." Doctor Groper of University of California at Berkeley agrees with Steffi. "As a professional I have to admit that I too love grabbing breasts" Giropper said. "They're soft, they're fun and damn it I love them ... The American breast is much bigger than any other breast on the planet. Historians have argued for years that breasts were in fact the reason for the great immigration to America. Breasts are great because they serve milk. but they're also a metaphor for sex. Don't you love an erect nipple? I do!" It's no secret that Americans are the fattest people in the world, per capita. And much of a woman's body fat goes straight to her breasts. So it's natural that American men would flock to large-breasted women. is wil(deardy ear Wifey smuggles drugs, hubby fails to notice NEW YORK - The wife of the former commander of the U.S. Army's anti-drug operation in Colombia pleaded guilty yesterday to drug charges and said her hus- band (who has to be a complete and total num-nut) knew nothing of a plan to smuggle S700,000 worth of heroin. "I never told him what I was doing." (well, no kidding lady) Laurie Anne Hiett told reporters said after pleading guilty in federal court. Still free on bond, she faces up to nine years in prison at sentencing on April 28 (oops!) Hiett - whose husband, Col. James Hictt, was head of U.S. anti- drug operations in Bogota - talked openly with reporters about her past drug addiction and said she was sorry her case made headlines while the United States is waging a costly (i.e. ineffective) war on drugs. "There are people dying every day to fight this, and then I did what I did," she said. "I'm not proud of it I just truly apologize." Man gets into backs of big car for free EVERETT, Wash.- - No more limousine larks for Robert Whcclpri Jr. Limo drivers in the Seattle-Everett area now know who he is and are wise to his tricks, said Mike Paulson, operator of A Fine Ride Limousine in Mill Creek. Snohomish County prosecuto said Wheeler ran up a SI12,851 bill itt October after claiming to be from an investment company and asking the limo company to pick him up ata restaurant. - Wheeler said that if there was any problem with payment, his invest- nent company would foot the bill because he was "a valued cus- tomer." Eating disorder plagued, fat people upset BURLINGTON, Vt. -- Hear the screams for ice cream ripple across this low- fat, calorie-conscious land full of maple syrup farmers : "Multi-flavors NOT multinationals!" "Save the cow!" "Don't sell out!" Upset that Ben & Jerry's Homemade Holdings Inc. is considering unsolicited burout offers, fans of the superpremium brand (read: high-fat, high-calorie) rallie this week at several franchises across the nation to urge the company to resist th lure of the megamerger and remain independent. (Mmm. Ice cream. Yummmmv.) No one gathered in Vermont (there's not really much there except cows), where Be & Jerry's Scoop Shops are all company-owned. But it is here, where nonnatives are. derisively called "fatlanders" and residents were the first to buy Ben & Jerrv's stock (and get real fat off of ice cream), that the prospect of the tie-dyed (oh! look! hippies!) duo selling out to an international conglomerate generates the greatest anxiety. No for-profit firm is so heralded - and so scrutinized for its commitment toy; socially responsible business, from environment-friendly packaging to the 7.5 per-.' cent in pretax profits donated to charity. Nor does any enterprise so indelibly con- jure a nostalgic image of Vermont, where black-and-white spotted cows forever graze amid rolling green hills. "As we market Vermont, we market Ben & Jerrv's," said Gov. Howard Dean (1 who is attempting to ward off a sale. "And as they market Ben & Jerry's, they mar- ket Vermont." (Do you feel the need to eat and purge now?) EARN $1 O.00O$20.00/hr Do you have a car? c~g/Te Drju'ers .-Jimmy John's fe wont tAe best ona weeo3 tee 3tr Apply at 600 Packard St. Call 741-9200 Ask for Todd or Brad! Or 929 E. Ann St. Call 913-9200 Ask for Dan or Mike! Ya the fo r mi you n AROUND THEWR .: --ix.'; \ "1 w ' ; , t y l " rN/ F S S FOR A GOOD TIME CALL 817-4346. O gerente ________ do edficlo IRST UNITED METHODIST CHURCH 120 South State Street 662-4536 PUBLICACIlOES do ESTUDANTE 1_NAY: Worship at 9:30 and 11:00 am PBIAIOSd SUAT Green Wood Location que CONSTROEM - o gerente David 1001 Green Road 665-8558 Friedo do edificio de SPB ganh quase ATUDAY~ Upbeat Worship at 5:00 pm s56.000 um o ano, e nos nao temos nenhuma iddia porque talvez e por causa de suas iddias grandes. Sugeiu uma vez que n6s substituimos todas as hist6rias atrasadas com os cartoons. Que iddia grande! Seria como os " comics de domingo. Somente sem cor. )D E conm os cartoons realmente ofen- sivos! Uma de suas mais melhores potencialidades, entretanto, e sua abili- dade de escrever os memorandos, a maioria de que sao absolutamente sem t sentido. Ao menos distribui aproxi- madamente 100 c6pias aos varios membros da cquipe de funcionarios durante todo o edificio. Esta todo em vao; nao dao um shit o que diz. No Iado brilhante, controla o fluxo das chaves aos banheiros do mistdrio. Grimace attempts to eat edit staff in coup SI NIOR STA FFOFFl& (U-WIRE) -Dailv Grimace attempted to cat the majority of the edit staff on Tuesday, fol- lowing a failed coup (please pronounced the "p' it makes us feel more at home) to take over the paper and publish nothing but ads. Members of the award winning news- paper staff chanted. "There's news in newspapers!~ and "Oh my god! He's hav- ing a Big Mac attack! Run, ru.n, run for vour lives!"Grimacc was forced buck into his office with large pointy sticks and fire. Intelligent, strikingly attractive edit staffers also tried placing a trail of burgers to Grimace's door but to no avail. Grimace drooled and made grunting noises. Frightened sports writers stood in their corner of the newsroom, grunting and scratching, occasionally cheering on the edit staff as they fought Grimace. The sports staff chanted, "Yea!," "Whoo!" and "Go fat guy go!" Monkey released a statement, written in crayon, condemning the staffs actions. "Aw, well. (sniff) fuick it. 'Ae don't have any money left anyway' Monkey Bov said. "Please don't try to eat my statr- again. Mayor McCheese immediately released a memo asking all stafieis to remain out of Grimace's an range. lest lie should try to eat them. Japanese like child sex trade in Tokyo TOKYO - Naked girls still beck. from the magazines read with nonch lant aplomb by salarymen headed home from the office on the crowded6 subways. But Japan is hoping a new law on pornography and child prostitution will help it shed its image as one of the most licentious capitals in Asia. But then again who doesn't want to look at child pornography on the wau home? - Compiledfivnm Daily wire repoi"* The Michigan Daily (ISSN 0745.967) is published Monday through Friday during the fall and winter terms by students at the University of Michigan. Subscriptions for fall term, starting in September, via U.S. mail are $100. Winter term (January through April) is $105. yearlong (September through April) is $180. On-campus subscriptions for fall term are $35. Subscriptions must be prepaid. The Michigan Daily is a member of the Associated Press and the Associated Collegiate Press. ADDRESS: The Michigan Daily. 420 Maynard St.. Ann Arbor. Michigan 48109-1327. PHONE NUMBERS (All area code 734): News 76-DAILY;Arts 763-0379; Sports 647-3336; Opinion 764-0552: circulation 764-0558; Classified advertising 764-0557; Display advertising 764-0554; Billing 7640550. E-mail letters to the editor to daily.letters@umich.edu. World Wide Web: http://www.mrchigandaily.com. NEWS Jennifer Yachnin, Managing Editor EDITORS: Nikita Easley. Katie Plona. Mike Spann. Jaimie Winkler. STAFF: Lindsey Alprt. Jeannie Baumann. Risa Berrin. Mar-ta Brill. Nick Bunkley, Charles Chen. Anna Clark. Adam Brian Cohen. Shaonam Daneshvar. Sana Danish. Dave Enders. Jen Fish. Josie Gingrich, Anand Gindharadas. Roert Gold. Jewel Gopwani. Michael Grass. Kista Gulo, David Jenkins. Elizabeth Kassab. Jodie Kaufman. Jody Simone Kay. Yael Kohen. Lsa Koivu. Karolyn Kokko. Dan Krauth. Hanra LoPatin, Tiffany Maggard, Kevin Magnuson. Caithin Nish. Kelly O'Connor. Jeremy W. Peters. Nika Schulte. Jennifer Sterling, Shoman Terreonge-Stone. Jon Zemke. CALENDAR: Adam Zuwerink. EDITORIAL Jeffrey Kosseff, David Wallace, Editors ASSOCIATE EDITORS: Emily Achenbaum. Ryan DePietro. Nick Woomer. STAFF: Ryan Blay. Chip Cullen, Peter Cunnffe. Seth Fisher. Lea Frost. Jenna Greditor. Scott Hunter, Kyle Goodridge, Molly Kennedy, Cortney Konner. Thomas Kuijurgis. Mike Lopez. Brandon Sanz. Kily Scheer, Jack SchillaCi. Jim Secreto. Jrb Singer. Jennifer Strausz. Katie , Tibaidi. Josh Wickerham. Paul Wong. SPORTS Rick Freeman, Managing Editor EDITORS: T J. Berka, Chris Duprey. Josh Kleinbaum, Andy Latack. STAFF: Matthew Baibas. Rohit Ehave. David Den Herder. Sam Duwe. Dan Dingerson. Sarah Ensor. Mark Francescutti, Geoff Gagnon Bran Galvin, Raphael Goodstein. Arun Gopal. Chris Grandstaff. David Horn. Michael Kern. Dena Knscher. Ryan C. Moloney. David Mosse. Stephanie Offen. Jeff Phillps, David Roth, Jon Schwartz. Benjamin Singer. Joe Smith. Uma Subramanian. Jacoo Wheeler. Dan W ilims. ARTS Christopher Cousino, Managing Editor EDITORS: Gabe Fajun. Chris Kula WEEKEND. ETC. EDITORS: Toyin Akinmusuru. Jeff Druchniak. SUB-EDITORS: John Ull (Music). Jenni Glenn (FinejPerforming Artsil Caitlin Hail (TV/New Medial. Ben Goldstein Books. Matthew Barrett (Film) STAFF: Gautam Baks. Nick Broughten. Jason Birchmeier. Aisa Claeys. Cor tney Dueweke. Nick Faizone. Laura Flyer. Jewel Gopwani. Anika Kohon. Joshua Pederson, Erin Podosky. David Reamer. Aaron Rich. Adhn Rosh. Neshe Sarkozy. Ted Watts. Curtis Zimmermann. PHOTO Louis Brown, Dana Linnane, Editori ASSOCIATE EDITOR: Sam Hollenshead. Jessica Johnson. David Rochkind STAFF: Kristen Goble. Sam Hollenshead. Danny KaiCk. David Katz. Emily Linn, Marjorie Marshall. Jeremy Menchik. Joanna Paine. Sara Schenk. Alexr Walk Kin tuYogaehi ONLINE Satadru Pramanik, Managing Editor EDITORS Toymn Akinmusuru, Rachel Berger, Paul Wong STAFF: Amy Ament, Angela Cummings. Dana Goldberg. James Schiff. Peter Zhou. DESIGNER: Seth Benson r . SCOREKEEPERS o7540 ALL1E C6D RINKS LO JcDA _ _ m DISPLAY SALES Steve Jones, Manager E