. )R EDITION
One hundred eight yeas ofeditoriilfredom.
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January 29, 1#9
______ Ende1dl - ier state aacire~s
shakes fist at sky
A disgruntled man was seen shaking
his fist towards the sky at the corner of
State Street and South University
The man, in his fifties with silver hair
and beard, was heard uttering "consarn
it" and "dag nabit" grunting periodically.
A report was filed, but no suspects
have been apprehended.
Suspect steals egg,
An egg was reported stolen from an
unnamed University residence hall.
The suspect, allegedly dressed in a blue
cafeteria apron, snagged an egg when
the cafeteria chefs turned their backs
and fled through a loading dock door.
The egg was later seen near a stove
being made into a green pepper, sour
cream and onion omelette by a male in
his early twenties with black hair.
The shell was reported found dam-
aged a few feet away from the stove.
Police sealed the cafeteria entrance
and are dusting the crime scene for
prints. They do not know whether the
vegetables in the omelette were also
stolen goods. A reward has been posted
for anyone with information that may
lead to the suspect's arrest.
Child dons wax
wings, flies too
close to sun, falls
Well, the headline pretty much cov-
absolved in covert
Charges against a student house at
1120 Oakland Avenue for throwing "a
party that don't stop" were dropped
yesterday by the Ann Arbor Police
Department. The party occurred on
Nov. 14 and was broken up by 50 police
officers covered in riot gear and wield-
ing pepper spray.
"The whole thing was bullshit," LSA
senior and Daily Business staffer
Michael Solomon said in a drunken
stupor. "Since when has it been illegal
to serve alcohol to minors?"
When told the law had been in effect
for decades, Solomon responded, "Oh,
really? Well that's a dumb law."
(This one's actually true.)
A jackass was seen and apprehended
after bucking its hind legs through the
window of a liquor store on State
Street. The jackass was incoherent and
After several attempts to pull him into
a wagon, the mule climbed in after a car-
rot was waved in front of its nose.
A report was filed, but the mule
refused to talk to officials until he con-
tacted legal counsel.
A report was filed after a report was
Giant rock taken
from parking lot
A large rock was lifted from a soror-
ity parking lot early yesterday morning.
The three suspects, presumably drunk,
were seen running down Washtenaw
Avenue with the rock, relaying it from
person to person.
A report was filed.
Drunk man makes
up Crime Notes
An inebriated male in his early twen-
ties was seen constructing the "Crime
Notes" section of the Michigan Daily at
420 Maynard St. Several attempts to
remove him from the keyboard failed,
met with only growls and snails.
Since crime notes are a disguise for
an actual humor column, no report was
- Crime Notes were completely
fabricated by Daily Sports Editor
By Nick Bunkley
and Kelly O'Connor
Daily Staff Reporters
Addressing the State House of Representatives in
last night's State of the State address, Gov. John
Engler was met with enthusiastic Republican support
and a more subdued Democratic party while announc-
ing his plans for the future of Michigan.
Engler opened the annual speech, titled
"Michigan: the Smart State in the Twenty-First
Century," with the traditional proclamation.
"The state of our state is better than good," Engler
said. "It is great."
Among the issues stressed in the speech were edu-
cation, crime and a cut in the state income tax. The
mention of each, especially the improvement of pub-
lic education, received cheers from both sides of the
House. But as the Governor laid more specific pro-
posals for the way he plans to invoke changes, the
reaction was divided down party lines.
Engler reaffirmed his support of putting public
schools in urban areas - such as Detroit - under the
control of the city's mayor. He expressed that the idea,
which has been fiercely debated in recent weeks,
should not be viewed politically.
"This is not a partisan issue; this is not a race issue.
This is a children's issue," he said.
In response to the governor's point, Republican's
jumped to their feet as Democrats gave a tacit sign of
Rep. John Hansen (D-Plymouth), a former ele-
mentary school principal, said Democrats do not
agree with Engler's plan for public education because
it is not the right way to fix things.
"This is really a focus on four or five urban school
districts," he said. "You don't repair it by tearing it
down; you repair it by building it up."
Rep. Liz Brater (D-Ann Arbor) also disagreed
with Engler's proposal, saying she fears it targets low-
"What he has proposed seeks to punish schools for
lack of resources," Brater said.
But Lt. Gov. Dick Posthumus said moving the state
forward requires major changes.
"What will make us a smart state is we will have
to put education and schools first,"Posthumus said.
Engler also mentioned - but did not detail - a
Gov. John Engler laughs after his S
DEARBORN, Mich. (AP) - Ford
Motor Co. will pay $6.45 billion for Volvo
AB's car division, speeding consolidation in
the global auto industry and expanding
Ford's premium brands. Built to last, Volvo
cars represent safety to many Americans and
The acquisition announced yesterday is
similar to last year's merger of Chrysler
Corp. and Daimler-Benz AG of Germany in
that there is no overlap in both companies'
car lines. It also gives Ford, the world's No. 2
automaker, a larger share of the highly com-
petitive European market.
Volvo will retain its commercial truck
and engine business and is in talks to merge
those operations with Sweden's Scania.
The deal still must be approved by Volvo
shareholders, which could pose a problem.
Six years ago, an influential block of Volvo
shareholders scuttled a proposed merger
with France's Renault SA largely over fears
that Volvo control and jobs would move out-
Sensitive to such fears, Ford executives
stressed at a news conference that Volvo's
current management and factories would
remain in place and that Volvo cars would
retain their unique personality, style and rep-
utation for quality and safety.
"One thing that cannot change is their
Swedishness," said Jack Nasser, Ford's
new president and chief executive offi-
The deal gives Ford a premium brand
positioned above the most expensive
Fords and well below its Jaguar line, and
instantly adds nearly 2 percentage points
to its European market share of 10 per-
In the United States, it brings a different
type of customer to Ford than those who buy
Lincolns and Jaguars. Volvo's U.S. buyers -
mostly in the 34-53 age range - include far
more women. Most Jag and Lincoln buyers
are 54 and older.
Volvo would also add to Ford's effort to
market itself as a leader in automotive safe-
ADDRESS, Page 7 of the State address last night.
In defense of
the Daily: A
Look ma: Front page. I didn't even have to kill any-
University students have little unofficial sports that
everyone participates in, whether they know it or not.
There's making fun of street preachers. There's looking
at the confiscated IDs at the Blue Front. There's running
laps in Angell Hall, waiting for the Non-English
Speaking Complicated Computer Game Club to vacate
one of the terminals.
Another favorite is Daily bashing. Daily bashing is group
and study non-specific: LSA students
get into it as much as Music and
Kinesiology types (the latter turning
their missives in crayon and dull mark-
ers.) Minority students do it. Honkeys
do it. Even educated fleas do it
Administrators bash some Daily and
the faculty has been known to bash a
You see, it is a violation of profes-
sional ethics to defend ourselves in
print regarding things that people say JAES
about us in letters to the editor and in MILLER
other official venues. Ni1I
But I'm not professional.
I don't have ethics.
So, to all you Daily bashers: Welcome to my house, where
the whup-ass is $1 off and payback is a bitch.
First, the official business. The Daily wins something
called the Gold Circle awards every year. These are the
college journalism awards and papers from every c -
pus across the country compete for them. In every c -
gory, the Daily consistently dominates every other
school, including Northwestern's fabled Medill School
of Journalism. The Michigan Daily dominates college
journalism the way the Celtics used to dominate pro
Among its peers, the Daily is the champ, and has been for
Second, and more fun for me, a few words for the com-
plainers and pains in the ass from the letters to the edi-
The University's Ann Arbor campus has more acthy
and culture per square foot than most places in the c -
try. Varsity and club sports, student groups, activism,
music, beats, rhyme and life. We have it all, and it all hap-
pens all day, every day.
The Daily has a few small pages, crowded by advertis-
ing and wire stories, to report the business and life of this
institution. We are staffed by people just like you, with
classes and job applications, boyfriends and girlfriends.
With this said:
If you are a member of some dipstick a capella singing
group ("Hey guys, let's do 'The Lion Sleeps Tonic'
They've never heard 30 sexually confused music failures
sing THAT!") pay attention.
If you are a member of a tiny club sport, ladies'
backgammon or turnip mashing, pay attention. If you are
a member of a service club or student association, pay
No one cares about your life. No one cares about your
opinion about anything, from the Arab-Israeli conflict to the
bus schedule on North Campus.
There is this notion that some people here have that the
world stops every time they do something besides go to class.
More stuff happens around here than you can conch,
You know what? If your guest speaker or dance
marathon or spatzen eating contest didn't get front page
photo-op billing, it's not because there's a University con-
spiracy to keep your group marginalized. It's not because
the Daily staff is lazy or incompetent. It's because the
folks who put this paper together have to decide what gets
covered and what doesn't. If it's not in the paper, the
chances are that most of your fellow students don't give a
rat's ass. Sorry.
We especially don't need to hear from Greeks complag
about their "portrayal" in the Daily. I know it's hard to be an
upper-middle class cracker with high cheekbones. Try and go
on, young brother.
The Daily does not have a liberal bias because it prints a
story about affirmative actions issues. It's the news, genius.
The Daily is not racist because you personally wanted to see
an article printed that wasn't. J. Edgar Hoover was part of a
This is what a Volvo looks like.
"Volvo has a world-class reputation for
safety, quality, durability and environmental
responsibility - all of which are attributes
that are increasingly important to our cus-
tomers," Nasser said.
While financially healthy, Volvo is
among the smallest players in the world auto
industry - something that put its long-term
survival in doubt as the business has become
increasingly dominated by such global behe-
moths as General Motors Corp., Ford, Toyota
Motor Corp., Volkswagen AG and
Volvo sold nearly 400,000 cars world-
wide last year, with one out of four sales in
the United States. By comparison, Ford pro-
duced 6.8 million vehicles worldwide last
year, second only to GM.
Ford's financial strength will allow the
Volvo line to be broadened at a faster rate.
Nasser said he sees "huge potential" to
expand Volvo, though he declined to say if
there may be Volvo sport utility vehicles,
minivans and pickups. The deal gives Ford
the right to use the Volvo name on such prod-
One thing that made Ford an attractive
suitor to Volvo was its experience turning
around Jaguar Cars Ltd. of England. In
If you want to read more, YOU find the break.
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WASHINGTON (AP) - Senate Republicans yesterday
crushed a Democratic call for an immediate vote on
President Clinton's fate and adopted their own plan to allow
public airing of Monica Lewinsky's videotaped testimony at
Clinton's impeachment trial.
The rapid-fire developments on the Senate floor followed
strict party lines after Senate leaders deadlocked in daylong
efforts to negotiate a bipartisan timetable for the conclusion
of the trial.
Both sides envisioned a final vote on impeachment by Feb.
12, and the depositions are to begin on Monday. But there
were numerous differences on key details in the interim.
The vote was 55 to 43 against a motion by Sen. Tom
Daschle, the Democratic leader, to go immediately to four
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