MUSKET to hold mass meeting for 'Chess.' The UAC musical
theater group, MUSKET (an anagram for Michigan Union Show,
Ko-Eds Too) will hold its mass meeting tomorrow in the Union ball-
room at 7 p.m., in an effort to garner actors and stagehands for its
upcoming effort. Interested persons will sign up for auditions, which
will be held Jan. 28-31. Call 763-1107 for more information.

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Breaking Records returns, a day late, due to the extended
three day holiday weekend.
Tuesday
January 19, 1999 5A

Varsity 'rehashes blues, fun of high school game

By Erin Podoisky
Daily Arts Writer
Once upon a time, Jon Voight made great
movies, won great awards and even had his great
immortalized in a "Seinfeld" episode. Now,
r his phoned-in performances in the likes of
"Anaconda" and "Enemy of the State," Voight
has sunk to a new level of hell as Coach Kilmer
in the high school football snoozer, "Varsity
Blues." It is a sad day indeed when a once-
mighty movie god is upstaged by the likes of
James Van Der Beek, bet-
ter known to millions of
screaming teenaged girls
as the title character in
Varsity television's "Dawson's
Blues Creek."
"Varsity Blues" is
7** exactly what you expect
At Briarwood and have seen a thousand
and Showcase times before: The star
quarterback, Lance
Harbor (Paul Walker), is
injured, forcing the book-
ish-yet-talented second-
stringer John "Mox"
Moxon (Van Der Beek), to
step up and lead his team.
The town lives and breathes football to the point
where it's more important than family or school
or work and the starting quarterback gets a bill-
board of himself on his front lawn. The coach
will stop at nothing, even forcing injured players
to fill themselves up on painkillers and play 'til

they drop, to win. This is an old, old story, one
that has been told too many times to make
"Varsity Blues" any different. We all know by
now that prep football in small town USA is a
pressure-cooker, and while "Varsity Blues"
could have tried to shed some harsh light on the
subject, instead it goes the way of middle-of-the-
road comedy.
Along the way Mox must choose between
right and wrong in the form of his anti-football
girlfriend and a cheerleader clad in whipped
cream. As the Ivy League-bound (and there we
have yet another blip on the impossible-any-
where-but-the-film-world radar) kid that he is,
it's little surprise school which he picks, and of
course he ultimately leads the team in a revolu-
tion that destroys its one-dimensional, one-
track-minded coach. One of the more idiotic
subplots revolves around Mox's pay-or-play deal
with the coach: He either plays and wins, or the
evil coach Kilmer will ruin his chances for
matriculation at Brown. The script even makes
room for a little racial tension in the form of a
player not getting thrown the ball. The whole
thing is so contrived and redundant that the more
original set pieces and minimal plot twists fall
by the wayside.
A large part of the problem with "Varsity
Blues" is its high unbelievability factor. Towns
such as this little Texas football hamlet may very
well exist, but couldn't we at least watch a movie
about them without being subjected to 400-
pound linemen named Billy Bob (Ron Lester)
with a penchant for whiskey and shotguns? Does

everybody have to drive a pickup truck? Is it too
much to ask that if these high school seniors
don't have curfews, then at least they ought to be
reprimanded for, say, stealing a cop car while
drunk and naked?
Van Der Beek and company are incredibly
hokey, which isn't too surprising. Van Der Beek
has never had any star quality on his show, con-
sistently being upstaged by his costars. Here he
must labor under the added burden of a horrible
Southern accent that fades in and out as often as
his character fades in and out of his coach's
favor. The rest of the cast is unimpressive save
the empathy-squeezing sniveling and uncared
for head traumas inflicted upon Billy Bob -
those are just nauseating. Voight is by far the
worst member of the cast, which is both pathet-
ic and troubling. If he really needed a paycheck
so badly, he should have just cut an endorsement
deal with Depends adult diapers or Preparation
H. It would have been a lot less embarrassing
than his performance here.
And yet "Varsity Blues" isn't really that terri-
ble. It's only mildly painful to sit through despite
its transparency, which leaves us with one ques-
tion: Why? This is a poor star vehicle for Van Der
Beek as it has little appeal to anyone over the age
of 17. While teenage girls may make up most of
his fan base, he doesn't even satisfy them with
removing his shirt (unlike the rest of the cast,
including Billy Bob). It's doubtful that anyone has
anything to gain from this movie other than the
flavor-of-the-week bands on the soundtrack.
Director Brian Robbins has had a lot of experi-

Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
James Van Der Beek and Paul Walker look to their future as teen-age Idols in "Varsity Blues."

ence with fictional representations of high school,
having spent five years as bad boy Eric on TV's
"Head of the Class." Perhaps he has had too much
and is too far removed from reality, to the point
vhere he is comfortable with teachers who moon-
light as strippers and get wasted with their stu-
dents. Or perhaps I expected too much from this

film that is under the MTV Films banner, plays a
Green Day song before the credits finish rolling
and contains dialogue such as "I love football
when it's pure." Whatever the reason, "Varsity
Blues" is a perfect example of exactly how and
why January is typically used by the studios as a
dumping ground for mediocre movies.

'Sight' best left unseen

Poets have forum in 'Open Floor'

4;

By Bryan Lark
Daily Arts Writer
After a series of flops and critical flog-
gings, Val Kilmer can again connect with
an audience, in the romance "At First
Sight," with the help of a likeable charac-
ter of enviable position: His Virgil is
d and gets to massage Mira Sorvino.
he latter has its obvious draws, but
one may ask why would one be envious
of blindness. Upon seeing the wretched-
ness that is "At First Sight," blindness
becomes an ever more appealing option.
But blindness would not be enough.
One would need to be deaf and dumb to
avoid the neverending sap of the dialogue
or to accept this useless trifle as enter-
oa ent.
iw could anything that contains
"blind masseuse"
in its synopsis be
acceptable, let
alone entertaining,
At First one may ask.
Sight The savvy
No Stars viewer who asks
such questions is
At Bharwood right to be suspi-
cious, as "At First
Sight" features
U poor acting and
slow pacing that
matches its laugh-
able, though
based-on-a-true-
story, concept..
The inaction of the film follows
Sorvino's architect Amy, whose only
agreeable quality is the Michigan sweat-
shirt she dons early on, as she escapes life
he big city for a week at an upstate
York resort.
Once there, she succumbs to the blind,
blond masseuse Virgil (Kilmer) in more
ways than one - she first craves his
touch, then moves on to his kiss, his
mind, his soul, his damn good cooking.
But Amy doesn't think Virgil could be
content without vision and seeks out a
big city doctor (Bruce Davison) who
promises to restore Vigil's sight, much to
the chagrin of Virgil's protective, change-
ase sister Jenny, played by Kelly

By Lauren Rice
Daily Arts Writer
Basement Arts has a long-standing reputation in providing
a forum for student-created productions on campus. Whether
students organize, write or perform, one can always be
assured that the performances will have the flavor of college
life. Keeping true to form, many students gathered in the
Frieze building Saturday night to witness the third presenta-
tion of "The Wide Open Floor"
Those who opted to forego a night of partying in favor of
learning something from their peers
found the opportunity to watch; and
possibly even participate, in an open
microphone format of entertainment.
The Wide Although a list of scheduled appear-
Open Floor ances structured the evening, the
atmosphere was decidedly casual,
Frieze Building which certainly fostered an environ-
Jan. 16, 1999 ment of creativity. Each presenter was
allotted approximately ten minutes to
showcase his or her original work.
First in the lineup was "The
Cafeteria," a play that takes place in
the exact location the title implies. We
look on as four college-age men eat a
seemingly typical meal that is no dif-
ferent from any other given day. They engage in the usual top-
ics of conversation - abominable dorm food, gorgeous girls,
inconsiderate roommates, masturbating and other issues that
many students find thrown their way once they cross the
bridge into collegiate life. While the other guys seek perfec-
tion in the quality of their beer and chicken (especially the
chicken), one stands up and renounces such insignificant
matters. His wish is to rid himself of the feeling that he is
floating through college without allowing anything to absorb.
His sincerity was comically contrasted with the onset of
depression that his friends experience over the lack of salad.
He tries to make them see why they must become passionate
about the things that matter.

The only response he receives is his friend jumping onto
the table and pulling down his pants to express his desire for
quality chicken.
Following the play was a reading of prose that drew the
audience into a realm of desire, as seen through the eyes of a
35-year-old ex-wrestler named Carl. He enrolls in an acting
class and finds himself harboring longings for one of his
female classmates. He feels indignant when the mentor
showers her with attention and physical contact. Carl finds
the instructor's intentions, to make them reach their objec-
tives, ridiculous and preposterous. He wants her to realize
what Carl perceives as the teacher's ulterior motives. His jeal-
ousy builds up until he lashes out at the mentor and throws
him to the ground with a swift wrestling move. The teacher is
pleased that Carl went for his objective and applauds his
tenacity. Humiliated that he had been a willing dupe and fall-
en into the teacher's trap, Carl leaves and never returns.
Rounding out the evening were a number of poems. LSA
sophomore Daniel Kahn, who wrote "The Way it Works,'
added a comical spin to realistic thoughts and desires. The
poem takes place inside the character's head, as he places a
lover among life's greatest disasters, such as war and geno-
cide. In order to give her all of his love, he must separate her
from the horrors and leave them to in the back of his mind.
The mood of the entire session was decidedly light heart-
ed with the exception of one poet whose sobering subject
matter quieted the room. LSA senior Matt Schmitt's poem,
"an improvisational prison theater facilitator finally listens to
silence;' conveyed the loneliness that is an integral part of
that life. Schmitt's other poem, "Joe" explored the life of an
uncle who died of leukemia and pulled at the audience's heart
strings.
Whether it was a group effort in performing a play, or an
individual reading of prose or poetry, each act was enthusias-
tically received. At the end of the show, members in the audi-
ence were encouraged to put on an impromptu act if they
wished to do so. Although there was no such daring individ-
ual in attendance that night, "The Wide Open Floor" can
lookto a very promising future if and when offered again.

Yes, ladies. Even Val Kilmer kisses with his eyes closed.

McGillis.
Beside wasting a good McGillis-
Kilmer "Top Gun" reunion opportunity,
the film wastes the rest of its time telling
of Virgil's troubles adjusting to his new,
seeing life.
But by the time such troubles roll
around, gangrene, or at least apathy, has
likely already set in for the audience as
"At First Sight" festers cutely to a fore-
gone conclusion - "Kids think I'm
cool," Virgil says to which Amy replies,
"'Cause you are" in a moment of sup-
posed cuteness and glazy-eyed lust that
comes off merely nauseating.
The one good thing that can be said
about "Sight"'s conclusion, other than
that it has one, is that it sends a frustrated
Virgil crashing through a plate glass wall
he has neglected to see, creating a
moment of unintentional humor almost
worth the two previous hours.
Those previous hours, aside from
being chock-full of lukewarm melodra-
ma between Virgil and Amy, introduce us
to some equally unappealing supporting
characters, such as McGillis' stern
schoolmarm of a sister, Steven Weber's
portrayal of Amy's mustache-twirling ex-
husband, and Nathan Lane's he-man doc-
tor who helps Vrgil adjust to sight by
taking him to a strip joint.

Yes, the juxtaposition of "Nathan
Lane" and "strip joint" is just as amusing
as "blind" and "masseuse."
Still, there is minimal amusement in
the film, occurring when Kilmer and
Sorvino engage in a little mutual mas-
sage - they have more chemistry grunt-
ing in the dark.
Actually Sorvino, who here hints that
her Oscar may have been a tragic fluke or
merely the product of the Woody Allen
supporting actress machine, has more
chemistry with Weber ("Wings"), as dis-
played in an exceptionally hot slow-
dance scene.
But Kilmer has the most palpable
chemistry with that glass wall that creeps
up on him. Unfortunately for the audi-
ence, nothing can creep up on them, as
"At First Sight," originally titled "Sight
Unseen," makes all the obvious moves.
What does the film's original title have
to do with anything, one may ask. Well,
savvy viewer, this poor "Sight," faithful
to its first title, should remain, in the best
interest of all involved, unseen.


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