The Michigan Daily - New Student Edition - September 8, 1998 - 9B
eAll you wanted to know
- ut were afraad to ask
inutes after arriving at
Orientation, the first thought
racing through your mind was
p robadly, "Wow, this really sucks"
This information is based on good,
solid research. After all, this is what
happened to everyone we know.
According to the University, first-
year Orientation is supposed to
"encourage prospective donating alum-
nus" to "immerse themselves into the
diversity of the academic institution,
wl naintaining a liberated sense of
per. gl well-being and fulfillment."
A4ll i the span of 63 hours.
I We think we can "fulfill" you a hell
Wf 11 t faster- and fulfill you with
Th University Orientation begins
withZniapping that beautiful 8 a.m.
fir"Zing-off-the-bat M-Card photo
(yesl3everyone looks real good that
ear yfi the morning), and then it's off
to boring lectures from professors who
need-oney so bad they actually stick
aroun din the summer.
Sinstead, on day one of our some-
'whgseful Orientation, we'll smack
your ,you know this is college and
eveo~dy's not as nice as we are.
A frWrd, you'll start your sleep
deprivation experiment. During this
time, there are a few things you can
lean ecause it's not like 'U'
OrieiTation leaders can really teach
you , nything. Come on, they're living
in the dorms as upperclassmen).
We'll keep you up for 36 hours to
*oyou what happens to people who
studye and then you can try Mark's
sclhe44e to live like those who don't.
fgive the full effect of a real col-
lege workload, you'll type a full term
paperand tlen we'll pull the plug on
theljie Angell I Hall computer bank to
giveyti the full effect -- keep in mind
the for-hour line it took to get in.
Later in the evening, around mid-
ght, everyone will be required to
e a lone walk through the Diag to
experience how creepy it is late at
night. Afterwards, everyone can hang
out in the UGLI until 3 a.m. to see
how normal college kids live.
But if anyone should ask, you're just
at the library goofing off.
See, at Michigan, nearly everyone
studies as much as possible, but pre-
tends. like they don't study at all.
If you saunter on over to the gradu-
* library at this time, remember there
are people who really get it on in the
stacks - leave them alone.
When you've come home from the
UGLI, you can start on the most impor-
tant part of your college experience:
drinking. And, similar to everything else
you'll do, it's all about taking advantage
of the time you have to do it.
Ilere's a few basic tips since most of
are still underage (you better be
'lerage or you spent an awful long
time in high school):
Take a walk down to the State and
Packard area and try to buy beer at Blue
Front - a near impossibility Then walk
on over to Strickland's where a fake ID
works better than the real thing.
Once you have illegally obtained
alcohol, crowd 30 people into one
room and for the true fraternity experi-
ence, get a half-empty, stale keg of
.Then turn up the bass really loud
Qomne good "party" music.
Afaer you've gone through the first
36 hours of this groovy orientation,
you'll need to get some sleep. (The
second greatest college activity.) Sure
you have your own bed, but try and
experiment sleeping in other people's,
too - it's worth the trouble and poten-
tially a lot of fun.
But DO NOT sleep in a frat house.
(9 that matter, don't live there,
Part of your nap-time education will
be the lesson on alarm clocks and the
fact that they're basically worthless.
Don't waste $15 on that warm LCD
glow (spend it on beer), because if
you're hungover, no damn bell - no
matter how loud - will wake you up.
The again, even if you do wake up,
you'll be locked in a converted triple
with an annoying roommate and
e figure this will allow you to get
the "homey" dorm ambiance in the
confined quarters the University
describes as "luxurious." Speaking
from experience, four by four is not a
room - -it's a closet filled with
orange-scented moth balls.
Not to mention the dirty laundry
and old food we'll have filled your
ra with to give it that authentic
Of course, living in such cramped
quarters, communication remains your
.,,,.... ..i ......
Divide and Conquer
only link to your former life in the out-
E-mail is primed to take over your
life - unless Daddy pays the phone
bill and then you just annoy your
roommate by never shutting up. (This
is an East Coast thing, you'll learn it
the hard way.)
For fun, at the end of Orientation,
we'll bill you 50 bucks so you can
experience the joys of long-distance.
Remember to kiss your mommy's
cooking good-bye, because at our
Orientation you're going to learn it's
all mass quantity grade-C beef and
brown lettuce (yum). Not that there's
anything wrong with that, some people
actually like it (Mark).
Of course, if you're not eating in the
cafeteria you may try working there
(Jenni), it is the easiest job around.
Guarding the door in the cafeteria IS
really the best job on campus. But,
then again, sneaking past the exit
guard with trays from the cafeteria can
also be exciting. Taking them to the
Arb to sled is a rite of passage. But if
you try this during our Orientation,
watch out for jagged rocks and sticks.
When everyone is sick of cafeteria
food, our super-fly Orientation leaders
will take you to the Union for fast
food, since that's really the Union's
only good purpose.
(When you've long forgotten the
horrors of Orientation, remember this:
Make your parents treat you to dinner
downtown at least once, because after
you're a student, you can't afford it.)
Judging from your lack of interest in
this column, this Orientation advice
needs to fall back on the University's
saving grace - football.
As the defending national champi-
ons, our beloved Wolverines pack
100,000 into Michigan Stadium six
Saturdays each fall. But when we say
pack - we mean it. To demonstrate
the experience, we plan to immerse
you amongst 100,000 slightly-passive
fans and have you stand on one leg,
sideways, on your four-inch seat in all
types of weather.
The unpredictability of the weather
off the field rivals the performance on it.
The first game it can easily snow, with
the second contest showcasing IHlawaii-
like weather. (Unless, of course, the
game is in Hawaii.) Now that's football.
Ornery ushers, bad hot dogs and
free commemorative cups - after pur-
chasing the $4 pop - make it an
experience you won't forget. It's hard
to believe now that those Saturdays
will be among your greatest memories.
To prepare you for the chaos that
ensues following dramatic football vic-
tories, you will need to practice storm-
ing into President Bollinger's house so
you feel comfortable after the next big
football victory (Sorry, Jean).
With the five minutes we have left ,.
before you all run home and to wash
your underwear, we'll tell you about
the biggest lie they teach at the
University Orientation: That an acade-
mic education is the top priority.
To correct for this untruth -- after all
you do need to take classes - here are
a few words of advice.
Certain upperclassmen (Mark) know
the true blow-off classes (Oceans,
Sports and Daily Life in Ancient Rome,
Coral Reefs), but will lead you in the
But that's alright since all the classes
you'll be taking are intro level and
you'll be treated like an insignificant
peon anyway. Like in Chem 130,
where you're just a face in the crowd.
And finally, for those poor souls
whose parents left them waiting on the
steps of East Quad, we'll make you sit
in the Daily at 3 a.m. waiting for cor-
Then again, you shouldn't have even
shown up for any Orientation. Instead,
you could have just spent 63 hours on
the phone with the CRISP lady.
Now that would be an orientation ...
- Mark Snyder and Jennifer Yachnin
are the editors of the New Student
Edition. They can be reached
via e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org and
The Human Powered Submarine is
one of Michigan's growing number of
The team researches, designs, con-
structs and races a two person submarine.
As indicated by the team name the
sub is human powered, in this case by
bicycle pedals. The sub is a wet sub-
mersible, meaning that the driver, ped-
dler and three person support crew use
SCUBA gear. While SCUBA training
is not required to be on the team, our
testing and racing stages are the perfect
opportunity to dive.
At the 5th International HPS Races
our sub the SeaWOIN won the trophy
for Best Use of Composites. Our next
race will be in the summer of 1999 at
Bethesda, Md., or Panama City, Fla.
I would like to stress that everyone is
welcome; your level of experience does
The team requires research, fundrais-
ing and a lot of hands-on work during
the building stages. Team members
interested in the building aspect receive
power tool training and safety classes.
We would also like to create a team
video, so we would appreciate the input
of a film student or two!
Look for our mass meeting flyers
posted in the fall. For further informa-
tion you can contact the Naval
Architecture and Marine Engineering
Department or contact ine by e-mail or
phone. Go Blue!
Kelly Ann Malkin
e-mail: ma/kin(aengin. iumnich.edu
Mass Meeting: Sept. 16, 6 and 8
p.m., Union Ballroom
The Greek community at the
University of Michigan is a diverse
group of individuals who together form
the largest student organization on the
University of Michigan campus.
It is comprised of the Interfratemity
Council (IFC), the Panhellenic
Association (Panhel), and the Black
Greek Association (BGA).
Scholarship, leadership, and service
are the bases upon which all Greek
organizations are built.
Greeks at Michigan hold many lead-
ership positions around campus, and
are extremely involved with communi-
In addition, Greeks at the University
of Michigan enjoy socializing together:
holding date parties, playing intramural
sports, and holding alumni events.
The Panhellenic Association acts as
the governing and coordinating body
for 17 sororities on Michigan's campus.
Sororities offer students opportuni-
ties for substantial growth and expo-
sure to living-learning environments.
Friendship, sisterhood, service, schol-
arship, and leadership are the pillars
upon which sorority life is structured
Some 2000 Michigan women are
affiliated with Panhellenic sororities.
Panhellenic sponsors Sorority Rush,
which will kick off with a mandatory
mass meeting on Sept. 16. We hope to
see you all there!
Mary Gray, President
Table Tennis Club
Meeting Times: Wednesdays 7:00
p.m.- 9:00 p.m. at the Coliseum
The goal of the WTTC is to promote
health, recreation and friendship
through the sport of table tennis.
The table tennis club is for both the
recreational player and the competitive
player. for our most casual players our
club provides the means for regular
exercise, recreation, and the chance to
At our most competitive level we
provide the environment where serious
players can practice intensely to
improve their games.
Our members have been very suc-
cessful in these tournaments -- the
WTTC won the ACUI regional tourna-
ment, and together with U-M Flint was
able to field the National
Ashoo Jain, President
See what UAAO is all about at the
APA Lock-In during welcome week on
Sunday Sept. 6, at 8:30 p.m. in the
Michigan League Ballroom. Hope to
see you then!
The United Asian American
Organizations (UAAO) at the
University of Michigan serves as the
umbrella organization for over 21
Asian Pacific American (APA) student
organizations on campus.
UAAO serves as a unifying group
for all APAs on campus, providing
activities dealing with APA Culture,
APA Leadership skills, APA Activism,
and much more. Some highlights of
this past year included the annual
Generation APA Show, a student pro-
duced cultural show displaying APA
dances and skits, amid the UAAO
Teambuilding retreat. UAAO serves as
a resource for all APAs on campus, pro-
viding several activities and commit-
tees for student involvement.
With over 3,000 APA students at
1 UM, the opportunities for participation
and innovation are amazing. UAAO
holds weekly meetings on Wednesdays
at 6 p.m. in the Michigan Union.
Contact: Rahul Shah, Chairperson
c-mail: rahulms( aumich.edu
Pool and Billards
Meetings: Evenings and weekends
This recreational club is centered in
the Billiards and Games Room on the
second fluor of the Michigan Union.
There is a pool tournament every other
Sunday, alternating between 8-ball and
Foosball tournaments are every other
week. The club also sponsors pool
videos, instructional clinics, and trips
to proti.ssional pool tournaments in the
Ann Arbor area.
Since this is a relatively new organi-
zation, regular competition is currently
limited to intra-club events.
However, the overall winners of the
nine-ball and Foosball events represent
U-M at the ACUl Intercollegiate
Championship in February, in which
regional winners qualify for the nation-
al championship (9-ball only.)
Scholarship prizes are awarded at the
This is only our second year of foos-
ball competition. We hope to eventual-
ly see foosball membership increase
and the foosball players break off to
form their own club.
Betsy Sundholm, Advisor
Mass Meeting: THI at Festifall
Regular Meetings are every Tuesday
at 7:30 p.m. in room 3909 of the
Your student government, what does
it do and how you can be a part of it?
MSA, the Michigan Student Assembly,
is your elected student government. It
is the link not only between the admin-
istration and the students, but also
between the students and the students.
The two overarching visions of MSA
are: to be the student voice on campus,
and to create a cohesive and under-
standing student campus. In order for
any part of these visions to work, we
need the participate of every student in
some way, shape, or form. We need you
to tell us what you think of your first-
year classes, we need you to tell us
what you think of the CRISPing
process, and we need you to tell us
what you think of tuition (we already
know the answer to this one - its too
high). What I am getting at is that we
need student input and involvement.
This will be especially needed for us
to succeed in implementing our second
overarching vision, to create a cohesive
and understanding campus. All I ask is
that you try to find your "niche" on
campus; and after you find your
-niche", then take a step back and look
at another "niche", one that you are not
familiar with, and explore it and learn
about it. By doing this you will have
accomplished two things, one, you will
have discovered who you are as an indi-
vidual, and two, you will have learned
If you are interested in MSA and in
making a difference and in working
toward MSA's visions, the I highly
encourage you to join your student gov-
ernment and get involved.
The Black Greek Association
(BGA) serves as the governing body
for the 10 historically Black Greek let-
ter organizations at the University of
These organizations include Alpha
Phi Alpha, Alpha Kappa Alpha, Kappa
Alpha Psi, Omega Psi Phi, Delta Sigma
Theta, Phi Beta Sigma, Zeta Phi Beta,
Sigma Gamma Rho, Alpha Gamma
Psi, Iota Phi Theta.
These groups are committed to
scholarship, campus and community
service, as well as social enrichment.
Many BGA members are active in
extra-curricular and civic activities in
addition to holding leadership positions
The purpose of the BGA is to help
produce and maintain a harmonious
atmosphere for the respective organiza-
tions as well as the entire student body.
The BOA sponsors a number of
activities throughout the year.
One of the activities is a social ice-
breaker for all University of Michigan,
students held at the beginning of each
The BGA is also responsible for
hosting the BGA Open llouse which is
designed to showcase as well as intro-
duce the ten Black Greek letter orgam-
zations to the students on campus.
At the end of the year, a final BGA
step show is put on to provide enter-
tainment as well as determine the BGA
step show champion.
Other activities include picnics, lead-
ership retreats, and mentoring pro-
Membership in the BGA is gained as
a direct result of membership in one of
the 10 constituent organizations.
It is through the membership in a
Black Greek letter organization that a
wonderful opportunity is provided to
build lasting friendships.
Submitted by: Amani Brown
Open House: Wednesday, Sept. 9, 8-
10 p.m. at hlillel on 1429 Ihill Street.
U-M Ilillel, the second largest stu-
dent programming organization on the
University of Michigan Campus, plays
a vital role not only in the campus
Jewish community but in the life of the
Throughout the year Hillel sponsors
services and classes, top-flight cinema
and theater, major speakers and enter-
tainers (Oliver Stone, Adam Sandler,
Leonard Nimoy, Art Spiegelman, Elie
Wiesel, Andrianne Rich, etc.) publica-
tions (Prospect, the U-M's Hillel's
Jewish student journal and Consider,
the university's award-winning weekly
issues forum), meals, counseling, a
Jewish feminist group, a social action
group, the annual UJA Half Shekel
Campaign, an several Israel affairs
groups representing every political
stripe and more.
Housed in Mandell L. Berman
Center, U-M Hillel is the country's
most active and diverse, with over 1000
people participating in Hillel-spon-
sored events each week. Advised by a
talented staff, students are the real
engines that drive the remarkably abun-
dant and creative programs for which
Hillel is respected and famous campus-
Over 20 Hillel-affiliated groups will
be represented, and it will be a great
opportunity to meet other students and
to learn about the incredibly variety of.
activities on campus sponsored by this
uniquely dynamic organization.
Submitted by: Shani Lasin
University students stand outside the Alpha Epsilon Phi sorority house on Hill Street during Fall Rush.
Don't Check Your Mind