16A - The Michigan Daily - Thursday. September 24, 1998 1

First weekend of Big Ten
play opens with a whimper

By Michael Shafrir Neither is III
For the Daily won a game si
The Big Ien has defined the word par- September, a sp
ity' this year. Minnesota and Wisconsin a long time. Lot
are entrenched at the top of the Big en little trysts wi
standings, right next to stalwarts Ohio Office. Coach
State and Penn State. before a grand
But if history is to be our guide, the saying "We ar
Gophers and Badgers will be gone faster We'll forward th
than you can say "Gophers and Badgers lic, coach.
are dumb mascots." Incidentally, three of Rumor outo
those four teams have the week off, with Illinois had trou
only Wisconsin, which hosts ets for the gan
Northwestern this week, in action. conflict with the
Coincidence? I think not. This week don't know, just
we look deeper into the soul of the Big IOWA 10, IL
Ten and see if some teams have what it PEOPLE WHO CA
takes to join the top of the standings. INDIANA (1
That said, there are some games this (TKTK)
week that can be described as bad, and "Paging Bob
there are some games that can be Knight, paging
described as worse. For the pure sports it's just that Ind
fan out there, we've got Indiana at worth watching
Cincinnati. For those
with a slightly longer Around the
attention span, direct
your attention to
Northwestern at
Wisconsin, Purdue at
Notre Dame and Iowa
at Illinois.-
Obviously, the CONFERENCE
most important game
of the week is Michigan State at in South BendI
Michigan, but I like to use big vocabu- watch the loos
lary words, and, well, that would be dunk and rebou
kind of hard for the kids from East If Indiana re
ILasing to deal with. est, I'd suggest
As we prepare for the first in confer- beer, but then
ence games of the year, sit back and let only gets you i
the new kid on the block see if he's got ble. I mean that
the right stuff. Remember, all picks are Cincinnati is
for recreational purposes only and cer- identity crisisV
tainly not based on any genuine football with a tuxedo
knowledge. The Bearcats at
IOWA (1-2) AT liLtyois (1-2) ketball season
The Hawkeyes and the Illini are fac- their guts out i
in$ the reality of losing seasons. If they NCAA tourna
aren't ready for that yet, they need to care about bask
reevaluate a lot of things and should Which leave
probably start soon. This week would dilemma. If we
be a good time to do that. Both teams ball, and we de
are coming off blowout losses. Iowa this game, than
lost, 35-11, at Arizona, while Illinois Nothing. Apath
was crushed by Louisville, 35-9, in Look for Alai
Campaign. over a Bearcat
Iowa lost 11 starters, and it shows Fortson.
more than rolls of fat under a too-tight INDIANA 27, t
tank top. Inexperience has hurt the
Hawkeyes on both sides of the ball, NORTiWEST
although quarterback Kyle McCann (3-0)
threw for 274 yards last week. You Wisconsin is
know what, though? Iowa is not good. three tough, ai

inois. Louisville hadn't
nce beating Illinois last
pan of ten games. Ihat's
rger even than Monica's
th Bubba in the Oval
Ron Turner testified
jury earlier this week,
e bad." thanks, coach.
hat to the American pub-
of Champaign was that
ible selling enough tick-
me. Something about a
e Monster Truck Rally. I
t something I heard.
LINOIS 3, NUMBER OF
ARE, 2.
1-1) AT CINCINNATI
b Knight, paging Bob
Bob Knight ... Sorry,
iana football hasn't been
since, oh, I don't know,
never. They went on a
barnstorming bus trip
this spring in an effort
to drum up support for
their team.
Something inside
me tells me that peo-
ple in the fine state of
Indiana would rather
watch the boys down
(i.e. Notre Dame), than
iers do anything besides
nd.
ally wanted more inter-
Hooters girls and free
again, listening to me
n trouble. Serious trou-
it.
another school with an
worse than Milton Berle
and a tube of lipstick.
re looking ahead to bas-
when they can choke
n another second round
ment loss. But we don't
etball now.
s us in an interesting
don't care about basket-
finitely don't care about
what do we care about?
y is golden.
an Henderson to run wild
s defense led by Danny
CINCINNATI 10
ERN (1-2) AT WISCONSIN
sitting pretty at 3-0 afer
nd I emphasize tough,

games against traditional football pow-
erhouses San Diego State, Ohio and
UNLV Looking at their schedule,
Wisconsin has the potential to run the
table all the way to the Michigan game
in Ann Arbor on Nov. 14. It's always
good to see the Badgers challenging
themselves. Really reaching back and
digging deep in an effort to build char-
acter and improve their football squad.
It's OK, though. When the Badgers
come to Ann Arbor at a gaudy 9-0,
calmly remind yourself that you are not
at the University of Wisconsin because
you got into Michigan.
The same does not hold true for
Northwestem. Their halls are full of
overly intelligent kids, all waiting to be
the next Mitch Albom or Marv Albert.
If they don't reach that goal, they can
always be a runner for the local bookie,
as many of them no doubt were well-
trained during Northwestern's two
recent gambling scandals.
Wisconsin is lead by all-world junior
tailback, Ron Dayne, one of the best
backs in the history of the Big Ten. He
recently ran for over a hundred yards in
the Badgers' win against UNLV,
although he is still hampered by injury.
Wisconsin is brimming with confi-
dence after their "difficult" nonconfer-
ence schedule and should have no prob-
lem dispatching a Northwestern team
that lost to Duke.
That's the same Duke team that was
2-9 and 0-8 in the ACC last year. If the
Wildcats have any chance, it lies in the
hands and feet of D'Wayne Bates, one
of the few bright spots in an otherwise
unpromising season. The Badgers
haven't had their hands this full with a
receiver since Velveeta.
The students at Northwestern recent-
ly filed this disclaimer. It read in part
"If we lose this game, it has nothing to
do with the fact that we bet thousands
of dollars against our own team. And
please don't call the University of
Colorado, either."
WIscoNsin 38, NoRmwESTERN 19
PuDUE .(2-1) AT NoTREDAE (1-1)
Let's play the name game. OK, Notre
Dame, you go first. "Hi, my name is
Notre Dame. I'm from South Bend,
Indiana. There were no Rosh Hashana
services at my school this week, so
none of us missed any classes. We never
miss classes. We're just an of' fashion
bunch of good kids. Oh, and we will
never be as good as we once were, just
as long as we keep losing to Michigan

AP PH
Iowa, despite its rough start, begins Big Ten competition this weekend against Illinois. The tli1ni were winless last season.
That is one of the few things that could bode well for the young Hawkeyes.

State.'
Thank you, Notre Dame. Purdue?
"Ili, my name is Purdue. I'm from
somewhere in Indiana or Illinois or
Ohio. One of those states. I'm not sure.
No one else knows where we're from,
either. We were 9-3 last year, and we
even beat Notre Dame, but usually peo-
ple pay attention to our basketball team.
Every blind squirrel finds an acorn
eventually, that's what my dad Frank
tells me, so I wouldn't expect too much
this year."
Purdue did indeed beat Notre Iame
last year. But this year, I don't expect too
much. Jarious Jackson is too good and
Notre Damewill be looking to prove that
their win over Michigan was legit.
'The Boilermakers know they can
beat Notre Dame and will travel to
South Bend with a repeat in mind.

They also want to beat up the goofy guy
from Notre Dame who runs around in
knickers all game.
Purdue will rely on a physical
defense that will try to keep up with the
Irish option. They need to limit Notre
Dame's oflensive opportunities, as the
Boilermakers' offense has fewer
weapons than the Swiss Army.
NOTRE DAME 17, PURDUE 16
MINNESOTA, OHIO STATE, PENN
STATE: OFF WEEK
This should give Andy Katzenmoyer
ample time to catch up on his classes.
Ie has late assignements due in his
Molecular Biology, Astrophysics and
Principles of Brain Surgery classes.
No he doesn't. The "Big Kat" is a
half-wit.
Joe Pa recently got his 301st win over

Pitt. Surprisingly, Penn State almost lost.
Rumor has it, Joe Pa stopped calling
plays late in the second half cause it was
6 pm and he was tired so he took a nan
Be has asked the Penn State athie
department to schedule earlier games so
he can take advantage of the Early Bird
Special at his favorite restaurant, the
Green Acres Home for the Elderly.
Minnesota has a week to bask in its
3-0 glory before going to Purdue next
week. In that case, we'll spend the week
wondering what makes the "Golden
Gophers" just so "golden" and thinking
of adjectives we can add before our
nickname, like "folden Wolverine'
God, I'm creative. W
Big Kat: 0.7 GPA, Joe Pa: 73 years
old, Minnesota: Not as creative as I
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