"Elizabeth" ends her domination at the Michigan Theater. Catch the mighty Virgin Queen before she traipses down E. Liberty Street to take residence at the State Theater. The film adds quite a bit of sexual spectacle to what historians have deemed a barren reign. Plus, pyres of burning Protestants. Who could ask for any- thing more? Michigan Theater. 7 & 9:30 p.m. 94d* F "r 7h ainbrrow in Daily Arts: 3 Upon the opening of Roberto Benigni's -Life is Beautiful Daly Arts will present a review of the film, which is coming to the Michigan Theater tomorrow evening. Tuesday November 24, 1998 5 Woody satrizes 9celebs By Christopher Tkaczyk Daily Arts Editor Woody's back, and he's up to his dirty old tricks again. "Celebrity" the long-awaited film from the master of satire and one-liners, opened Friday with the quiet exultation of a delirious orgasm. Recalling back to Allen's glory days of "Manhattan"and "Annie Hall," "Celebrity" was shot entirely in black and white. The intimacy of the two- tone genre is expelled here, as Allen has chosen to focus on the interaction of a few leading characters, along with a slew of star-studded appearances by real-life celebrities. Within the film, Allen suggests a world where, much like reality, a soci- ety of unknowns guest the eccentrici- ties and oddities of the rich and famous. It examines the ways in which our popular culture celebrates certain individuals, people who either don't seem to deserve the recognition, or those who abuse it. Attacking the glam and schmaltz of the'American royalty, "Celebrity"dunks our heads into the toilet for a moment, waking us up to the vile silliness of our ways. And, yet, Metaica tears down the Sate with intense assault Courtesy of M ramax Melanie Griff th shares a tender bedroom moment with Kenneth Branagh. Celebrity At State - we love it. "Celebrity" follows the days and times of a journalist, played deliciously by Shakespeare do- goody boy K e n n e t h Branagh. If there ever were such one, Branagh could have graduated from the Woody Allen Acting Conservatory for al stud, most recently in last year's "Deconstructing Harry," where a shy Allen confronts an ex-lover played by Elizabeth Shue. Instead of satisfying his own fantastic wet dream, Allen has placed Branagh into his typified per- sona, an actor not only capable of excellence in performance, but one who's not too strikingly handsome. That's not to say Lee doesn't have his share of relationships- he does, in the likes of Winona Ryder, Judy Davis and Famke Jenssen. The film opens with Lee still suffering from a recent divorce from Robin (Davis). He has movdl in with his editor, Bonnie, played sensual- ly by Jenssen, an embittered mature sexpot who is his obvious best choice. Lee, who seems, like many other Allen leading men, to be suffering from a middle-aged crisis with pubescent vigor, cannot satisfy himself with just one beautiful woman. A young actress (Ryder) appears and reappears in his life and kicks him while he is down and out and expects total admiration in return. And, of course, like the celebri- ties he interviews, Lee takes it all in with the hunger of Richard Simmons on a bad day. Robin's side of the failed marriage is examined in accounts separate from Lee's; they only interact twice through- out the whole film. Davis spends her first moments in the film portraying a woman who is attempting to move on with her life while she and a friend have checked themselves into a monastery for isolation and emotional healing. Here, as if anyone should doubt, Allen lets the Catholic jokes fly. Eventually, Robin meets a television producer (Joe Mantegna) who gives her not only a job, but also the relation- ship of her dreams. Her story is one of female triumph, something rarely seen in an Allen film. Without Davis' per- formance to add quality to the film, "Celebrity" would have been just silly dramatic fun. Hollywood stars make guest cameos throughout the film. With Nicole, an actress who Lee interviews, Melanie Griffith adds another dumb blond role under her belt of experience. A type Marilyn Monroe recreated and perfect- ed, yet by truly acting, Griffith doesn't have to work so hard. In a scene where Nicole and Lee revisit the home of her youth, Nicole flounces onto her girl- hood bed and looks up at the ceiling and declares, "I used to lie on my bed naked and watch my body develop" If only to be the boy-next-door. When Davis experiences problems of the boudoir, she exacts the help of a hooker she meets while working on Mantegna's television show. Played raunchily by Bebe Neuwirth, the hook- er is asked to demonstrate proper fella- tio technique. Grabbing a banana, Neuwirth goes to town - a far cry from Lilith Sternan-Crane, the ultra- repressed dominatrix of "Cheers"' bar- room antics. Maybe Allen can only hope his film does for the banana industry what Lewinsky did for the cigar. In this film, Leonard DiCaprio tries to be toughboy Johnny Depp by push- ing around a scantily-clad Gretchen Moll and trashing a hotel room. While the allusion is too painfully obv'ious, DiCaprio just isn't convincing as a girl- friend beater. His prettyboy image is hard to look past and his peiformance comes off as weak. His fake too-cool- for-you attitude makes one want to step on him, much like some of the charac- ters in "Antz." With "Celebrity," Woody Allen is back to his old self. "Celebrity"is both entertaining and thought-pro- voking. Getting back to his old school style of filmmaking, Allen examines the life of a man and the people he meets, with the richness of humanity thrown in around him. It teaches of expectation and false attribution, with a large serving of humor on the side. With "Celebrity," Allen reassures that fame isn't all so extraordinary. By Chris Cousino 1Yv ArsWriter There was only one word to say as WRIF DJ Drew Lai svpped out on sta e Lars!! As a thank you to their many fans, the local Detroit rock station 101 WRIF threw a little appre- ciation party at the quaint, darkened venue of the State Theater, bringing none other than drummer Lars Ulrich and the Metallica troupe to a die hard fan crowd of about 3,000. Since the only way to obtain tickets was to win them from the radio sta- tion, this big band/small club show was purely one for the memories. St;pping into the State. the Meta ica swirling, whirling neon lights State Theater, accompanied the intense excite- Detroit ment with several hotty Nov. 20. 1998 brunettes prancing in cages. The fans, ranging from teen "Load" rockers to late thirties "Kill 'Em All" supporters, swarmed into the little theater around 7 p.m. after many had waited outside in the wind-swept chill since 1 p.m. to get first dibs at the mosh pit. To engage the slamming early on, the Toronto-based metal band Battery excitedly ran out on stage, their long tendrils flailing. Hand- picked by Metallica, Battery specializes in playing Metallica cover songs. Thus, it exploded into won- derful renditions of Metallica classics such as "%Master of Puppets," "One," and a near perfect ver- sion of "Sad But True." The smashing wave of the thoroughly riled crowd crashed back and forth as Battery's acid of sound tri- umphed in a definitive "Fade to Black." After watch- ing the band play like Metallica, one sorry fan was a [ ttie too jostled as he lost his chance to see the real deal when the hyped-up security quickly escorted him out. The seemingly endless 40-minute wait of drum checks following Battery's exit finally ended when Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett casually walked oto the stage. Quick to follow were fellow bassist Jason Newsted, lead singer James Hetfield and, in a black tank top and Marilyn Monroe running shorts, drummer Ulrich. And with that, they erupted into an all-out, non-stop, lightning-fast hour and 45 minute assault on the ears with ripping guitar riffs, intense drums and Hetfield's taunt, ferocious vocals. In promotion of a new double disc album, "Garage lnc." Friday's show was one stop on a very small four city tour also including Chicago, Toronto and New York. "Garage Inc." includes cover songs from the band's out-of-print selections, "Garage Days Revisited" and "Garage Re-revisited" as well as I I new covers by bands such as Thin Lizzy, Black Sabbath, Mercyful Fate and Bob Seger. Fans heard new and old songs alike as one of the opening songs was the razor fast, loud "Blitzkrieg.' Carousing around the entire stage, Hetfield smiled. as he wailed away on his guitar. Newsted stepped over the speakers to get as close as possible to the worshipping audience while Ulrich looked like the Muppet Animal-on-speed as his drumsticks flew into the cymbals. The captivated audience cheered as Hetfield screamed, "Are you ready Detroit? You're in the fucking garage!" From this moment on the concert never took a .moment to breathe as the foursome played like loud boys who were just having fun. After a phat bass solo in "The Prince," Hammett took over with super snazzy guitar licks in a monster version of Black Sabbath's "Sabbra Cadabra." Metallica's dive into '70s influence didn't end with Ozzy Osbourne as they ripped into Queen's "Stone Cold Crazy." A song later, the band left the stage to a lone Hammett playing a solo in the spotlight. As his. bandmates crept back, they fused a dark, airy, explo- sive performance of Seger's "Turn the Page,' drawing much screams from the swaying crowd. The less-abrasiveness lasted momentarily until fans chanted along with Hetfield yelling, "Am I evil? Yes I am." Fast riffs and loud drums were the showcase of the latter part of the show with the songs "Killing Time," "So What" and fan favorite, "Last Caress." The very short lapse for the encore break was quickly dismissed with the rousing rendi- tion of the die-hard classic, "Breadfan." Pushing each other into the front of the stage, the ' crowd strained to slap Hetfield's hand as he and his bandmates tossed guitar picks to the aggressive audience. Through the show's non-stop loudness and tons of stalwart grins, Metallica showcased them-' selves as boys with toys, ripping guitars and drum smacks as they reminisced their days playing in the garage. Leaving, Hetfield exclaimed, "Hey Detroit, you made Metallica feel fucking good." If he only knew how good he made the many fans feel. the Retentive Jewish New Yorker. Branagh's imitation of Allen's trade- mark witticisms, brevity and quietude are superb - he's come a long way from Henry V But then that leaves the question: Why didn't Allen just do it himself? The best guess to answer that query may lie in the fact that audiences would find Lee's sexual exploits unbelievable - a hindrance that has kept audiences from accepting Allen as the supersexu- Iw ® e 1 *1 /® M Poetry Jam returns to League By Amanda Scotese Daily Arts Writer At Hip Hop Poetry Jam's "The Session," Thursday night, one performer read a poem sarcastically titled, "How to Succeed in a Coffeeshop." He poked fun at the cliches, "pseudo-intellectu- al speak" and the basic bull that people create on open mike nights in cafes. But his poem did not apply to this event. No bull - this was real. The evening was a meld of original poetry read, or rapped, by more than 25 performers with hip hop music spun by DJ Beniquez. "The Session" lasted about four hours with people filtering in and out throughout the evening. Held in the Michigan League Ballroom to at least 100 atten- dees, the MC Saladin Ahmed offered the mike to any performer. Emotions went wild at "The Session." s Hip Hop Poetry Jam League Ballroom Nov. 19, 1998 But no one read cliched love poems or depressing rants that so often waste open mikes. Most people read with the hip hop style of rhythmic rhymes and witty lines, while others expressed themselves in more conventional ways. The evening was initiated by an expres- sion of frustration with "the industry"- the industries of music, fashion and tele- vision. The first performer pointed out the control corporations have over our psy- ches, comparing it to sexual control. Though similar themes came about throughout the evening, each poet expressed their individuality. Overall, the most common themes were sex, relation- clever wording. Several poets confronted African American issues in American society. And still others chose to rap with the rhythms of music, and one poet recited with two musicians. The lyrics were especially potent with the dreamy sighs of a violin and the smooth slides of an upright bass. The violinist showed his skills by playing free-style to DJ Beniquez's spinnings. A few other performers also showed their free-styling skills, although lyrically. The evening concluded with an improvisational conglomera- tion of several of the rappers who had previously performed. RC senior Amy Rose Dinges organized the Hip Hop Poetry Slam, the first to occur this year. Last year, she coordinated the MSA funded event six times, always with a successful turnout. She and a friend began the Slams two years ago. It started with a gathering in her house and has now grown to a large regular event in the Michigan League Ballroom, Dinges was motivated to initiate the evenings because she saw that on campus there was a "lack of an open forum for peo- ple to express themselves." Hip Hop Poetry Slam will be in December or January, coin- ciding with the Martin Luther King, Jr Symposium. ships, American society and racial issues. But above all, hor- mones seemed to be the most inspiring muse. For example, David, a.k.a. Slick Tongue, declared, "spiritual orgasm is what I need at night." Some performers were blatantly graphic, descriiing sex in detail or erotic fantasies, but always with unique imagery and