'alcon' flies into theater
Check out "The Maltese Falcon," starring Humphrey Bogart. This
1941 forbear of film noir, also featuring Mary Astor, Peter Lorre and
Sydney Greenstreet, is a detective story that centers around Bogie,
a femme fatale, a fat man and a falcon. Don't miss the chance to see
the film that launched Bogart to stardom on Nat Sci's screen. The
film will begin at 7 p.m. Admission is $5.

Friday
September 12, 1997

9


Nine seasons later:'90210' still
makes for addictive television

Ween, comprised of Dean Ween (left) and Gene Ween (right) will play at St. Andrew's tomorrow night.
een towhirl i ntoDetrot

By John Ghose
Daily TV/New Media Editor
I am an addict. You are too, if you watched the two-hour
"Beverly Hills 90210" season premiere on Fox Wednesday
night. Anyone who still watches "90210" in its ninth season
must be an addict.
He must know that what he's doing is bad for him. He
probably hides his habit from his friends. He surely plays
down his addiction ("I could quit anytime if I wanted to.") He
probably has forgotten why he's even
doing what he's doing. And most posi-
tively, he wants to stop - but he can't - R1
we can't --at least not until Fox impos-
es a nationwide detox program in late
May when the superstation finally pulls
the television dinosaur known simply as
"90210."
Why do people still watch "90210?"
Sure, it has lost the monumental ratings it enjoyed about
four or five years ago when Brenda and Dylan were the
nation's favorite couple and when long sideburns were
fashionable because the boys of West Bev High all sport-
ed them.
But still, mature college kids tune in to this trash week after
week. Why? No one can stand Donna- yet she is the show's
main character. She looks like a horse, for god's sake, but we
still tune in, and endure her horrendous acting (even after
nine years of practice), her silicon breasts, her bad clothes,
her bad hairdos.
No one can stand Valerie either (what is wrong with her
cheeks, anyway?). She's an annoyingly cliche character,
meant to act as a foil to everyone on the show - the "bad
girl." And Kelly is gorgeous, yes, but she still looks like a
chipmunk.
It may seem shallow to criticize a show because the main
character looks like a horse and the others like various wood-
land animals. But come on, be realistic - that's all anyone
talks about. Who's gained weight, who looks anorexic, who
has bad teeth (although this particular comment has fallen out
of circulation since Brenda left), who has false breasts -
these are the reasons we tune in week after week. It's a bond-
ing experience.
And the viewer ridicule is not reserved for the women of
"90210" only - the men get it too. Unless I'm watching
"90210" by myself (a sure sign of an addict), I'm informed
by a fellow addict - without fail - that Jason Priestly is
really only 5 feet 3 inches tall. Everyone in the room already
knows this, but we all repeat this phrase -- like some kind of

soothing mantra, as if being rich and famous and handsome
is somehow worthless if you're short. Dylan, of course, had
the forehead, and then there's Steve.
Ah, Steve. Did you know that he's 35 in real life and
married to a Playboy model? Of course, but say it again.
Steve is the kind of guy you'd like to get hammered with
on a Wednesday night. He gets sunburned, he drinks beer
loudly and vomits equally loud; he copies his best friend's
paper without asking - and gets caught; he likes kinky
sex; he liked high school; he's got bad
hair. Men and women alike identify
E V I E W with Steve - he's a dork just like the
rest of us addicts. He's an unchanging
Beverly Hills static, yet Steve Sanders (Ian Ziering)
90210 is what makes "90210" a watchable
Fox show.
Wednesdays at 8 p.m. Steve - seemingly the most superfi-
cial, cliche character of them all - is
truly the most complex. Steve's got a weak backbone; he likes
bimbos and big breasts; he cheats on his girlfriend by mis-
- take; he feels like a loser often. "Is that all you think about,
Steve?" Val asks, referring to a comment Steve makes about
a Hawaiian passer-by's breasts. "Of course not,"replies Steve,
"I think about food sometimes too."
Ah, Steve, you got them all fooled. If you are an addict like
me, you know Steve knows people, you know he gets hurt a
lot, and you know he still loves Claire. And undoubtedly,
Ziering is the best actor of all the original (and current) cast
members. His facial expressions are subtle, goofy, sincere,
and hilarious - all wrapped up in a lovable, moronic, beer-
swilling shell.
Plot is unimportant here. You can only do so much with-
in "90210"'s soap-opera format - and everything that
could possibly happen on "90210" has already happened
(although I'd like to see Steve grapple with homosexuali-
ty). That's why shows like "ER" and the "X-files" will
never grow old - the opportunities in medicine and sci-
ence are limitless, and a little technical lingo is all that's
needed for plausibility.
No, college students don't watch "90210" for plot.
Remember, I am an addict, so I don't truly know why I still
watch this show, but if I were to guess, I'd say that we
addicts sincerely like these people. We grew up with them.
They give us - hope. Sure, Tori Spelling looks like a
horse, but she's rich and famous, and if someone who
looks like a horse can be rich and famous, then there's
hope for the rest of us.
Then again, maybe it's my addiction talking.

By Lise Harwin
Daily Music Writer
One generally doesn't think of jitter-
bugging and songs titled "Waving My
Dick In The Wind" at the same time.
But, in the wonderful world of Ween,
anything can happen. While performing
at the tender age of 18 in Budapest,
Dean and Gene Ween (born as Mickey
Melchiondo and Aaron Freeman, in
1970) felt as though they were in a time
warp.
"In Budapest, they had just opened
the borders to the free world. Western
civilization was just sweeping in upon

Beatles pop ("Pork Roll Egg and
Cheese"), it chooses instead to be
wacky, kicking sand in the face of the
pop world with lunatic joy.
Not only are the boys of Ween profi-
cient in the different musical genres,
they are fluent with the instruments as
well. "I'll play anything, but the only
thing I really play well is guitar,"
Melchiondo said. "I do play drums on
our records though. Both Aaron and I
can fake our way on keyboards, enough
to throw down tracks on our own songs,
but we've got a killer keyboard player
that plays live with us. But, guitar is the

them like a hurri-
cane and our first
record was just out
over there. So, our
tour was a little bit
out of time. Even
when we played in
Berlin and major

PREVIEW
Ween
Saturday night at 7:30
St. Andrew's Hall
Call (313) 961-MELT for ticket info

only thing I know
what I'm talking
about when I talk
about musical
instruments.'
Ween's latest
combination of
instruments and

cities, people didn't know who we
were,' Melchiondo said.
* "Furthermore, disco was huge in
Budapest, so a band like Ween that's so
severe and totally American was pretty
strange. We played in this bar with old
people, babies, little kids and pseudo-
writers that were trying to get hip to
something, he continued. And no one
spoke a word of English. I don't think
we got paid; they gave us vodka and
food instead"
And the 'SOs dances? "There were
people doing interpretive dances and
jitterbugging while we were playing.
They wanted to react, but they didn't
know what the proper reaction was. So,
after a while we just started playing
anything. We could play Bad Company
and they'd love it.'
To any Ween devotees, this story
should be no surprise. To many, Ween is
the complete mistake of the alternative
raick period, a tremendously talented
ad pleasantly odd duo whose work has
surpassed the confines of parody and
novelty and instead delves into sheer
surrealism, not unlike the atmosphere
in.Budapest.
,Though Ween is the master of nearly
every kind of musical genre ranging
from country (the whole album of
"Twelve Golden Country Greats") to
SLetters un
Letters from a Nut
ed L. Nancy
Avon Books
Writer Ted L. Nancy is either com-
pletely insane or in serious need of a
bobby. The man has spent years writing
liudicrous letters and queries to enter-
tainment conglomerates, corporate
heads and celebrities, to name a few. A
great many of these absurd screeds are
included in his new book, "Letters from
a -Nut.'
"Letters from a Nut" is
a compilation of
some of the
strangest let-
ters ever
penned. A
person has to
wonder what
goes through
Nancy's mind when he
sits down and writes one of
these, let alone when he has the guts to
mail it out.

quirky songs takes the shape of 1997's
"The Mollusk;" another collection of
weirdness featuring songs like the
aforementioned two-minute riot,
"Waving My Dick In The Wind."
Overall, Melchiondo was pleased
with the way the rather unconventional
album turned out. "When we work on
records, it's not really like working on a
proper album. We just get together and
we record. It's our own equipment and
our own makeshift studio. We just get
together and work on it. We try not to
look at it like we're working on a record,
but it's cool and time consuming.
But, for the most part, it was pretty
smooth;' the guitarist said. "I'm totally
happy with the way it came out. It's got
my favorite songs on it of any of our
songs, so that's cool. That in itself is
something. I like playing it live too."
* Live, Ween is yet another story.
Described in the past as "entering an
alternate universe;" Dean and Gene
prance across club stages as though St.
Andrew's is Madison Square Gardens.
But, as always, touring and live perfor-
mances have both up- and down-sides.
"We're a really good live band and
it's a lot of fun for a while. But when it
blows, there's nothing that blows
worse," Melchiondo said. "When
you're having fun and riding high, it's a

really incredible thing. You're out there
making music every single day in front
of crowds of people. After a while
though, you just want to go home and
not do anything. You're in demand
every single second of every day for
months and months. There's no days
where you can just sit and watch cable
and go to the bar or rent a movie. You're
just denied that. But eventually you're
home again and bored out of your mind.
And you want to go back out. You just
can't win."
But, Ween are winners. They've been
playing together for 13 years, they've
had walkons in movies (namely the
smash-hit "It's Pat") and they've had
the opportunity to record with several
country music legends, most notably
Charlie McCoy and Russ Hicks who
gave songs like, "Help Me Scrape The
Mucus Off My Brain" a tastefulness it
surely would never have had.
For Melchiondo, playing with these
country stars was an amazing experi-
ence. "It was awesome. It was a really
tiny chapter in Ween ... just three days
out of one week a couple of years ago.
We usually put a lot of time into making
our records, like a couple of years, but
that one was real quick. It was over and
done as quick as it started. We wrote the
songs and then went down there and in
five days it was recorded and mixed and
mastered. It was more of a session to
me than an album. I almost forget that it
happened until I see the CD."
Despite Ween's current standing in
the world of alternative rock, a quick
look at the band's history will give hope
to even the most underground of col-
lege bands. After meeting in a typing
class in junior high school, they real-
ized that they shared a common musical
interest.
"We were both doing bedroom
recording made at home. Really terrible
music" Melchiondo said. "And then we
started doing it together and calling it
Ween almost immediately. We still kind
of do things the same way, to tell you
the truth.
So, all you struggling musicians, take
note: If Ween can make songs about
spinal meningitis and succeed, there's
hope for you yet.

Where are they now? (Left) The "90210" gang comes back
for a ninth season - complete with big breasts, short men,
horses and chipmunks. Claire (lower left) was the only one
smart enough to get out. (Above) "What are you talking
about? I'm clearly 5 feet 4 Inches tall."

i i un i r u i i I

covers nutty writer

nacrom

more asking if the hotel staff has found
something that he lost there (a bag of
otter's hair, a tooth and a Prussian mili-
tary sword). These tend to run together
and become monotonous, but the letters
that stand out are entertaining.
Some examples of Nancy's psychosis
include a letter to the Mars Candy
Company describing Nancy's idea for a
new candy bar, "Nanacrumble" (a
Butterfinger bar with banana in the cen-
ter instead), and a letter to Vice
President Al Gore containing enthusias-
tic praise and a statement that, "I hope
you are Vice President
forever!"
One especially
funny letter is
written to the
-, Los Angeles
Lakers' Ticket
Department.
Nancy explains that
he has an injury that
requires that the "backside of my
pants must be completely cut out. A cel-
lophane wrapper is replaced in that area

Most letters in the book are followed
by responses from their recipients, who
appear to take Nancy's letters seriously
even though the subject at hand is usu-
ally utterly ridiculous. One of the most
helpful responses was from the
Excalibur Hotel and Casino, apologeti-
cally informing Nancy that he wouldn't
be allowed to sell hamburgers shaped
like the Excalibur building outside the
hotel.
This collection of kooky letters and
their responses makes for fun, brainless
reading. Some letters are funny, though
most are just outright strange. "Letters
from a Nut" will prove that not only
does Ted L. Nancy definitely qualify for
the status of a nut, but it also provides a
showcase of his talent at writing humor-
ously bizarre correspondence.
-Julia Shih
. .. . . .r . .

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