4B The Michigan Daily Weekeni Magazine - thursday, January 16, 1997
Hollywood fills '96 with vicarous
thrill s, stupendous suprses

The Michiga Dai Weeke
E Entertainment News
X-Files' plans for silver screen;
STP s Weiland 'receiving care

By Bryan Lark
Daily Film Editor
In music video, 1996 was the year of
the toilet, with urinal-and-
stained-mirror-themed
videos by No Doubt,
Tony Rich and Jewel.
In current events,
1996 was the year of
gymnastics, with Kern
Strug and Bob Dole «<
showing their tumbling
prowess.
In pop music, 1996 was the
year of Top 40, with Celine Dion
and la Macarena ruling the airwaves.

In Chinese restaurants, 1996 was the
year of the rat.
With more 100 movies


released in 1996, per-
haps "1996: The Year of
the Vicarious Thrill"
would best describe its
Hollywood output.
After all, 1996 did pro-
vide moviegoers with
plenty of bang for their
movie buck.
We rode shotgun in Helen
Hunt's shoddy yellow pickup,
marveling at how much the torna-
does, much like "Twister" itself, just

totally sucked.
We felt patriotic as aliens blew up the
White House, in "Independence Day."
We watched the all-too-coincidentally
heroic team of a president, a pilot, a
nerd, a stripper and a dog saved our col-
lective asses, leaving the country safe
for vapid, big-budget action flicks.
In "Mission: Impossible," we did the
impossible with Tom Cruise, attempt-
ing to find the definition of plot ele-
ments, while the camera just focused on
the definition of his biceps.
Or maybe, "1996: The Year of
Endless Surprises'" is the most fitting
title, given the great number of shocks,

Winona Ryder and Daniel Day Lewis in Arthur Miller's "Crucible."


risks, and mismarketings Hollywood
offered us this year.
Cries of dismay and doubt resonated
throughout multiplexes all year long,
making the incessant crop of films seem
more exciting than they really were.
"'Striptease' is a comedy?"
"Courtney Love can act?"
"I can't believe Barbra's not like but-
tah!"
"'The English Patient' is HOW
long?"
"You mean, Jim
Carrey won't be talking
out of his butt?"
"Boy, that Rene
Russo sure can vomit!"
Then again, possibly
"1996: The Year of the
Woman" may be most
apt, as evidenced by the
bountiful harvest of
great roles for women
over the past 12 months.
After last year's
"Leaving Las Vegas"
Oscar may be hard up to
find hookers to nomi- Jim Carrey wa
nate this year. Cable Guy."
After seeing Frances
McDormand in "Fargo," Goldie Hawn
in "The First Wives Club," Diane
Keaton in "Marvin's Room," Brenda
Blethyn in "Secrets and Lies",Queen
Latifah in "Set It Off," Gwyneth
Paltrow in "Emma," Illeana Douglas in
"Grace of My Heart," Jennifer Tilly and
Gina Gershon in "Bound" and
Madonna in "Evita," we may notice that

all the kicking and screaming to
Hollywood's sexist regime has paid off
in more opportunities for great actress-
es - unless, of course, Sarah Jessica
Parker takes all the opportunities.
Hey, how about "1996: The Year of
Sarah Jessica Parker?"
Appearing solely in sub-par efforts
like "If Lucy Fell," "Extreme
Measures," "Mars Attacks!" and
Broadway musicals, one would expect
Parker to take roles in
higher-profile films -
say, "The People vs.
Robert Downey Jr.,"
about one woman's
loyalty to her junkie
ex-boyfriend or "Bring
in Da Nurse, Bring in
Da Patient, an epic
desert romance of des-
tiny, disfigurement
and tap-dancing!
Since Sarah Jessica
was not the biggest
name in celluloid in
1996, maybe "1996:
weird in "The The Year of Guys with
Bizarre Names"
- -works.
Ewan McGregor? Skeet Ulrich?
Cuba Gooding, Jr.? Matthew
McConauga-hey-I'm-the-newest-It-
Boy-sex-god?
Where have all the Rocks, Carys,
Clarks, and Humphreys gone? OK, so
See HOLLYWOOD, Page 8B3
Inside: Arts staffers list top films.
Page lOB.

FILM
Although the truth may be out there,
Mulder and Scully will not always be
searching for it - at least not on televi-
sion. According to USA Today, the
1997-98 season of Fox's "The X-Files"
will end with a shocking cliffhanger
that will be resolved on the silver screen
with David Duchovny
and Gillian Anderson
reprising their small-
screen roles. The 1997-8
season, which will be the
show's fifth, will also be
the final season Chris
Carter serves as execu-
tive producer, though
Duchovny and Anderson
are under contract for six
seasons. So, you X-
philes, don't fret just yet. Porno for Pyr
Along the same sci-fi lines, James
Woods has joined the cast of Robert
Zemeckis' "Contact," the screen trans-
lation of the late Carl Sagan's only
novel, as reported in Variety. The high-
profile alien project already boasts the
varied talents of icon Jodie Foster, erst-
while Tina Angela Bassett, and scruffy
It-Boy Matthew McConaughey.
With all that training and marathon-
ing Oprah Winfrey's been doing lately,
the talk-show host is pretty darn quick.
Not quick enough, however, to be the
creative force who brings the first selec-
tion from Oprah's Book Club to the
screen. According to Entertainment
Weekly, woman-about-Hollywood
Michelle Pfeiffer has swiftly bought
the rights to Jacqueline Mitchard's
best-seller "The Deep End of the
Ocean," and Pfeiffer will both produce
and star in the film.
According to Movieline, the long-
awaited film version of thinly veiled
Supremes expose, "Dreamgirls," will
finally enter production. The girl-group
musical with three lead roles, originated
by Sheryl Lee Ralph, Loretta Devine

ro$

and Jennifer Holliday, has been talked
up for decades, with the mention of big
stars, like Whitney Houston, Halle
Berry, Theresa Randle and RuPaul. If
RuPaul gets a part, it may have to be
renamed "Dreaming I Were A Girl."
Pop quiz, hot shot - what do you do
when you're making a sequel to one of
the most successful
action films of the
decade, and your star
drops out to tour with his
no-hit-wonder band? You
replace him, of course.
According to
Entertainment Weekly,
production has almost
wrapped on "Speed 2:
Cruise Control," which
has Jason Patric taking
s cancels. over where Keanu
Reeves left off. Though
he won't be playing Jack Traven, Patric
will be romancing Sandra Bullock,
patron saint of spunk, while attempting
to keep a cruise ship from plowing into
an island at the hand of mad bomber
Willem Dafoe. Sound familiar?
MUSIC
A shroud of silence
has hovered over the
Stone Temple Pilots
camp concerning the
sudden and unexplained
cancellation of three
shows the band was
recently scheduled to
play. Addicted to Noise
reported that the cloud
was finally lifted yester-
day afternoon when
STP manager Steve Frank "Son" S
Stewart revealed that troubled singer
Scott Welland, who has a history of
drug abuse, is now "receiving some
care."
Marilyn Manson certainly puts the
fear of the (anti)god into Oklahoma
Governor Frank Keating, who has

issued a press release condemning the
band and urging Oklahoma residents to
stay away from Manson's Feb. 5 concert
at the state fairgrounds, according to
Addicted to Noise. "From what I have
learned of the content of their lyrics and
message as well as their conduct on
stage, they are clearly bent on degrad-
ing women, religion and decency, while
promoting satanic worship, child abuse
and drug use," quoth the Governor, in
response to "calls and letters" to his
office from citizens supporting the can-
cellation.
"These people are peddling garbage.
It's further proof that society's moral
values continue to crumble." Keating,
however, acknowledges that it is not
within his powers to shut down the
show, since the fairgrounds are not state
property. He encouraged his concerned
constituents to "vote with their feet and
decline to attend this event," adding, "if
no one comes to listen to their trash, this
group will go elsewhere and not come
back."
Noel Gallagher of Oasis, who was
arrested on Nov. 8 on suspicion of drug
possession, was issued a "caution" by
the London Police, who opted not to
file charges against the
rude-boy pop star, after 1
1/2 months of "analyz-
ing" the white, powdery
substance found on the
singer. According to
Addicted to Noise, a
Scotland Yard spokesper-
son confirmed that the
substance found on
Gallagher was a "small
amount of cocaine for
als shot, personal use," adding
that it is common prac-
tice to let first-time offenders off the
hook, as long as they admit to the
offense.
Addicted to Noise reported that
Porno For Pyros has canceled its
upcoming world tour. On the eve of a
Jan. 9 benefit show to raise money for

as

James Woods, here In
a trust fund for
DiStefano's daughter
Warner Brothers, sai
benefit and the tot
because. Warner Br
"the band has recent
on new material ft
album, and has decid
ing and concentrat
work."
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Voted
LSAT
12/7/96
2/8/97
6/16/97
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