14B - The M igan Daily - W/4d.1., e.- Best of Ann Arbor - Thurs* April 18, 1996

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The Michigan Daily - 4e*, 4c. - Bes

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Weekend co-editor takes introspective look at best of city

Why can't we al just stayin Ann Arbor tl

By Karl Jones
Daily Weekend Editor
For the past few weeks I have been
pacing back and forth in the Daily Arts
Office and wondering just why it was
that I felt compelled to write a column
for Best of Ann Arbor.
"Kari," I asked myself, "was it be-
cause you have been working your-
self into educational ruin putting out
Weekend, etc. all year, and, in return,
you have the right to put your pomp-
ous opinions into the last issue? Was
it because you have a manifesto that
you've been dying to get published
ever since that whole Unabomber/
New York Times thing? Could it be
that you honestly believe you might
be able to convince Daily Editor in
Chief Ronnie Glassberg that pub-

lishing an end of the year tribute to
your mentor, Burl Ives, is a really
good idea?"
The answer to all of these ques-
tions was yes. (Well, that, and I am
slowly working on my goal of trans-
forming into Weekend, etc. colum-
nist Dean Bakopoulos.) After I had
considered all of these issues, how-
ever, I still did not feel a sense of
inner peace about what I was going to
write. There was something eating at
me -some world-altering cause that
I needed to devote my one column of
the year to.
And then it hit me. The ONE prob-
lem with Ann Arbor (aside from con-
struction, too many coffee shops,
GSIs who don't know how to speak
English, people throwing coupon

Discover
oDi~sc Gl
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books at you every time you walk
outside and a serious over-abundance
of dirty, white hats) is that it's too
impersonal.
Think about it ... what is the first
thing they ask you when you try to do
anything "official" around campus?
"What is your ID number?" They never,
ever ask what your name is or your
favorite color or what you think of the
fact that Sally Struthers is schlepping
money for starving children even
though she weighs like 900 pounds.
And when was the last time you really
got to know one of the thousands of
people in your 8 a.m. communication's
lecture beyond the fact that they drool
when they sleep? I think you see what
I mean.
So, in an attempt to make Ann Arbor
a more intimate, personal place, I
proudly present my addition to this
issue. It's called "The Best of Kari
Jones." Yes, that's right, I'm going to
take off my professional editor hat,
loosen the holster that I use to hold the
guns that I shoot writers who miss
deadlines , and invite readers to get to
know "the real me" (see -'m doing it
already!).
Here are my categories, in no par-
ticular order:
Best Place I can never find
at the University:
Floor 1A, the GradLibrary
OK, I am thoroughly convinced that
this floor does not exist. When I asked
a Grad Library employee for directions
a few weeks ago, I swear she told me to
go down the North Hallway, up 10
flights of stairs and then back down
four more, over to the Southwest Wing,
around the corner to the Far Eastern
Corridor, past the Mobil station on your

right, to the secret door, where I would
have to knock three times and ask for
Julio. And she didn't even give me the
right directions because the guy's name
was Manuel.
Best of the Six People Who
Currently Live in My
House:
Me
I find myself extraordinarily easy to
get along with.
Best of My Professors
Rosina Lippi-Green, Ger-
man 232
Rosina is intelligent, beautiful,
charming and just an overall model for
all human beings.
Best attempt at kissing up
to a professor in order to
earn a good grade:
See above
Best ofMy Current Scams
toAvoid Paying for anAd:
DoesAnyone Want to Sub-
let My Room this Sum-
mer?
Best Campaign Slogan I
Think An MSA Party
Should Use:
"WeDedicate Ourselves To
Bringing Phish to the
Diag."
Two of my friends came up with

this one. I mean, can you think of a
better way to entice frat boys to vote?
Best of My Birthday:
April 23
Favorite color: Blue. Shirt size:
Large.
Best Section Put Out By
The Michigan Daily:
Weekend, etc.
Outstanding layout, beautiful pho-
tos and that editor with the long, blond
hair - the word "goddess" doesn't
even begin to describe her. ("Huge
bags under the eyes from lack of sleep"
is pretty close, though.)
Best of the Ways I'm Go-
ing to End This Column:
Subliminal Messages
Working as Weekend, etc. editor
this year has taught me a lot of things
(dictator). As I thoroughly edited sto-
ries (made up my own articles and put
other peoples' names on them), I al-
ways thought to myself what a great
job I had (smallipaycheck).
Working under Arts editors Dean
Bakopoulos and Josh Rich (meaning-
less figureheads) was a real pleasure.
and Ronnie Glassberg (part-time ex-
otic dancer) is the most meticulous
and intelligent editor in chief The
Michigan Daily has ever seen.
It wasn't always easy staving here
until the wee hours of the morning
putting out a section (desire to quit).
but I somehow managed to keep my
g rades up (haven 't been to a single
class forfour months). I hope you all
have enjoyed my one and only col-
umn this year (who cares, tomorrow
is my last day).
Obviously, that was just a series of
cruel jokes. This is the last opportunity
I have to tease a really great group of
people who I have enjoyed working
with over the past year. You guys are
doing an excellent job, and thank you
to everyone who helped out with Week-
end this year.
And now that all you readers know
me a little better, I hope you feel free
to say hello if you run into me on
campus. I'm the one in the Burl Ives
T-shirt.

By Greg Parker
Daily Weekena Editor
In less than two weeks, Ann
Arbor will close down. No more
student-owned Jeep Cherokees
cruising the avenues, and no more
clogged Diag days. The hallowed
classrooms of Angell Hall and the
MLB will be essentially empty, and
the coffee shops along East
University will certainly be vacant.
The campus will be dead, for
most of the students will have left.
What happens to Ann Arbor
when the students leave? You might
have gotten a glimpse of this during
your orientation. Restaurants will
close early. The Daily goes weekly.
Quite simply, the city looks like a
ghost town.
I have to admit - I have issues
with summer in Ann Arbor.
I like it here in the summer. A
two-credit creative writing course,
a part-time job at the Daily and
possibly some other service-sector
drivel, and I'm all set. Of course,
anything's less stressful than 17
credit hours and assorted other
tasks, as any student can attest.
But my problem is that the city
just loses its flavor. It loses its soul,
its essence. However much Inmight
complain about the people on the
Diag, I miss them. I miss ftsy
coffee shops, and I even miss those
Jeep Cherokees.
The solution? I demand that all
students stay in Ann Arbor this
summer. Give up those cushy
internships in D.C. or Manhattan.
Tell your parents to come and see
you. Cancel the sublet, or be sure
and find one so you have a place to
stay. Those of you in the dorms,
just extend your lease over the
summer. It's not too bad, and if you
pay, maybe they'll keep the
cafeterias open for you. It'll be fun
- I promise.
Since every student wouldn't be
taking a full class load, most would
probably opt to work But with a
finite amount of jobs in the area,
many students would find them-
selves unemployed. All the better!
It'd be best if all my friends would
just happen to be those without a
job, so we could hang around all
day and do nothing, or at least live
up to our generation's penchant for
bitching about not having a job.
What better way to spend a sum-
mer!
We could all sleep in, and we
could nap to our heart's content.
We could do that summer reading
we've always wanted to do. "War
and Peace" - no problem.
"Ulysses" - read it one day. And
talk shows. All the talk shows we
could ever want. Maybe a few of us
could take all of our televisions and
arrange them so we could watch all
the talk shows at once. That way,
we'd never miss a show, even those
on at the same time on different
networks. Elvis did thesame thing
with his three televisions. There-
fore, we should do the same.
For those of you who are not
going home or working for the Man

in some high-rise, but rather going
to Europe, that's fine. Just don't go
for longer than a month, or else the
city will miss your karma. Besides,
Ann Arbor is cooler than Europe.
We might not have the Parthenon,
Stonehenge or the Coliseum, but we
have substitutes. Ann Arbor has
Angell Hall, which is an suitable
replacement for the Parthenon -
how about them Doric columns?
We even have our own Coliseum -
Michigan Stadium - which seats
more people. Take that, Europe!

If everyone stayed, we'd have a
rip-roaring good time. We could
have barbecues on the Diag,
complete with hot dogs, tofu dogs
and some juicy spare ribs.
Mmmmm. We could get a cool
band to come - maybe George
Clinton or something. We need the
funk. At night we could move the
party inside, into the Graduate
Library, where we could turn out
the lights and play hide-and-seek.
Best of all, when the infamous
Ann Arbor Art Fair rolls around,

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we could stop it in its tracks.
the increased revenue from th
event. Art, schmart, forget th
The Art Fair plugs up the stre
and fills the town with pseud
Yuppie types that walk really
really slow. So all of us stude
since we all stayed for the su
could lie down in the streets
the vendors usually place the
stands. That would show then
They can take their snooty sli
Birmingham, where it belong
See, I told you it would be

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