8- The Michigan Daily - Tuesday. March 19, 1996 i - ..nwwwinw... Wi':: h 4 RI Dumb'Ed' strikes out By Neal C. Carruth Daily Arts Writer It is obvious after seeing "Ed" that baseball and chimpanzees just don't mix. This should be axiomatic, but don't look for Hollywood to adhere to basic standards of good taste. Rather, expect that most "family films" will appeal to the lowest common denominator and, in the process, insult the intelligence of most audiences. "Ed" concerns a talented, but choke- prone minor league pitcher named Jack Cooper (the vapid Matt LeBlanc, from the vapid "Friends"). Despite Cooper's blazing fastball, he can't manage to win REVIEW Ed Directed by Bill Couturie, with the Matt LeBlanc and Jack Warden At Showcase a game for the Santa Rosa Rockets. In a corporate ploy to attract spectators to the ballpark, the team's owners pur- chase Mickey Mantle's chimpanzee, Ed, to serve as the team mascot. It quickly becomes clear, though, that the chimp has talents and ambitions beyond being the mascot. He is a skilled third baseman, one who is able to per- form on the field with considerable "Look buddy, the movie sucked, but jumping ain't gonna solve anything." aplomb. Cooper is assigned the dubi- ous duty of having to provide room for Ed in his apartment. Of course, Ed trashes the joint and initially wreaks havoc in Cooper's life. And then what do you think happens? Well,Cooper's confidence ontheballfield is bolstered, he falls in love with a beau- tiful woman and he develops a deep friend- ship with Ed. Ah, if only I could be so fortunate as to have a chimpanzee come into my life. But, this kind of stuff only happens in the movies. All the same, one hates to think that this is what people want to pay $6.75 to see. The trajectory of "Ed" is so appar- ent from the get-go that the ending isn't satisfying in the least. We know Cooper will get the girl; we also know that the team will rally around Ed and conse- quently win the championship. There, I've just saved you $6.75. Unfortunately, "Ed" doesn't possess any features that compensate for its ridiculous premise and storyline. The humor of screenwriter David Mickey Evans doesn't appear to have progressed beyond a third grade, highly scatologi- cal level. But, hey, if you like flatulence jokes, then "Ed" is the picture for you. Not only is Evans' humor in ques- tion, but his dialogue is abysmal. We hear profundities like "(Ed's) not an animal. He's a ball player," uttered with great weight and seriousness. The char- acters, spewing out this banal tripe, register an agonizing lack of depth. And their acting doesn't really pull them out of the morass. LeBlanc gives a thin performance, neverprovidinguswith a strong sense ofmotivation. He's plastic and polished, revealing a limited emo- tional range. Jack Warden, as the Rock- ets' coach Chubb, phones in the sort of crusty performance that is expected from him. The one ray of light is Jayne Brook, playing the love interest Lydia, who adds a little class to "Ed." I can't neglect to mention Jay Caputo and Denise Cheshire, the two stuntperson/gymnasts who inhabit the "Ed the chimpanzee" costume. Caputo and Cheshire are old hands at portray-. ing primates. Caputo played Assassin in Congo" and Cheshire was a gorilla in "Gorillas in the Mist." Their perfor- mance in "Ed" is difficult to evaluate, but they do look very convincing. On the technical side, director Bill Couturie can probably be'held account- able for many of the film's problems. He has a weakness for cartoonish, spe- cial effects-enhanced sequences that don't have the character of true com- edy. Couturie also has trouble with pac- ing, creating a movie that is as pro- tracted as the game of baseball itself. Homero Aridjis, translated by Betty Ferbm The Lord ofthe Last Days: Visions of the Year 1000 William Morrow and Company, Inc. Toward the beginning of this intriguing novel, the narrator, a medieval monk at work illuminating a manuscript of the Book of Revelation wonders: "Although I know my name, and I know the body I will die in, in this final hour I do not know if I am Alfonso de Le6n or if I am Abd Allah, if I personify Lord Christ or Antichrist." This sense of conflicting and opposing forces drives the novel. It is the year 10 A.D. and Spain is the site of clashes between two distinctly different groups: t Christians and the Moors. Alfonso de Le6n embodies not only the struggle between them, but the way in which these two groups are intrinsically linked in Spanish culture. In place of chapters, the novel is divided up into Alfonso de Leon's numbered "visions." In one of the most lyrical visions, he tells the story of his childhood in a sumptuous harem and his early relationship with Abd Allah, his twin brother, who, as leader of a Moorish army, grows up to become his mortal enemy. From the beginning, the identities of the two brothers are confused and there is violent conflict between them. For instance, remembering one of their childhood fights, Alfonso de Le6n comments, "His hands hurt me from pummeling him so hard on my body. He was so like me that for a moment I thought it was I who was savagit him. I read the horror he provoked in me on his face." Alfonso de Le6n becomes a sort of apocalyptic prophet - the "Lord of te Last Days"- and equates the coming of the end of the world with the inevitable battle between the Christians and the Moors and himself and Abd Allah. The rivalry between them increases as the complexity of their relationship begins to reveal itself. The entire world the novel portrays is rife with a sense of confusion and uncertainty about both the present and the future. Characters are confrontedwith false prophets (such as a particularly grotesque character who calls himseffWIidoro I) and endless rumors of spirits and divine revelations relating to the apocalyps Language itself is in a state of semi-chaos. In the context of the novel, t Spanish language is just beginning to emerge. "How strange that a tongue should be born when the world is dying," the narrator remarks. The line between the natural and the supernatural is continuously blurred. In one of the most bizarre scenes, Alfonso de Leon witnesses a sort of funeralwedding between his brother and a dead woman. Alfonso de Leon's life in the nibuastery is marked by physical hardship and spiritual revelations - viewing his world through his eyes, it is often difficult to differentiate between the two. The novel is rich in historical detail, which is a result of the author's exhaustive research. However, what is also interesting is the way in which the narrative is infused with commentary on the modern world. For instance, a female visionary prophesies the coming of an antichristwho will "resuscitate corpses while exterminatiui thousands of animals and plants ... speak of saving the Earth while he burns fores fouls the air and poisons the waters ... invoking peace he will fill the world with the dead. Wherever he walks, rivers will die, trees will topple, youths and maide4ns will wither." This environmental commentary might seem heavy-handed in nother context, but within the novel it comes across more mystical than political. The author, Homero Aridjis, has earned renown for his poetry and novels both in his native Mexico and abroad. "The Lord of the Last Days," with its riepoetic language and historical insight is well deserving of praise. -Jessica Callaway Poets Explore the Museum of Art' tonight, Join local writers like poets Keith Taylor and Richard Tillinghast and fiction writers Charles Baxter and Nicholas Delbanco as they read written reflections on works of art featured in the University's Museum of Art' Part of the new "Evening at Rackham" series, the multi-media event will' eventually culminate in a book called "A Visit to the Gallery." The event is in the Rackham Amphitheater, tonight at 7 o'clock. Admis~son is free. ANTI-INFLAMMATORY MEDICATION RESEARCH STUDY: If you are a healthy,18-50 year old male, and your weight is between 110 and 220 pounds, you may qualify for a medication research study. You must not have a history of: You must not: " Ulcers " Take daily prescription medications " Allergies to Aspirin or Ibuprofen Payment for completing this study is $2,422.00. For more information, please call Ann or Barb at (313) 996-7051, Mon. - Fri., 9:00 a.in. to 4:00 p.m.,4 Warner-Lambert/Parke-Davis, Community Research Clinic, 2800 Plymouth Rd., Ann Arbor, MI 48105. **** ** Zero Classic ..Excellent Good Fair Poor A Bomb ..... - ..................... p .A Because. allnihers arent alWays spent in I A e no bands I ad R e and the Remainders I I ~HaHour 3-8pm !F166 )ikh% the bIrar II r COMMUNICATIONS * MEDIA * FILM * MARKETING FINANCE * BUSINESS MANAGEMENT INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS ARTS & SCIENCES * PRE-LAW " Major motion picture studios * Multinational Banks & Financial Institutions " North American Computer Company " Hong Kong Television Network " Hotel Chain " American Camera and Film Company Iq d.