The Michigan Daily - Wednesday, January 31, 1996 - 11

Grapplers look to repeat last
season's win over Spartans

By Jennifer Hodulik
Daily Sports Writer
The Michigan wrestling team hopes that 13 -the number of
places separating the No. 17 Wolverines and No. 4 Michigan
State - will prove lucky tonight at Cliff Keen Arena.
Michigan will look to knock off its intrastate rival in the same
fashion as it did last season, when the Wolverines surprised a
highly ranked Spartan team in East Lansing.
Michigan coach Dale Bahr expressed concern over the tal-
ented Spartans.
"This year, they're one to come back and make up for the
loss," Bahr said. "But it's going to be an excellent dual meet."
The Wolverines are no strangers to tough competition, up-
ending No. 8 Illinois and splitting a decision with No. 18
Northwestern last weekend.
Michigan will again rely on strong performances from its
upper weight classes and key upsets from the lower weight
classes.
"Ifwe win one or two matches in the first four classes, we have
a good chance of winning the meet," Bahr said.
Michigan sophomore Brandon Howe((126pounds) can record
his first Big Ten win if he knocks off fifth-year senior Brian
Bolton, whom Howe has beaten before.
Freshmen Chris Viola and Corey Grant both won pivotal
matches last weekend and could play instrumental roles against
the Spartans.
In terms of the upper weight classes, the Wolverines appear

NI may be a back-and-
forth type of meet"
- Dale Bahr
Michigan wrestling coach on today's meet
against Michigan State
solid as usual.
Sophomores Jeff Catrabone (158) and Airron Richardson
(heavyweight) are undefeated in dual meet competition.
Catrabone is coming off a win, and pin, of defending NCAA
champion Ernest Benion.
Seniorcaptain Jesse Rawls Jr. (177) will look to rebound from
two uncharacteristic losses during the Wolverines' visit to the
state of Illinois.
After returning to the team following a semester-long break,
senior Lanre Olabisi (190) continues to be a bright spot for
Michigan with a 3-0 record.
In comparing the Michigan and Michigan State squads,
Bahr hinted that the Wolverines might be able to get a
victory.
"They've got some holes in their lineup, and we've got some
holes," Bahr said. "It may be a back-and-forth type of meet."
Today's contest will be the first of four home meets for the
Wolverines, who will take on Purdue, Ohio State and Wisconsin
during the stretch.

KRISTEN SCHAEFFER/Daily

Michigam wrestling team will face Michigan State at Cliff Keen Arena tonight.

The Fictional Not-Quite-All-Pro Postseason Classic
Creamcheese or the Fighting Pacifists? The debate rages on ...


The Magic is back

Pacifists just can't cut

he Creamcheese
By Scott Burton Althou1
Daily Sports Writer to demora
Are you a loser or are you a loser? consequer
Ask yourself that question, Fighting Pacifist wi
Pacifists. Think about it really hard. enamored
Are you a loser because Creamcheese and after
estroyed your feeble squad, 35-9, in last to pull it o
ear's inaugural matchup or because this Howev
year, once again, you are hopelessly out- muscles ca
classed? that the da
In case your limited intellectual abili- pops right,
ties preclude you from answering this play-maki
question with any competency, I'll an- 7) Curti
swer for you: You are a loser this year, Under t
21-7 and here are eight reasons why ... ing of Wi
1) Jim Harbaugh is your quarterback. the game,
Now I know that Harbaugh is the chic gious taler
uarterback of the moment. But as the level of p
llowing interview underscores, his much like
moment has come to a screeching halt. never reac
Creamcheese: Tell me about your day he pr
game, Jim? 8) Spea
Harbaugh: Well, I am not the most Not wis
gifted talent out there. I don't have the the oppos
arm strength of a Dan Marino nor the iams for
accuracy ofa John Elway. Idon't have the starting W
quick release of a Brett Farve or the cutting do
ability to read defenses like Steve Young. power cha
mnotayoung upstart talent likeaDrew But Du
ledsoe or a cagey veteran like a Jim one play,
Kelly. I don't have the rings of a Troy takes a pi
Aikman or the promise of future glory toward the
like a Scott Mitchell. punts the
C.C.: So, what are you like exactly? opposite s
What were you modeled after to allow the catch a
you such a successful season last year? And ju
H: I am like a broken clock, really. seemingly
C.C.: Come again? hapless Pa
H: Well, even a broken clock is correct the ball to t
twice a day. Williams
*2) Gary Moeller is not my coach. maining 2
3) Gary Moeller is his coach. stopping o
4) Gary Moeller, enough said. Bobby Ta
5)'Speaking of coaches ... Wiliams fa
While many football owners haven't After th
had the guts to give Tony Dungy a shot at Everson se
a head coach position, Creamcheese has from the h
always been, and will always be, abastion hiskidshac
of free and progressive thinking. The It is not lo
Creamcheese signed Dungy to a one- course, ha
ame contract, with an escape clause to
ach the Tampa Bay Buccaneers fol-
lowing the contest, should the fancy so
strike him. 779
And Dungy proves to be an inspired
and ingenious coaching talent, devising a Above
brilliant gameplan for the contest: De-
moralize the enemy quick and humiliate
them late. To execute both aspects of this
game plan, he utilizes his secret weapon
- San Francisco defensive back Merton
Hanks.
@6) The forbidden dance.
Following a Henry Ellard touchdown
reception offthe Creamcheese's first pos-
session, the longneck wonders- Harvey
Williams and Hanks-celebratebyneck-
ing on the sidelines. No, this is not forbid- [L jj
den love at work, here. Rather, this is the U
forbidden dance at full force- the swan-
inspired contortions that only men with
grossly elongated necks could pull off. L_


Cr

Pacifists' fury runs
unchecked on'cheese

gh the dance was a mere attempt
alize the Fighting Pacifists, the
=ces prove much more dire.
ideout Anthony Millerbecomes
with the dancing spectacle,
a five-yard reception, attempts
off.
er, Miller's less-advanced neck
ian't sustain the intense pressure
ance demands. And so his head
off, significantly impairinghis
ng ability.
is Martin is my running back.
he careful tutelage and nurtur-
Iliams in the weeks preceding
Martin develops into a prodi-
nt. No, he doesn't approach the
erfection that is Williams -
e one can only approach but
ch infinity -- but come game
oves to be a massive force.
king of infinity ...
hing to completely demoralize
ition, Dungy holds out Will-
most of the game. After all,
illiams would have been like
wn a sapling with a 900-horse-
insaw.
ngy does insert Williams for
and what a play it is. Williams
tch from Mitchell and makes
e left side of the line. Then, he
ball to Herman Moore on the
ide of the field. Moore makes
and turns into a 40-yard gain.
st when Moore's progress is
contained by the arms of a
cifist defender, Moore pitches
thetailing Williams. Naturally,
has little trouble going the re-
20 yards for the touchdown,
only to sign an autograph for
ylor, president of the Harvey
an club.
e game, Pacifist owner Darren
elfishly snatches the autograph
hands of Taylor, claiming that
d been trying all year to get one.
st on anyone that Everson, of
s no such kids.

By Darren Everson
Daily Sports Writer
Ask Scott Burton or Scott Mitchell
what they have in common with
Creamcheese, and they'll come up with
two items: We're white and we're
smooth.
True on count one, though that doesn't
say much. Part two is debatable.
But after yesterday's Postseason
Classic, they've got a surefire similar-
ity, one that means something: They all
got eaten up by the Fighting Pacifists.
Mitchell and the rest of Burton's
motley crew lost, 6-0, in the annual
NFL Not-Quite-All-Star Classic.
"We changed up the players, yet we
got the same result," said Pacifist mi-
nority owner William Clay Ford, allud-
ing to the Pacifists' victory over the
'cheese last year, an 18-17 final. "I
wonder if they're starting to get the
message over there."
The message was simple: Besides
being the greatest assemblage of foot-
ball talent on the planet, these Pacifists
fight to the death. And they had to do
just that -as the case was last year -
in order to eke out a win over Burton's
Cheesy crew.
The contest was largely a defensive
struggle in the first half, as Pacifist
kicker Lin Elliott missed on eight field
goal attempts, and the Pacifists' Eagle
defense befuddled Cheeser quarterback
Mitchell and receiver Herman Moore.
"That's when I figured, without a
quarterback or receiver, I ought to turn
to the running game," said 'cheese head
coach/brainchild Tony Dungy.
Running, for the Cheese, meant un-
leashing Harvey Williams. Forthe Paci-
fists, it meant implementing their most
lethal tackling tactics.
"If you're gonna tackle that guy,"
Pacifist coach Gary Moeller said,
"you've got to really go after him. So I
told my guys to go for the jugular."
Moeller wasn't kidding. Each time
the long-necked Williams neared the

line of scrimmage, a Pacifist dropped
him right there with a swift clothesline.
Williams missed the fourth quarter, as
he had to have an impromptu trache-
otomy performed on him in the
Iockerroom.
But when he left the field, the game
was still tied at zero. With no end to the
deadlock in sight, the Pacifists finally
called in their secret weapon - literally.
On the Texas end of the line was
Pacifist majority owner Jerry Jones,
and boy, was he irate. Burton's players,
the goons that they are, had sabotaged
Jones' phone lines, preventing him from
making the personnel moves necessary
to win the Postseason Classic. But no
more - the lines were back up, and so
were the Pacifists' chances.
Jones wasted no time. He immedi-
ately canned Moeller and brought in a
winner: Barry Switzer. Switzer, long
ridiculed forhis apparent lack ofcoach-
ing ability, proved all of the critics
wrong by going for it on fourth-and-
one from his own 30 again.
But instead of just handing the ball
off, quarterback Jim Harbaugh
scrambled, cut outside and raced 70
yards for a touchdown. Though Elliott
missed the point-after try, the Pacifists
made the lead hold up.
"If you're looking for something
white and smooth," Switzer said, "for-
get about Creamcheese. Think
'Harbaugh.'"

AP PHOTO
Former Michigan State and USA Basketball star Magic Johnson returned to
his NBA team, the Los Angeles Lakers, last night. The game against
Golden State was Magic's first pro game in more than 55 months.


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