ig* Stdftwm 1 One Class Act The wonderful Jamaica Kincaid, author of "Lucy" and "Annie John," amongst others, reads from her new novel, "The Autobiography of My Mother," at the Pendleton Room of the Michigan Union tonight at 8 o'clock. A reception and book signing will follow at Shaman Drum. Monday January 29, 1996 I Roses' embedded in By Jennifer Petlinski Daily Film Editor Mention director Michael Goldenberg's "Bed of Roses" to anyone and receive a knowing look that seems to say: "Oh - one of THOSE movies." You know the kind: Boy meets girl; boy tries to win girl's heart; boy does everything for this one girl; girl goes through some major conflict (usually relating to a disease, an ex-boyfriend or a past secret); boy and girl finally "get it on" and live happily ever after. You wonder why you sat through an entire movie just to see something that you could have predicted. Oh well, you think, you'll know better next time. STOP and listen to yourself. You said the same thing when you rented 'Untamed Heart" for your high school sleepover; when you saw "Some Kind of Wonderful" for the 100th time; when you finally recited every single line from "Say Anything." "Bed of Roses" has a certain sweet, simple quality that captures its audience's attention. Lisa Walker (Mary Stuart Masterson), atypical, workaholic investment banker in New York City receives a dream bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer. Lewis (Christian REVIEW Bed of Roses Directed by Michael Goldenberg; with Mary Stuart Masterson and Christian Slater At Briarwood and Showcase Slater), the owner of the flower shop, makes the special delivery to her office. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that he's the one who sent them. At this point in the movie, two ques- tions might be brewing in the minds of audience members: 1. Where did he get such a fabulous bouquet? (This can be rephrased as, 'Where can someone get ME such a fabulous bouquet?') and 2. How the hell did some random stalker delivery boy find out where Lisa works? So maybe Lewis enjoys midnight strolls through the city. Fine. And maybe he likes to look at all the lit windows as he walks along. We can handle this one also - after all, most people have hob- bies, don't they? The next part, however, is slightly familiaity harder to digest. Lewis sees Lisa from her window one night and decides to fall in love with her. Does anyone else have a problem with this psycho? And there's more - Lewis asks her on a date and she says "yes." Time out: Lisa has just violated a cardinal rule of survival in New York City-Do NOT accept invitations from delivery boys whose peeping tom ten- dencies include you. Regardless, the two begin to fall in love; at the same time, Lewis sends her more flowers than anyone has ever re- ceived in a lifetime. The movie's great- est flaw is not due to a lack of chemistry between its characters, but rather to its lack of conflict. Aside from Lisa's fam- ily issue and her anxiety, the two love- birds seem to have no problems. Well, maybe there's one: After all, Lewis does send Lisa more roses than can fit in her apartment. What ever will she do? The character of Lewis does not sit right with the audience. He is the deliv- ery boy whose sensitivity, looks, charm and knowledge of flowers (of course) make him as close to perfection as a delivery boy can get. If people remember back to Slater's performance in "Untamed Heart," they might notice glaring similarities be- tween the roles. OK, so maybe he doesn't have a baboon heart in "Bed of Roses." Still, Slater's characters always seem to transform him into some kind ofabsurd, godly figure. A baboon heart? A delivery boy who looks in people's windows to find his dates? Enough said. Lisa lacks the spunk that Mary Stuart Masterson has often added to movies -such as "Some Kind of Wonderful" and "Fried Green Tomatoes." Here, she is nothing more than a bundle of nerves and an adorable face. It's no wonder that we can't piece together the cause ofher over- done anxiety. True, she does have the characteristic conflict (and that's stretch- ing it) upon which movies like this one thrive, but she also has some major com- pensation for it. Come on now - her boyfriend buys out New York's entire stock of lavender roses. You would think that she could calm down just a little. "Bed of Roses" is nothing more than escapism. Ifaudience members get over the conditions under which the love- birds meet, they might be able to appre- ciate this fairy tale for what it's worth. AF4 f X 1 C '5 "Mary, pass me that boui lon cube that I gave you, I feel like noshing on beef." U=WW "What are you thinking? I told you to nibble on my ear, not my handl This hurts. Stop it, now. Nowl I'm serious." By Prashant Tamaskar the situation with his son. Daily Arts Writer REVIEW Although the first part Children who are the targets of their captures the relationship be class bully must endure trying circum- Big Bully and Roscoe, it does n stances. However, most victims can Directed by Steve audience's attention. In ho take comfort in the fact that the abuse ferent ways can a bully be will eventually cease. In the new com- Miner; with Rick kid? Still, the movie fast-f edy, "Big Bully," the harassment does Moranis and Tom Arnold injtime to prevent viewers not end; after a temporary hiatus, this At Briarwood and Showcase all interest. And the fun beg "bully conflict" resurfaces throughout adults, David and Rosco the adult lives of two men. cepts the offer, deciding that the new duced. Played wonderfully Little Davey Leary spent the major- environment might be a nice change and Arnold, the two teach ity of his young life being beaten up by for his rebellious son, Ben. years, perfectly resume thei the appropriately named Roscoe Big- However, on the first day of school, Most of the humor stei ger, the meanest kid in the fourth grade. David is called into the principal's contrast between Roscoe'so Davey's only defense was a vow of office after Ben is caught bullying a behavior and his transforma revenge, which becomes an operational smaller student. Much to David's hor- elementary school persona weapon when he accidentally saw ror, the father of the victim turns out to derrated Tom Arnold i Roscoe steal something from the school. be a quiet, passive shop teacher whose throughout the entire movie After discovering that he would be name is Roscoe Bigger (Tom Arnold). his change. At first, we ca moving from Minnesota to California, When Roscoe finds out that the new laugh at the passive shop te Davey turned Roscoe in just before his creative writing teacher was his el- know that this characterizati departure. Davey thought that he had ementary school punching bag, he re- for Arnold). Later, howev the last laugh. verts back to his old ways, making Tom Arnold surfaces, alo Nearly 20 years later, David Leary David's life miserable. Somehow, loudmouthedbully whotorr (Rick Moranis), an author, is invited David must find a way to end his con- Moranis is the perfect co back to Minnesota to teach a creative flict with his old rival, while at the writing class at his old school. He ac- same time, figure out how to handle See BUL of the film tween David ot hold .) w many dii-' at up a little orwards just from losing ins when the c, are intro- by Moranis ers, after 20 ir priorroles. ms from t original aM ation into his lity. The un- s hilarious ,as he makes an't help-but acher ('we all on is a stretch ver, the"real ng with the ments Davey. mplemen4 LY, Page 9A Would you like to review concerts, opera, dance, art or classical music CDs? Then call Ted at 763-0379. Shed Seven Change Giver Polydor Man alive, were the last two years good musically. That is, so long as while glancing into the rearview mirror you concentrate on the lovely land- marks that were Britain's contributions to pop and ignore the potholes that were Better Than Ezra, Hootie And The Blowfish and Silverchair. To be completely fair, though, we did hit a few as Union Jacks flew by the roadside; exhibit No. 1: Bush. Another was Shed Seven. Supposing it's to be expected that with every good bunch comes a rotten apple or two, one of those wormy fruits would have to be "Change Giver." Because Britpop did overextend it- self, creating a scene in which the mu- sic did not always remain the focus, Shed Seven's debut does not float. Take for instance, the over-the-top vocals. As Brett Suede and Damon Blur have proven time and time again, they can be miles more impressive than any low-in- the-mix mumbling, provided that there are some clever lyrics and half-a-tune to back them up. What we find singer Rick Witter do- t ing here is more akin to Billy Idol's "Eyes Without A Face." Take away the band waffling between the leastmemo- rable of Cult and Chili Pepper riffs and you have some singing that would get your uncle ejected from Thanksgiving dinner. That is, if he had the gall to warble a chorus as embarrassing as "Dirty Soul": "You know a good thing/ When you've got one/I've got a good thing/Do you want one?" These lines, along with the overabundance of aqua- marine references of "Dolphin" and "Ocean Pie," among other things, indi- cate that Shed Seven will have to make some significant strides to run with the likes of Oasis, Radiohead and Supergrass. --Thomas Crowley Various Artists Music From the Original Mo- tionPictureAce Venture: When Nature Calls MCA For a movie as wacky as "Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls," you need a soundtrack to keep that whack crack- ing and the fun flowing. And that's exactly what the soundtrack does. The disc is chock full of diverse material, from the worldbeat sounds of Pato Banton to the rockabilly thunder of Reverend Horton Heat. Kicked off by three covers, "When Nature Calls" catapults the listener into the fun and delirious world of Jim Carrey's Pet Dic. Pato Banton and Sting cover the Police's "Spirits In the Material World" with a cheesy, yet pretty darn cool tribal vibe. Blues Traveler's rendition ofJohnny Rivers' "Secret Agent Man," is OK, while the Goo Goo Dolls cover of INXS' classic "Don't Change" is a little soft, but it still does the song justice. "Burnin' Rubber," the debut single from Mr. Mirainga, rocks in a punky sort of way and the Presidents of the United States ofAmerica's "Boll Wee- vil" is perfect for the zany antics of Carrey throughout this and every movie he makes. Angelique Kidjo's "Ife" is a great reggae and soul number, rocking like Blessid Union of Souls' "It's Alright" and Reverend Horton Heat's "Watusi Rodeo," while Matthew Sweet's "My Pet" is candy to any Sweet fan. Robert Folk's groovy world-instru- mental "Ace In Africa is fun, while Montell Jordan's "Jungle Groove" is decent. The biggest disappointment of the album is White Zombie's unintel- ligible schlock filler track, "Blur the 10 Great Reasons Why YOU Should Choose Air Force Nursing 1. Change, Challenge, Growth 2. Management opportunities early on 3. Rapid advancement 4. Advanced education 5. Opportunity to be selected for specialty training 6. Comprehensive medical and dental care 7. 30 days of vacation with pay 8. Worldwide travel 9. Member of world's best health-care team 10. Plus, you may qualify for a $5,000 bonus!* *Find out more - contact an Air Force health professions recruiter near you. Or call 1-800-423-USAF. AIM HH alRCEs s Health Professions Technicolor," which does little more than scare Ace's cute little animals. - Brian A..Gnatt Crossed Wire Arrival Time, Real Deluxe Records Making good retro-rock is difficult; there's a fine line between wearing your influences on your sleeve and simply being unoriginal hacks. The sadly de- parted Jayhawks managed it with a flour- ish, creating a country-rock jangle that paid homage to Neil Young and Tom Petty while forging a moderrksound tbt earned them much-deserved col9 credibility. Crossed Wire try to pullthi off too, and end up sounding likeha bunch of guys trying really hard to sound like Neil Young and Tom Petty. That's not to say "Arrival Time" is a complete loss. The stripped-down sen- sibility and classic rock production yield a few semi-gems: "Winter Song" is wonderfully weepy, and "Empty Page" shows great pop-songwriting instinet. Most of all, the album closer, "Secr4 is a wistfully sentimental tune with gent' ine personality. Unfortunately, most of the album is bogged down in a morass of tired cliches and recycled hooks, never evolving from its all-too-obvious roots. You're left shaking your head after virtually :every song, wondering which moldy'70smng- get was slightly reworked to avoid copy- right infringement. Sure, you could pick up "Arri Time" and hear how some visionless throwbacks somehow managed to get a record contract. Then again, if there's still a radio station that hasn't been re- formatted to "alternative," you could check that out instead. It's wonderful when new bands haven't forgotten their roots, but they need some new branches, too. - Dave Snyder The Rolling Stones Stripped Virgin "Stripped" is the Rolling Stones' ver- sion of an "MTV Unplugged" album. A record ofthe smaller, more intimategigs diaMendelssohn Theatre Tickets go on sale January 15, 1996 For tickets and information, call 313-971-2228 Beginning January 29, call 313-763-1085 -' ~4"--.# lN M odel Individually tailored courser , expr ztruti elcmarn ng -Communication Arts -Executive Presenfatimn Skills -Appearance Enihancement -Prise and Movement II I ~ v ~" ...:...........:...:..:...:..:.... m v r_ it__ o%-- r%-Il- 16..1.. &1.- 1..1- "A^. thanf.mrii. When Rthfurra Pal la "