4 - The Michigan Daily - Tuesday, March 28, 1995 1E dqirijantt &alg JEAN TWENGE THE ERASABLE PEN 01 420 Maynard Ann Arbor, MI 48109 Edited and managed by students at the University of Michigan I I MICHAEL ROSENBERG Editor in Chief JULE BECKER JAMES NASH Editorial Page Editors One-step easy birth control has never been such a pain, Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the opinion of a majority of the Daily's editorial board. All other articles, letters, and cartoons do not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Michigan Daily. sudbet Affairs { Office should better serve its, constituents As the Senate Advisory Committee for University Affairs (SACUA) begins its evaluation of the faculty's role in the Office of Student Affairs, some major issues are becom- ing clear. The faculty's role in the Office of Student Affairs is an important issue, and the SACUA investigation is a praiseworthy effort. However, when considering the office's role on campus, the primary concern should be students. Despite the office's successful facili- tation of student-faculty partnerships, its fail- ures in addressing student concerns are mani- fold. The students themselves must address these failures. While officials in the Dean of Students Office, the first sector of Student Affairs to be evaluated, believe that they have coordinated efforts between students andfaculty and greatly assisted both, they encourage any suggestions based upon the SACUA investigation. Their openness is certainly laudable, and many of their actions have been equally commendable. Services for Students with Disabilities, sexual assault issues and suicide problems are several areas where the office has successfully amal- gamated student and faculty efforts. Despite the successes of the dean's office and more broadly the entire Office of Student u Affairs, the existence of a faculty evaluation of Student Affairs only accentuates the absence of any such student evaluation of the office. Clearly, the most important issue about the Office of Student Affairs is its effectiveness in serving students. In some areas, the office has undoubtedly done much to improve student life on campus. However, in other respects, history shows the Office of Student Affairs to be greatly deficient in fulfilling its duties. Most important, the Office of Student Af- fairs has consistently fought with students over the Statement of Student Rights and Re- sponsibilities, otherwise known as the code. Simply: Student Affairs officials want it, the students do not. Beyond the obvious differences in these positions, the Office of Student Affairs has been unyielding in its quasi-democratic code amendments process and its insistence upon closed hearings. Administrators' stances on both of these issues demonstrate their failure to cooperate with the students whom they are supposedly here to serve. The Union Dance/Party Policy is a another example of Student Affairs' misunderstand- ingof student needs, placing unfairrestrictions on the Union for the uses of student groups. The Housing Division's recent efforts to con- struct living/learning programs also exem- plify the misguided energy of the Office of Student Affairs. Few of the current living/ learning programs at the University have proven to be either effective or necessary. While there is certainly nothing wrong with SACUA's present evaluation of the faculty's role in the Office of Student Affairs, more vital issues are at hand. Is the Office of Student Affairs fulfilling its obligation to the students? Certainly not. The administration's failure to address student anger with the code and its misdirected efforts regarding the Dance/Party Policy and living-learning programs help to demonstrate the failures of the administration to deal with student concerns. In order to assess whether the Office of Student Affairs is truly meeting student needs, the Michigan Student Assembly should coor- dinate efforts for a student evaluation of the office. This is the first step to reform the role of the Office of Student Affairs to deal with the real, often overlooked concerns of students. (6Home pregnancy test: the myth," reads the cartoon. A couple, she in her robe and he in his white BVDs, celebrate. "It's yes! We're going to have a baby!" "Geez, gosh, sweetheart, I'm so happy!" Then there's "the reality": A woman sits alone at a table, staring at the test. "Shit," she says. Welcome to the reality of sex in the'90s. In these enlightened times, we thought we had it All Figured Out - technology and new birth control methods would help us enjoy sex freely and without worries. The reality: You're in a dark room trying to figure out which side is up on the condom to make it roll down. (If you want to make a million bucks, figure out a way to stencil "This End Up" in glow-in-the-dark letters on condoms.) There is no perfect birth control method, only a few categories: embarrassing and more embarrassing, convenient and less convenient. Condoms are probably in the "more embarrassing" department. Not only does their structure resemble aMobius strip, but buying them is just plain annoying. The worst are the drugstores which keep them behind the counter. "Uh, I'd like a box of condoms, please," you say in a barely au- dible whisper, hoping the 80-year-old nun behind you is out of earshot. "WHAT? DID YOU SAY YOU WANTEDCONDOMS?" says the cashier. Better yet, the cashier will ask the most embarrassing question in the world: "What kind?" Hint: If your boyfriend holds his head high and says, "Large, extra sensitive, and ribbed 'forherpleasure,"'hehasclearly done this too often and is a weasel. And for you guys: Yes, you will run into your girlfriend's father (he'll be in line behind the nun), so be prepared. Even buying condoms at Meijer's is a little embarrassing. You make your selec- tion from the dizzying array of options, conveniently located next to the canes and reading glasses, and slip the box under the Chili Cheese Fritos in your cart. Suddenly everything else you buy becomes suspi- cious."Whippedcreamandcondoms? What. will the cashier think? I bet they wait all night for laughs like this. Do I really need that dog collar?" Then there's the wonderful pill. It is not just a pill, but The Pill, such a status it has gained in our culture. It's a little less embar- rassing than condoms, but unfortunately involves the medieval torture known as a gynecological exam. Guys, you may think that this little pack of freedom is your salva- tion, but think again. Women on synthetic hormones are dangerous creatures, prone to make unreasonable demands for unfathom- able things like foreplay and your listening when they talk. Once you find the right brand and con- quer the hormones, there's only one lttle problem: You have to remember to take the little sucker. If you ever see a woman stop dead in the middle ofthe Diag, fumble in her backpack, and turn her back to the sidewalk, you are witnessing the art form known as Woman Who Has Forgotten to Take Her Pill. Then there's the diaphragm. (This word, I'm convinced, has the most diverse mean- ings of any in the English language. Do you mean a part of the lungs? The what- chamadolley on a microphone? Or a birth control method? How did this happen ?) It resembles a condom in that you have to worry about it every time you have sex, but presumably it's easier to tell which side is up. However, it was also the main method of birth control for women in the 1950s, and look how that turned out. Beyond that, you start running out of options. IUDs can poke holes in your uterus, something I personally try to avoid. Sponges and foam are good for backups, but iffy by themselves. The rhythm method can work but involves abstinence (thus making it impractical for us sex-crazed college stu- dents). And do you know what you call a man who uses withdrawal? "Daddy." Of course, there are ways you can avoid dealing with any of this. Just ask the nun behind you in line to tell you all about them. 0 0 01 Jm LASSER SHARP AS TOAST .. V* 300 ........... 00*0*jo.oooo*j*ooootij***00*30***Oojt***OOJO**oO.J. d 1vI.J. 1 £ sr .. F r) NoTA1BLE QUOTABLE "This is not a good thing to say the least. I find that very Irrespon- sible that they don't keep track of where the ballots are. That's MSA for you." -- MSA Rep. Olga Savic, reacting to the discovery of 200 untallied MSA ballots 0 to E III re 4 : _. V mom-@-* M . -., ' .,. Tj ' , ;f 1 " . a I 6 >> Faking responsibility Despite benefits, federal bill imperils children I V.el : . I LiRrns T he first salvo against social welfare pro- grams was fired by the House in a Repub- lican-driven passage of the Personal Respon- sibility Act. The bill has been publicized as one that would "liberate" people from dependence on public programs. The reality is that the bill falls far short of promoting real work and relief from the welfare system, and in the process endangers those who depend most on the funds: children. There are positive aspects to the bill, but their implementation is far from being logi- cally sound. The first encouraging provision is the diverting of Aid to Families with Depen- dent Children funds to states. The Aid to Families is the single largest source of welfare funding, and arguably is to blame for many problems associated with welfare. Several states, including Wisconsin and Michigan, have demonstratedinitiative in new approaches with these programs on the basis of the state's individual needs. Alhough federal control for welfare appropriations would be relinquished to individual states under the bill, there is also a federal stipulation that no unmarried mothers under the age of 18 would be permitted to receive aid. While this provision may start things in the right direction by attempting to end the cycle of teenage welfare and introduce responsibil- ity to pregnancy, it is severely flawed. First and foremost, the bill would hurt children by virtue of their birthright. Children in need of the most care would be plunged deeper into poverty, thus continuing the cycle of neglect and want. Second, the bill ignores the fiscal responsibil- ity of fathers. It pays no attention to the fathers who abandon women pregnant with their chil- dren, and faults only the women for the actions of two people. At the same time, the bill places dispropor- tionate fiscal emphasis on marriage. In some cases, marriage can be a more abusive situa- tion for a woman than single motherhood. If proponents of the bill claim that women have children merely to garner welfare checks, then certainly it is possible for marriages out of convenience to arise to ensure monthly checks. A bad marriage is no improvement for a child than the situation of living with a single mother. Third, although Republicans have tried to hinder a disadvantaged woman's right to ac- cess to abortion via the Hyde Amendment, the number of abortions will certainly increase due to this law. This runs contrary to what both pro-choicers and anti-abortionists would like to see: a decrease in the need for abortion. The irony of the wording of the Personal Responsibility Act is that it has no programs that would actually serve to get people off welfare and into decent jobs. Welfare reform in and of itself is empty and meaningless if it does not shift people from the welfare track to the job market. This bill ignores the impor- tance of child care, education for both mothers and children, and job training. If welfare re- cipients are to have any realistic chance of meaningful employment, these issues must be made the cornerstones of any welfare pro- gram. Cutting off funds and leaving recipients floating in the wind will do nothing to serve the greater interests of the country. Anti-Contract march a farce To the Daily: This Wednesday, there will be a protest against the Contract with America sponsored by the uniquely named Coalition Against the Contract With America. To the students of the University, I warn: Do not be fooled! I have intercepted an e- mail message from this "coali- tion" and you must realize that this protest is no spontaneous uprising, it is all planned Demo- crat tricks. These "protests" have been encouraged by the Demo- cratic Party on campuses all over America and their lackeys here are eager to follow suit. These students have been encouraged to engage in anti-Contract activi- ties that are laughable. One rec- ommendation is that students perform Beavis and Butt-Head skits against the Contract (i.e. "The Contract sucks, huh, huh"). If the best the Dems can do against the Contract is pit Beavis and Butt-Head against Newt Gingrich, I say that's pretty pa- thetic. The Dems can stick to their cartoon dreamworld and we'll stick to the issues. One "Coalition Against the Contract" flyer encourages people to protest Proposition 187 at their march. These people ob- viously watch too much MTV, for they should realize that Prop. 187 has nothing to do with the Contract with America. Another use words like racist, sexist, homophobic, etc., etc., but never explain why these words apply. The reason they don't explain these attacks is because they are unfounded. So as people watch the "March against the Contract" on Wednesday (if they actually decide to do it here), remember, it's all a planned show. The im- portant thing is that the Republi- cans will have soon been able to accomplish more in 100days than the Democrats did in 40 years. How many honest Americans are going to protest that? Mark Fletcher President, U-M College Republicans LSA junior MSA leaders look to future To the Daily: Campaigning is tough enough; governing is sure to be an even more arduous task. Still, with the help of the University community, including both new and old members of the assem- bly, this could prove to be a land- mark year for MSA. Unquestionably, there is much work to be done. From the code to procuring a student re- gent, from MSA On-Line to in- creased student outreach, the charge of MSA in the following year will be an electric one. We intend to do all we can to swiftly and forthrightly fulfill all that we Thursday. While voter turnout was high across the board, LSA turnout reached an astonishing 23 percent! Again, we would like to thank all of the participants in this year's campaign, and commend the grace with which our opponents conducted themselves. We in- vite all students to attend the first meeting of the new assembly on Tuesday, April 4 in the MSA chambers (3rd floor, Michigan Union);and encourage any ques- tions, concerns and/orcomments that arise over the next year to be messaged to Flint at fjawa@umich.edu or Sam at faygo@umich.edu. With yourhelp, MSAcan only continue to ascend. Flint Walness MSA president-elect Sam Goodstein MSA vice president-elect Exercise care with homeless To the Daily: This letter is in response to the article "East Quad Resident Sights 'Wolfman"' (3/17/95). I am the person who saw him. It is obvious by reading the article that the reporter who wrote it is unaware of who "Wolfman" is - he is a potentially danger- ous homeless person. I don't say this because he is homeless, I say this because of his oast record with police and local establish- ments. He has been given the it has to be fixed. You can't fix the problem by giving ,them change or laughing at the prob- lem in newspaper articles; they, the homeless people, have to fix themselves by wanting tochange. If you notice as you walk by the majority of them, they reek of alcohol, some of them are even unable to get up or walk because of their alcohol-induced condi- tion. If you want to help them, don't give them money. Do you want your money to pay for that? College costs enough as it is. Why support someone's bad habit? A word of advice ... choose wisely when you give them help There are places around here thaP they can receive help if they want it. The key is WANT IT. They don't need money for alcohol or cigarettes, they need to establish a life for themselves, and helping them support bad habits isn't going to help them do that.If you really feel like you have to give them something, thengive then food oran extra blanket you have. We can't sit arcnd and do nothing about the problem, and we certainly can't laugh about it. If reporters are going to write a story on the homeless, at least get the facts straight and address the real issues at hand. Maybe a bet- ter story would have been titled "The Homeless: How do the* Affect Our Lives?" or "Helping Those in Need" or "How to Help Yourself and Those Less Fortu- nate." At least these seem like they would not be articles that HOw TO CONTACT TBEM University Housing Division Alan Levy, associate director