The Michigan Daily - Weekend etc. - Thursday, March 2, 1995 - 3 MelRose Place Nugmano By Michael Zilberman For the Daily Chances are, most people have never heard of Rashid Nugmanov and "The Needle." Nugmanov's home- land, Kazakhstan, isn't exactly a me- dia empire. The director himself, how- ever, is getting more and more recog- VT sits pretty on primitive, stylish 'Needle' (Rejection bites Well, MelRose Place readers, it's what you've all been waiting for: The announcement of the winner of the *'Win a Date with MeiRose" contest. Congratulations to Jason, my lucky winner. And a sincere thank-you to everyone who entered. Due to the sheer volume (yeah right) ofentries, Iwasnot able to notify every applicant person- ally. So I'd like to write a personal letter to each of you, right here. Dear (insert your name here): Thank you for your application in the "Win a Date with MelRose" con- test. I regret to inform you that you were not selected. (As if you hadn't guessed that by now.) I had hundreds and hundreds (well, maybe not quite that many) of entries (OK, about 25) for just one slot (though I could be convinced to offdr consolation prizes), and all the applicants were extremely qualfied. *They were men, they had pulses. That's enough for me.) I hope I have not dashed too many hopes or broken too many dreams (I know you're all sitting in a candle-lit room, listening to the Smniths and pin- ing away for me). I hope this does not deteryou from future contests (I plan to have them every week now), and I wish you luck in your dating endeavors. Sincerely, illte9L Don't you just hate rejection let- ters? I've been getting a lot of them lately, from various newspapers, resi- dence halls and talk shows. (As if I wouldn't make a fascinating talk show guest.) Last year I received so many that I began a mural on my dorm room wall. It was really quite impressive. * And while each letter said basi- cally the same thing - you suck, we "won't even hire you to work for us for free - I grew to appreciate each let- ter for its individual personality. Here are some excerpts: "We are always gratified when as- piring journalists feel (our paper) is the place at which to begin their careers, and we appreciate your interest. ..." Ohis one went on with flowery lan- guage for another two paragraphs, and never really said I didn't get the job. It ended, "I cannot encourage your pros- pects." All that and no real substance. From Bill Clinton's old stomping grounds, Little Rock, Ark. "Please do not take this as dis- couragement or deprecation of your skills." Ooh, deprecation. That thar is ome purty big word. "We were highly impressed with much of the work and experience of the applicants thisyear."But not with yours. "You have many strong points that nodoubt will bring success if you choose a journalism career." But not with us. "Although your credentials are very impressive, we currently do not have a position that matches your skills." I'm sorry, I thought I applied @0 a newspaper. Did I misaddress my application and send it to the Profes- sional Golfers Association? "Sorry, but you're too weird even for my show." This from a woman who gives air time to white trash guys who cheat on their sisters with bearded bisexual midgets. Go Ricki! Go Ricki! And now, one of my personal favor- ites, addressed to "Melissa Rose" and igned by "Joe" - one application and suddenly we're on a first-name basis. "When you open a letter like this, it's tempting to ask 'Why not me? What did I do wrong? What should I have done differently?' Don't do it." Well, I wasn't going to beat myself up until you handed me the bat. "Throw this letter in the trash, stick it on the wall or drop it in a j rawer where others like it may re- ide." So he just assumes I have other letters like this. What effrontery! "It is our fond hope that some of the fine people who are disappointed to receive this letter will one day come back to (our paper) with a wealth Home" Entertainment Center] nition in Western professional circles and is already labeled an "Asian Wim Wenders," which is largely accurate but probably too restrictive. "The Needle", his feature-length debut, was released in the US. around 1990, but don't look for it at a Blockbuster Video near you. It is definitely worth digging out. "The Needle" is a unique work, at once primitivist and extremely styl- ish. The plot itself is so unsophisti- cated, I am slightly embarrassed to be describing it. A young man named Moro visits a large city in order to collect some old debts from what seems to be a small-time gang. He stays at his acquaintance's place - apparently, there was something be- tween them a while ago, but now she is passive and restrained. Maybe, too restrained. Moro promptly discovers that someone has got her hooked on morphine (to use a slangy Russian expression, she's "sitting on a needle", which might explain the title). Moro becomes obsessed with the idea of saving the girl, taking her on a long trip South in an attempt to distract her. Eventually, he fails the task and, upon his return to the city, beats the living hell out of the people who got her hooked - an act as pointless as it is spectacular. "The Needle" is not a drug movie. The most intriguing thing about it is that while it's hardly your average shoot-'em-up, it also lacks the grim self-importance of "experimental" cinema. Nugmanov is clearly not com- fortable with Hollywood conventions, but instead of opposing them with incoherent screenwriting and proudly amateurish direction, he wisely chooses the path traveled by Roger Ebert in "Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls" and now Quentin Tarantino: he struggles with hackneyed cliches by turning out a movie chock full of them, an ultra-Hollywood narrative that gleefully undermines itself every step of the way. Let's begin with the protagonist. In what could be considered a nod to Wenders, Nugmanov cast a rock singer, Victor Tsoy, to play Moro. Tsoy, something of a cross between Bono and Michael Stipe minus mes- sianic posturing, proved to he a ter- rific actor - in what was his first and last screen appearance, not counting a cameo as himself in Soloviev's "ASSA"( a year later, he died in a bizarre car crash). Tsoy plays Moro as a anti-romantic hero to end all heroes - laconic, alone, clad in 'The Needle 'is a unique work, at once primitivist and extremely stylish, black - and takes every feature to the extreme. When asked "Who in the hell are you?" Moro meditates a sec- ond, then shrugs. The audience knows nothing of his past or future and settles for watching the present. Moro's first scene is a triumph of post modernist mock-romanticism: He appears as a tiny black dot at the end of an ab- surdly symmetrical alley, keeps walk- ing until he fills up the screen, stops and lights a cigarette. At this point, the flame of his match renders the entire frame orange, the sky and the cityscape included. Throughout the film, the author is one step ahead of the unsuspecting viewer in a way that might remind you of the French New Wave. For instance, the obligatory showdown between Moro and the bad guys is weirdly interrupted in the very begin- ning. Turns out, it is saved for a rainy day: After the movie's sad ending, which takes place a year later, an off screen voice suddenly chimes in: "Hey kids, want some more?" and we are presented with the rest of the action sequence in all of its glory. Nugmanov acidly pretends to console a sensa- tion-hungry viewer, he assumes that most of us have learned to precept a good fighting scene as something self- sufficient, plot be damned. He's right, of course. And to top this off, Nugmanov uses Tsoy's Asian fea- tures to pay a tongue-in-cheek tribute to Bruce Lee: Moro leaves the scene with four instantly recognizable par- allel scratches on his face, lifted di- rectly from "Enter The Dragon." Amazingly enough, the movie manages not to lock itself in its too- many-hours-at-a-video-store mock- ery: for all its "spot the reference" games, "The Needle" remains strangely lyrical, even serene at times. Nugmanov employs slightly surrealist lighting and misce-en- scene to create a slowed-down, sleepy world for Moro to inhabit. "The Needle" is the only film I've ever scene that makes a visual poem out of the snowfall, shooting di- rectly from the ground up, with snowflakes gradually obscuring the camera lens. The use of outdoor locations is remarkable, especially the stunning image of the dried-up Aral sea where the hero takes a walk: Miles and miles of cracked dry soil with ships left rusting on it. Thejokey soundtrack, assembled with Tsoy's help, provides an inevi- table ironic counterpoint to roman- tic visuals. In the city sequences, it is stuffed with random soundbites - children's radio broadcasts, learning tapes (those are especially funny and annoying at once), lite- FM schmaltz. The desert scenes, on the other hand, are blissfully quiet. The dialogue is very spare and drowned out by noises; in the world. of "The Needle," people either un- derstand each other without words or don't have much to say. Whether you are intrigued, ap- palled or just plain bored by Nugmanov's trademarks-slowed- down fractured narration, subtle send-ups - "The Needle" is worth experiencing.Whatever your general reaction, the image of a black ship stuck in the middle of a desert, snow- flakes melting on the camera lens, the unbearably hooky chorus pf Tsoy's song in the credits will most likely linger in your mind long after you've forgotten how to spell the name of Nugmanov's homeland. How to fail in film without trying By Alexandra Twin Daily Film Editor Some guys have all the luck. Chevy Chase is not one of those guys. While the star of the new "Man of the House" has had his share of ups - he was an original cast member of "Saturday Night Live," back when the show still had balls, and he is technically not yet completely bald - his subsequent career has been marked by a fBurry of projects that a kind critic might call "mild comedies" and that I would call "duds." Yet, who can forget the bumbling but well-meaning dad in the "Vaca- tion" movies? ("Hey look kids, Big Ben.") The bumbling, wacky news- paperman in the "Fletch" epics. The bumbling dork in the "Caddyshack" movies. Yet, more importantly, who can remember the plots of any of those movies? And lastly, who would want to? "Three Amigos" (1986) anyone? No, apparently not, for that film fell flatter than most of the Chev's previ- ous films combined. It also marked a significant transition for Chase, as he moved away from the somewhat con- fusing successes of "Deal of the Cen- tury" (1983) and the first "Caddyshack," "Fletch" and "Vaca- tion" movies and on towards memo- rable comic romps such as "Funny Farm" (1988), "The Couch Trip" (1988) and "Nothing But Trouble" (1991), pathetic attempts at regaining past glories, such as "Caddyshack 2" (1988), Fletch Lives (1989) and Christmas Vacation (1989) and of course, last year's riotous "Cops and Robbersons." I know one person who saw "Cops and Robbersons." Do you? The question on all Chase fans' lips must surely be, what went wrong? Although in light of his less than stellar career, a more accurate ques- tion might be, what went more wrong'? Was it the receding hair line? The ever expanding paunch? The love handles that nobody wanted to love? The insistence on playing bumbling fools? The choice of Dan Akroyd as a perpetual co-star? The misguided skinny dipping scene with Christie Brinkley in "Vacation"? Perhaps a little of each. However the main cause for the swoop in Chase's career can probably be attrib- uted to a little old film released in 1985 called "Follow That Bird." Yes, that's right, the Sesame Street Movie. Chevy was there and things haven't been the same since. "Memoirs of an Invisible Man" teamed the chunky Chevy up with the listless, monosyllabic, although al- ways babalicious Daryl Hannah, for a foray into the life of the invisible. While the film proved to be a mild hit, it did very little to boost Chase's sag- ging career. In fact, not unlike Chase's career, the character he played was quickly disappearing from the world's view. An attempt at busting into the late- night arena found chase losing in the ratings to everyone from Conan O'Brien to the home shopping net- work. Yet all is not lost, for the fortysomething actor-comedian golfer extraordinaire is back with yet an- other goofy comedy and this one's sure to be a winner. "Man of the House" is a warnfamily drama where Chevy plays dad to a little tow-headed kid. One can only assume that, true to form, mayhem and madness will en- sue. Oh, the joy. It's no "Fletch," but it can't be worse than "Caddyshack 2." Or can it? Some guys have all the luck. Next semester, what's outside your residence hall window can be more than just an attractive view. When you study abroad with Beaver College, you come to understand another culture in a way no tourist can. Whether you prefer to frequent the haunts of Dublin's famous writers, explore the ancient sites of Athens, sample the plaza nightlife of Guadalajara, devour Sachertortes in Viennese coffeehouses or watch the sun set over Oxford's dreaming spires, the views you'll return with are JO( STENS Stop by and see a Jostens representative II