The Michigan Daily - Weekend etc. - Thursday, December 1, 1994 - 3
MelRose Place
Practice safe
CRISP
To CRISP or to phone CRISP; that
is the question:
Whether 'tis easier on the body to
suffer
The lines and pain of 17 Angell,
Or to take arms against a sea of
students,
And by phone CRISP escape them.
So said Hamlet. Or something like
that. While Hamlet's soliloquy ap-
gears on the surface to be a consider-
ation of suicide, he is actually wres-
tling with the same question as many
University students: Should I CRISP
in person, or should I CRISP by
phone? (And you thoughtyou couldn't
relate to Shakespeare.)
Each way of CRISPing has its
advantages. Some people need that
printout in their hands after they reg-
ister; it's the "ocular proof' Othello
emands of Iago, or the security blan-
et Linus always carries. But some
people just can't bear to haul over to
Angell Hall for an 8 a.m. appoint-
ment, especially in this frigid weather;
now they can just set the alarm, roll
overand CRISP, and go back to sleep.
Think about it: you could CRISP in
the nude and io one would know.
Of course, phone CRISP elimi-
ates that element of human interac-
on some people crave from registra-
tion. "It's a chance to make a new
friend with my CRISP person," one
Alice Lloyd resident said. But your
CRISP counselor isn't the only po-
tential hook-up. Make the most of
that waiting-in-line process. "Is that a
time schedule in your pocket, or are
youjust happy to see me?" "Acciden-
tally" forget your time schedule/
ourse guide, and ask to share with
at really cute person in front of you.
Let's face it: CRISPing is just like
sex. It's all a matter of personal taste:
Do you want it in person, or do you
want it over the phone?
Most people want that personal
touch, so to speak. But it can all be so
tawdry: You wait in line, an aging
host/pimp ushers you in, and sud-
denly you're in the Best Little
0 horehouse in Ann Arbor. When
omeone is available, they flash their
number. And you don't even get to
pick. You don't even know a name.
You give them what you've got. You
close your eyes, and then it's over.
(Did you have one?) You open your
mouth to ask, "Was it as good for you
as it was for me?," but you're already
being shoved away to make room for
the next John. Feeling used, cheap
*d dirty, you grab your printout on
your way out. Will you even remem-
ber the face tomorrow? It's just an-
other one-night stand, and you know
you'll be back for another.
Say you choose to phone CRISP.
Over the phone you can have it more
or less when you want it and where
you want it. You can be in whatever
position you like. And you're in
harge. You're pushing the buttons.
11 for only $1.95 a minute.
A deep, throaty voice answers.
Suddenly you ignore those 15 pages
of instructions in the time schedule.
You're hear the voice. It's not a party
line; there are no others. You listen to
the voice; you give it a name, a face
and a body. And you command it.
But be careful not to get too car-
Tied away. In the throes of passion
ou may select the wrong option.
(Deep throaty voice): To add a
class, press 1. To drop, press 2. To
modify, press 3. To donate your en-
tree plus balance to President Duder-
stadt's Hawaii vacation, press 4.
Some people argue that it isn't the
same over the phone. Some say the
phone registration is wholly unsatis-
fying; why do it by yourself when you
can do it with another live person?
*nd there's still the risk factor; many
a student has been known to contract
an ear infection through phone sex,
er, phone CRISP.
But it's really an issue of control:
will you give it away, or will you put
it to use? Are you in the mood to be
active or nassive? I het von never
Duran: the
By MATT CARLSON
Duran Duran. When looking back
on the '80s, we need only those two
words to describe the majority of the
decade's most popular music. New
Wave we dubbed it, and Duran Duran,
with number one singles and plati-
num albums, was the freshest and
largest in the tide that co-opted '70s
punk fashion with disco's"pop sensi-
bilities and danceable grooves.
Kids everywhere had a torrid love
affair with Duran Duran, thanks in
part to a newly formed MTV's con-
5ev c ond
stant airplay of their videos and the
usual desire by children to rebel from
their parents.
It seems improbable now, in 1994,
to think that Duran Duran's tame
sound and image provided a point
from where kids could alienate and
frustrate their parents. But the band's
flair of polyester, make-up and
hairspray did indeed stand as a cen-
sure against our '60s raised parents
while alligning itself with the '70s
gender-bending glam-rock and abra-
sive punk fashion.
My father refused to buy me a
copy of Duran Duran's 1981 self-
titled debut album based merely on
the photo of the band on the front
cover. At the time, I didn't know
exactly what could have been possi-
bly wrong with bright orange hair and
big thing
men wearing make-up, but I knew my
dad sure didn't have an appreciation
for such details. That was all right
though because I had other avenues
where I could appreciate "rock and
roll" - my babysitters.
The teenage girls who were paid
to keep an eye on me while my par-
ents were out had hearts in their reti-
nas as they dreamily watched Duran
Duran's every movement in every
video. They sat on the edge of the
couch when singer Simon Le Bon
grappled with a Brazilian beauty in
"Hungry Like The Wolf." They
gasped when he danced with another
woman in "Save A Prayer." They
wondered with awe what in the hell
the video for "Union of the Snake"
meant.
Crying wolf, my younger brother,
Mark, and I would play cruel jokes on
our babysitters yelling to them that
"The Reflex" was on MTV when it
was only Rick Springfield's "Bop
City" or The Human League's "Don't
You Want Me." After being slapped
around for a while, Mark and I would
wonder how five guys could make a
girl act so weird. We decided that one
day we would have to be in a rock
band.
Eventually bypassing Dad, I
amassed the entire Duran Duran vinyl
collection - "Duran Duran," "Rio,"
"Seven and the Ragged Tiger" and, of
course, "Arena." The consummate
live album as well as the last good
Duran Duran album, 1984's "Arena"
let me "see" my favorite band live,
though my parents wouldn't let me go
to a concert for four more years.
"Arena" had it all - Simon's
r.em tdtto UI UoL, UIC UyBoys i Udra ud Iuuo very unhappy. MUSt ue al te rlrspray uilnuing utem.
masquerade mysteriousness and ming and John's funk-style bass play- early '80s. By that time, my musical
melodrama, Nick's effeminate looks ing. tastes, as well as everyone else's in
and sparse keyboard technique, Duran Duran would go on to make the free world, had changed, but Duran
Andy's desire to rock hard despite threemoremediocre albums, andonly Duran will always remain the middle
being in a synth-based band, Roger's 1992's "Duran Duran" could achieve rung on amusicalladder thatstretched
quiet demeanor and loud kettle drum- the success that had been theirs in the from Air Supply to Nirvana.
'Pink' nostalgia is pretty in
By SARAH STEWART
What was the name of that one
Brat Pack film? You know - Rob
Lowe plays the nerd, and Demi Moore
makes her own prom dress. You
know - the one that takes place in
Georgetown. Judd Nelson has got the
hots for Molly Ringwald, and they
both live on the wrong side of the
tracks. You know.
Actually, if you know what's right
and wrong with this description, you
know enough to be a Brat Pack '80s
teen flick master. And that's some-
thing to be proud of. Really.
After all, considering the abun-
dance of teen films in the '80s, begin-
ning in1984 with John Hughes' "Six-
teen Candles," today's college stu-
dents, who were about eight to 12
years old at the time, are truly a lucky
bunch. They were mostly old enough
to be allowed to watch these films,
young enough to want to watch them
and more importantly, young enough
to believe that real teenagers actually
behaved like the teenagers in these
films.
Take "Pretty in Pink," directed by
Howard Deutch. Ringwald, who does
live on the wrong side of the tracks, is
obsessed with Andrew McCarthy,
Ducky is obsessed with her and in
some perverted way, so is James
Spader. Her dad is too, but he's also
unemployed, unmarried and unwill-
ing to improve his station in life which
would in turn improve Ringwald's.
Ducky sings with tenderness, wears
white shoes (hence his name) and
tells Ringwald that if she doesn't run
after McCarthy, drop her purse and
leave the young saps in the audience
crying even after the tenth viewing,
she's crazy. Maybe it's crazy to cry
over such antics, but even coming
from the right side of the tracks, "Pretty
in Pink" seemed the epitome of brutal
teen reality.
At the tender age of pre-adoles-
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