10 - The Michigan Daily - Friday, November 11, 1994
'Double Dragon' double sux ||Z
By MATT CARLSON
Let's be frank. This is a college
newspaper, and most of you, dear read-
ers, are college students. So, I pose this
one obvious question to the universe at
large - what on earth is going to
Directed by
Jim Yukich
with Scott Wolf
and Alyssa Milano
stimulate college students to see a kids'
film like "Double Dragon?"
Whether the movie is good or bad
doesn't matter. If "Double Dragon"
were the best flick made for five to 15-
year-olds since "Teenage Kickboxing
Extraterrestrial Samurai Amphibian
Nacho-Eating Warriors from Uranus
II," college students would still not
stand in line at the box office. But, there
is one very good reason why you and
all your friends should hop in the car
and drag yourselves to the theater to see
"Double Dragon." That reason, ladies
and gentlemen, I propose to be none
other than the beautiful and enchanting
Alyssa Milano.
I first noticed my fixation with
Alyssa in seventh grade. The year was
a bittersweet time, as puberty welled
up in my soul, filling me with hungers
for "things" I had never desired before.
"Who's the Boss" was in the prime of
its ratings climb, and in that innocent
little situation comedy I found the place
where I could direct my desires - the
slender frame of Samantha, or "Sam,"
as I liked to call her.
This is not sick. I was a child set
forth in a man's world, full of hot,
raging hormones and no instruction
manual. There were no directions like
the ones that came with a GI Joe action
playset ("Insert Tab A into Slot B").
This is not stupid. Every young tike
had a certain object of desire where he
(or she, as the casemay be) would place
all of his or her marbles and go for
broke, roll the dice, shoot for fortune
- Tootie from "Facts of Life" (and it
never really was explained why her
name was Tootie now, was it?), Chrissy
from "Three's Company" (if you were
aiming real high) or even studly rascal
Mike Seaver in "Growing Pains." Ev-
eryone had a sitcom love affair, and
mine just happened to be with Alyssa.
This is not love. But, oh, it sure felt
that way.
So, when "Double Dragon" was
announced to be opening in theaters
across the nation and that dear Alyssa
had a role, I jumped at the chance to
rekindle that long-lost flame of youth-
ful lust. But, "Double Dragon" is only
a mediocre film with fast-paced action
sequences that actually slow the movie
down, two camera mugging heroes who
dare to steal the limelight away from
Alyssa and a somewhat dark perfor-
mance by Robert Patrick ("T2") as evil
villain Koga Shuko.
The plot (based loosely on the video
game "Double Dragon") goes some-
what like this: there's an amulet called
the Double Dragon. The amulet is split
into two pieces -one that contains the
ultimate power of the spirit, one that
contains theultimatepowerofthebody.
Bad man want amulet to control decay-
ing city. Lee brothers team up to stop
badman. And, in the end... no,Iwon't
ruin the gripping conclusion for you.
But my dear Alyssa steals the show
with her stunning portrayal of Marian
In truth, our young protagonist is protecting Alyssa Milano (in back, with the mohawk) from our voracious reviewer.
Delario, leader of the Power Corps, a
ragtag group of vigilante kids who stop
crime bypusing force. The PowerCorps
is a futuristic Sesame Street, and, as the
kids' tough and gritty leader, Alyssa is
captivatingly brilliant.
"Double Dragon" is a decent film
for the kids, with some OK special
effects and just the right amount of
violence that the youth are going for
these days. But, as is hopelessly the
case with most juvenile movies, the
acting is shit and the story is even
worse. But Alyssa's in it, so "Double
Dragon" gets a D+- the plus, andmy
heart, are for Alyssa.
DOUBLE DRAGON is playing at
Showcase
O
mwmmmmw
RECORDS
Continued from page 9
tracked vocals and a clean production
that allows each instrument to find its
own space. Bad: In doing so they also
failed to differentiate one song from
another. Good: Geoff Tate's vocal
prowess. Bad: Using this vocal prow-
ess on lyrics such as "There's hunger in
Africa / and anger on assembly lines."
I think "We Are the World" even had a
more subtle political agenda than this.
Good: A very moving track
"Bridge," that explores an estranged
father and son relationship and might
be the best song Queensryche has ever
written. Bad: The confused and repeti-
tive angst of every other track that
hammers home the theme of feeling
alone with all the subtlety ofMacCauley
Culkin.
Good: A move away from the bla-
tant commercialism of "Empire." Bad:
They're still obsessed with being the
90s equivalent of Pink Floyd. Good: A
cool photo inside of a guy with a nail in
his head. Bad: Cheesy fold out cover
artreminds me ofpretentious Yes record
sleeves from the 70s. Good: It's a wel-
come return to the sound that charac-
terized earlier efforts like "Rage For
1 Man
THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
MEDICAL SCHOOL
Student Biomedical Research Program
invites you to attend the
40th ANNUAL STUDENT RESEARCH FORUM
(medical and undergraduate students will be presenting
their summer research experiences in poster format)
Tuesday, November 15, 1994
3:00 p.m. - 5:00 p.m.
Towsley Center
On the Medical Center Campus
For more information: Office of Student Biomedical Research Programs at 763-1296
ax~ fim*= aaijg
ACCOUNT
EXECUTIVE
Of
THE
WEEK
CRAIG
COVLLI STER,
Order" and "Operation: Mindcrime."
Bad: There is little experimentation,
except for some nice piano and a for-
gettable attempt by bassist Eddie Jack-
son to get funky on "Disconnected."
Good: I'm not bored with the CD.
Baa: I haven't discovered a reason to
listen to it again. And when all is said
and done, indifference might be the
worst thing of all.
- Kirk Miller
Gastr Del Sol
Crookt, Crackt, or Fly
Drag City
Gastr Del Sol might have elements
of artists like Captain Beefheart, Pave-
ment and even Labradford mixed into
their sound here and there, but when
you're listening to them, it's so much
more pleasant to just think of them as
the eclectic sound wizards that they
are. Often using no more than a single
acoustic guitar or a distinctly analog
synthesizer, Gastr Del Sol swerve be-
tween pure sonic mayhem and tense
but beautiful calmness.
The album starts off with the curi-
ous "Wedding In The Park," a short,
haunting acoustic guitarballad and free
form poem, before bouncing into the
psychotic strummings and bouncings
of "Work From Smoke." This flows
evenly into "Parenthetically," an
unmelodic but compelling synthesizer
See RECORDS, Page 12
MOVE OVER MARLENE, HERE'S UTE
Make This Parent's Weekend
A Charley's Weekend
After a long day of tailgating, football, and
touring the diag, treat your folks to
the Michigan tradition everybody loves-
Good Time Charley's. We'll start you off
with our famous Count Twists, or Monster
Fries. Then choose from our menu of delectable
entrees, including specialty sandwiches, great
Mexican food and juicy burgers.
Sexy songstress and Marlene Dietrich reincarnate Ute Lemper has come to
the forefront of classical yet cabaretstyle singing, and is now making her
Ann Arbor debut tonight at Hill Auditorium.
Bom in Muenster, Germany, Lemper started her career based on a great
love for American music such as contemporary jazz and pop. She began
performing in bars at the age of 15, but quickly graduated to performing in
stage shows such as "Cats" and "Peter Pan." To continue her quest to
broaden her audience, she then produced an album, "Ute Lemper Sings
Kurt Weill" and followed it up with "Illusions," both of which won her
intemational acclaim. Her further accomplishments include a pop album,
appearances in films and dancing in a ballet created expressly for her.
Tonight Lemper will be performing for you at Hill. The show starts at 8 p.m.
and will feature songs by Weill, Dietrich and Edith Piaf. Tickets are available
through the University Musical Society box office. Student rush tickets are
just $7. Call 764-2538 for more information. - Liz Shaw
We have SEX...oops, we mean
six machines to serve YOU!
Use our high-speed, automated self-serves.
Caoime
Charke s
Whether it's lunch or dinner,
good friends, good food
and now good times with
your family, are always on
our menu.
Dollar Bill
C O P Y I N G
611 Church Street
(313) 665-9200
x;.:!-:..mmmm:~ ;. ;,,:y: t: :,:v'2{:!!f}t ::GrSh'i %?:. {n<; ?!...
:..:'-::{i$::: ::ii~':'J:::}. } !~r"':.':i~ {:: %i U
}-.v.::.::..:.v!.. . . .v'i:< 3.. . . . . . . . . . ...... r..r. "
I '14
?
isf
I " t}I ::ti ?: }f r
rI !} J r!+
Y":C :i i.p S:fT {r" . -.r J
F }I1Y <'
i r IF
J $ I
Save onipictures I
IS THIS YOU?"
A woman between the ages of 18 and 35
1
Eating habits that include fasting,
frequent dieting or under-eating
Responses to eating in ways that interfere
with your daily life-like excessive exercise or vomiting?
Worried about body weight and shape?
0