12 - TheMichigan Daily -- Thursday, November 3, 1994 THE SPORTING VIEWS: Staffers' favorite football pros do battle in mid-year contest with differing results By DARREN EVERSON Daily Sports Writer They said that Cream Cheese was the greatest team ever, that a finer squad - whether it be a Dream or not - had never existed. However, early on in yesterday's Pro Bowl, the Fighting Pacifists brought themback to reality. And astheCheesers soon found out, reality bites. Pacifist coach Wayne Fontes re- ceived kudos for his riverboat-gambler approach to coaching, which won the game for the Pacifists, 18-14. "This game solidifies my standing as a great coach," said Fontes at a post- game press conference. "Right there with Halas and Perles and all the rest." The decision Fontes will be remem- bered for most came with just 59 sec- onds remaining in the contest. Tailback Lewis Tillman had just scored from one yard out, bringing the Fighting Pacifists to within two. Then, the Pacifist coach pulled out his bag of tricks. Amidst considerable protest from his own players and the pro-Pacifist Aloha Stadium crowd, Fontes sent out the Eagles' kicker to boot the extra point. Having already missed one PAT, he proceeded to hit the crossbar and miss once more, leaving many people baffled and the Pacifists down two. "Some call (going for one) ludi- crous, some even call it stupid," team owner William Clay Ford said. "You know what I call it? Coaching." Sensing victory, Cheese wideout Andre Rison decided it was time for the game playing to end and the extracurriculars to begin. The ex-Spar- tan started the celebration doing that duck-walk thing that he does, but soon things turned ugly. While preparing to take the field for the Pacifist kickoff, teammate Deion Sanders caught Rison's gyrations out of the corner of his eye. Sanders, re- nowned for his celebratory steps, was not amused. "This is my house!" the two-sport athlete insisted. "I don't care if I play for this team or not, or if it was built 80 years before I was born. "I won't have him dancing in my house." Sanders didn't. Prime Time sucker-punched Rison, to which the Falcon receiver retaliated, and a re- play of a scuffle earlier this season ensued. Referee Don Koharski quickly ejected the two combatants from the sidelines. With the two speedy stars gone and the tide turning, Fontes told his Paci- fists to fight. "Fight," he said. They must have heard that heroic cry. As they took the field with mere seconds remaining, the Pacifists were out for blood. Still, without Sanders around, the Eagles' kicker could not angle his kick away from Cheeser Eric Metcalf. Metcalf raced up the sidelines and would have scored, had it not been for Donnell Woolford's game-saving tackle at the Pacifist 19-yard line. By then, only 51 seconds remained, and all seemed lost for the Pacifists, who used all of their timeouts planning the extra point kick a few moments earlier. One handoff to running back Natrone Means and it would all be over. That's precisely what Cheese coach Buddy Ryan had called, but the play wasn't as automatic as thought. Steve Young turned and handed to Natrone Means, but the overweight and over- rated running back fumbled upon re- ceiving avicious hit from defensive end Alonzo Spellman. "Duh, maybe (Means) isn't as good as I thought," Cheeser owner Scott Burton said. "Huh huh." The Pacifists took over at their own 22, needing a miracle. Fortunately, they had a miracle worker sitting on the sidelines, donning a Bronco helmet. Quarterback John Elway took over the helm and the game with it. With Sanders in the lockerroom, the Cheesers were clearly unable to deal with wideout Michael Irvin, and Elway knew it. He tossed consecutive 28-yard passes to Irvin, moving the ball to the Cheese 22 and the clock to three seconds. The ball was now well within even the Eagle kicker's range, but Fontes was not done gambling. "I'm a great coach, and us great coaches go with our best play in spots like these," he said. "We go with our bread-and-butter." Those who follow Lions football know the play that butters Detroit's bread: the draw. Murmuring expletives, Elway handed off to Emmitt Smith, who got behind his Steeler offensive line and raced into the end zone. Smith agreed it was just another great call by a great coach. "That was so easy," Smith said. "I wonder what kind of running back I could be if I played in Detroit ..." The game described here is a matchup between Darren Everson's (Fighting Pacifists) and Scott Burton's (Cream Cheese) midyear Alt-Pro picks. For the sake of space, each selected only skill players, and chose entire units for offensive line and defense. Fighting Pacifists Cream Cheese QB RB RB WR WR TE Line Defense KR K Coach Dan Marino Emmitt Smith Lewis Tillman Michael Irvin Sterling Sharpe Chris Gedney Pittsburgh Steelers Chicago Bears Dave Meggett The Eagles' kicker* Wayne Fontes Steve Young Natrone Means Barry Sanders Jerry Rice Andre Rison Shannon Sharpe Dallas Cowboys San Francisco 49ers Eric Metcalf Jason Hanson Buddy Ryan QB RB RB WR WR TE Line Defense KR K Coach Secret Weapon: John Elway Secret Weapon: Harvey Williams *Someone from the Eagles had to play, or our editor would have fired us. By SCOTT BURTON Daily Sports Writer Some football teams just shouldn't play each other. The games are just too one-sided, just too cruel. Florida State vs. Southwest Ken- tucky Technological Institute. Dallas Cowboys vs. Buffalo Bills.. Cream Cheese vs. Fighting Paci- fists. That's not to say that Darren over there hasn't collected a fair amount of talent on his team. Emmitt's a monster. Marino's a gunner. And how I fear the kicking prowess of that Eagles's kicker. Unfortunately, Darren was seduced into picking some mediocre talent, namely all of the Bears on his team. Lewis "What's forward progress?" Tillman? Chris Gedney? Too bad Jim Harbaugh didn't stick around the Windy City for another year - I'm sure he would have beaten out Marino on Darren's squad. Anyway, here's the top 10 reasons my team squawked the living bajoobas out of the Fighting Pacifists, 35-9. 1)TherunningcombinationofBarry Sanders and Natrone Means kept the Bears' line off track all day. Sanders, who this year has reestab- lished himself as the premier running back in the NFL, is contained for much of the game by the Bears. But being the play-breaking runner he is, Sanders popped off two 50-yard touchdown runs. Means proved to be an effective counterpart to Sanders' rushing style. While Sanders slashed around the Bears' line, Means bowled right overthem. He scored on two third-and-goal situations. 2) Steve Young picked the Bears secondary apart. The Bears tried an eight-man front to stop Sanders and Means, but it only left Rice and Rison open all day. Young connected on a touchdown bomb with each of his wideouts, and again found Rison - the best red-zone receiver in football - for a 20-yard strike. 3) Wayne Fontes isn't my coach. 4) Wayne Fontes is his coach. 5) Wayne Fontes. Enough said. 6) Primetime, Primetime. San Francisco's Deion Sanders, the dancing machine himself, had a field day. He pulled a Jose Oquendo and played every position, offense and de- fense, for at least one down. His game totals? One reception for 14 yards, one run for three yards, one incomplete pass, 17 tackles and one interception return for a touchdown. Oh yeah, he also beat the living crap out of Sterling Sharpe for no good rea- son. Buddy Ryan, not coincidentally. gave him the game ball. 7) Cream Cheese's secret weapon. After the Pacifists learned tha Ryan's secret weapon was a runnin back, they figured on a Marshall Faulk or a Thurman Thomas showing up. Someone they could handle. But after Cream Cheese's secret weapon tore apart the mutilated car- casses of the Bears defense - ripping through holes like some demon pos- sessed -only one thing could be heard from under the Bears' helmets "OH THE HORROR." Who was this secret weapon that treated the Fighting Pacifists with such cruel disregard? Who else but Harvey Williams"? 8) Emmitt Smith gets injured. After Fontes ran Smith 15 straight times to begin the game, Smith humbly mentioned that his shoulder was ailing him. But being the stoic that he is, Smit continues his noble efforts. Fonteshand. him the ball on 1st-and-10's, 2nd-and- 13's, 3-and-27's - in fact on every down of the first half. Then Smith's left arm falls off his shoulder. "It is frustrating, really, really frus- trating," Fontes said in the locker room between halves. "I mean, it was like on every down, the Cream Cheese defense somehow knew we were going to run the ball. How did they figure me out? "I wonder if this Tillman guy ca move the ball for us?" 9) Lewis Tillman doesn't gain a single (forward) yard. Although he probably spanned about 150 yards running horizontal and back- wards on 30 second-halfcarriesTillman didn't manage to run the ball past the line of scrimmage even once. "Hey, I know I'm no Harvey Will- iams, but it could have been worse f the Pacifists," Tillman said. "It could have been Tim Worley out there." 10) The Pacifist offense bent but didn't break the 49er defense. Marino has some success hitting open receivers downfield. No second- ary in the world is going to keep a wide receiver corps of Michael Irvin and Sterling Sharpe quiet all day. However, the Niner defense come. up big on three goal line stands in the second half. The Pacifists are forced to kick three chippy field goals that ac- count for all of their points on the day. AP PHOTO Although the referees couldn't choose sides in this war, they still had fun. 0 I