i.. Is Th ihgnDily Weneda, epeme l,.99 t Pge8 Sour 'Milk' not worth the 'Money' By MATT CARLSON When, about half-way through "Milk Money," Melanie Griffith states "This is bad, very bad," you can't help but scream out in a sort of Beavis and W Milk Money Directed by Richard Benjamin; with Ed D/ Harris, Melanie Griffith. Butt-head/"Mystery Science Theater" orgiastic exclamation, "No kidding!" Fortunately, the movie theater was almost empty when I offered my snide aside. This means that the public isn't falling for this lame, half-hearted cross between "Pretty Woman" and "Sleep- less In Seattle." On paper, this movie must have sounded like a no-lose proposition to the execs. Griffith plays V, a big city hooker with a heart of gold who is only longing for some love and respect. Sound familiar? Now, imagine a middle-aged sweet guy and widower (Ed Harris of "Glengarry Glen Ross" and "The Right Stuff') whose son, Frank, tries to set him up with V, so his dad can find love once again and he can have a mom. Sound familiar? This mix of "Pretty Woman" and "Sleepless in Seattle" is so fucking brilliant, the only better idea would be a "Dirty Dancing"/"Jurassic Park" combo. Just imagine the profits that would roll rightin when Patrick Swayze does the Lambada all night long with some sexy T-Rex. Throw in the Caped Crusader flying an X-Wing Fighter and you've got the biggest blockbuster since the dawn of time. So what happened? First, "Milk Money" begins as an "ABC After School Special" version of some trashy "USA Up All Night" flick in which Frank and two of his elementary school chums save up a hundred bucks and venture into the big city in hopes of finding a naked lady. They find the slutty, chain-smoking V, give her the dough, and she takes off her top for the cute little boys in her grimy apartment/brothel. Not exactly the stuff that pre-pubescent wet dreams are made of. Second, there is absolutely nochem- istry between Griffith and Harris. Now, "Pretty Woman" and "Sleepless in Se- attle" were not great movies by any stretch of the imagination, but at least there was a little flair between the Julia Roberts/Richard Gere and Meg Ryan/ Tom Hanks team-ups. With Griffith and Harris, there's only fizzle. Third, we are "treated" to a ex- tremely stupid subplot involving V's pimp, his drug dealing associate (played disappointingly bad by Malcolm McDowell of "A Clockwork Orange" fame), half a million bucks, and an endangered swampland. Huh? There are afew (very few) chuckles in "Milk Money," arguably enough to save it from total failure. For instance, Frank takes V to school as a visual aid in his sex-ed presentation, draws the female reproductive organs on her stomach and calls the uterus the "fist- shaped baby motel." It doesn't sound like very much now, but then, you hopefully haven't seen the movie yet. For the most part, "Milk Money" is the most laughable attempt of this year. This is bad, very bad. MILK MONEY is playing at Briarwood and Showcase Hey - wait a minute! Forget Melanie. We want to see Ed Harris' face. 'My Life's' nothing like Generation X By ALEXANDRA TWIN "Realiq) Bies ' the spot, but how cat) y ju define something that hasn't bothered to define itself yet? Generation, schmeneration. At least they give us a exactly scenic route of work New York Ccy p iyw nrghs They have no money, no girlfriends and no clue. But they're kinda cute and sweet in that dorky sort of way and manage to stay pretty close friends with a young manager/publicist named Sa- rah (Lisa Gerstein), who tries to throw 3i11 ) .p[ )\iii. JO~ . . ; York cabby and his bar-tending room mate, who were trying to make a film, and actually get money to do it? While not precisely autobiographi- cal, "My Life'sin Turnaround" is about the very real and exasperating attempts Steve Martin's hair is actually an unnatural Elton John shade of red. But only his hairdresser knows for sure. ASimle tur rn o your stomach By MELISSA ROSE BERNARDO Steve Martin as the bumbling fa- ther is lots of fun. Steve Martin as a singing evangelist worked well. Even Steve Martin as Cyrano de Bergerac Martin's new movie, "A Simple Twist of Fate," should have been a ing. Martin plays Michael McCann, a middle school choir director whose W7A Simple Twist of Fate Directed by Gillies MacKinnon; with Steve Martin and Gabriel Byrne was neat. But Steve Martin as an embit- tered, middle-aged choir director turned miser/alcoholic is not okay. Even when he writes his own lines. milestone for him actor, presumably now in the prime of his career, fi- nally tackling his first writing and producing project. Not quite. Martin's per- formance is not the problem. (Though that red - a gifted comic After every scene change you'll do a double-take; count on taking at least 10 seconds to get your bearings. wife is expectin g a baby. When he finds out the baby isnothis,heleaves her and retreats to a shack in the back woods of Vir- ginia, making his own furniture to support himself. He's obsessed with the gold coins that he buys from He drinks himself to My Life's in Turnaround Directed by Eric Schaeffer and Donal Lardner Ward; with Eric Schaeffer 1 + and Donal Lardner Ward letter. But how about the so-called gen- eration before? You know, that weird group that your older brother's older girlfriend belongs to. Those 30-year old, perpetual in-between stage people, that Generation Whatever. Slackers they may not claim to be, but if "My Life's in Turnaround," the new, deftly amusing footnote from two wanna-be filmmakers of the who what genera- tion is any indication of what's to come, there may be a whole lot less out there than we realized. But don't dwell on that. Think of the film as one of those Harry met Sally/New York City/Endless Sum- mer/Longer Unemployment/Land- locked Road Trip of the Spirit type things. But with a twist. Are you begin- ning to get the gist of it? No? Well, neither do the filmmakers, but they sure take us on one hell of a vivid, if not Gravediggaz 6 Feet Deep Gee Street If there was ever an appropriate name for a group ... A few members of Stetsasonic, the influential group which brought hip-hop the super producer Prince Paul (De La Soul, Third Bass, Big Daddy Kane), and Rza (Wu-Tang Clan) have gotten together to bring their careers back from the dead. It is also another pound a dirt on the grave of classic hip-hop; Stet is gone. As for the album? Prince Paul hooks up something nice, and scary. The al- bum is an adventure into a horror movie mood. The samples areminor and dark, there is blood splattered on the CD, and there is lots of talk about death. An attempt to mix a positive message into the musical brew, apparently to pro- vide a break from the psychotic nature of the themes, only exacerbates the eerie atmosphere. I thought only heavy metal guys played disturbed, death- obsessed roles. Indeed, it feels as if they went too far, perhaps farther than they them- whatever's left) and become a film- maker, of course. "Get us meetings. We're filmmak- ers now." Jason tells a befuddled Sarah. Trouble is, they have no story, no stars and no experience. The irony of it all is that neither did Schaeffer and Ward. Written, directed and starring all- around, first-timers Schaeffer and Ward as guys remarkably similar to the real life Schaeffer and Ward, "My Life's in Turnaround" is something of an anomaly, to say the least. How likely would you say it was that some New them a bone ev- ery now andthen. Trouble is, noth- ing ever comes back and the amount of time before "quirky and low-mainte- nance" becomes "psycho and homeless" is run- ning out.Sowhat do you do when you're at the end of your rope and noone'sbuying? Why, throw it all away (or Slightly off-beat star cameos, a groovin' soundtrack and some post-credit moments to rival the one at the end of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" gives the film that oh-so-distinctly hip yet slightly eccentric edge. of these two wackos to get a film, any film, made. What's amazing is that i actually worked. Even more im- pressive is the fact that the film- simple, direct and low low budget- is easily as enter- taining and argu- ably a lot more original than al- most anything out there now. Slightly off-beat star cameos, a groovin' soundtrack and some post- credit moments to rival the one at the end of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," gives the film that oh-so-distinctly hip yet slightly eccentric edge. But don't worry, there are few pretensions, the film rarely bothers to acknowledg how cool it is. In fact, it probably hadn't even noticed. It's pretty non- chalant about the whole thing, actu- ally. "X." "Y." Whatever. MY LIFE'S IN TURNARQUND is playing at the Michigan Theater. hair has got to go.) As usual, he throws himself into the role, providing some wonderful, "Parenthood"-esque come- dic moments. But even he can't hold this film together. The build-up, the premise and the climax are all cheatingly disappoint- an antique shop. Fmmmmm mmo o o m ' Welcome Students COOKIES Cookies &Yogurt I for a cookie or muffin baked with love ® ~ji~ Also featuring Columbo Nonfat Yogurt! 715 N.University 761-CHIP K Mon-Thurs 8:30am-8pm Fri 8:30am-5:30pm Sat 10am-5:30pm ' We ship anywhere in the Continental U.S.' A A . nm.S 4 4 .mt sleep every night. One night he is robbed by a man whose brother is a politician paying off the mother of his illegitimate child - the politician, not the brother- but the brother winds up dead somehow. The mother decides to take the little girl to see Daddy (Gabriel Byrne), who is at his victory party but she never makes it and winds up dead too. Oh, did I men- tion that the mother is a drug-addict. Anyway, by some twist of fate - title reference! -McCann winds up adopt- ing the girl, but once she grows up, her rich, natural father wants her back. Supposedly this story is based on the classic novel "Silas Marner." What- ever with that. It's just damn confus- ing. After every scene change you'll do a double-take; count on taking at least 10 seconds to get your bearings. And the buildup - all the business about the mother, the politician and his fam- ily - comprises a good 75 percent of See FATE, Page 10 selves intended. It is successful in that you think they really are a little psy- chotic; but then you remember that less then five years ago they made an entire song about a girl named Suzie. It is certainly a new age in hip-hop and Gravediggaz are one reflection of the evolving music. Change is vital to keeping hip-hop vibrant. But is this the difference hip-hop needs or is it dig- ging its own grave? - Dustin Howes in spirit). One thing which makes "From Years to Hours" so admirable is that, like Chapman, Curtis sings about things which she knows firsthand, unlike oth- ers who sing about important issues of human suffering simply to make them- selves seem concerned. As an ex-social worker, Curtis was more than capable of producing "Hol in the Bucket," which mocks the idiocrasy of the government's welfare system, which, while offering some public assistance, doesn't help people to help themselves. She also did a beautiful job with "Night so Still," which she wrote while on furlough from her social workjob. It powerfully represents the feelings of those who's once comfortable lifestyles were shat- tered by lay-offs and furloughs. The most touching song on "From Years to Hours" is "Grandmother's Name." In it, Curtis chronicles the years she spent watching her grand- mother - the woman whom she was Catieurtis From Years to Hours Mongoose Records Picture Tracy Chapman in your mind. Got her? Good. Now, picture her white. Once you're done, the woman you're picturing will be none other than Catie Curtis. Granted, there are some differences between the two women - the melanin thing is but an obvious one. Nevertheless, the subjects of Curtis' songs are so similar to Chapman's, they'll almost seem like sisters (at least See RECORDS, Page 9 m e r