16 - The Michigan Daily - Best of Ann Arbor - Thursday, April 14, 1994
The Michigan Dail)
Best Film that Nobody Saw: (tie) Yeah, "Ishtar" Probably Sounded
"Naked" and "Ruby in Paradise" Like a Good Idea, Too:
The Cast of "Tombstone"
Best Film that Nobody Saw, Liked
or Understood, But was Too Pre-
tentious to Admit It:
"Farewell My Concubine"
Best Last Line of a Movie:
"I don't think I would have named our
son Elvis." ("True Romance")
Best On-Screen Duo: Slater and
Arquette ("True Romance")
Best Performances of the Year:
David Thewlis ("Naked"), Leonardo
Dicaprio ("What's Eating Gilbert
Grape"), Holly Hunter ("The Piano")
Hairclub for Men Gone Wild:
Sean Penn in "Carlito's Way"
You Should Have Known Better:
Whoopi in "Sister Act 2"
Get Out of the Director's Chair:
(tie) Mel Gibson and his "Man With-
out A Face," Steven Seagal for "On
Luke Perry's career might last longer than "8 Seconds," but we hope not.
Write for Summer Arts
Mass Meeting tonight at 7:30 at the
Michigan Daily (420 Maynard).
99 Red Luft Balloons: One-hit won-
der Mike Myers, whose "So I Mar-
ried an Axe Murderer" proved that
"Wayne's World" was a fluke.
We Wish You'd Have Used a Body
Double For that Nude Scene: Walter
Matthau in "Grumpy Old Men"
David Cassidy Tribute/Most Un-
welcome Comeback: Julia Roberts
and that little green leprechaun dude
- they both smile too damn much.
Best Attempt at Looking Glad that
You Just Lost an Oscar:
Liam Neeson. Yeah, we're sure you
voted for Tom Hanks, too.
Best Argument for Exposing the
First Born: Sean Astin in "Rudy"
Susan Powter and her shaved head
Best Film Title to Pin Down Its
Lead Actor's Career:
Luke Perry's "8 Seconds"
Best Explanation for Why There is
So Little Onscreen Male Nudity:
Harvey Keitel's gut
Proof we don't really miss the '70s:
"Dazed and Confused"
You Must Be Great In Bed:
To Keanu Reeves, who should not
have been hired by anyone, let alone
Branagh and Bertolucci in the same
Much Ado About Nothing:
Sibling Rivalry: To the unsucessful
Baldwin, Stephen, whose "Three-
some" is just as dumb as brother
William's "Three of Hearts."
New Best Friend of Jenny Craig
(we hope): Dan Aykroyd
Best Proof that Hollywood Just
Doesn't Care: "The Firm" and "The
Pelican Brief' in the same year
Best Attempt at Milking the Ameri-
can Conscience: (tie) "Philadelphia"
and "Schindler's List"
Best End of the World Theory in a
Most Futile Attempt at Defining a
Non-Generation: "Reality Bites"
Best popcorn in Ann Arbor:
Best Theater: The Michigan
Best Visiting Author: Chaim Potok
Potok's lecture on core cultures clash-
ing with counter cultures focused on
general experiences while remaining
deeply rooted in his own dilemmas
as an Orthodox Jewish writer strug-
gling with modernity. He also dem-
onstrated unique coordination with
hyperbolic hand gestures.
Best Visiting Poet: Czeslaw Milosz
Although nobody can pronounce his
name and even fewer people can spell
it, there is no confusion about this
Nobel laureate's talents as a writer.
His poetry was moving even for those
of us with difficulty understanding his
thick Polish accent.
Best Poetry Place:
The Poetry Slam at the Heidelberg
It's a slam-dunking rip-roaring whale
of a good time. Yeah. Pass the beer.
Worst Timing for a Visiting Au-
thor: Douglas Copeland
He read at Borders during Spring
Break. How can one expect Genera-
tion X to pay homage to its Creator
when they're all in Daytona sipping
martinis and denying reality? Perhaps
we can look forward to the film ver-
sions of twentynothings on parade.
Please pass the McJobs.
Worst Place for a Book Signing:
Yes, they do have wine and cheese
parties, and Keith Taylor is the great-
est, but come on, how are 300 people
supposed to fit in there?
Best Body Language / Most Over-
done Gesticulation During a Read-
ing or Speech: Chaim Potok
Cec-core, Cc-o-re, Counter-Cc-
ulture. He seems to like the "c-word."
Most Political Reading:
He read "Howl" at Hill Auditorium.
OK, he did see the best minds of his
generation, starving, hysterical and
naked, and we all came to hear about
it. But really, Allen, do you have to
refer to yourself as "Allen Ginsberg"
in your poems? And the Dalai Lama
thanks you for your support.
"Brazil," by John Updike
Welcome to wild Rio de Janeiro,
where men were men, women were
whores, and everyone was nervous.
John Updike takes the classic "Romeo
and Juliet," throws in poverty, promis-
cuity, and broken promises, tries his
hand at surrealism, and ends up with
a convoluted tale that does nothing
but vilify Brazilian women. John, you
are no Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
Anything by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Who unfortunately has not visited
Ann Arbor. The master of magic and
love, the work of Marquez resonates
with a beauty and passion.
Most Over-hyped Author:
Robert James Waller
This "Bridges of Madison County"
author should keep waltzing in Ce-
dar Bend. Then maybe he'll stop writ-
ing his trite, romantic-like-Hallmark-
Most Personable Personality:
Author of "Nothing But Blue Skies."
His book was riddled with riveting
one-liners like "life is the highway
and love is the potholes." But in per-
son, he's just another great guy.
Best Publisher: Vintage Books
With authors like Gloria Naylor,
Franklin Brown and Philip Roth, Vin-
tage appeals to a college audience its
a way that other publishers can't.
Best Book Title:
"The Ragged Way People Fall Out of
Love" by Elizabeth Cox
Source: "They couldn't understand
the ragged way people fall out of love
and how it's never completely done."
Best Educational Book: "We Make
the Road by Walking," by Myles
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These two pioneers paved the road for
social change by practicing what they
preached. Young idealistic people
(Could there be any in Ann Arbor?)
Have a lot to learn from these maver-
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exorbitant sum at Shaman Drum.
Biggest Disappointment: Jane w<
Smileycanceling her reading at Hillel
We were so excited to hear her.
Best Author With a Bad Book:
While the creator of Marjorie
Morningstar and Youngblood Hawke
usually does not let us down, "The
Hope" was an overly long, overly
boring delve into Wouk-dom.
Best Sports Book:
"Fab Five" by Mitch Albom
This in-depth look into the much- This flattering photo of Allen
talked about Fab Five scored big.
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