10 - The Michigan Daily - Monday, February 14, 1994 Pucker up with " Ernest Hemingway this Valentine's Day By KIRK MILLER Valentine's Day is not as bad as it seems, even if nobody loves you. Sure, your friends who are continuing their fifth year of perfect relationships frequently remind you that sex is better with another person. So what if nobody sent you flowers, chocolates, or even bothered to call? This is a university, and there are plenty of options for those who know love is just an excuse to be happy. Putzing around a bookstore on the most romantic day of the year is a great way to remind yourself that love and the pursuit of higher knowledge do not coexist. Borders has created the combination "Sex/Death" aisle for your benefit, and placed it conveniently next to their "Addiction/Recovery" shelves. Putzing around a bookstore on the most romantic day of the year is a great way to remind yourself that love and the pursuit of higher knowledge do not coexist. Knowledge is power and assures you of achieving your (non-romantic) goals. There are a number of struggling writers who obsessed over unrequited love and became literary giants. Who knew Ernest Hemingway would predict the existential despair of John Bobbitt in the classic man-who-cannot-love saga "The Sun Also Rises"? F. Scott Fitzgerald told us money can't buy love even before the Beatles in "The Great Gatsby". He was probably wrong, but you can pretend you accomplished something by reading it. If you're looking for something more contemporary and with less literary ambition, V.C. Andrews has made a fortune with her tales of incest, greed and lust. "Flowers in the Attic" and the million sequels proved not only that you can find love close to home, but that it is possible to write new novels five years after you die. Speaking of odd breeding, Fabio has "written" a new romance novel; unfortunately I was unable to find it before the English 230 classes snapped up the remaining copies. While Fabio admits the book was ghost-written, he assures the general public that the general plot lines (man and woman meet and fall in love; man looks like Fabio, wishes woman did) are all his own. "How can I go on living when I am a loveless slug?" The answer: page 153, "Dianetics." L. Ron Hubbard's classic on self-improvement is almost as helpful as making up your own pseudo-scientific religious bible to follow. For those inclined to seek more professional help, infomercial queen Susan Powter discusses bad haircuts and her mantra "Stop. Move. Breathe." in "Stop the Insanity." Yellingthe title alone assures immediate karmic improvement, and may win you a date with Susan Powter. Comic strips are a fun way to pass the day while your roommate has occupied the room. Scott Adams has written several books on the mishaps of male nerd epitome Dilbert and his talking dog Dogbert. "Dogbert's Clues for the Clueless" is the latest volume, and includes the romantic line of the decade: "I had a fascinating dream about you last night. It was a warm summer night on the beach, the moon was full ... you appeared as a field rodent. I crushed you with a big flat rock." Horror writers have a way to make anyone feel better about their love life. Robert McCammon's short story "Eat Me" (from the "Book of the Dead" anthology) might seem like just another tale of boy-eats-girl, but it's filled with a deep appreciation of zombies in love. Kathe Koja's "Skin" is the best novel about sadomasochistic lesbian body-piercing performance artists I've ever read; it touched that part in all of us. If you want to be a misanthrope for the rest of your life, read Bret Easton Ellis's underrated "American Psycho," and get sick enough not to want to touch anyone ever again. So if you are still not convinced that Valentine's Day has something for everybody, you might want to head to the bookstore and read the latest Harlequin romance. It's right next to the copy of "Final Exit." v_ k In concert with Rodan and '68 Comeback last Wednesday, Rocket From the Crypt survived bad acoustics in the Union Ballroom and played a great show. . Rocket From the Cryt is cPira now By HEATHER PHARES This second concert presented at the Union by UAC, featured three up and coming bands: the relatively obscure, rockabilly-based '68 Come- back, Touch And Go newcomers Rodan, and the Rocket From the Crypt with Rodan and '68 Comeback Michigan Union Ballroom February 9, 1994 San Diego-based, MTV-friendly "alleged punk rockers" Rocket From the Crypt. That the show was attended by the same 100 people that attend all "alternative" shows and the poor acoustics and sound system in the ballroom could have mired many other bands in noisy tedium, but Rocket From the Crypt delivered a blistering set that blasted away the competition. Rodan, however, were not quite so fortunate. Their mumbling female bassist, scrawny, screaming guitarists, waves of feedback and spoken-word in- terludes are just a little too reminiscent of Sonic Youth circa 1987. It's been done before and done better, but at least Rodan imitate the best; their art- punk meandering is pretty good, if not original. Their play list consisted of most of their debut album, "Rusty," including such songs as "Milk," "Tooth" and "Shiner." Alternately arty and graceful or arty and screechy, their set was overly long for an opening band at nearly an hour and a half. The audience responded accordingly; Rodan got a mixed but mostly tepid reception. The surprise appearance of the evening was '68 Comeback, who were a good hour late for their opening slot. However, better that the Comeback came late than never-their mix of blues, rockabilly and punk had good melodies and guitar stylings. Unfortunately, the worse-than-average sound qual- ity turned their twang thang into clunky, near inde- cipherable noise, and slurred beyond recognition the lead singer's Memphis drawl. Their 28-minute set was mostly wasted on the rather uptight audience, who found the age and white-trash quality of the band unamusing. But '68 Comeback managed to move a few: as one enthusiastic concertgoer e- claimed, "Boy, I wish my dad was in a band!" After an interminable wait, Rocket From the Crypt blew the crowd away with force and vol- ume. Their material sounds even better live than on their albums "Paint as a Fragrance," "Circa: Now!" and their singles collection "All Systems Go!" The horns, a trademark of their sound, gained more clarity and mixed with the guitar in a cool, loud way. They played most of the material from "Circa: Now!" including the singles "Sturdy Wrists," and "Ditch Digger," and the album tracks "Don't Darlene," and "Killy Kill." All in all, the band shone as brightly as the disco balls hanging from the ceiling. Along with their swell outfits, their novel use of horns (bands such as Frank Black, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and the Cows are some of their brass-playing peers) and traditional indie screaming will justify the band's rocketing into the alternative main- stream. A fun, if exhausting show. 'Like Water For Chocolate'cooks up passion The Daily wants you to write for fine arts, Call 763-0379. By SARAH STEWART Recommending foreign films to some people is like asking them to eat their broccoli without cheese sauce. They abhor the thought of subtitles and immediately fall victim to the stereotype that foreign films mean. Like Water for Chocolate Written by Laura Esquirel; Directed by Alfonso Arau; with Lumi Cavazos and Marco Leonardi weird and have no place in their do- mestic movie repertoire. Fortunately for all viewers, the Mexican film "Like Water for Choco- late," subtitles and all, does every- thing in its power to convince the most patriotic moviegoer that even Hollywood has rarely produced a film so rich in romance, imagination and pure entertainment. "Like Water for Chocolate" is based on the novel by Laura Esquirel and follows its lead quite closely. Tita (Lumi Cavazos) has the unfortunate fate of being the family's last daugh- ter and is therefore barred from mar- riage in order to care for Mama Elena (Regina Tome) in her old age. She accidentally falls in love with the charming Pedro (Marco Leonardi), but the dictatorial Mama will have no breaking of rules and works to keep Tita single and virginal. In order to remain close to his beloved, Pedro marries her less desirable sister, Rosaura (Yareli Arizmendi), and moves into the family house, now under Tita's domestic care. What makes "Like Water for Chocolate" such an original is its abil- ity to integrate Tita's magical cook- ing ability with the hardships of her virtual imprisonment. She quickly learns that if she cannot have Pedro in the physical sense, she can at least enter his soul through the passionate culinary concoctions that are whis- pered in her ear by the ghost of Nacha (Ada Carrasco), Tita's only source of motherly affection. As the basis for a successful film, this all may seem a bit far-fetched. But in fact, it seems that the unrealis- tic aspects of the film are where its beauty lies. Once under the spell of "Like Water for Chocolate," the audi- ence finds it easy to abandon reality in place of the more interesting concept of imagination. Consequently, when Tita's rose petal meal drives her sister Gertrudis (Claudette Maille) into a very heated orgasmic state and her tears of agony cause Rosaura's entire bridal reception to retch after eating the cake in which they dripped, Tita's temporary liberation is transferred onto those observing it. Visually, "Like Water for Choco- late" is as effective as Tita's edible masterpieces. The unglamorous, cramped image of Tita sweating or crying in her kitchen captures the smell of the food and the desperation which drives her to please Pedro, even if it is through his stomach. And the ever-present backdrop of the remote Mexican ranch is a fitting setting for both the untamed passion between Tina and Pedro and the antiquated tyranny of Mama Elena. Although much of the film's power comes from its visual effects and the repeated use of the supernatural, the subtle interactions between charac- ters provide a necessary contrast. Cavazos and Leonardi create one of the most passionate screen relation- ships but do so primarily without touch. In one scene, Tita bends over, reveals her untouchable breast to Pedro and with no other stimulation, triggers an impressive display of sexual tension between the two for- bidden lovers. This is only one ex- ample of many scenes that make "Like Water for chocolate" one of the steamiest films around. Even though Tita and Pedro's struggle is the main vehicle of plot, director Alfonso Arau succeeds at creating high intensity even when they are not under the spotlight. Maille's spirited portrayal of Gertrudis, the quintessential liberated woman, is so energetic that she virtually jumps out of the screen, while her uninhibited sexuality cleverly counters Tita's at-* tempt to conceal her lustful urges. Adding yet another dimension, even Rosaura, Pedro's consolation bride, gets a piece of the action. As if forced to suffer for Tita's heartache, she acquires an incurable flatulence that Pedro confesses is ruining thei sex life. Miraculously, amongst thO flair of "Like Water for Chocolate," even such bathroom humor earns an originality that makes it hilarious. LIKE WATER FOR CHOCOLATE is playing at the Michigan Theater on Monday and Tuesday. 'Bad Seed' personifies hokey horror without ski masks By ALEXANDRA TWIN "She's a murderer, but she's my little girl." Now that's a devoted par- ent. How out of place would that The Bad Seed Directed by Mervyn LeRoy; with Nancy Kelley and Patty McCormack attitude be today? Yet, how out of place is this film today? Unlike mod- ern horror films, "The Bad Seed," made in 1956, is a film that contains no blood, no gore, and no ski-masked, dysfunctional lunatic-chasing bikini- clad camp counselors around a de- serted island while they scream bloody murder. It also has no male lead. It also has a reasonably direct plot. It also happens to be so much more frightening, hokey and enjoyable than any recent horror film could ever hope to be that to miss it would be an absolute travesty. Yes, hokey with a capital "H." Everything is spoken in that quick, whispery, melodramatic tone so in- dicative of the '50s. The little girl is endlessly polite to a mama who calls her "darling" and a papa who greets her daily by asking, "What would you give me for a basket of kisses?" to which little Rhoda joyously replies, "A basket of hugs!" Yet the sense that something evil is brewing beneath all this superficiality gives the film an edge so eerie that you positively cringe every time Rhoda flashes one of her Kool-aid smiles; she is wonderfully evil. Eight-year-old Rhoda (Patty McCormack) is a good girl. She minds her mama, helps around the house and works hard in school. Trouble is, she's a little snoiled. She doesn't like it when people won't give her what she wants. However, she's so sweet and good-natured that most of the time they do. And if they won't? Well, Rhoda isn't afraid to assert herself. She usually gets what she wants, one way or another. Even though an older woman with whom Rhoda used to spend a great deal of time had mysteriously died in Rhoda's presence, Mama sees no rea- son to be alarmed when a rival class- mate of Rhoda's, a boy who had just received a metal much coveted by Rhoda, also mysteriously dies in Rhoda's presence. However, the good sisters of Rhoda's school are not so blind. Neither is the boy's mother. It is at this point that their ultra-perfect See SEED. Pae 11 ATT iENTIN I; V Y A./' . . a ..r