4- The Michigan Daily - Wednesday, January 26, 1994

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420 Maynard
Ann Arbor, MI 48109
Edited and managed
by students at the
University of Michigan

JosH DuBow
Editor in Chief
ANmREw LEVY
Editorial Page Editor

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Unless otherwise noted, unsigned editorials reflect the majority opinion of the Daily editorial board.
All other cartoons, articles and letters do not necessarily represent the opinion of the Daily.

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To suffer fools gladly - or maybe not

By KEN SUGIURA
I figured I'd start this column
with a story. It goes like this:
There was this one summer when
I was a little kid and I was trying to
impress this girl who lived across the
street from me. Her name was Ann.
I climbed on top of my dad's car
and started hopping around on the
hood. As it was the summer, it was
pretty hot, so I burned both my feet.
I'm sure you don't believe me, but
it's true. I even have pictures to
prove it.
Looking back, I fail to see what
was impressive about this. And
considering that this stunt never got
me anywhere in my relationship with
Ann except to the emergency room, I
suppose that Ann, too, did not find
this act of daring particularly
romantic, either.
But I'm sure you see the point of
my story, which is that fools rush in
where angels fear to tread. They can
handle heads of pins with no
problem, but that isn't what makes
the angels what they are. It is in their
decision-management skills with
scorching-hot car hoods where I
Sugiura is an LSA senior and is a
Daily Sports editor.
Twg's column is
stuff of fables
To the DIFy
I am writing in response to Jean
Twenge's editorial "Why I'm the last
Tonya Harding fan."(1/25/94) First,
I would like to commend Ms.
Twenge on her ability to tug on the
heart-strings of her readers. I myself
could almost hear the mourning of
the violin in Rimsky-Korsakov's
Scheherazade, as I read her vivid
images of the pathos of Tonya
Harding.
Indeed, scheherazadian (which
may be defined as: like the contents
of fables in being marvelous,
incredible, absurd, extreme,
exaggerated, or approaching the
impossible) is an excellent way to
describe Ms. Twenge's vain attempt
at painting a Dickensian portrait of
Tonya Harding.
I have no desire to open
Pandora's box by addressing the
feminist issues Ms. Twenge raised in
this particular situation (be they real
or not). However I would like to
focus on only one of her many
extraneous paragraphs. Halfway
through her tirade, she wrote, "...In
any other sport, Harding would be
the obvious winner. In football,
hitting someone to disable them is
not illegal - it is the object of the
game. Strength, grace under pressure,
gritty determination, and raw sweat
are what it takes to succeed as an
athlete, not what makes a bad
reputation..."
By making these statements, Ms.
Twenge has made several things
clear about herself: 1) her knowledge
of the rules of football is comparable
to that of a lobotomy recipient, 2) she
appears to condone, nay to applaud,
the physical attack on Nancy
Kerrigan, and 3) she has a raw sweat
fetish.
Regarding her knowledge of

think angels truly distinguish
themselves.
That is why I could never make it
as an angel.
I can't quite kick the fool habit. If
there is some sort of nicotine patch
for foolishness, I would pay out the
nose for one of those.
Wouldn't that be great? I think
that would be science at its best. If
people could be cured of their
foolishness or similar ailments, the
world would be a better place, a lot
less foolish to be sure. Imagine the
dramatic change that would unfurl
because we would no longer be
foolish.
No more sports fans would chant
"Whoop! There it is" like mindless
dolts, or intelligent dolts, for that
matter.
The TV series "Saved by the
Bell" would never be aired again.
The phrase "You are such a fool"
would go the way of the dodo bird.
And the police force of Moss,
Norway, could walk a little taller.
You see, last June, Moss's finest
picked up Roar Karlsen for operating
a motor vehicle under the influence.
He was arrested and fined the
equivalent of $660.
The only problem here is that

Roar Karlsen's motor vehicle was an
electric wheelchair. Oh, the
foolishness.
Did the Norwegian fuzz impound
the wheelchair? It would have looked
pretty weird - dare I say foolish? -
sitting next to all the impounded
automobiles.
Thank heavens Karlsen first
approached the police officers to ask
if he was allowed to operate his
wheelchair. Otherwise, we'd have
one of the most foolish police chases
ever.
Karlsen appealed the fine and
fortunately, a judge in Moss ruled in
his favor Monday and averted further
foolishness.
But if we had these nicotine-
foolishness patch thingies, we'd
never have heard of Moss, Norway,
and the only meaning "Roar Karsten"
would have for us would be as an
order to a guy named Karsten to
make a lot of noise.
Instead, he and his wheelchair are
instead two more symbols of the
foolishness of this crazy planet, to be
added to the episodes of "Saved by
the Bell," back issues of the
Congressional Record and my old
foot bandages.
Save us, foolishness patch.

0

for intentional injuries.
Furthermore, I am positive that it
is not the object of a football game
for a player allegedly to hire
someone to break an opponent's knee
caps as he heads for the locker room.
Ms. Twenge should be ashamed for
her implicit praise of such
Machiavellian tactics in the Harding-
Kerrigan scenario.
As to Ms. Twenge's raw sweat
fetish, I'd rather leave that to the
reader's imagination.
JASON POLLOCK
LSA senior
Abortion is not the
answer
To the Daily:
Mr. Kline sees a terrible thing
whenever he walks on the street -
"a society where poor and neglected
children grow up in an environment
that doesn't want them, where there's
no one to tell them that killing isn't a
way to solve problems...(a society
where) sex (means) raping a woman"
- where "women are child-bearers
and slaves to male dominat(ion)."
. Fortunately, Mr. Kline recognizes
that there is a way to solve this awful
problem. The heinous society, built
by self-righteous people who have
the temerity to stand for a concrete
and objective moral code, can be
destroyed and done away with; and a
kinder, nobler, gentler world can take
its place. The solution? To champion
the killing of children who may be
poor and neglected in the future.
I must admit that this is one way
of solving the "problem." After all, if
we kill poor and neglected children,
they won't have to grow up in this
kind of a society. But hasn't anyone
told Mr. Kline that "killing isn't a
way to solve problems"? Hasn't
anyone told him that poverty is not a
crime? That murder is a crime? And
is the murder of one million unborn
children each year really the kinder,

entitled to the unalienable Right to
Life. Or has the Declaration of
Independence also become a
speculation on the murky and
forbidden realm of "moral issues"?
I'm encouraged that Mr. Kline is so
vehement about the evils of
discrimination. That's a step in the
right direction. Out now it is time for
those who claim to be against
discrimination to follow through on
their convictions; to have the courage
to stand up and fight against the
ultimate form of discrimination. By
allowing abortion, we are saying that
it is legitimate to kill a human being
based on its age. Don't just talk the
talk Mr. Kline - walk the walk.
JOHN SCHAUBLE
LSA sophomore
Twenge displ'oa
hypocrisy, Intoleranc *
To the Daily:
Readers of the Daily seem to have
their priorities confused. Any
commentary or article even implying
bias against women or minorities
automatically invites a deluge of
angry letters to the paper. Why, then,
does Jean Twenge's blatantly sexist
attitude go continually unnoticed
upon every publication of her0
column? I'm beginning to get the
impression that discrimination
against men is perfectly acceptable
while sexism against women is
deplorable. In every one of her
commentaries Twenge in some way
accuses the entire male population of
mistreating or stereotyping all
women. In her latest episode of
nonsense, she claims that Tonya
Harding is a victim of society
because of her masculinity while
Nancy Kerrigan is a star and a hero
only because she is a charming
beauty. This coming from a
columnist who would cringe at the
sound of a sexist generalization

IU should he
It's just a tad bit nippy outside. In
tact, it's downright cold. Antarctica
vold.
It is so cold...that the University is
going to hold classes anyway.
That's right, even though meteo-
rologists are predicting a wind chill
factor of 60 degrees below zero today,
students and staff will still be expected
to go on with their normal academic
rgors despite the weather.
But this policy isn't new. The Uni-
versity has canceled classes only once
in the last 56 years. That was during the
blizzard of 1978, heralded as the worst

ad weather,
worse, the IU-Michigan game, sched-
uled for January 26 of that year, was
postponed until January 28. Go figure,
even Indiana basketball had to take a
back seat to the weather.
While the weather conditions we
are now enduring are nowhere near
those of that record-setting blizzard of
1978, there are still dangerous condi-
tions to deal with. The National
Weather Service out of Indianapolis
has a wind chill advisory in effect for
southern Indiana, predicting lows be-
tween zero and 10 below. High winds
are also predicted, which could result

cancel class
The IU Health Center gives recom-
mendations regarding when classes
might be cancelled. The health center
follows guidelines set down by the
Canadian Department of the Environ-
ment. These guidelines stipulate that
the air temperature must be at least 20
degrees below zero with at 25 mph
wind before classes will be canceled.
Whoa.
Expecting professors and students
to venture onto campus during slick
traveling conditions or dangerously cold
weather means putting those people's
safety in question. By doing so, the